The first drop of sealing wax came with bright suns and blazing heat. When heat waves rise from the asphalt ground and the air shimmers and droplets of sweat sparkle on necks.

 

It comes just when Woohyun is on the edge of his thether and on the verge of screaming out loud.

 

It comes at the most incongruous time when they were going for their maths lecture and Woohyun was simply staring into space. No fanfare or forewarning whatsoever - just a time like any other time on any other mundane day.

 

The brush of an arm against his, a hand slipping halfway into his. Woohyun stiffened, his heart started pounding and he subconsciously knew who had bumped into him. That was their first contact - literally. An instinctive turn of his head and a slight scowl faded when Myungsoo mumbles a sorry and gives a shy smile apolegtically. The words tumble out of his mouth before he could do anything.

 

His useless mind was a humming blank and the only thing he could register was the dark onyx eyes. Myungsoo's voice sounded faraway and everything was just so surreal and he couldn't feel his hands or feet or hear his voice and the only thing in the world was those beautiful eyes  in his soul.

 

In which the whole world was a stage and the only audience was Woohyun but that can't be right why was he an actor too and this is ridiculous he can't for the death of him control his stupid mouth.

 

This was the only time that he was grateful to the giraffe Sungyeol who interjected with a laugh and teased Myungsoo casually, saving him from utter and complete humiliation.

 

But that was okay because the only thing he feels for the whole day is the light from the encounter filling him up like a helium balloon. An effervescent cloud of bubbles that makes his heart swell until he feels like he can float away.

 

He doesn't even care when Sunggyu and Hoya and Sungyeol clap him on the back and cheer him on to take the next step. Woohyun doesn't care because he finished the dare and he has his pride back. He doesn't notice the look in Sungyeol's eyes as though something had occurred to him.

 

No, Woohyun is too happy to notice anything because he had finally spoken to Myungsoo.

 

Drip.

 

_____________________________

 

Woohyun should have known, of course, that Sungyeol couldn't sit still for long. Whether it was the result of one too many Americanos or an unlucky moment when Sungyeol's brain left his body and Woohyun was the unlucky victim, Sungyeol went and thought of the dumbest possible idea available.

 

"I told him to greet you!"

 

The latter stared at the beaming choding speechlessly. He couldn't even get his facial features to scowl or laugh, much less attempt to strangle him. Feeling faint, Woohyun worked his mouth around the next question.

 

"Is that all?"

 

Sungyeol waved a hand merrily, oblivious to Hoya slowly positioning himself in front of him.

 

"Of course not! C'mon, I had to give him an incentive right? Nah, I made him promise and threatened to tear up his Biology notes if he didn't."

 

After a moment of silence, Hoya piped up, "That's a pretty good idea." At Woohyun's disbelieving expression, he shrugged defensively, "Well, someone had to do something anyway."

 

Woohyun whined in frustration, "Are you kidding me? It was only supposed to be a dare!"

 

Sunggyu snorted, "Then what? Have the whole process repeat again? It's going to go in one damn cycle unless you continue." 

 

"He at Biology."

 

"That's why it'll be a bigger incentive!"

 

"He'll fail his exams."

 

"Then you can go and tutor him!"

 

Woohyun gave up.

 

It didn't seem so bad when they talked to each other again. They were all at the intersection and Sungyeol was babbling about something unintelligible and Hoya was squinting across the street at Myungsoo. Thank god Hoya's virtually blind without his glasses.

 

Woohyun was praying desperately that Sungyeol wouldn't notice Myungsoo because that was the last thing he wants right now.

 

"Oh hey, isn't that Myungsoo? Hey, Myungsoo!" He stopped his ramble abruptly to wave the said boy over.

 

.

 

Woohyun stared at the moving traffic stubbornly, refusing to even turn around. He vaguely heard a mumble of words and saw Myungsoo watching him from the corner of his eye.

