Ryuusei, Day 1st, Week 3rd of Summer, Year 21st of King Yamato’s reign

As I’m writing this, I hear Ryosuke’s laughter from outside the chamber. I guess he is still playing with Ainosuke and Yuri-kun, assuming that I’m still asleep. He seems happy despite the predicament. He never fails to show me his smiles whenever we meet eyes. In the time we’re alone, he showers me with his love and tender care. It’s so ironic how the thing is turned the other way around. I should be the one taking care of him, but here now he is taking care of me instead.

It has been a week I fall sick and he almost never leaves my side. I noticed his weary face when I woke up this morning. It’s unusual of him not to wake up before me. He was paler than any other day. The paleness of his face was not a healthy one. His lips were even pale, lacking of iron in his blood I assumed. His cheekbones were more prominent; he almost lost his chubbiness, making his jaw looked sharper than I had ever seen. And just by seeing that, tears streamed down my cheeks.

It’s just that moment I really believe that he is… dying. Ryosuke will leave me and Ainosuke; and this time he will never return.

I have been holding back my tears for this past week, trying to always smile for him, but this morning, I couldn’t. However, I regretted it right away as it disturbed his sleeping, and when he opened his eyes and looked at me, his tired face soon contorted with guilty and sadness. He cradled me in his arms as he uses to do, and I tried hard to stop my sobs, but…

“Just cry if you want to cry, don’t hold back,” he said while tucking me closer to his chest. “You said it to me yourself that it will only hurt us more.”

But still I kept trying to stop my weep because I knew he doesn’t like seeing me crying, moreover being the reason of it. And he surprised me again by saying,

“Don’t bottle up your feeling. It may be the reason why you haven’t recovered until now. You may pretend in front of Ainosuke or other people, but … I know when you’re sad, Mirai, and I know it mostly because of me, so… you don’t need to hide it from me. As I am the reason of your tears, let me be the one who will comfort you.”

His patience, smiles, and laughter beat me. How a person can act as he does? Through the short time I had with him back in Hakumei when he started to accept me in his life, I figured out that he is tough, but I didn’t know to what extend his toughness stretches… until now. There are still many sides of him I haven’t figure out.

I recalled bit by bit my memories of us together. I remember I’ve promised him many things, and sadly, I broke almost every promise I made. I promised to stay behind, but I sprang back and made him angry. I promised I would be a strong wife, but what I did was mostly cry, tears and more tears, made things became harder for him…

I still have many promises I haven’t fulfilled yet; and I do intend to fulfill all of them even though he had freed me from those the moment he left me that letter when he sent me to Ryuusei. Just… I don’t know from where I have to start…

I do want to make him happy. What should I do?

“Just give me a family.”

She froze as a pair of arms wrapped around her waist and a head rested on her shoulder. She closed the book immediately. Her heart beat faster as she was sitting before her vanity while Ryosuke bent and hug her from behind.

“You still keep on writing journal?” Ryosuke asked; a hint of amusement in his tone.

“Y-yes. I… I don’t realize you come in. Did you read all of it?”

He pulled away, “No, but enough to conclude that you’re still thinking about the past mistakes.”

“I… I can’t help it.”

“I’ve told you, let the past be in their right places, and that is in the past, not in the present, not in the future.” He kissed her temple before retreating.

She followed him with her gaze as he walked away and retrieved a clean shirt from the wardrobe. He had moved all his belongings to this room a few days ago. She looked at him as he started ing his shirt. In the past she would blush from seeing him undressed, but now she was rather anxious. She held her breath subtly as she realized what she would see.

“Don’t look,” he said with calm voice but serious tone, halting from taking his shirt off. His shirt was opened at the front, but he did not proceed further. She knew the reason was because he noticed her expression.

Instead of doing what he asked, she stood up and advanced towards him, earning his questioning look. Standing before him, she gave him her reassuring smile before stepping aside to stand behind him.

