Jiyong had always thought there was some kind of protocol for calling someone after you first met them, like, maybe you were supposed to wait a couple of days or something, to play it cool. Granted, he’d gotten most of his ideas about how young people interacted from television, but it still surprised him when Seunghyun texted that same night.

                He hadn’t said anything but “sup?”, and Jiyong couldn’t figure out who it was, at first, (because people didn’t usually text him other than his mom) but he panicked a little when he realized it must have been Seunghyun, and he texted back.

                “Seunghyun?” Jiyong was guessing about the way he spelled his name. He’d never actually seen it written down, but it was a pretty common name in Korea, and he’d seen it Romanized that way before.

                “I told you to call me Top,” the reply came quickly, and all at once Jiyong felt a sense of relief and panic when he realized that it was in fact him.

               “I like Seunghyun,” Jiyong replied, and he cursed his flushing cheeks, even though nobody was around to see them. He was in his bedroom, doing the same nothing he’d been doing at the hospital all week. His parents had prepared a nice meal when he came home from the hospital; which he’d struggled to eat; and tried to make the afternoon festive, but he was too tired, so he’d gone to his room to rest & catch up on the TV shows he’d missed while he was out of commission. He wasn’t expecting to hear from Seunghyun. He thought maybe he’d see him at support group tomorrow.

                “Seunghyun likes you, too,” the reply came quickly. Jiyong laughed out loud, because it was such a corny thing to say, but he couldn’t think of a witty thing to say back, so he just sent a “lol” instead.

                “Was that corny?” Seunghyun asked.

                “A little,” he replied.

                “Ha. Sorry, I forgot to tell you, I’m corny.”

                “Side effect of leukemia,”

                “Maybe.” Jiyong chuckled to himself. Seunghyun was amusing (or maybe Jiyong was just biased; he wasn’t quite sure).

                “Didn’t think you’d text so fast,” Jiyong replied.

                “It’s not because I’m obsessed with you.”

                “Okay. But now I think it is,” Jiyong smiled to himself.

                “Maybe.” Jiyong laughed out loud, again.

                “New catch phrase? I think it needs work,” Jiyong teased, and he sighed dreamily, pleased with this brand new friendship. Or whatever it was. It had been a long time since Jiyong made a genuine friend. It had been never since anyone had showed even remote interest in him romantically. Seunghyun felt like a present, but even still, Jiyong felt wary of letting himself give too much of a . Cancer friends rarely lasted. And maybe he was just another cancer friend.

                “And again I am ever inadequate in comparison to you,” he replied. Jiyong chuckled to himself.

                “Nah. You’re taller, stronger, and less cancery,”

                “I could be equally cancery. We haven’t compared our cancery-ness,” he replied.

                “True. Although I’m sure your prognosis is better than mine, too,”

                “Probably… :(” Jiyong winced at the sad face; he really needed to work on being so casual with the death-talk. For him, it helped make it less scary, less of a big deal, but he could see how it could be a bummer to other people.

                “Sorry,” he typed slowly, exhaling as he hit send.

                “Don’t be sorry. It’s not something to be sorry about,”

                “Well, now that I’ve made the conversation depressing…”

                “No no. It’s cool,” Seunghyun insisted.

                “Blah. So, support group, tomorrow. Coming?” Jiyong asked quickly, to change the subject. Somehow Supportive Seunghyun wasn’t want Jiyong wanted, and neither was Sympathetic Seunghyun.

                “Oh, yeah. That’s what I wanted to ask you about. You didn’t tell me any details,”

                “R&P Room, noon,” he fought his smile as he typed. He sort of hated going to support group. It was boring, and an unnecessary reminder that he was sickly and incurable. Everyone suggested that he was depressed and that support group would help him. Jiyong just thought there were better ways to spend a Saturday.

                “Cool. I’ll be there,”

                “It’s barrels of fun. And by that, I mean depressing and tedious,”

                “Awesome. So, I take it you just wanted to subject me to that torture,”

                “Or make it more exciting for me,”

                “Because you’re a sadist who wants to spread human suffering to all you meet?” Jiyong laughed aloud at the accusation, and he grinned to himself as he typed his reply.

                “You’re an . Just come, so we can sit in the back and not-participate together,”

                “Sounds inviting. I’m trembling with excitement,”

                “Likewise,” only Jiyong actually was really excited. He’d get to see Seunghyun again. He’d get an excuse to hang out with him, again, which was more than enough reason for him to be excited. He wasn’t sure what this was, or anything, and he’d never dated, so he wasn’t expecting anything, but liking Seunghyun felt good. It felt even better that Seunghyun maybe liked him, too.

