"Sungmin - ah, why are you so silent today?”

“Yeah, you don’t seem to be yourself in this moment, hyung”

They talked like this almost all the time during our meal and I was almost suffocating with guilt and nervousness. Here I was, up to reveal everything, everything which I’ve managed to hide for so long. But there was no point anymore when Sungmin already had discovered our relationship in such a compromising way and everybody was concerned when he kept so silent during dinner so this was our time, we needed to finish it since it had started already. And yet I couldn’t help but feel excited and not necessarily in a positive way. An adrenaline was rushing in my body and soon I found myself breaking the chopstick I was holding, I must have squeezed it too hard. And then everyone’s attention instantly turned from Sungmin to me.

“Can somebody explain me what is going on in here?” asked Heechul, clearly irritated. Sungmin just send me small glance and I thought I had seen guilt in his eyes and in fact it made me even more anxious.

“Yes, I also would like to know. The three of you, including Donghae seem to be concerned about something. And we can feel it in the air. Actually the tension is so overwhelming it’s getting hard to breathe in here” Kyuhyun had joined Heechul in this pathetic investigation and his blabbering didn’t help at all. Before even being able to realize what I was doing I had break the other chopstick, stood up and opened my mouth.

“He saw us kissing, okay? He saw us kissing!” I blurted out before I could even really put my brain to work and had I realized what actually did I say when I saw their shocked faces, jaws dropped almost to the level of our kitchen floor and I was able to see my Hae’s expression only for a few seconds before he banged his head on the table unable to hide his embarrassment. Way to go, Hyuk…

“” I cursed and stood there like a complete idiot until Kangin shouted “Finally!” and it was my jaw’s turn to drop and I thought my eyes nearly popped out of theirs sockets. Donghae jerked  and looked up suddenly, his expression mirroring mine. And then slowly, one by one they started to actually smile, they stood up and Heechul decided to approach us, he took out his hand and…

“Congratulations. I had started to think you would never admit it”

“They wouldn’t have if not for Sungmin!” Shindong laughed and suddenly all of the tension had disappeared and I couldn’t be more happy and grateful to them for being such a considerate friends. From this moment on I knew I can always count on them, in every situation, because they are my family. I turned to Hae and saw him smiling shyly while Siwon was shaking his hand and giggling to whatever our Shisus was telling him. And then he turned his eyes to me and grinned and it made my heart swell with happiness and love and every positive feelings possible my system could produce at that moment. And so everything turned out much better that it seemed in the beginning.

***

Muffled screams could be heard from the arena. The latest preparations was being done with several members still sitting on the chairs in the dressing room having their hair and make-up done. We were currently backstage counting minutes to the beginning of our concert in New York, our very first show in North America. I couldn’t help but feel excited, I knew we had many fans from this continent but I was still anxious about their reaction. Will they be having fun? Were we able to satisfy them with our performance? These were the thoughts running through my head.

“Don’t worry Hyukkie, you’ll do well, all of us will” Hae was suddenly by my side squeezing my hand reassuringly and warming my heart with his pretty smile.  And then a thought popped out in my mind.

“I will, baby, but firstly I need to charge myself to do my best” I said smirking a little.

“What do you mean?” He asked titling his head confused. I hadn’t answered, I just took his hand and led him to the men’s restroom, pushed him into the opened cabin and after making sure the door was locked I pressed him to the wall.

“You know you are my energy, baby, always have and always will” I whispered seductively, my lips merely inches apart from his temping ones.

“Show me how you would like me to transfer this energy to you, then” answered Hae, his eyes locked with mine and oh my God, my baby was seducing me so much, making me weak under his stare, biting his lips, the thing that always has been the best turn on ever.

“Show me” he repeated his lips and I growled and attacked his lips with fervor kissing only for few seconds before I bit his lower lip a little too aggressively. He was teasing a little refusing to open his mouth and so I put my hand under his shirt to caress the weak point on his belly I knew so well succeeding in him and immediately letting me attack his cavern with my greedy tongue. Which I happily did. I explored, caressed, touched everywhere I could reach to and he melted under my ministrations so I put my hands on his waist feeling him becoming more and more weaker. I only pulled away when the need to inhale oxygen became unbearable for both of us. I put my forehead on his and we breathed heavily, enjoying each other’s presence.