 

Unable to bear the awkwardness, he turned with a hi and slightly tense smile.

 

Myungsoo laughed, "That was random."

 

His eyelids twitched with annoyance, surely he didn't have to rub that in? He laughed slightly back and that was it. Again he heard a mumble of words exchanged between Myungsoo and his friends but Woohyun was in too much of a daze to understand.

 

A cross examination of Sungyeol later revealed that the latter had ordered him to greet Woohyun. He put the pieces together and promptly linked Myungsoo's comment to Sungyeol's lunacy. Tipping his head back, he let put a cry of frustration. Yet another missed chance.

 

"He looked back at you, you know."

 

Flicking his eyes at Hoya, the latter continued, "Dongwoo joked and asked him if you were his future boyfriend. He smiled and glanced back at you, twice."

 

Drip.

 

Woohyun feels himself sealing back some more.

 

___________________________

 

 

Sometimes Woohyun wonders if they are fated to collide or something.

 

Maybe it was the effect of maths. Maybe the scientists were right and the whole universe pivots around the logic of maths. That would explain why Woohyun didn't get maths no matter how he tried. He didn't even understand what the hell his life was about.

 

They were outside the hall waiting for the maths exam to start, frantically revising what they could within 3 minutes.

 

Woohyun slouched against the wall, his bag and notes tossed carelessly on the floor. With maths it was never a question of passing or failing. It was always about how badly he would fail.

 

A nudge brought him back down to reality and he gave a sidelong glance at Hoya. "Not even going to try?" he smirked.

 

He snorted, "As though that would be any help." Twisting his neck, he shook his arms to loosen out the stiffness before the paper. The doors opened and people started streaming in, the nerds going first while the ones who knew that they were screwed hung back.

 

"Aish, whatever!" he groaned, "See you at the back later?" he said, walking backwards.

 

Hoya nodded, Sungyeol beaming brightly and giving him a thumbs up. Woohyun smiled slightly and turned - jerking back from a broad male chest.

 

What the hell? Annoyed, he glanced upwards and oh my dear sweet lord Woohyun thought his heart had flown right out of his mouth in that moment.

 

He was looking right up at Myungsoo.

 

Sidestepping quickly, Woohyun stumbled off quickly, heart pounding. didn't this kind of stuff only happen in dramas why am I suddenly bumping into Kim Myungsoo left right and centre.

 

His brain - that stupid thing - refused to help him with the paper, choosing to replay that moment over and over. Differentiating freaking trigonometry in between walking into Myungsoo's chest put him in a daze. Woohyun could barely understand what he was doing with the pen and paper and bloody hell he just tore the paper down the middle.

 

Drip.

 

Woohyun could only scowl and shove Sungyeol when the latter burst into laughter after the exam. Of course Hoya would go and tell the choding about it the second the paper ended. Shrugging off Hoya's hand on his shoulder, he hurried towards the stairs, salvaging what's left of his miserable dignity. "Hey, hey, hey, I didn't even tell you what happened after that." Hoya smirked, draping his arm over Woohyun and dragging the latter towards him.

 

Against himself Woohyun slowed down and cast him an evil look.

 

Leaning towards Woohyun's ear, he murmured, "He kept looking backwards at you."

 

Drip.

 

___________________________

 

 

It seals back a bit more when Myungsoo catches his eye a week later during Sports Day, when competitors are preparing themselves and exchanging light-hearted jokes with each other as though they don't know that it is all an act. When in the midst of stretching he catches Woohyun watching him and does the last thing he expects.

 

He smiled and waved at Woohyun.

 

Woohyun feels a genuine smile - the first time in a long while - spread across his face as he waved back and gave a thumbs up, mouthing good luck.

 

When the competition was over and everyone was sitting in clusters Woohyun stiffened when Myungsoo walked to and fro near their group. "Give him the damn cupcake will you?!" Hoya hissed.

 

"Why the hell should I?" he muttered back furiously, "Sungyeol wants them anyway."

