Cliché​ 

Chanyeol leaned down so slowly. Soft breath tickled Baekhyun’s body. “Close your eyes, it won’t hurt, I promise,” and then he was kissing Baekhyun. The feeling was overwhelming. Things continue to shuffle in Chanyeol’s mind – how amazing it felt touching Baekhyun’s lips with his. How Baekhyun’s lips were so soft and how perfect it was for Baekhyun to wrap his arms around Chanyeol’s neck.

Everything is perfect. Of course, it was.

Everything is perfect in Chanyeol’s mind.

But Chanyeol should stop imagining things.

Chanyeol should stop repeating the memory of him and Baekhyun kissing and more importantly, Chanyeol should stop dreaming and wanting more than a kiss and start focusing on the pile of papers and mountain of books in front of him. Kris, his best friend, was throwing daggers at him.

“Dude, you need to study.”

Chanyeol sighed.

“Just confess, you liked the guy for years, whoever this guy is.”

The words were already too familiar and Kris was getting tired from saying them that he wanted the words to be removed from the dictionary. Kris had been a witness on how smitten Chanyeol was for the person of his interest, but not once did Chanyeol mention a name.

Chanyeol shrugged and came his usual response. “We can’t be together.” Kris rolled his eyes and continued focusing on equations and unsolved problems. Kris always thought Chanyeol was lying and that Chanyeol was just too scared to admit his feelings for the person but Kris stopped interrogating his best friend after too many times of disregarding his advice.

But Kris could not contain his frustration because he believed Chanyeol should just man up and claim what he wants, “Dude, if you won’t confess, some other might. And maybe, you’ll be missing your chance for that one great love.” Kris isn’t a poet or a romantic adviser but somehow Chanyeol thought his best friend was right. But most of the time, Kris isn’t, because how can Chanyeol confess that he loves his younger brother more than a brother should.

Love.

It’s a simple yet complicated word.

Chanyeol knew he loves his mother, his step dad and his brother Luhan. But Chanyeol also knew he love Baekhyun – more than a brother.

And Chanyeol thought for a while, when did he ever feel that he was in love. When did he ever feel that he wants Baekhyun to be his, not as a brother but a lover?

Is it that time when Baekhyun was crying because his first dog died that Baekhyun suddenly reached for him and automatically, Chanyeol puts his arm around Baekhyun’s neck, pulling the small male toward him, and everything fits perfectly in their places?

Is it that time when Chanyeol brushed his lips against the top of Baekhyun’s head when the latter was too afraid to fall asleep?

Is it that time when Baekhyun was five and Chanyeol was nine and the younger suggested that he would kiss Chanyeol’s to make the pain go away because Chanyeol just had his circumcision?

Is it the time when Chanyeol was already 18 and accidentally he saw Baekhyun without any piece of clothing?

Is it when Baekhyun told him he loves Chanyeol more than Luhan?

Is it when Baekhyun held his hand because Chanyeol was too afraid to confess to his parents that he was gay?

Is it when Baekhyun had hugged Chanyeol for too long because the latter was too scared to admit he chose Literature over business and his step father had scolded him and almost punched him in the face?

But Chanyeol knows when and it wasn’t any of the scenarios because Chanyeol believed he was in love with Baekhyun since the beginning.

And the moments just added to the love he was feeling and the misery he was in.

****

The past 2 months had been hard; it was a constant struggle for Chanyeol. He didn’t know when exactly did he accept the fact the he love Baekhyun not as a brother. It was hard resisting the urges – withstanding his overflowing attraction so he opted to not come home because the more his eyes could see the younger male, the more his heart will beat strongly for him but Chanyeol could not just disappear; not that he can’t live alone but he could not because not living near Baekhyun was the worst.

Chanyeol kept his mind busy with paper works, undid assignments and books for final exams but in some way his mind always travel back to his younger brother.  The only bright side of the final exams was that school Chanyeol was pretty busy and had the excuse to come home late and would miss the little interaction with Baekhyun.

*****

In twentieth century novels, characters die of heartbreak. It’s an unknown norm that keeps on circulating in every literary piece of romance fiction. The protagonist gets dumped, and will be so more than desolate that soon will either develop a brain tumor or will be hit by massive ten wheeler truck.

Chanyeol remembered his most loved literature professor telling them that the concept was known as a convention. They are the things that people accept when they happen in books and movies even though they never happen in reality. 1

Chanyeol could never agree more, how can someone die because of heartbreak? Heart break hurts, Chanyeol knows because secretly harboring intimate feelings for your brother brings you heartbreak but not in the sense Chanyeol could really die. It just hurts because you’re confused.

He remembers how he came up with other cliché conventions he always sees on the television and scoffed.

But when Kris was standing beside him, eyes never leaving the small figure in front of them and how the small brunette’s eyes were full of light and as if Chanyeol wasn’t there and the two figures were in a movie scene, gazes strong against each other.

Chanyeol gulped and it occurred to him that somehow, someone could die from a heart break.

“Hi, I’m Kris. You must be Baekhyun.” Chanyeol never saw Kris smiled so brightly it scared him and Chanyeol never saw Baekhyun so smitten his younger brother almost could not respond. He doesn’t know which was more frightening.

“Y-y-yes.”

Baekhyun’s eyes were never brighter, Baekhyun’s smile was never prettier and as the freezing night breeze slapped Chanyeol’s cheeks, and Kris bid them goodbye, he thought, everything will be alright. But after a minute passed when his Kris had messaged him seeking permission if he can ask Baekhyun on a date and simultaneously, unaware, that Kris was interested in him too, Baekhyun was bombarding Chanyeol with questions Chanyeol shouldn’t have answered but the look on Baekhyun’s eyes pleading and wanting every detail about his best friend, Chanyeol just disregarded the pieces of his heart being shattered little by little and thought, everything is not alright.

Chanyeol thought that maybe, just maybe, he could live with it if Baekhyun will end up with Sehun. Maybe, Chanyeol will be supportive if in case Baekhyun chose Sehun. Maybe, Chanyeol will be more relieve if he will see Baekhyun’s eyes lit up when his brother sees Sehun. Because what he saw in his own bare eyes scared him he wanted to call Sehun and plead. Please snatch away Baekhyun, make him yours, make him yours. Maybe because Chanyeol knows that what Baekhyun and Sehun had is a bond of friendship; a brother only relationship. But this reality he was witnessing was happening, it was scary. Chanyeol wanted to go back in time, he doesn’t want the future.

It was when Chanyeol gave Baekhyun’s number to Kris he knew was going to be sick. The squeal that came out from Baekhyun’s mouth when Kris had messaged him were deafening and at the same time heart breaking as the youngest Byun was celebrating in delight announcing to the whole Byun household that he experienced love at first sight.

It was the time when Chanyeol decided to lock himself in his room, not wanting a single word to be heard from the world and he spent hours lying on the cold floor trying to think things through when and where he failed. And right before shutting his world and entering the realm of slumber, Chanyeol decided to think of the person who thought him that heart breaks could not really kill a person and only sickness, cancer and ten wheeler trucks can end a person’s life, Chanyeol believed that person never really felt the agonizing thing called a heart break.

Because Chanyeol felt that at the moment when Baekhyun’s eyes lit up not for him but for somebody else; that moment when Baekhyun smiled the brightest not for him but for someone else and when Baekhyun announces he’s in love not with him but with Kris. 

Chanyeol felt he died.

Double update for you guys. Sorry if it wasn't updated everyday but we will try our best to write an update for tomorrow. Thanks for reading guys!

XOXO,

Nestine and Steph