Yifan spent his Christmas holiday in China with his family. It nice to gather with your beloved family, his father asked him to watch a rerun of football match while his mom cooked his favorite dish. She is getting better and keep smiling, happy that her only son can spent holiday with them. It’s heartwarming and the feel of being loved is always the best feeling ever. 

 

They ready for dinner, the home is warm and the food is delicious.

 

“It’s nice to be gathered like this as family” Mr. Wu cut his beef and started eating.

 

“Is it delicious, dear?” asked Mrs. Wu to his son.

 

“The best, mom”

 

“Find someone who can cook for you. I’ll teach her how to cook so you can eat delicious food every day.” Mrs. Wu smiled at her son. Yifan almost get choked at her words.

 

“I think I’ll never find someone who cook better than you, mom”

 

“You will. Find a good girl, introduce her to us, and get married”

The son of the family signed and cleaned his throat, “Mom, Dad. What if I don’t want to find a good girl? What if i do what Luhan did?” Yifan asked.

 

“A man? I don’t really mind it” Mr. Wu answered him.

 

“We already talked about this. Yifan, your happiness is more important for us. I don’t want to ruin our beautiful bond just because of your preference. Your uncle is regretting all his decision on Luhan. Now when he wants his son back, it’s hard.”

 

“I’ve told Luhan about it. But he is as stubborn as his father and scarier than him”

 

“Luhan is like his father, relax. His heart will melt someday. If they have the willing to talked, it would turn out fine” Mrs. Wu smiled. She grabbed his son hand and squeezed it. “You are thirty years old, and you will not getting younger. Start to thinking about family, dear”

 

“I will mom. Thanks for your understanding” Yifan kissed his mother’s hand.

 

***

Jongdae spent his Christmas holiday by working. He can’t absence yet because he is a new member, so he can’t come back to his hometown. And he will be alone at Christmas this year. Chanyeol will spend his Christmas with his family while Yixing hyung will stay at Baekhyun’s place.

If he has someone to spend his Christmas, it will be fine. But he hasn’t, his family is so far away, his friend will spend with their own date and he doesn’t have a date at all.

 

At this cold night, the snow falling slowly outside, the street are almost empty and silent is one of the best comfort. Jongdae’s mind starts to wandering about the past, trying to ease the loneliness.

 

He remembered his college days. When he was thinking that he was as straight as a pocky. He dated girls before, enjoying the entire flirt with them and had his first experience with one of them. He may be enjoyed it at that time, but if he recall the , he just relieved his frustration and something is missing there.  

 

Junmyeon is the first man who took his attention, gave him fluttering feeling. Jongdae knew Junmyeon was a gay from the photo on his boss desk on the first day working as Junmyeon’s secretary. It was Junmyeon hugging a young boy, really young boy, later he knew the boy name is Jongin, the older boyfriend in the past.

 

His first kiss with a man was with Yifan, he remembered it like it was yesterday. He also remember how hot Yifan’s body when pinned him against the wall. How the feeling of his large hand grabbed his wrist or when his bulge rubbed against his back then. He also remembered the sweet taste of Yifan’s lips on their last kiss.

 

 Jongdae smiling, figuring out so many what if’s. What if he never knew that he is gay? Will he happy with a girl now? Or what if he his crush on Junmyeon becomes more than a crush? What if they were becomes a couple? Will he happy now?

 

Or what if he accepts Yifan’s love without being stubborn and hold on his crush for Junmyeon?

 

Jongdae sipped his hot chocolate, and then humming one of his favorite songs. The song he sang on his office gathering back then.

 

Everything is just memories. The past was a memory we must learn from, and present is a gift we must thankful for. Now he must accept the consequences of what he decided in the past and carry on. But still, having someone you love and loving you back will be great.

 

***

 

“How’s your honeymoon?” Yifan teased his secretary in early January when Minseok’s holiday is over.

 

“Hot. Wanna hear the detail?” Minseok grinned.

 

“Ugh! No! I don’t need my cousin’s bed stories”

 

“How about mine? you best friend”

 

“That the same! Yah! Stop it”

 

Minseok laughed at his boss reaction. “Get married soon, Yifan. It’s great. And you not getting any younger”

 

“My mom said so.”

 

“Everyone said so” Minseok tapped his friend’s shoulder. “I know that you know what do you want, buddy. I just hope you know the right thing to do”

 

Yifan signed. “When you decide to married to Luhan. Didn’t you afraid of my uncle?”

 

“Actually I did. But losing the one I love is more frightening. So I decide to take an act, and Luhan just say yes. You remember how angry your uncle was at us.” Minseok smiled.

 

“Yeah, his anger almost got me peed at my pants.”

 

Minseok chuckled, “ I am sorry for that. Yifan, thank you for taking at our side all the time”

 

 “Anything for my best friend and best cousin”

 

“I heard that my.. ehem..father in law wants to meet me and Luhan. It’s been a year and Luhan really missed his mom. We will go to China next month. I hope everything gonna be alright after this”

 

“Good! I hope for the best”

 

“Now I hope you’ll find your own happiness. You can’t hang your feeling like this forever. Yifan, there are only two way to find your love. First is move on, like what Junmyeon did. He leaves you so he can get a better person for him. He prefers to be happy with someone else who loves him. The second option is to fight for your love. Like what I did, no matter how strong the storm was, I ready to face it. You must act, open your heart or try your best. Stop your stage or whatever you call it” then Minseok takes a pen and sticky note from his pocket then write something on it.

 

“Hanging there without doing something won’t bring you any closer to someone you love”

 

“But I don’t know what to do, Minseok ah..”

 

“Bull. Of course you know. You always use your logic and instinct. Now take this paper and read it.” Minseok handed him a tiny sticky note.

 

It written 

 

10.30, RBS Economic News. Weekdays.

 

“What is this Minseok?”

 

“Watch the broadcast tomorrow. You’ll understand what I meant”

 

***

 

And Yifan do as what Minseok asked. He sees Jongdae on the flat screen on his office, as the presenter of a TV program. He looked perfect and awesome. It somehow overwhelmed, but also painful.  When Yifan adoring the figure on the TV, he feels like he is acting like a teenage girl to her idol. Jongdae is so close on the TV, but in some points impossible to reach.

 

Jongdae looked way fresher than the last time he saw him. He smiled a lot, charmingly. He talked a lot, talkative and spontaneous. Yifan never knows that Jongdae can talk that much.

 

Yifan is happy to see him happy. Jongdae is moving on, trying finds his own happiness in his own little world.

 

Deep in his mind he thinks that Jongdae is his happiness, but in the other side of his mind, it screamed that he doesn’t want to ruin the happy life that Jongdae living now by showing his face in front of him. What should he do? Fight for his feeling, or just move on.