 

"Well, that should teach him not to ditch events like this."

 

It took him all of his willpower to whack Myungsoo's bag and offer him a cupcake when the latter stood behind him.

 

"Want a cupcake? We've got extras." he asked, holding up the container casually.

 

He grinned happily, "Sure! Thanks!"

 

Woohyun didn't hear him, he wasn't even looking at him, choosing to stare at the stage rather than look at him. He took the container back and somewhat reluctantly, enquired where Sungjong was just to be polite. He almost asked him to pass Sungjong a cupcake - almost - because that would make him feel a little less like a fangirl.

 

That didn't stop him from smiling for the rest of the day when Hoya filled him in, rolling his eyes as he did.

 

Woohyun was surrounded by his happy bubble again and there was a skip in his step as he made his way home later in the bright sunshine.

 

He should have known better than to keep his expectations up because a week later everyone was leaving for the Summer and when they came back Woohyun was back to being a stranger to Myungsoo.

 

Crack.

 

______________________________

 

He feels like a fool for hoping in the first place because you can't ever depend on anyone. No one can ever be trusted completely and if you ever tried to depend on them you better prepare yourself for the worst. Everyone will let you down sooner or later and you'll be an idiot for thinking otherwise.

 

Myungsoo broke his promise.

 

Crack.

 

During a lecture Woohyun cannot help but watch Myungsoo. After the entire Summer, he missed the other boy.

 

Woohyun really should have kept his eyes on his notes.

 

Because that was how he saw Myungsoo leaning in to whisper in Sungjong's ear intimately.

 

Crack.

 

How Myungsoo slung his arm over the back of Sungjong's chair who leaned back against his arm.

 

Crack.

 

How Hoya and Sunggyu and Sungyeol couldn't look into his eyes for the rest of the lecture.

 

How he felt rather than saw Hoya's gaze on him and Sungyeol biting his lips and Sunggyu looking like he wanted to punch someone when Dongwoo came over to chat and happily told them about Myungsoo and Sungjong.

 

It's not just Myungsoo now. Not just Sungjong. It was Myungsoo and Sungjong.

 

​Crack. 

 

Woohyun could only laugh and wave his hand dismissively when they gathered around him after Dongwoo left. No it's all right, of course I'm fine he was never more than eye candy to me why are you all so worried Sungyeol stop looking like you want to cry.

 

He was beaming so cheerfully, his smile so carefree even Hoya was deceived.

 

Even Sunggyu didn't notice how Woohyun's breath came in soft pants as he struggled to go back to the Nam Woohyun and not just Woohyun.

 

He was the only one in the restroom later, staring into the mirror. That was why he was the only one who saw his smile crack after the entire day.

 

Crack. 

 

When he looked into his eyes, he saw the innocence there break.

 

​Crack.

 

Crack.

 

His heart broke in the cold emptiness of the washroom along with his innocence and smile and the little part of him that was still unbroken after all the years.

 

And with that Woohyun lost his heart.

 

Because how much can your heart take before it's broken beyond repair? When it's been cracked inside and out and despite Woohyun's valiant attempts to seal it back with the pathetic amounts of joy he got from talking to Myungsoo, it's really a waste of time to continue trying.

 

He can't use it anymore.

 

Not when it's so hopelessly shattered and there's bits of sealing wax here and there dripping off and drying and there's way too many cracks to be sealed up.

 

Especially with the huge crack splitting it in the middle.

 

So Woohyun throws it away. He throws away the broken heart with the ugly wax sealing the sides and peeling off anyway. He throws away all the bits of broken parts and clears out the cavity in his chest.

 

He pulls on the smile, the bright smile he's famous for, dusts it off and seals it back and puts it back on.

 

Woohyun steps out of the restroom, leaving behind the rubbish doesn't need any more. He leaves behind Nam Woohyun and his shattered heart.

 

______________________________