A/N: School... I'm so busy... It's december... ugh

Part I: House of Prats

Sehun cuts angrily into his bread roll, cursing his luck.

"What's with you?" Jongin asks through a mouthful of chicken.

"I'm upset because the single most attractive boy I've ever seen got sorted into our rival house and he was witness to my horrible speaking skills on the very first day and I have to contend to the fact that I have a crush on a Gryffindor" was a bit of a mouthful, and Sehun didn't very much feel like spilling his feelings to Kim Jongin of all people (who would most definitely call him a Hufflepuff), so he settles with a mumbled, "Nothing."

Jongin stares at him a moment before scooping away Sehun's mashed potatoes and dumping it on to his own plate. "Are you going to eat that?"

"Wonderful. Thank you for asking me after you took it all." He drops his head to the table. "Why couldn't he have been a Slytherin?"

"Stop being dramatic. You never eat your mashed potatoes."

ing Kim Jongin.

--

Sehun loves Kim Jongin.

"You know him? How?" he asks, trying not to sound too eager (and failing).

Jongin sends him a Look from his lounging position as he changes the colour of his textbook with idle flicks of his wand. "Well, yeah. He's a pureblood. Our families are, like, this." He crosses two fingers together in demonstration.

"And you’ve never mentioned this before, because?” an extremely nonplussed Sehun demands.

Jongin sits up. "I wasn't aware that you cared. Why does this even—" A slow smirk spreads across his lips.

"Whatever you're about to say… just don't."

"You…”

"I said, don’t.”

“Fancy.”

“Kim—”

“Him.”

“—Jongin!”

"You fancy Lu Han!"

Kim Jongdae pokes his head into the room with a -eating grin. "The Lu Han?"

"The one and only," Jongin grins back.

"It's okay," Jongdae says sympathetically when he finally notices the noises of anguish that Sehun is making. "Everyone and their mothers fancied Lu Han at one point."

"Thank you, Kim Jongdae. Thank you."

"I don't know if this helps, but—"

"Whatever you're about to say, don't... Please."

When Jongdae ignores him and continues anyway, Sehun is pondering various hexes. But mostly, he's wondering how he got stuck in the House of Prats.

"—Lu Han's helping me with my Arithmancy work tomorrow. You could come with me."

Sehun loves Kim Jongdae.

--

"Ew, Sehun, save that for Lu Han!"

--

“Chen Chen!” Lu Han crows as Sehun and Jongdae draw near. Sehun glances around, wondering who this ‘Chen’ character is and whether he wants to wake up with the hippogriffs.

“Hey, Xiao Lu. Kris.” Jongdae waves, setting his books down heavily and taking a seat next to who Sehun assumes is Kris. When Sehun is about to sidle away, re-thinking this whole life thing, and Merlin, what if Lu Han thinks he’s creepy, Jongdae decides to remember his existence.

“Oh yeah, and this is Oh Sehun. He, wants you... uh, your help.”

Nice save, Jongdae.

“My help?” Lu Han asks, cocking his blonde head just so, and fixing Sehun with those sparkling doe eyes. He’s so ing perfect that Sehun has to resist slamming his head onto the nearest available hard surface.

Sehun blurts out, “Uh, yeah, um, hi. I’m The-hun.”

. Screw slamming his head, Sehun wonders if he could knock himself out with a Stupefy. His stupid ing lisp always chooses the worst moments possible to make its appearance.

Jongdae is cackling, and Kris has a brow raised, and Sehun wants to sink to the floor and disappear, and—

“You’re so... cute!”

—What?

Lu Han Accio’s a chair over from the next table and drops it next to his own.

When he pats the wooden surface invitingly, Sehun wonders if he’s dreaming.

--

“Oh my God, Jongin,” Sehun moans.

“Can you shut the up?”

“Oh my God...”

“You’ve been going on for hours, and I’m this close to hexing your mouth shut. You’re acting like you’re under a spell for s sake, Sehun!”

Sehun’s sits up, unaware of the chaotic state of his hair. It's bubblegum pink today—one of the perks of being a Metamorphmagus (1). “Not a spell...” he says slowly. “I think... I’m in love.”

This makes Jongin choke on the bottle of Firewhiskey he had smuggled in last Friday.

--

It takes Sehun two more days to fully convince Jongin that no, no one snuck Amortentia or some other love draught into his food, and no, Lu Han isn’t a Veela (this one has yet to be proven, but what Jongin doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?).

He's in love with Lu Han.

The Lu Han, as Jongdae would always interject.

In short, he's screwed, for one of many reasons.

1) Lu Han is overly affectionate with everyone and everything.

On Sundays, you could see Lu Han chumming up with the Hufflepuffs, pinching the unamused Kim Minseok’s cheeks, and breathing down his fellow transfer student’s neck (Yi Xing). In Potions, Lu Han is prone to bouts of clinginess to Zitao (Sehun’s Potions partner whom everyone suspects to be a Death Eater because of his permanent smouldering glare), and he’s often seen hanging off the arm of Kris Wu, or wrapped around Park Chanyeol.

But all of this, Sehun could deal with (because Lu Han is very affectionate with him, too), if it isn’t for the next point:

2) Lu Han thinks Sehun is “cute”.

Normally, this would not be a bad thing, but with Lu Han, it is, because it means that Sehun is not a viable option for dating purposes—only for coddling and spoon feeding. He’s a “baby” after all; a really tall, mean-looking Slytherin baby, but nonetheless, Lu Han’s baby.

Sehun fully blames Kris for instilling this idea into Lu Han’s head.

