Accompanied song: Maboroshi (Inoue Joe)

[This is the only non-HSJ/Ryosuke song I listened when writing D&F till now. I wanted a special song for this special chapter.]

My dear son, Ryosuke,

Ryosuke stood alone in the training ground. The air was warm despite the breeze flowed. The scent of wood invaded his sense.

When I’m writing this letter, I do hope you will never come across it. Because when you read this letter, it only means I must have gone to the different world than the one you’re living now.

The ground below him was stilled and solid. Ryosuke glided through a simple set of warm up motions until he sweated.

I wished… if ever I had to tell you the darkness I kept all this time, I could tell you by myself, meeting you alive… However, now… all I had was wishes that would never come true…

He unsheathed his sword, gripped it firmly with his right hand. Soon the first strike hummed in the air, hard and precise.

My dear son…

I wanted to say that I loved you. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to make you happy. I wanted to do everything in my power to make your life better.

The second strike was a flat , piercing through the air. He felt a slight vibration from the sword. His breath got heavier.

You may not believe such words coming from me, the father who had abandoned you for all your life; who was unable to do anything at all for you. I understood. However… though I understood if you hate me; though I had expected it the moment I took the decision, still it hurt me so much.

He run across the ground, a particular motion done. The sword slashed the air with a cross-strike. His jaw tightened.

My dear son, my precious…

How could I possibly explain the pain I felt every time I shunned you away? How could I make you understand that… my heart broke every time I saw you standing alone? How could I explain to you just how much your existence meant to me?

His heart thumped loudly as he leapt trough from one move to another one. His muscles contracted along every of his motion, tense.

You were my world. You were my everything.

He slashed the trunk before him, mercilessly, leaving a deep neat cut.

Ever since you were born, I had been dreaming: watching you grow up, laughing and crying with you, guiding you through your hard times… However, Ryosuke… Life doesn’t always work as we want it to.

Jumping forward and turned around in a sharp move, his sword swung above his head. His heart beat violently against his ribs.

Forgive me for being weak that the only way I could do to protect you was by pushing you away. I had too many fear for your safety. I was always scared that you’ll be hurt in anyway. I was so keen on protecting your body, yet I forgot to protect the most important one…

I forgot to protect your heart.

Sweats dripped from his bangs, his shirt drenched. His palm started to bruise as his grip tightened more. He threw another cross-strike, hard.

I failed to notice that every time I gave you my cold shoulder, it would tear you apart bit by bit. I did not realize that by doing what I did, I killed the loving heart you have. I failed to see that I pushed you too hard that you shielded yourself with solitude. Forgive me, Ryosuke…

His eyes blurred, breath was painful. Something warm flowed on his cheeks. He did not know if it was tears or sweats or even bloods. He shifted to another pattern.

My dear son,

Your wound… it may never stop hurting, but one day it will be nothing but a dull ache. When that day comes, you will find yourself surrounded by friends and family.

He ducked down to evade an imaginary enemy, ing forward, and rolled away. There were small grass-cuts all along his arms. His sword glinted weakly as the sky getting darker.

Even though the path you are going to walk on ahead will be lonely, don’t feel that you are left alone…

Your mother and I would always look after you from afar. There will be friends and family you can rely on. And I wish you will also find the love from your precious one. Just… give yourself a chance.

The breeze flowed trough, chilly. A light rain started to pour. He increased his motions’ speed, his power, he let out all remained in him.

Learn to love the people who love you, Ryosuke. Learn to love yourself, my son. Learn to let go of your pains. That way, things will become easier for you.

His endurance failed him. His sword clung as he threw it away. He leaned his body forward to a tree.

Be brave. Don’t break. You will be able to brace any ordeals as long as you believe that happiness lies ahead of bitterness.

His hand clenched tightly and soon his fist landed on the trunk with a hard punch. He threw the second punch, the third, the fourth… He just wanted the pain to disappear. His hands bruised, but his heart throbbed more painfully.

In the last breath I would take sooner or later, I would hope and pray… that only glory lies ahead of you, my dear son, Yamada Ryosuke. Only glory and happiness.

He slid down to the ground and the liquid dropped continuously. He just let himself believed it was his tears as the sky had stopped raining. The pain inside did not cease. His body was wounded. His heart bled.

Yamada Shohei, year 24th of the reign

“Father…”

And for the first time since his mother passed away, he cried.

**********

It had been hours since Ryosuke run off from the meeting, but he had not returned. Mirai had been waiting ever since. She grew worried by every passing minute. The day had getting darker and rain started to pour lightly. How if Ryosuke did something reckless? He did not bring any guard. Though he could defend himself, but there were more people outside targeting his life.

Ryosuke, where are you?

She could not forget the face he showed before he flew away. No one would be able to forget it. When he read the letter from the king, he did not utter a single word, he did not grimace, he did not curse, despite his obvious pain he tried to bury inside. He was shaking, not from the chill of autumn, but from a fiery rage building in him. The grip he had on the parchment was so tight. It was surprising how he did not tear it apart.

He had handed back the letter to her father while he was striding away with his utmost will to stay strong. And as she just about to step after, he run off and disappeared. She would have run after him unless Yuto told her not to. How could they leave him alone? Yuto asked her to give him time to deal with himself and she had agreed. But it had been too long and the anxiety grew in her had been unbearable. She could not wait any longer.

That was how she decided to look for him. Her heart led her feet run toward the training ground. Somehow she had a strong feeling that he would be there.

And she was right.

She halted in her steps once she spotted Ryosuke. He lied on his back, legs sprawled open. His chest rose and fell as he breathed in a rhythm. His sword planted vertically on the ground a distance away, still within his reach, unsheathed, the scabbard lied nearby.

She stepped carefully toward him, anticipating if he showed any signs of rejection upon her presence. Yet, until she arrived at his side, he did not move even a little.

Her heart clenched tightly upon seeing his face. He stared blankly upward, to the vast sky.

She kneeled down beside him and, in the faint glow of the twilight, she realized that the knuckle of his right hand was bruised and bled. He must have hurt himself. She pressed a hand on to prevent a sob. She knew he would not want to hear anything.

Once she was sure he would not push her away, she took his hand in hers, placed it on her lap and started to tie her handkerchief on it. She felt he shifted his gaze from the sky to her then to his hand she held, without said a single word.

It hurt her to see him in pain. It hurt her more that she could do nothing to lessen his sorrow. Tears started b in her eyes as she diligently tended his wound. She did not let go of it once she finished and her tears eventually escaped, staining the makeshift bandage on his hand. She did not dare to look up at his face, but she could sense his intense gaze.

After a time, he moved. He pulled his hand away from hers. Just when the disappointment crept up in her heart, she froze. He had reached out to her. His hand palmed her cheek. She could feel the rough of his calloused hand and the softness of the silk handkerchief. She could not help but to look up and met his eyes. He held her gaze. The tense moment stretched out between them as though they tried to read each other’s mind.

For her, Ryosuke’s eyes were different from the deep and cold eyes she used to see. This time, she did not know whether he purposely let her see or he was just too tired to build a wall around him, but his eyes was showing the turmoil in his heart. She saw he was struggling to repress his rage and pain. He was startlingly vulnerable.

When he moved his thumb to brush her tears off, he sent her a look as though asking ‘Why are you crying?’

“I… I’m sorry,” she nervously blurted out and rushed to stand.

Yet, as she was about to r