“Mmmm… now I’m charged for the entire concert. Thank you, baby” I pecked him last time and we left the restroom not forgetting to put our hairstyle into shape again (poor cordi noonas, they’ve worked so hard to arrange them).

Soon the performance began and I tried hard to put all of me into it. The American E.L.F-s hadn’t disappointed us, they cheered, screamed, sang along with us and I felt so full inside that in certain moments I thought I’d explode. Donghae and others seemed to share my feelings, generous smiles decorating their faces was enough prove. And seeing my baby jumping and running through the stage had made me want to see him in such a shape forever. Never had I wanted to experience his sadness, his suffering, his pain, none of it. It was my task to make him happy, all the time and never hurt him or let anybody hurt him. In that time I thought I was able to do it, to protect him with all I have and I hadn’t even imagined me failing to do so. How could I? He was my everything. He was my most cherished treasure and I would have never wanted to part with him, to let him leave. It could happen only in the worst nightmare. Not in reality, not ever. I couldn’t allow it to happen, this simply couldn’t be.

How much I failed, only I knew.  Everything seemed perfect. We were fooling around during “Rockstar” encore, Donghae and I hadn’t deprived our lovely fans from eunhae moments making them even more excited, even more happy. I held his hand, caressed his cheek, pretended to kiss him (though I really wanted to do it for real) and finally pulled his white t-shirt up revealing soft skin and taut muscles on his stomach. He laughed and shyly pushed me only to sneak behind me the moment later and slap my . It had been perfect.

But then we separated knowing that we couldn’t make it even more obvious. I run down the stage stairs and to the railings, to my wonderful fans. I saw that he had done exactly the same thing but on the other side and I let myself stare at him a little after turning my head back to ELFs and giving them my full attention. I pulled my hand out and let them take it, shake it, even pull a little, one girl even kissed my knuckles and I thought she must have been crazy but I brushed it off and enjoyed their love. Siwon was running shirtless like a madman driving the feminine part of the public crazy. Kyuhyun and Sungmin were shaking their heads letting their hair fly freely in the air, everyone was filled with so much enthusiasm I thought that nothing could break those great moments. I saw my Hae hugging some girl (well, only to the point where railways let them to) and then he took her hand in his and kissed it gently and her expression was priceless. Oh my sweet  prince charming. We danced and danced and sang until the song stopped with a loud bang and the fireworks blasted off.

I just couldn’t tell why but I felt sudden, sharp pain in my heart. I must have gotten scared from the sudden noise, I told myself. But then I had seen Ryeowook running down the stage, to the opposite direction from me and then Kyuhyun turned his head to that side and also rushed off followed by Sungmin, Siwon, Kangin, everybody. I had no freaking idea what was going on, I was utterly confused, so confused I wasn’t able to move. I’d only felt my energy suddenly was decreasing and I felt weaker and I had no idea why, I was fine, everything was perfectly fine.

“Oh my God…” suddenly I remembered where my love was and like a mad man I run and run nearly tripping on the stairs but I didn’t care.

“Hae…” I chanted like his name was some kind of mantra. Being halfway to where all the commotion had been taking place I’ve heard it.

“Donghae oppa! Donghae oppa! Help! Help us!” some girl was screaming so pitfully, so desperately my heart instantly dropped. I run even faster and soon I found myself running down the stairs, closing to the railways where all of the members were kneeling on the floor and fans behind the barriers cried and screamed and when they saw me they shouted even louder. I was searching for a white t-shirt, the t-shirt my lover was wearing but not a single thing like this could be seen. So I had pushed all of the boys off my way not caring that Ryeowook nearly fell down because I did it with so much force.  They parted to the two opposite directions making way for me to get closer. And when I had I suddenly stopped breathing.