A/N: warning: I literally have 0 planning done for this story. i have no idea where it's going, i just open up at document and vomit up words. BUT I'M SO GLAD YOU PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING THIS WORD VOMIT :D love you. kk hunhan5ever. stay safe, and happy new year! 3 days left of holidays :'( oh and I'm also starting another story, you can check out the foreword if you want.

Part IV: The Slytherin House Elf

“What are you looking at?”

Sehun snaps out of his sleep-hazed trance to whip around. The portrait of the Fat Lady is glaring daggers.

He glances around at the milling Gryffindors, ignoring the weird looks that they’re sending his way.

“Uh… Me?” He points to himself in confusion.

“Yeah, you,” she sniffs. “I don’t like that look on your face.”

“But I wasn’t even looking at you,” he protests.

“Are you calling me a liar?”

“Are you calling me a—” Sehun stops himself before this can get ugly, but he can’t help but seethe in pent up annoyance. “Look… Lady. It’s 6 in the bloody morning. I've not woken up this early since my great grandmother passed away on a drunken escapade in Venezuela and I had to take the first floo over there. I’m completely knackered. Lay off me, will you?”

The Fat Lady blinks slowly before replying.

“Well. Are you lost or something? This is the Gryffindor entrance. Hurry along that way.” She shoos him off with waving motions.

“Goddammit, I’m not lost—”

Suddenly, the entrance swings open, and out steps Lu Han in all his fair-haired glory. He quickly bids good morning to the portrait (whose demeanor takes a 180 at the sight of the Head Boy. Sehun can’t blame her, really). The cheerful smile on his face widens as he spots Sehun, but fades just as quickly. Sehun frowns in response.

“Sehunnie, what are you doing here? You look terrible!”

Not what Sehun wants to hear at 6 in the morning from the object of his fancy when he woke up at said time for said person.

“Thank you,” he mutters grumpily, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“No, not that way,” Lu Han rectifies. He shuffles over and, to Sehun’s pleasant surprise, starts tugging at the Slytherin’s robes. “It’s just… You’re a mess. What are you doing all the way here? It’s so early!” he chides, even as he’s smoothing down Sehun’s lapel and straightening his green striped tie.

“Uh…”

“You know, they often say I’m the one with zero jaw control,” Lu Han comments, pushing up Sehun’s chin.

“I…”

To tell the truth, or not?

Sehun opts with the former. He doesn’t fancy digging himself into a hole, metaphorically or not.

“I was waiting for you.”

“For me? So early in the morning?”

Sehun doesn’t get why Lu Han seems so surprised.

“Well, yeah. Baekhyun told me the time you usually head for breakfast. He told me you’re an early riser. I quote: Oh yes, our Lu Han has so much energy. He never gets up later than 6 in the morning! You’d be lucky to catch him if you came one minute later! So… you’d best come a tad bit earlier, Sehun! Unquote.” Sehun mimics Baekhyun’s chirpy drawl in a ridiculously high octave.

Lu Han remains silent for a few moments.

“So, yeah. I’ve been waiting here since half-past.”

Sehun wonders if he’d shattered Lu Han’s eardrums when the other still doesn’t respond. His vocal control is really not as good as it could be—

“Sehun-ah, I usually get up at 7.”

—ing Byun Baekhyun.

--

This morning at the great hall, Jongdae is cackling wildly as he shoves aside an unfortunate second year to sit next to Sehun.

“Did you hear? Byun Baekhyun woke up with the face of a horse! A bloody horse, I tell you! This one’s going in the books!”

He’s laughing so hard, he has to lean on Sehun’s shoulder for support. Jongin has lost it on Sehun’s other side, banging his fist in his beloved mashed potatoes.

And Sehun just smiles quietly to himself, sipping at his pumpkin juice.

--

“Oh Sehun, don’t you think you went a bit far?” Chanyeol’s deep voice is unnaturally stern and serious.

Sehun admits he feels a little guilty as he watches the giant Gryffindor rub circles onto Baekhyun’s back. The smaller is sniffling quietly, and his eyeliner is running (his face is thankfully back to normal, thanks to Madame Pomfrey, because it would be a tad difficult to stay composed in front of a sobbing horse-human thing). Unfortunately, Baekhyun is still making pitiful neighing noises as his vocal chords aren’t quite right yet.

Sehun just shrugs.

Baekhhyun neighs angrily at him.

“Okay, well,” he amends. “If it makes you feel any better, I pretty much have to be Madame Pomfrey’s house elf for the next week.”

Baekhyun neighs again, but Sehun loses interest in this one-sided conversation and ends up leaving. Indignant neighing follow him out, but that’s getting pretty redundant anyway.

--

“Oh ing Sehun, where the were you this time.”

Sehun looks up from his Divinations assignment just as Jongin comes barrelling into the room (Drama queen, Sehun thinks snidely) and stepping on his parchment.

Sehun makes a face. “Do you mind? I’m doing something,” he says pointedly.

