Oh Se Hun OTP Auditions
The War of Smells
Oh Se Hun OTP Auditions
A transcript by Park Chan Yeol
Judge/prize: Oh Se Hun
Contestants: Huang Zi Tao, Kim Min Seok, Wu Yi Fan
Audience/ Transcripter: Park Chan Yeol
Zi Tao is currently entering the waiting area for the contestants ( Three of our dining chairs that is currently spray-painted with an obnoxious hot pink colour. Manager's going to have a heart attack.) He sits on the chair at the far left with much amusement. Min Seok also enters dragging a very unwilling Yi Fan.
Min Seok: (to Yi Fan) We hyung together, we die together.
Yi Fan: Why is Chanyeol typing in the corner?
Yi Fan and Min Seok makes them-self comfortable in the two remaining chairs. Yi Fan proceeds to stare at Chan Yeol's (aka me) laptop. Sehun enters the audition area ( our dining area) and sits behind the judging table ( our dining table which is now covered with pink glittery table cloth).
Se Hun: -clears throat- ( Yi Fan is momentarily disturbed from his staring contest with my laptop. )
Min Seok: What is this about?
Zi Tao: Shush! You interrupted him!
Yi Fan: What is Chan Yeol typing? He's typing really quickly.
Se Hun: If you guys would have listened, I would've told you that he's here to transcript the audition.
Min Seok: We're having an audition? ( Se Hun rubs his temple )
Zi Tao: Why do you think you're here for them. ( He rolls his eyes )
Min Seok: Su Ho told us that as the hyungs of Exo we were supposed to listen to the maknae whine, not audition for whatever this is about.
Wu Fan: That little liar.
Se Hun: Keep quiet! ( the three blabbering idiots quieten down. Se Hun pits on a sickly sweet smile ) You are here for the Fabulous Oh Se Hun OTP auditions!
It is deadly silent and Se Hun is scowling. He reaches out for a button and presses it. Fake Applause is currently playing out from the speakers in our Living room.
Se Hun: The winner of the contest would get to do more skinship with the one and only, me. As you can see, the competition is very fierce.
Chan Yeol: Only Zi Tao looks half-interested.
Se Hun: ( as he glares at the innocent Chan Yeol ) You're here to transcript the audition not give your worthless opinion.
Yi Fan: Why do you need a transcript anyway?
Min Seok: I Think his memory is failing him. He needs the transcript so he can remember.
Zi Tao: Poor baby! I never knew! I'll get Su Ho to buy you your favourite vitamins, the gummy bear ones.
Everyone is now staring at Se Hun sympathetically and Se Hun rubs his temple again. He just sighed and is now resting his head on the table.
Min Seok: I think his poor memory is giving him a headache.
Se Hun: ( raises head abruptly from table ) Right, now moving on!
Wi Fan is now whispering to Zi Tao about something along the lines of "forgetting really quickly" and "sudden mood change". Zi Tao is nodding his head in agreement.
Min Seok: ( to Se Hun ) Baby do your best.
Se Hun: I'm not a baby.
Yi Fan: He's already forgotten that he's the maknae.
Zi Tao: Poor baby.
Se Hun lets out a loud sigh/ growl. Se Hun picks up his Cue cards and starts arranging them. He closes his eyes and do not open them for a very long time.
Se Hun: Now, moving on ( voice unexpectedly calm and serene ) we will have 3 components to this competition. The pick-up line, the poem and the smell.
Yi Fan raises his eyebrows, Zi Tao smirks and Min Seok is mumbling something under his breath. There is a very clear "Lu Han" and "early death" involved.
Se Hun: We'll start with Min Seok hyung.
Min Seok: Why me?
Yi Fan: Go hyung.
Min Seok is approaching the judging table, he looks at his feet. Lu Han has made a sudden appearance and is looking at Min Seok desperately from the entrance of the dining area.
Se Hun: You may start when you're ready.
Lu Han: -whispering- Please don't start.
Minseok: Um, you are the filling to my baozi?
Luhan sounds like he got stabbed. Min Seok has just noticed Lu Han's presence and is currently hyperventilating.
Se Hun: ( looking bored ) Mediocre but acceptable. Return to your seat, you look like you're about to have a heart attack.
Min Seok returns to his seat. He is staring worriedly at Lu Han.
Lu Han: ( currently curled up into a ball on the floor) My Baozi... My Baozi... My Baozi...
Se Hun: Next! Yi Fan hyung!
Yi Fan strides to the table and looks at Se Hun confidently in the eye.
Yi Fan: If I ever lose my powers to fly then your love'll take me high.
Se Hun: But you can't fly.
Yi Fan: Exactly.
Se Hun: And your face is nothing but high.
Yi Fan: I have made my point.
Yi Fan is now walking out of the dining area, Min Seok is looking at him in betrayal.
