"Hi Jaejoong! How are you? I'm staying here in Bom's place for the summer. She's my cousin, do you remember her? Why do you always visit me in my dreams and not come in front of me? I wish you would come and see me.. I miss you so much!

Always and forever,

Dara

I sighed, reclined my back against the swivel chair

Writing letters to Jaejoong had been a habit ever since he left

A chuckle came out from me. Bitter as it can be

I had been constantly writing him letters for the past years. Everyday I would write him even short messages just so he'd be reminded that I still think of him. That I haven't forgotten him.

That I still love him

"Oooppss.. gotta hide this" I mumbled

I panicked as I heard footsteps nearing my room. I know it's Bom and she'll nag nonstop once she sees that I'm still trying to get in contact with Jaejoong

I quickly hid the paper on my drawer and lay on my bed with the sheet over my body covering half of my face

"Dara, can I come in?" I heard her knock

I didn't budge and just let her. There's no sense in answering or opening the door. Knowing Bom's nature, she'll just force herself in even without my permission

and there, I just heard the door creek open. I shut my eyes, hoping that Bom will leave me and let me sleep

 

 

"Yah Sandara Park!! Your mother didn't send you here just so you can slouch all day!!!"Bom's annoying voice almost damaged my hearing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I crunched my nose with my eyes still closed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Get up and work that y of yours."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I grabbed the hem of my blanket and hid myself under it. I still dont want to get up.

How I wish Bom would understand and just let me off, especially this day.

 

 

 

21th of june 

 

 

 

Oh summer... I'd do anything and beg the scientists to invent a fastforward button in human's time so that I could skip whenever summer comes.

Yeah. I don't like summers..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

no scratch that I HATE IT!

 

 

 

I felt Bom sat at the edge of the bed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Dara" her voice was serious as dead "You know why your parents sent you here right? But why are you forcing yourself to succumb and let the pa-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I got up not wanting to hear the rest of what Bom has to say.

 

 

I sat up with my legs pressed against my chest and my face burried to my knees

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"And you know very well that I'm no good during summer. That's why.. can I skip and just sleep until tomorrow and the day after tomorrow

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...up until this summer ends" my voice cracked

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just want to sleep hoping when I wake up, summer has passed without me noticing it

 

 

 

It's already been 3 years but 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I still remember

 

 

                                             

 

                                            ....the pain of that summer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Your mother's in town. Let's go." she was eyeing me 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Why? What is she doing here?" surprised that my mom didn't tell me about her trip here in Seoul

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Just dress up and we'll go after you're done" then left me with a smirk on her lips

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now I don't have a choice but to get up. I scanned myself first in the mirror

 

 

"Maybe this is also a way so I wouldn't think much what happened on this date 3 years ago" I thought

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I took a quick shower and found the most comfortable clothes for me

 

Jeans and a simple shirt.

 

 

I glanced at the clock, it's already past 7 in the evening. I didn't even notice the time passing by when I was writing my letters to Jaejoong

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's a good sign right? I haven't cried all day long unlike before where I would lock myself and cry a river. My mom couldn't do anything about it and just stay outside my room until the next morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Ready?" Bom said popping out my bubbles of thoughts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yeah."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After she made sure that her unit was all locked, we then headed to the parking lot.

My heart raced as we got nearer to her car.

 

 

I was still contemplating when Bom noticed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey, what are you waiting for? Get in." her hands signaling to me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I heaved heavy breaths as I felt my body starting to tremble.

Bom doesn't have a clue with my thing about riding cars. It's even a wonder how I endured the 1 hour drive on a taxi cab

 

 

I opened the door and sat at the back seat, I knew Bom would find it strange

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yah.. am I your chauffer? Why are you sittting at the back?" she asked as soon as I landed my on the back seat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"My mom haven't told you about my.. my" I can't find the right word, my lips were trembling as well

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Oh sorry, I almost forgot that you have a trauma sitting on the passenger seat"

 

 

 

 

 

 

I saw her eyes widened, quickly covering with her hands. Then turned away from me and put the volume of the radio higher

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Bom, I'm ok. You don't have to feel guilty about it." I said after hearing her curse herself 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She gave me quick glance, I felt at ease when I saw her worried look

 

I'm lucky I have such understanding people around me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey Bom... what are we going to do here?" I asked curiously when I saw the car entered the underground parking lot of a club

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"We're going to have fun tonight!!!" it's obvious that she was excited

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"WHAT!!?? I thought we're going to meet my mother?!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Huh?? I never said anything about meeting her. I only told you that she is here in Seoul"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What the hell. I just got tricked by this troll queen!!!

 

 

I followed her when she got out of the car

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Bom, you know I hate going to loud places! And you know I can't have fun especially this night. You know very well what I am revering on this day."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Mian Dara. I know I'm being insensitive. But I just want you to see the world in a different light. You've been hiding under the dark shadow of your past for so long now. I want you to be happy again. I want to see you smile, the old you. I miss our vitamin Dara."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That hit me. I realized how burdening I am to my family, to Bom, to the people who worries about me. 

I've been keeping myself and haven't let anyone to enter my locked zone. I'm so selfish 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Thank you Bom" I said not looking "Thanks for all the effort. I will try but I can't promise you that I would stop thinking about it." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She shrieked and hugged me from the back

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"That's my Dara. Thank you!!! Don't worry you'll meet a lot of people tonight. My club had arranged an acquaintance party for the members and the new recruits

 

 

 

"Aigoo! You're just making me as an excuse so you can go and meet some hot guys here, aren't you?!" I teased

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yah!" she slapped my arm lightly "Don't be too loud, boys might freak out and distanced theirselves from me if they hear that. I'll play the cool and cold city girl so don't try to ruin my image arra!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just snorted. 

