Chapter 8 | BONUS iii

Drowning in the glass of red vine, Seungri felt how his throat muscles constricted in a reaction to the sourness of the beverage. The cold liquor slid down to his throat, awaking his gag reflex for a moment before he swallowed, enjoying the burning sensation. The dimmed lights turned the room into a sanctuary, the comfort of the chair he was sitting in only adding to his depression.

It was a camouflage. The illusion of perfection was only another illusion of misery. Covering one feeling with another; hiding behind the curtains of unknown – that was Seungri’s life with Jiyong.

The man was still a riddle for the young male. His every move was graced with such a spark of maturity, shaming Seungri. With every remark, every scolding, even if it was the most innocent quip, embarrassed the male. All he prayed for was a lover who would accept him, but Jiyong treated him like a child.

Seungri felt unwanted, not needed, and immature – like an infant incapable of decision.

“Hey, you’re still up?”

The softness of Jiyong’ hair caressed the side of Seungri’s cheek, bringing sour tears into his eyes. Swallowing down the invisible lump in his throat, Seungri leaned into the warming touch. As much as he wanted to push the man away, he couldn’t.

“You are late.” There wasn’t anger in his voice. Anger had been long by faded, also the worry. Seungri was hollow.

He felt like their paths were slowly drifting away, getting further from each other with each second passed. And he got scared when he realized that for Jiyong, the time didn’t count. His life was faster, slipping through his fingers like air – Jiyong’ perception of time was qualitatively different from Seungri’s. It was giving him creeps.

Being it for any other situation, Seungri would love the silent whisper being breathed into his ear, but not tonight. It felt disturbing: “I am sorry. Seunghyun was slacking. We had to re-view tons of papers before we could call it quits.”

Seungri took another sip of the velvety liquor, his hand shaking lightly. The air was filled with the heavy cologne Jiyong loved wearing. A present from Seunghyun – he told him. Seungri didn’t want to know it. He preferred to be left in the shadow of unknown rather than get his heart slashed and stomped upon. Especially, since the cologne he gave to Jiyong on their anniversary was still there, tucked deep in the cabinets, long by forgotten.

“You reek of vodka.”

A pair of hands kneaded the stiff flesh of Seungri’s arms, drawing a soft mewl of relief from the man. Pair of lips latched onto the shell of his earlobe, the blonde man worrying it between his teeth.

“Jiyong-“

“Club... We had few drinks. I needed to loosen up a little…” Voice only purrs when he pulled on Seungri’s hand, lacing their fingers together. With a light tug, he urged the man onto his legs. With a low sigh, Seungri put the glass on the coffee table, following the man to the bedroom.

Seungri could watch the blond man undressing for hours and never would he get bored. Something in his moves was captivating even if he only threw the shirt away hastily. He made it an art. The way his hips wiggled slightly when he shook off the shirt brought a smile on Seungri’s face. He loved seeing that motion.

The way Jiyong reached for Seungri’s buckle and threw it on the floor got the previously motionless man worked up. With a low grunt, he pulled the petite man to his chest, kissing his breath away.

For the past months, they became distant. Despite them working in the same company and even the same building, there was an invisible wall whenever Seungri paid a visit to the shorter male built by Jiyong himself. The way Jiyong’ eyes twitched, the weird glint appearing whenever he saw Seungri, hardening his gaze even if it was the softest plea reflecting in his eyes. It was killing Seungri.

Curiosity killed the cat.

Feeling the adrenaline pumping through his veins, Seungri grabbed Jiyong’ hand harshly, throwing him onto the bed. He watched as the petite man bounced on the mattress for few times before he rolled over, pushing his jeans down by his legs eagerly. Jiyong knew Seungri loved watching. And he loved when he was being watched.

Whenever Seungri approached the guys from Jiyong’ office, they gave only evasive answers to his questions. So soon, he stopped asking. He let it slide. For once, twice, thrice… it took him months to realize that there was something wrong. But it was already too late.

They were more like strangers who loved ing together. They didn’t cuddle on the sofa on the movie nights they ‘oh so loved. Heck, they didn’t even met up for the dinner together anymore – Jiyong was too busy. And if he wasn’t, he was at the club with Seunghyun. Every time he came home, Seungri could smell the light smell of vodka seeping through his pores, being digested by his system. And whenever Seungri approached Seunghyun, he could smell the strong odor of vine. He found it disgusting.

Speaking of the devil, Jiyong’ phone let out a high beeping sound. Seungri had been pushed to the side, the soft and sweet pleasure of his scrambling to his legs as he was rummaging through his jeans pockets.

“Don’t pick it up.” Seungri’s growl had been ignored.

Taking a deep breath, Seungri raked his hand through his hair, tugging on the tousled strands harshly. Jiyong’ voice filled the room – so sweet and carefree. It was suffocating Seungri. He could feel how his consciousness was slipping through his fingers slowly – not like he held on it too strong. Every time something like this happened, he could feel how madder he was getting. It was only the time for him to snap.

Standing up abruptly, he snatched the cell phone from Jiyong’ hand and threw it against the wall. The device shattered with a loud thud, chests heaving heavily. It landed on the floor, shocking both of them how loud the sound was.

“Oh my God… I am not staying here. I am calling Seunghyun…”

Seungri could see the panicked expression on Jiyong’ face, he could smell his fear, but he couldn’t care less. The dreaded name slipping from between Jiyong’ lips did it for him, causing him to see red once again.

“Choi. Seung. Hyun.” He let the name to linger on his lips. It felt alien as it rolled off of his tongue. “I guess he’s always going to win, right? You rejected me back then for him and now it is happening again.”

Seungri shook his head. Maybe