Se Hun: I was about to eliminate him anyway. It was a horrible pick-up line. Next! Zi Tao!
Zi Tao walks up to the judging table. He kicks Se Hun chair from under the table. The chair is tipping, Se Hun is falling. Zi Tao just caught Se Hun in his arms.
Zi Tao: I think you just fell for me.
Min Seok: Man, that was smooth. Maybe I'll do that to lulu.
Lu Han: I maybe curled up into a ball on the floor but I still can hear you. What has happened to the element of surprise.
Lu Han is now rocking back and forth while his thumb and pondering over the world and the elements of surprises. And Se Hun looks like a tomato. Zi Tao helps him back to his feet and Se Hun is leaning on the table for support.
Se Hun: V-very well Zi Tao. Please return to your seat ( his voice is now drastically reduced to a squeak, oh the power of love.)
Zi Tao peers over Chan Yeol's (which is I,in case you haven't caught on by now) shoulder before returning to his seat.
Zi Tao: Chan Yeol hyung, do you by any chance aspire to be an author?
Chan Yeol: ( excited by the fact that his presence and his superb writing skill had been noticed ) Why Yes! However I have two dilemmas, Pork Chan Yeol or Yeolo and AFF or Livejournal. Life as an aspiring author is very tough.
Se Hun: Try Wordpress.
Zi Tao: I like Pork Chan Yeol. It's so subtle yet so you.
Se Hun: Aside from that, I announce Huang Zi Tao as the winner for the first component!
Min Seok: Why am I not surprised?
Lu Han: Why are you still in this ?
Min Seok: Well, I am the hyung. I'm supposed to pacify the baby.
Lu Han whimpers and continues rocking back and forth on the floor.
Sehun: I'm getting really bored now but the poem's are next.
Minseok: Poems?
Zi Tao: It's one poem per contestant hyung. Don't fret too much my dear.
Lu Han: He's not your dear.
Se Hun: I am your dear.
Chan Yeol: Must we really continue on with this? The winner's pretty obvious and my finger's getting tired.
Se Hun: You'd better do your work or you'll never see Mr. Rock again. ( Says he as he stares menacingly at the innocent Chan Yeol )
Min Seok: I'll go first.
Lu Han: Bao Zi why are you so enthusiastic about this... Thing.
Min Seok: You'll see.
Min Seok is walking towards Se Hun. He makes and abrupt turn and proceeds to the whimpering Lu Han. Lu Han looks up it surprise and Min Seok leans forward and grabs his hands, He looks into his eyes as he recites.
Min Seok: Go near
And catch me like a deer in the head lights.
I fear
That I'll love it with all my might.
Lu Han: Well that was surprising.
Min Seok: Let us elope my princess!
Min Seok helps Lu Han to his feet. The both of them are hopping towards Min Seok's room, hand in hand. What a far and romantic place they have eloped to!
Se Hun: I was about to say that he was eliminated. Really. Surprise me Tao! Now.
Zi Tao: What if I told you I used up all my creative juices in my first component?
Se Hun: Don't lie. You took that pick-up line from Tumblr.
Zi Tao: I am lying. I have plenty of juice left.
Se Hun: I'm waiting.
Zi Tao: Can I say it from my seat. I used up all my strength when I caught you. Just curious but what have you been eating recently?
Se Hun: Huang Zi Tao you get on with the poem right now!
Zi Tao: Going to the beach alone was fun
And I watched the moon
Then came the rising sun
And then came Oh Se Hun.
Chan Yeol: I might've just teared up.
Se Hun: Yehet.
Zi Tao: I shall assume that he enjoyed it thoroughly.
Se Hun: Yeeeeehheet.
Zi Tao: Baby are you feeling okay?
Chan Yeol: Se Hun you know there's like only one contestant left?
Se Hun: You guys are stressing me out. Let's get this done and over with. Zi Tao pass me your jacket.
Zi Tao: The one I'm wearing now?
Se Hun: Yes, please take it off.
Zi Tao raises his eyebrows while taking his jacket off. He walks up slowly to Se Hun and places it carefully on the table.
Zi Tao: Am I stripping.
Chan Yeol: No dear, this is the last component.
Se Hun: He is my dear.
Se Hun proceeds to shove his face into Zi Tao's jacket. He doesn't resurface for a long time.
Zi Tao: Baby please don't suffocate yourself.
Se Hun: ( mumbling incoherently into jacket) I'll keep this for two weeks.
Chan Yeol: Is this over?
Zi Tao: So did I win? I'm pretty sure I won.
Se Hun: Chan Yeol you may stop typing.
Chan Yeol: Thank lord.
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A/N: how taohun became sehun's otp. Totally official btw. Leave a comment, I really appreciate them. ( xiuhan for you, you and you~)
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