“You know, you two kind of look alike. Like... Sehun’s the bigger version of Lu Han, or something.” Kris snaps his fingers. “Like brothers!”

Lu Han had been thrilled at the prospect, while Sehun had to count backwards from 10 to stop himself from cursing Kris so hard he’d be throwing up slugs for a week.

If Sehun somehow manages to get past points 1 and 2 successfully, it would still bring him to a staggering halt at point 3.

3) Lu Han is oblivious as .

It’s no secret that at least half the population of the entire school has wanted into Lu Han’s trousers. However, not one person has ever succeeded because of this (refer to point 3) reason—

“Sehun... What are you doing?”

Sehun freezes, dropping his quill. “Nothing,” he says, a little too quickly.

It’s Zitao, or “Call me Tao, bbuing, bbuing!”

Tao reaches over and plucks the parchment out of Sehun’s grasp, and Sehun is too busy cowering in fear to do anything above a small, whispered, “Don’t.”

Tao clears his throat. “Reasons why Lu Han will never love me, part 1.”

Sehun sputters and hisses, “That is not what it says!”

“It might as well say that,” Tao deadpans. “You could probably use a little help, huh?”

Sehun narrows his eyes. “Help. From who?”

“Me.”

“You.”

“Me.”

“You... Okay, look, I don’t have time for this. I have an oblivious Gryffindor to woo, so give me that back—” At Tao’s glare, Sehun backs off a bit. “—Uh. I mean. Please?”

“I can help you,” Tao reiterates, after a moment of tense silence.

“... Why? What’s in it for you?”

“Lu Han’s my friend,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and Sehun wants to cry at the unfairness of it all. Everyone seems to know Lu Han but him. “And you seem like a... hm... decent... human... being.”

“...”

“...”

“... Thanks?”

“Okay, well, you’re good looking, so there’s that.”

“...”

“Look, do you want my help or not?”

“... Yes, please.”

--

“You’ve been hanging out with Tao a lot these days,” Jongin says, and Sehun thinks, with vindictive pleasure, that he sounds a little petulant.

“I guess I have.”

“What are you two always whispering about anyway?”

Sehun levels Jongin a long, hard, intense stare, and places both hands on his friend’s shoulders.

“Uh...”

“It’s okay, Jongin.”

“Uh, yeah, it, uh, you can let go of me—” Jongin twists awkwardly, trying to squirm free.

“You’re still my best mate."

“Yeah, okay.” Jongin worms out with a relieved gasp. “I just remembered, I have to ask Kyungsoo about my Divinations project. I’ll be back when you’re feeling better. Yeah. Bye.” He sprints off.

Sehun stares after him, before continuing down the hall. “He’s just shy.”

--

Sehun is just walking back from DADA when he’s slammed harshly against the wall.

“What the—”

“Tomorrow. 12 o’clock. Hogsmeade. Meet at the entrance.”

“What the , Tao—”

“Lu Han is going. I can get you alone with him.”

“Okay, that’s great,” Sehun chokes out, trying to pry Tao’s fingers off his robes. “But is this really necessary?!”

“Sorry.” Tao lets him go abruptly, looking a little like a kicked puppy. It’s disconcerting. “Bad... Bad habits.”

No kidding. Sehun feels a little winded, but he thinks he can let this slide without his usual complementary Stinging Hex only because Tao has just scored him a date with Lu Han.

Yes. The Lu Han.

--

A quick Tempus charm tells Sehun that he’s exactly 10 minutes early to the designated meeting spot. It’s snowing gently, and he casts a quick umbrella charm to stop the flakes from touching his perfectly immaculate silver hair.

5 minutes later, Sehun begins to worry. What if his lisp comes out again? What if his hair turns purple without him knowing?

7 minutes later, and Sehun is wondering whether Lu Han would want to spend his whole time at Hogsmeade with just Sehun.

8 minutes later, and Sehun begins to panic. Is Lu Han even coming at all? It’s already 11:58! What if Tao was just having him?

9 minutes later, and—

“Sehunnie?”

Sehun swallows and turns around. Lu Han, cheeks pink from the cold, and snug in a fluffy white hat, is waving at him. Sehun almost fails to notice the scowling Kris, creepily grinning Chanyeol, and bouncing Baekhyun, walking with Lu Han—it's his usual Gryffindor entourage. (Sehun inwardly thinks that the red and gold combo suits Lu Han the best.)

“What are you standing out here for? It’s cold!”

“I’m... waiting for someone,” Sehun says helplessly. It's official. He’d been had by Tao.

Lu Han’s mouth forms a perfect ‘O’ shape. “Jongin?”

Sehun winces. Jongin isn't his only friend...! “Err...”

“He was waiting for me. I invited him to come with us.”

The group turns around as Tao stalks over.

“You did? I didn’t know you two were friends! Baby Tao is playing nice with the other Slytherins~” Lu Han coos, pinching Tao’s cheek with a red gloved hand, only to receive light swats. Sehun’s scowl is darker than Tao’s at this point—he’s the only baby around here.

“Lu, you’re embarrassing him,” Baekhyun giggles, reaching out to pinch Tao’s other cheek.

This is when Sehun realizes that Gryffindor bravery is no joke, especially when Tao looks like he’s about to Crucio the next person who breathes the wrong way, and now Chanyeol has joined in on poking and prodding at him.

“Anyway, we should all go together! Since we’re all headed to the same place,” Lu Han says.

Sehun tries not to nod too eagerly.

-- TBC
(1) Like Nymphadora Tonks