Jongin sneers. “Right. Because drawing tiny Lu Hans all over your page and making them dance is going to get you an O in Potions.”

“Divinations,” Sehun corrects. He quickly spells his drawings away. (Honestly, he thinks they’re quite good. Jongin just doesn’t have an eye for artistic talent.)

“Stop being a smartass for one second, would you?”

“Stop being an arsehole for two and maybe I’ll think about it.”

“Look, Oh Sehun—”

“I’m starting to think you have a problem with me,” Sehun says bluntly.

Jongin is breathing heavy enough to sound like one of Kris Wu’s dragons.

“Okay, so you do have a problem with me.”

“Yes,” he grits out between clenched teeth.

“Well,” Sehun hums, resting his cheek on his palm and kicking his feet back and forth like a child. “I think you’ll have to get in line.”

“That’s it, you cheeky brat,” Jongin snaps, bending down to haul Sehun to his feet by the collar of his robes. “I want to know what your excuse is this time. Why did you miss Quidditch practice? You’ve not made it to a single one these past two weeks!”

Oh. It all makes sense now. The only thing that can ever rile up Kim mothering Jongin is his precious Quidditch.

Sehun knows he has to switch tactics quickly, before wands get drawn.

“I can explain,” he says hurriedly.

“Please. Do.”

“Uh, so you know, that horse, uh, Baekhyun incident from last week?”

“… That was you, wasn’t it.”

“Well, uh. Yeah.”

“And you got another week of detention.”

“Madame Pomfrey prefers to call it house elf duty. Personally, I think child labour is more appropriate—”

“Goddammit, Oh Sehun!”

When Jongin proceeds to launch into an explosive fit over the importance of Quidditch over justice (Read: vengeance), Sehun just rolls his eyes skyward. The Quidditch captain has still not released his grip on Sehun’s lapel, and he’s being shaken with every punctuation of Jongin’s sentences. His spectacles are slipping down the bridge of his nose with each jostle.

He sighs, but really, really gently, so it’s really more of a regular exhale. (He doesn’t want Jongin to notice his lack of attention.)

Just go to your happy place, Sehun. Just go to your happy place.

--

I promise never to hex my fellow classmates into various shapes and forms whenever I feel unjustly wronged or whenever I’m—

“Just stick with the first 8 words,” Professor Minerva says tiredly, reading over his shoulder.

Sehun frowns, because he really can’t keep that promise. He scratches out the first line and starts again.

I promise never to hex my fellow classmates unless the situation desperately calls for it—

“First. 8 words, Mr. Oh. Please don’t make this difficult for the both of us.”

He grumbles to himself, scratching the words out harder than necessary.

“Professor?”

Sehun and Professor Minerva both glance up at the sound of a new voice. Sehun barely just manages to wipe the goofy grin from his face at the sight of Lu Han (yes, the Lu Han), who is smiling a bit too tightly.

“Can I help you, Mr. Lu?” Minerva asks.

“Uh, yes ma’am. I was sent to retrieve Oh Sehun and him to Madame Pomfrey. She requests his assistance with… hospital things.”

It suddenly becomes really hard to keep the grin off his face, and Sehun has to duck his head and hide behind pink bangs.

For a tense moment, Minerva stares at Lu Han, and Lu Han blinks innocently back, before the older woman lets out a heavy breath. “Very well. Go.” She sends Sehun a sharp look. “And don’t cause any more trouble.”

“Yes, professor.” Sehun scrambles out of his seat to follow Lu Han out the door.

--

“Did Madame Pomfrey really ask for me?” Sehun questions as soon as they’re out of Minerva’s hearing range.

“Of course not.” Short. Clipped. Lu Han doesn’t look very pleased.

“Then… You just helped me out of detention… why?” He sends lightning fast glances at the Gryffindor, hoping the other won’t notice. He wonders what has upset the usually upbeat blonde.

Lu Han notices.

“You’re giving yourself whiplash.” He stops walking, crossing his arms over his chest when Sehun turns sheepishly to face him. “Why are you always getting yourself into trouble?”

Sehun looks at him helplessly. “I do a lot of things without thinking.”

He can’t quite decipher the expression on Lu Han’s face. It’s distinctly unhappy, but it seems to be more along the lines of confusion.

“Well, anyway, you can get to the Quidditch field on your own, can’t you? Go on. You’re already late.”

“You…” Sehun blinks in realization, catching Lu Han’s arm as the other is turning away. “You got me out of detention… so I could go to Quidditch practice?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“But, why?”

“I’m doing Jongin a favour,” he says quietly, pulling his arm free. “I’ll see you around, Sehun.”

“Wait!” His shoulders drop in relief when Lu Han does. “I—Thank you. I’ll try to stay out of trouble. Really. I promise, okay?”

This time, he really does mean it. A troublemaker he may be, but he always keeps his promises.

Sehun wonders if it’s normal when his heart leaps out of his chest at Lu Han’s smile.

He is so utterly ed.

--

TBC