                Saturday Support Group started like any other session. Jiyong walked in, supported by his petit mother and a fancy new cane the parents had given him (he’d totally rejected the idea of crutches or a walker; this was only temporary), and he looked around the half-filled room, chairs and shapes gathered in a circle so that all the kids who… needed support could join in. A circle made it more open, and gave everyone an equal position in the group, Creech had explained almost every session. Creech led Support Group every week, and he was a really cool guy who tried his best to make the god-awful event less, well, awful. He was Native American, and had long, black hair that he wore in a braid down his back. Jiyong had originally thought it was just part of his culture or something, but one day Creech explained that he periodically donated his hair to Locks of Love. Just one of the many cool things about Creech.

                The group had seemed to thin out a little since Jiyong had last come. It had only been a few sessions, but he clearly noticed some missing faces, and some new ones that he hadn’t seen before. He didn’t see Seunghyun; he tried not to let that bum him out. His mom had asked him something about where he wanted to sit, but he had been so caught up in looking for Seunghyun that he was barely listening. It was another bad habit.

                “Mmm? Ah, I’m just gonna crash on the shapes, Mom. I don’t need any more help,” he uttered quickly, his pale hand gripping tightly around the handle of his cane as he maneuvered to get away from his mother.

                “Why? Are you sure?... Don’t rush, Jiyong-ah,” his mother worried. She let him go, but when he took a step, her hands found their way to his back, steadying him. “Are you sure you don’t need my help?”

                “I can get there. Yesterday, I did it, with Seunghyun,” he replied dryly. She was sweet. He appreciated her. He understood her concern. He was just tired of being helpless, and his parents meant well, but if he lived within their concerned boundaries, he’d still have been using the wheelchair.

                “Okay,” she sighed audibly; Jiyong rolled his eyes. “You call me as soon as you’re finished,” she instructed him, which was new and clearly just because he’d been on the verge of death and her level of concern had intensified.

                “Omma…” he wanted to tell her that she was overreacting, but he didn’t. “I’ll see you later,” he said, instead.

                “Okay,” she smiled when he glanced at her, but there was still concern in her eyes, so he smiled, too. “Should I go, or wait with you today?”

                “No. Go,” he replied quickly. Parents weren’t supposed to stay in support group, anyway, but if Seunghyun came, having her there would make things super awkward. “I’m fine. I’ll call you when I’m finished. I love you,” he kissed her cheek, and then he began his slow hobbling to the shapes. His mom watched until he got there, and then watched a while longer once he’d flopped down on a comfortable shape, and when she finally left, Jiyong let out a deep, relieved sigh. (And then his lungs promptly sent him into a mini coughing-fit.)

                Seunghyun wasn’t there when group started, after the last kids had walked or wheeled in, and as much as Jiyong wanted to pretend he wasn’t disappointed, he felt that familiar feeling deep in his chest. Not the cancer one. The one he got when he let himself want something too much. For a moment, he worried that Seunghyun wasn’t well, even though he’d just spoken to him the night before, but he shook off that feeling and pretended to listen to a girl named Ashlyn give the same story she’d given ever since he’d been coming to support group.

                There were kids staring at him, probably because he’d been gone so long. He hated that expression. He’d seen it a few times in the past, after he’d missed support group sessions, and it made him feel like a freak show. In a room full of people going through the same things, you would think they’d understand a little better how much it to be stared at like that; how obvious it was what everyone was thinking. “Wow, he was probably almost dead. I wonder if he’s next. Poor Ji.” They stared, anyway.

                “And I think we should all take a moment to welcome back our friend Ji. He’s been having a rough time for the past few weeks, but he was able to come today, and that’s truly a blessing. So, welcome back, Ji, we’ve missed you, brother,” Creech addressed the room, and Ji cringed when the kids all started clapping and looking at him with curious and sympathetic expressions. He didn’t respond or smile or acknowledge the welcome. He just looked down.

                “I think it’s so inspirational that Ji was able to walk in, today, on his own, even though he was in a coma just two weeks ago,” a girl named Kenzie commented, glancing in Ji’s direction as if she wanted some kind of awards for being so compassionate. Kenzie was seventeen, and had had a sarcoma in her leg, which had been amputated. She had been NEC for months now. She had only been sick for a year, before then. “You’re so amazing, the way you keep fighting, and I’m proud of you.”

                “I didn’t walk in here on my own,” was all that Ji said in response. It was dry and indifferent and he didn’t even look up.

                “Well… I mean, you sort of did. I mean, your mom walked you in, but you walked in here by yourself,” Kenzie continued, the pillar of optimism. Ji just shrugged. “Anyway, I’m glad that you came back…”

                “Yeah, it probably would’ve been a bummer if I died,” he commented. The room went quiet for a moment, and he took a quick look around at all the faces staring at him as if he were the saddest thing in the room. This collection of broken people, missing limbs and hair and in varying states of decay were looking at him with sympathy, and it infuriated him, and he wished he could storm out, but he knew his weak body and lungs wouldn’t allow it, so he just sat there and stewed in his anger. He wished Seunghyun had come; he hated Seunghyun for not coming.

