While the older two of the family were busy preparing Jeongguk's birthday party, the other two were occupied with something less physically exhausting but more mentally exhausting instead. School.

The youngest was a sophomore while Daniel was a college student. Their schools were literally just across the street.

Another sigh slipped past the young boy's lips as he rested his head on his arm, trying his best to pay attention to the teacher's words. He was lucky that he'd get out of school early. Not as early as Daniel - who only had to attend his college that day because he had an exam which lasted approximately four hours in total - but still quite early.

Usually the older would've just walked home but that day he promised that he'd wait. It was the youngest's birthday after all. And waiting was way easier than helping Sunkyu and Minhyuk organizing the party.

Jeongguk knew that the others were planning a party - they did it every year and for every other birthday after all - but he'd still act surprised when he'd see that. It was something like a custom in their family.

Everybody acted surprised when they came home on their birthdays. Even Minhyuk who usually was usually really bad at faking sentiments.

Sunkyu and B-Bomb often explained how unoriginal their parties seemed compared to the ones their mother organized for them. The oldest once recounted how their deceased mother took her and her - at that time - only brother to Lotte World at the age of four.

The usual celebration of the youngest's birthday went off in the following way: They'd first celebrate and have fun, before they'd go to the cemetery at the evening an place the five bouquets of flowers, one of them bought, on Mrs. Lee's grave.

The fourth born always hated that part of his birthday. All of his siblings cried and recalled the short time they had with their mother while he just stood there. Wallowing in self-hatred. He had no memory of her and he only saw her face in a few pictures. In his opinion, he had no right to cry when he visited her grave. But he still did. Every time.

"Jeongguk?" The voice of his teacher caught the boy off guard, making him immediately divert his eyes from the window to the male in front of him. "Yeah?" Mr Kwak - Jeongguk's biology teacher - obviously noticed that the boy didn't really pay attention so he decided not to ask him to answer the question on the board. 

"Please pay attention." After earning a small nod of the younger, he focused on one of the other students.

By now it was the last lesson of the day, so it was understandable that the attention the students paid to the teacher equaled zero.

Just across the street, a boy stood up from his chair, walked to the teacher's desk and placed the sheets onto the table before he silently packed his stuff and walked out of the half empty room.

Daniel just finished his exam and now had to wait half an hour for his brother to show up.

Dialing his sister's number, he patiently waited for her to pick up.

"Daniel?" "What are you guys doing right now?" "I'm decorating the living room while I'm waiting for B-Bomb to bring the ingredients for the ca- Wait, there he is." "You guys do know that Jeongguk will be home in...maybe an hour?" "What? No! Why? Doesn't he have school till 3:00PM today?" "No. On the way to school he told me their last two lessons would be postponed to next week. "

The younger could hear her curse something under her breath before her voice turned more distant, indicating him that she was talking to Minhyuk. The fact that he could hear his older brother swearing through the phone, even though he was sure that B-Bomb wasn't even near her, made him chuckle.

"What now?" Sunkyu's voice was rather desperate due to the sudden news of the shortage of their time to prepare everything. "How about I go drink a hot chocolate with him?" "He doesn't like hot chocolates." "Fine. I’ll get him a coffee or I tell him I have to buy something and ask him for help." "What if he doesn't-" "Noona." The younger cut her off before she could finish her sentence, a small smile playing on his lips. "Don't worry. I'll handle it. And I'll give either of you a sign if it didn't work out and you can give me a sign when you're ready. Okay?"

She thought about it for a few seconds before her lips also curved into a smile on the other line. "Thank you."

Another chuckle escaped his lips when he hung up and sat down on a random bench in front of his brother's school.

Soon enough, the younger also walked out of his school, confused when he saw the other waiting for him. "What are you doing here?" Daniel flashed him a bright grin as he looked up at him. "Hello, you too. I waited for you so we could walk home together and maybe drink a coffee or something."

‘You’re a bad actor, Niel.’ Deciding to play along the older's act, Jeongguk smirked.

"Well, since it's my birthday, why don't we go eat something? Just the two of us. Sunny noona and B-Bomb hyung don't have to find out, right?"

The brown haired boy almost said yes but bit his tongue in the last second.

If they'd go eat, they'd spoil their appetite and Sunkyu would've made the cake and all the food she prepared, for only Minhyuk and herself.

"Well- No- I- Wait. We can't." Niel almost seemed desperate to find the right words while the fourth born's smirk grew, mischief reflecting in his eyes. "Oh, really? Why not?"

Finally having found a fitting excuse, the older simply shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't think I have enough money for that and B-Bomb hyung said we shouldn't waste too much money."

Jeongguk responded with an just as nonchalant shrug. "Well then, let's just go home, shall we?"

Once again, the older stopped him from walking, by grabbing the younger's forearm and dragging him into the other direction. "No. Let's go drink a coffee." A rather loud laugh escaped the black haired boy's lips as he was dragged away by Daniel.

"And....done." Sunkyu sighed as she looked at the masterpiece of a cake she made.