“Mirai,” he called out just like that, but she knew he wanted to make sure she knew what she was doing.

“It’s fine,” she replied while tugging at his shirt.

She heard him let out a small sigh before letting the shirt slipped off his body as she took it off for him. Her heart started to pick up as bit by bit the shirt inched down his back, revealing his skin underneath.

It was only three days ago she asked him why he never took off his shirt when he was giving Ainosuke a bath and did not move his belonging to his room. She remembered when he answered her.

“It’s not that I’m hiding something from you. You’re still unwell. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, and I don’t want to scare our son.” He said, standing before her.

“Why should we be scared and uncomfortable?”

“I didn’t leave the battle unscathed, Mirai. I was wounded.”

She assumed then that he was worried about what the battle had marked on his body.

“It only proves that my husband is a fearless warrior. I want to see it.” She insisted.

She started opening the first button of his shirt, but he held her wrist.

“I have ugly scars, Mirai. It’s not a pleasant sight.”

She firmly gazed at him, and after a time he eventually released her wrist and let her took his shirt off. Except from several scars that was not there the last time she saw him, his body was the same; with toned abs and muscled arms. But then, he turned around.

Something in her stomach dropped right away and her chest clenched tightly noticing the scar on his back. The last time she was with him years ago, there were only small faint scars on it, but what she was seeing was…

It was like a reflex when she embraced his . Her tears had flowed profusely ever since she saw the scar. He stilled for a moment before relaxing in her arms. His hand enveloped hers.

She knew he felt her crying as her tears ran down his skin. He pried her hands on his stomach open before he turned around in her arms and pulled her back into his embrace. As he bent down a little, she buried her face on the joint of his neck and his shoulder and could not stop her tears. He soothed her the only way he knew.

“It’s alright, Mirai. It’s alright.” His voice was so soft while rubbing a hand up and down her back.

She tightened her arms around him. She could feel the rough of the scar on his back, and her tears poured harder. His scar… it lied diagonally from below his right shoulder until almost reached his left waist. It was as if the scar divided his back into two parts. She dared not to imagine how the gash looked when it was still fresh. Judging by the look of the scar now, she knew right away that it was really a miracle he was standing with her right now.

“You almost died…,” she meant it as a question and a remark at the same time.

His hands caressed her back in circle motion when he said, “Almost, but I’m still alive.”

Her sobs muffled on his chest and he held her as she cried.

A touch on her cheek pulled her back from the daze. She looked up seeing him frowned. He had finished changing into the clean white shirt, and now was placing his hands on her cheeks.

“You’ll get used to see it,” he said while brushing his thumbs against the corner of her eyes. When he withdrew, his thumbs glistened under the light. She reached for her face, just noticing that her tears leaked out.

Nodding was the only response she gave while suppressing the urge to weep. He sent her an understanding look, before taking the dirty shirt from her hand and throwing it to the hamper beside the wardrobe. Refocusing his attention on her, he brought up his arms to hug her. It as though had become a habit. Whenever she felt down, he would draw her into the warmth of his embrace, and she would snuggle and absorb all the comfort he provided. Inhaling and exhaling breaths to calm her nerve, she wondered, did he also get the same comfort from her in return?

And in the mid of their serenity, the door was pushed open, causing them to pull apart in surprise. Ryosuke let out a small chuckle while she was confused. Standing at the door was Ainosuke, both hands on his hips and a pout on his face.

“Father!” Ainosuke’s tone was the one he used when he was complaining.

Ryosuke gave their son an apologetic smile before turning to her, saying, “I totally forgot about him.”

“Huh?” she had not caught the meaning.

Ainosuke walked up fast to them, stopping before them and looking up to Ryosuke. “Father take so long.”

Ryosuke bent down and put a hand on Ainosuke’s head, “I’m sorry, son.”

“What are you two talking about?” She asked, looking back and forth between Ryosuke and Ainosuke.