                “How do you feel about that, Ji? Almost dying,” Creech asked him. He glared at Creech for a moment, but then he remembered that he liked Creech and he forced out an answer.

                “It’s alright. I thought it would be scarier, but it was mostly like sleeping. The waking up parts more because it hurt…” he stopped himself; that would only cause more unwarranted sympathy. “Eh. Anyway, I didn’t die, so it’s not a big deal.”

                “Hm… because you’ve gone through it before?” Creech asked, trying to make his answer sound less like that of a person who had stopped giving a a long time ago. Creech was a good guy who cared about people too much, and only wanted things to be good. Jiyong envied that.

                “Yeah, I guess, whatever,” Ji shrugged involuntarily, and he pursed his lips. He really hated being in the spotlight, especially for this reason. “It was sorta a preview. I guess… But I didn’t die, so it’s not a big deal. Really,”

                “A preview? Let’s talk about that. It could either be really terrifying or really relieving to preview your own death. Most of us fear death,” Creech looked around the circle, into the faces of all of the young people in the room. He was a good guy who really cared about people. “But when death is such a real and tangible thing for us, we’re forced to look at it in a different way. How many of you have thought about your own death? What might happen to your families? How it might feel right before you die?” Hands went up. Ji didn’t raise his. This was a conversation he wanted no part of, but he was sort of grateful to Creech that he’d taken the spotlight off of him.

                “How many of you have made peace with death? That it might be a reality for you?” hands went down. Not even one hand remained up. “Ah. So many of you are still afraid. Does anyone want to tell the room why you’re afraid?” A smallish boy’s hand went up; Ji had not seen him before. “Devon?”

                “Um… it’s like, I kinda wanna be alive. Like, I ain’t got to do nothin’, yet, and I wanna get to do stuff. Like, be alive, and do stuff. So, it’s like it’s not fair, and I get sad,” the boy sank down in his chair as he spoke. He must have been a new diagnosis, Ji thought, and he felt sad for the kid, who couldn’t have been more than 13.

                “So, it scares you that you might not get a chance to do all the things you want to do,” Creech asked. The boy nodded. A girl started crying. Jiyong sighed. It was getting tedious already. He’d started to tune out, when he heard the door open, and he looked in the direction of the sound. The tall, lanky boy he’d gotten to know earlier in the week lazily shuffled his way through the door, and stood awkwardly just outside of the circle as if he were waiting for someone to tell him what to do. Jiyong perked up a little when he saw Seunghyun, but he fought the urge to smile or call out to him, and instead, he just watched him for a moment.

                “Hello, brother. Are you joining us this week?” Creech addressed him. Seunghyun nodded awkwardly, and his dark eyes stared at the kids in the circle as if they were all strange and dangerous. It amused Jiyong; he was beginning to wonder if Seunghyun was shy around new people. He hadn’t at all been shy with Jiyong. “Cool, welcome! What’s your name?”

                “Uh… um, well… Top,” he stuttered out.

               “Top?” Creech confirmed, and Seunghyun nodded. “Alright, Top, you can take a seat wherever you’re comfortable. We’re just beginning our discussion, so you haven’t missed much.” Seunghyun nodded, and he looked around again as if he wasn’t sure where to sit. Jiyong wondered if he hadn’t seen him, so he sat up a little, and soon Seunghyun’s eyes landed on him, and he gave a bit of a crooked smile. Jiyong chuckled under his breath; to be a big guy, Seunghyun was sort of cute. It seemed like just a few big steps and Seunghyun had made his way to the shapes and flopped down beside Ji; on a pink and yellow semi-circle beside the triangle that Ji was sitting on. “Next to Ji. An excellent choice, he’s a bit of a comedian.” Seunghyun just chuckled shyly at the comment.

                Once Creech had moved on, continuing some motivational mumbo-jumbo about how cancer kids didn’t have to live in fear of death, Jiyong smiled at Seunghyun, relieved that the guy had showed up, if a little late.

                “Tardiness. My impression of you worsens every time we meet,” Jiyong commented. Seunghyun smiled.

                “One of my many inadequacies.”

AN: Took me longer than I intended to post. Sorry! School stuff started picking up and suddenly I have several essays and fun things I'm working on. I'm going to do my best to post more new updates this week, since I left you guys waiting so long! The road will soon be rough for our heroes, so prepared! Please leave feedback! I love reading your comments. This is my first time posting a story on AFF, so it's exciting to see how everyone is reacting to the fic, so far :D Thanks for continuing to read & support my story~