A wide grin spread across her lips as she looked at her brother who was sitting on one of the chairs, his head hanging down.

Her smile immediately turned into a frown but this one soon disappeared as well.

She knew she had no right to be mad at him. He had less than four hours of sleep after all.

Tapping his shoulder lightly, she waited for any kind of reaction.

Nothing.

A small sigh escaped her lips when he realized that he was still fast asleep by now before she walked back into the kitchen to make coffee for the boy. It wasn't long until she walked back to him, placing the cup on the table in front of him before she tapped his shoulder a few more times.

„Minhyuk.“

Said boy soon opened his eyes, an annoyed expression on his face. „What? “ „Your neck is going to hurt if you sleep like this. “ Nodding slowly, the male arched a brow at the cup in front of him.

“You should drink it, it’s going to be a long day. I made it just how you like it, two sugar cubes, without milk.” His lips curved into a small, thankful smile as he nodded once to express his gratefulness.

Sunkyu didn’t mind his silent thanks. In fact, she didn’t even expect him to say something at all. She knew her brother preferred to say nothing unless he had to.

By the time the two youngsters reached the door to their apartment, Daniel could feel himself getting nervous.

Sure, he did send his sister a message, saying that they were leaving the café, fifteen minutes ago but what if they weren’t finished yet?

The boy always hated that part of the birthdays. The part where he had to stall his siblings.

Letting Jeongguk enter first he chuckled softly when he heard his sister shout ‘Happy Birthday’ while the second born only stood next to her with the cake in his hands.

Everyone of them knew that the youngest was just faking his surprise, but none of them were bothered by it. They always knew.

The rest of the day went by just like every other birthday they celebrated, Sunkyu and Daniel tried their best to do be as active as possible while B-Bomb just sat in his chair, drinking some coffee and occasionally eating something as usual.

By the time they were finished eating it was past six.

“We should go now.” The words of the second oldest came out more like a mumble than anything else and still, all of them heard it. None of them ever felt comfortable going there. Not because they didn’t miss their mother but because it still pained to think about her.

Her beautiful smile, her dark brown hair that was so dark that people always mistook as black, her small body frame that made her history, of her being a kickboxing champion in school, almost unbelievable and her hazel eyes that seemed to know way too much for her young age.

She died at the age of twenty-five. Way too young for a beautiful person like her. None of the siblings met a person as nice and caring as her.

Dragging themselves to the cemetery with flowers in their hands, everyone of them kept silent throughout the whole way.

Only Sunkyu and Daniel mumbled one or two words from time to time whereas Minhyuk and Jeongguk didn’t open their mouths even once.

It was completely normal that the older of the two didn’t talk much or at all but it was only at his birthday that the youngest stayed quiet for such a long time.

Sunny already had tears in her eyes when they stood in front of the grave while the boys tried to not show any sign of weakness.

It wasn’t a scene like the ones they showed in movies. It didn’t rain, the cemetery wasn’t completely empty and the siblings weren’t dressed in oh-so pretty clothes either.

The sun shun, people visited their decedent relatives and the Lee family was dressed in casual clothing.

Daniel was the first one trying to calm the girl down by rubbing her back, only to end up crying as well. He was usually never one to let tears fall easily but thinking of his loss made him weak every first September. Every year.

Jeongguk still didn’t say anything. He just stared at the grave in front of him. The boy was mad. He was mad at his mother, for dying. Mad at his father for leaving them. Mad at the universe for making all of them suffer so hard. And mad at himself, for not lying under the earth instead of the kindest person that lived on the goddamn planet.

‘If I would’ve died, they would’ve soon forgotten about me and live their lives and it would be much better than it is now. They lost someone they loved dearly and got someone they had to take care of and get used to in exchange… I should’ve died. Why did you do it? Why did you die?’

The negative thoughts and soliloquies were nothing new to the boy. He often had them. Not only on his birthday but also quite often when he was in a bad mood. Which happened frequently.

As soon as he pushed the thoughts aside for a second to calm the oldest down, he realized that he was crying as well. But that was the least thing he cared about at the moment.

Minhyuk on the other hand was still just staring at the gravestone. He observed the engraving of her name, her birthday, the day of her death and the small picture of her, Daniel stuck next to her name at her funeral sixteen years ago.

His mind was a complete mess. All the thoughts that were running through his mind gave him a headache and the fact that he heard his youngest brother mumble those words made it even worse. He was sure the other two didn't hear it. B-Bomb also could only hear it because he was standing right next to him.

Placing his bouquet of flowers on the grave, he looked at his siblings to silently indicate them to do the same.

One by one they kneeled down and placed their flowers next to B-Bomb’s while he still stared at her picture.  

The second oldest glanced at his crying siblings before he turned his head into the opposite direction as silent tears streamed down his face. He was never one to show his emotional side to anyone which was the reason why he didn’t want them to see him like that.

They needed him to be strong. To be the stubborn, brutally honest, coldhearted and emotionless brother they knew.

He always was like that. Everyday. Every time. To everyone.

But not today.