Review:

-Story title- 3/5



Though the title is not original and would not have captured my immediate attention, it fits very well with your story line. The word ‘angel’ should not have been written with a capital letter, but I’m not going to withdraw any points for that, simply because I think it looks more beautiful that way. Your title is simple yet meaningful and it gives your readers a slight insight it what’s going to happen. Like I said, the title itself doesn’t excite me, but it fits well. Next time you could try to come up with something a bit more original.



-Poster- 5/5

I have to say that the poster looks amazing. There are however, a few things you could change. You could have edited the line that runs across the picture. You could also have placed your name in the bottom right corner. It can look distracting at times. What I love about the poster is that you can see the clear sadness/despair in the characters expressions. It looks beautiful and the BG doesn’t look distracting at all. Good job!



-Description- 2/5

Your description is short and simple. You reveal that someone is leaving, but because you don’t give a clear description of the characters, your readers are drawn to your story, awaiting the revelation of the person who’s leaving.



-Forewords- 2/5

I like the fact that you captured my attention with the few sentences written, though it could have been longer. The biggest problem I have is that the word ‘sorry’ should not have been capitalized.



-Plot- 4/5

Your plot is not the most original one, but I can tell your story has been written with a lot of emotions. I was a little confused at first by Jaejoong’s words since I thought they were Yunho’s thoughts. I had to read it twice to understand, but once I did, it brought a sense of reality to your story. Since Jae's death was so sudden, I would have liked for you to present us with a COD. With that said, this is the highlight of your work so far. You’re a great writer and I hope you keep up the good work.



-Characters- 5/5

We don’t get to learn a lot about Jaejoong’s character through himself, but we learn through Yunho. It’s obvious that they share a bond far stronger than what we can comprehend. Yunho’s character is warm and loving, though heart broken. The hard decision of whether to keep living after your loved one had died has to be made and I think you portrayed if perfectly.



-Grammar- 4/5

When it comes to your grammar, there aren’t an awful lot of mistakes, so don’t worry. I know that English isn’t your first language, but your grammar isn’t that bad. There are a few mistakes that I will point out.



He slowly opened his sleepy eyes as his face shone remembering the previous night..

He slowly opened his sleepy eyes as his face shone, remembering the previous night..



‘But I didn’t have the choice’

‘But I didn’t have a choice’



He took a deep breath to stop his heart from racing too fast and calm his aroused self as he inhaled his scent..

He took a deep breath to stop his heart from racing too fast and to calm his aroused self as he inhaled his scent..



He was so lost in his thoughts wondering what Jaejoong would give him for his birthday. And yes, that day was his birthday.

He was so lost in his thoughts, wondering what Jaejoong would give him for his birthday. And yes, it was his birthday.



That was a mystery how could he get himself aroused just by imagining the body of his beloved.

It was a mystery. How could he get himself aroused just by imagining the body of his beloved?



He wore his clothes and stepped out of the bathroom to find Jaejoong still in the exact same position he left him in.

He got dressed and stepped out of the bathroom, only to find Jaejoong still in the exact same position he left him in.

Or

He put on his clothes and stepped out of the bathroom, only to find Jaejoong still in the exact same position he left him in.

(I would remove the word ‘still’ from the sentence and you could include the word ‘only’.)



Since they got married, Jaejoong had been used to wake up earlier and make them breakfast.

Since they got married, Jaejoong had been used to waking up earlier than Yunho, and making them breakfast.



“Jae~, I’m hungry. Won’t you make me my birthday breakfast?”

“Jae~, I’m hungry. Will you make me my birthday breakfast?”

(Please don’t use signs or symbols like: ~)



Usually, Yunho’s voice makes him more than awake.. Just by hearing his voice, his heart starts beating wildly, his breath fastens and his eyes gleam. This time, he just.. didn’t move a finger.

Usually, Yunho’s voice made him more than awake.. Just by hearing his voice, his heart would start beating wildly, his breathing would quicken and his eyes gleam. This time though, he just.. didn’t move a finger.

(You tend to switch between past/present tense.)



“What? Are you playing hard to get?” He moved closer into him

“What? Are you playing hard to get?” He moved closer to him.

(Don’t forget the punctuation marks. The full stop, point, period.)



“I’d be more than glad to eat you instead of the breakfast you know”

“I’d be more than happy to eat you instead of the breakfast you know.”

(Again with the punctuation marks. Very important!)



“Why didn’t you take me instead?” He yelled.

“Why didn’t you take me instead?!” He yelled.



4 months had passed since he died, since the one and only person he truly loved died.

Four months had passed since he died, since the one and only person he truly loved had died.

(Whole numbers, smaller than ten, should be spelled out.)



But when he woke up in the morning feeling the empty place next to him, reality stunned him.

But when he woke up in the morning, feeling the empty place next to him, reality stunned him.



He turned back to find the very familiar beautiful face smiling at him weakly.

He turned around to find the very familiar and beautiful face smiling at him weakly.



“Hi Yunnie”Jaejoong said with a soft tone filled with love.

“Hi Yunnie” Jaejoong said with a soft tone filled with love.

(Space.)



“Jae” His eyes pooled with sudden appearance of wet crystals and his lips turned into a smile.

“Jae” His eyes pooled with a sudden appearance of wet crystals and his lips turned into a smile.



“I can’t Yunnie.. I’m not the one who takes decisions up there”

“I can’t Yunnie.. I’m not the one who makes the decisions up there.”



His heart started racing again as he felt his touched fading away.

His heart started racing again as he felt his touches fading away.



Yunho opened slowly his eyes which made them twitch in pain because of the sunlight coming across the window.

Yunho opened his eyes slowly, which made them twitch in pain because of the sunlight coming across the window.



See? I’m just nit-picking. The biggest problem you have is that you sometimes switch between past/present tense and you forget the punctuation marks. Punctuation marks are VERY important! The period, commas, quotation marks ect.





-Writing- 4/5

You have a unique style of writing and it’s very enjoyable. Some of the sentences could have been rewritten, making them easier to read. It can get confusing sometimes since you tend to forget some of the punctuation marks. These are little mistakes that are easy to fix. There is nothing worse than reading a story whereas the grammar and English is horrible. Luckily, that is not the case here. Your minor mistakes aren’t that noticeable, unless you analyze the story. It doesn’t affect the storyline in any kind of way and your readers are still able to read and understand every single detail.





-Final thoughts- 3/4

One thing I want to say, is that the Youtube link could have been placed in the foreword or in the A/N. It was a little confusing. I’m really just nit-picking. These are little things that are easy to change. I have to say that I really enjoyed your story. It felt real and your writing left me craving for more. I’m really impressed. I hope you will keep up your good work and I hope this review will help you. Reviews are meant to help you improve! Don’t forget that. Just keep in mind that I really liked this. I liked it a lot. Good job! I’ll definitely recommend it.



-Secrets thoughts- 5/5

YunJae is LOVE and I loved this part : For new souls to be born... And others to be caught.



Final score : 37/50



Please ask if you have any questions or if there is something you would like me to explain.

-Kim Aiko -

THANK YOU KIMMIE <3 I really am happy that you liked it..

And I hope you guys liked it as well :3

I'll do my best next time :3