Title: [15/20]

Though it was definitely eye-catching and intriguing, it was not your own title; also, replace the semicolon with a colon. The 'in' is not capitalized.

Foreword/Description: [08/10] 

I would have gave you full points, but the author's note would have looked better in the foreword.

Plot and Originality: [15/30]

Since it was not your own idea, half-credit.

Language: [06/10] 

There were some problems in your dialogue. Always end dialogue with either a period, comma, exclamation mark, and question mark.

Characterization: [19/20]

Good job.

Flow: [09/10]

Good job.

Total: [72/100]

If there are any questions, please contact MiyuChan! Thanks for requesting!