Straightening his back, Ryosuke answered, “I came to call you for dinner actually.”

“And I am already sooo hungry…” Ainosuke added, whining cutely.

She smiled after comprehending the circumstance. Ainosuke could be so grumpy when he was hungry.

“Sorry, Mother need longer time to prepare,” she said.

 Ainosuke crossed his arms on his chest. She let out a small sigh. Ainosuke’s gesture told her that it was not that easy to earn his forgiveness this time. Really, sometimes when Ainosuke got into this mode, he reminded her about the cold Prince Ryosuke.

“What is it, dear?” she asked.

Instead of answering, Ainosuke spread his arms open, looking up at Ryosuke with a straight face. Ryosuke sent her a glance but she shrugged. Eventually, Ryosuke bent down to lift their son up in his arms. As Ryosuke stood straight, Ainosuke put one arm around Ryosuke’s neck then made a half turn and held out his other arm to her.

“Mother,” Ainosuke beckoned her to come closer as his short hand could not reach her.

As she was only a step away from them, Ainosuke pulled her by wrapping his arm on her neck. Ryosuke chuckled as she stumbled forward and almost crushed into him before he put his free hand on her waist, steadying her.

And that was when Ainosuke squealed in joy. “Yay! Now, Father and Mother are forgiven.”

There was a big grin on Ainosuke’s face when looking from her then back to Ryosuke. Realizing what happened, she and Ryosuke followed to chuckle at Ainosuke’s deed. They were hugging with Ainosuke squeezed between her and Ryosuke.

She then nestled to Ryosuke’s right arm which he wrapped around her waist. She put one arm around Ryosuke’s lower back while the other arm draped over Ryosuke’s left arm which carried Ainosuke. Ainosuke giggled giddily as though he had just won a game in his favorite summer festival.

“And to think that I was worried you were angry…,” Ryosuke stared amusingly at Ainosuke.

“Father’s fault. I want a hug from Mother, too.”

She eventually giggled seeing the adorable pout on Ainosuke’s face.

“As much as I enjoy our moment, holding you two is starting to be too heavy," Ryosuke said after a time.

She pulled away immediately as she realized she had leant all her weight on Ryosuke, “Sorry.”

Ryosuke smiled then put Ainosuke down, “It’s alright. Let’s get the dinner then.”

Ainosuke ran first ahead of them while yelling, “Dinner! Food! Yay!”

Ryosuke shook his head, “From where he gets that trait?”

She stared at him until he turned to look at her, “What?”

She refrained from smiling then started to walk, saying, “I wonder who the father is.”

She heard him stepped after her, chuckling.

**********

It was early morning in Hakumei. Yuto was fixing the strap of his sword while waiting for his butler to bring his stallion to the front of his mansion when Suzuka approached him.

“Are you going to return late again today?” she asked.

“Yes.”

He saw his stallion had rounded the corner towards him.

“Yuto,” she grabbed his arm.

He turned to look at her, “What is it?”

“Why are you avoiding me and Mayuko?”

“I’m not avoiding anyone.”

“But ever since Arioka-kun visited you last week, you always leave so early and return so late. Do you realize you haven’t met Mayuko for a week? She misses you.”

He did realize it. “Sorry, Suzuka. There are so many things in my mind. I just need time to think. Tell Mayuko that I love her.”

He kissed Suzuka’s cheek then immediately mounted his stallion and left for the Defense Force Station.

During the ride, he mulled over his circumstance. Suzuka was right. He had avoided them ever since he knew about Ryosuke’s condition. He knew it was not fair for them, but he just could not face them because they reminded him about Ryosuke. Suzuka, Mayuko… they might not be with him if not for Ryosuke…

“Ne, Yuto-kun, why do you not start getting into relationship? I can recommend several names of proper ladies for you.” Ryosuke said when they visited the shelter for children of Okamoto clan.

“What? Are you turning into match-maker now, Your Majesty?”

Ryosuke shrugged, saying, “I just