 

 

"You'll love this. Don't worry. We rented the whole club tonight so this will be exclusive  for our use only"

 

 

 

 

 

 

She opened the door and it revealed people dancing up to the beat, disco lights blinded me for a sec. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Let's go. I'll introduce you to my club members" she grabbed my hand and lead me to the cordoned couches

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey guys" she waved when she spotted her click "I want you to meet my cousin, Dara"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then turned back to me

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Dara these are my clubmates" she pointed them as she mentioned their names "Chaerin, Minji, Siwon, Tabi, and Jiyong"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hi" I greeted

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bom signaled me to sit with them. They were very friendly especially the two girls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Can I call you unnie? I heard from Bom unnie that you're of the same age with her. I'm younger by 1 year. I'll be turning 22 next month while Minji is 0nly 20." Chaerin talked to me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Of course you can" I smiled at her, I don't know why but I easily felt comfortable around them

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Dara, here. Treat it as our gratitude to you for coming here" Siwon gave me a shot glass of martini

 

 

 

 

 

 

I took it with both hands

 

 

 

 

"Kamsahamnida" I drank it in one gulp "Uuuuhhkkk" I felt it linger around my tongue and throat

 

 

 

 

 

My chest burned up as it made it's way down my throat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Can you give me more?" I blatantly asked

 

 

 

 

 

Jiyong provided me another glass

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Let me check first if this will suit your taste" he then took a sip before handing me the glass

 

 

"mmm.. this one is good" he assured me "good for beautiful girls like you"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yah Kwon Jiyong don't try to flirt with my cousin. She's off-limits arra!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Wae?!!!" Jiyong faked a fit "Do you have a boyfriend already?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I drank the martini in one go again "Give me another glass!" avoiding his question

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yah Sandara are you trying to get yourself drunk?" Bom stopped Jiyong from giving me another glass

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shoot! Did I just get caught?
Some people will depend on liqour until they doze off just so they can forget whatever problems they are facing even just for one night. Then why can't I?? For once I want to forget the pain, the memory of 'that summer-this day, my misery... everything. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'll just fix myself in the powder room" I excused myself

 

 

 

 

 

 

I feel light-headed somehow. I've never really exceeded to my limit of one glass of liqour in my whole existence-

except the night of June 21, 3 years ago

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Oh!?? How convinient of you to bring your along" I snubbed the moment I stepped inside Jaejoong's car,

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seeing Wang Ji hye sitting at the front seat beside Jaejoong let out the devil inside me

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not sure how he found out that I'm in a club partying but I bet Nickhun was the one who called him to fetch me seeing how wasted I was earlier. I feel numb and dizzy from all the alcohol I had taken

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You'd really choose her over me??!!! Don't you know the 3-month rule after a break-up?!! You've just broken up with me last 2 weeks ago and yet you already have a to play with??!!" I raged out, tearing up but tried to smile mockingly

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Just shut it Dara!!!!!" he yelled while Ji hye seemed to be calm and composed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That only made me to boil up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Do you think I would just let you and be with this ?!! Damn it!! But I might wish you well if you both go to hell tonight!!! This instant!!!!!!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

" it!!!!!!" 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why do I have to remember it all?! I thought alcohols make you forget? But why can't I??!! Why can't I!!!

 

I ran outside the club and searched for somewhere to sit on.

I found a bench nearby.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Ugghhh!!!" I grunted struggling to take my contact lenses off

 

 

"Damn it! !!!" I cursed loudly when the lenses fell off from my finger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Annoyance, anger, sadness, longingness, guilt...-everything wrapped inside my heart I couldn't do anything but let out a cry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm sick and tired of crying!! I thought I won't be crying this night. I told Bom that I would try.. but I just can't!!!!" I shouted not even minding the people passing by. Why am I always crying over you??

 

 

"I've already shed more tears that God could ever have required"

 

 

 

 

 

I burried my face with my hands and cried the pain out

 

 

Then I felt someone sit beside me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Agasshi I hope you wouldn't mind and let me say a few words" the stranger talked, his deep voice sounded familiar "I've been watching you ever since you came here..."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn't budge nor mind him as I didn't want my face to be seen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Tears are supposed to clean our eyes, after that you would see everything clearly" 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn't really put much thought on what he said. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Pain makes you stronger and tears makes you braver"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was going to lift my head up when I saw his hand near me with a handkerchief.

 

 

 

 

 

I used it to wipe my tears, I looked at him to give his hankie back.

 

But his face was blurry and all due to my very poor eyesight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Its ok to cry when you're in a hard situation but you can't spend the rest of ur life crying, so wipe your tears and move

on"

 

 

 

 

 

I rolled my eyes.. just how many times have I been told to move on..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey playboy!!" someone shouted

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The stranger stood up and went to the guy who called him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Who's that girl?" the tall guy asked

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I don't know" I heard him say

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yah!! You really are a cassanova huh! Eeeh hyung could you introduce me to her? She's pretty!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

I squinted my eyes and tucked out my head to get a more clearer view

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Tcchh.. let's go!" the stranger then dragged the younger guy, he left me a quick glance before walking away

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then it struck me......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Those eyes...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Kim Jaejoong!!!!!!"

 

 

 

 

 

But the man was already out of sight

 

 

 

 

 

 

it Dara! Srop dreaming!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You know it's impossible