“You…are crazy Bae Suji” Was the first reaction for Jia to show in response upon her confession; her eyes widened in horror as though she said the most ridiculous thing on earth.

It was ridiculous, alright, but for Kim Myung Soo, it was the most possible, the wonderful, the most beautiful phenomena ever, he was over the moon, not even thousand words would be enough to explain just how wonderful he felt that very moment.

He felt blessed.

And he was not to question the possibility of the very truth. True, there was no probable way that she could have fallen for him who appeared in her dreams, he’d appear before her eyes only and only in her dreams so how could she have developed feelings for him?

But then again, did it even matter? Myung Soo’s love wasn’t unreciprocated anymore, and that was just wonderful.

He could take her hand and dance around the very spot just then, he would have if not for the fact that they’d think he was a stalker, and even worse, if she’d think she was crazy and collapse; Myung Soo held back his great impulse and sat straight.

He wasn’t watching the two anymore. One move, everything would go down the drain. And also to be on the safe side, Myung Soo didn’t wear a hoodie, instead he wore a cap and sweat pants matched with a white t-shirt, on the other hand, he was away from her possible viewable distance.

He continued to listen although his heart beat sounded louder than their voices.

“Suji, tell me everything…is this your schizophrenia?” Sounded Jia’s voice. Myung Soo looked up and stole a glance, only to see that Suji had gone white as chalk, her eyes stared into a distance. Myung Soo held his breath and turned away.

“I…I don’t know…”Suji replied in a low voice that he could hardly grasp her words. “I did think it was schizophrenia…but not all the symptoms fit. I don’t see things…I see…only him…”

“Him?” Jia’s voice held a surprise and confusion assorted, a rather unappealing tone; thus Myung Soo couldn’t help it but wonder if she and Woohyun would be an impeccable match.

More than that, he was happy. Finally, he was the star of the discussion. He felt like he waited an eternity until this day came.

“Yeah…I don’t know how it happened…but yes, I’ve been seeing this guy in my head for a while…he shows up everywhere in my mind! Like crazy! I don’t know how or why…but eventually, I realized…I love him”

Jia’s tone was tough. “You love him, the guy who appears in your head.”

Silence.

“Suji! Do you know how crazy it is!? Do you even know this person?”

“Yes…” Suji simply replied; Myung Soo almost chocked. He was sure he hadn’t shown much of himself before her…

“I know him…” she continued. “He’s my mighty prince…in shining armor”

A slightest smile crept along his impeccable lips at her very words. The same, the very same phrase that he told her every night before he walked out of her dreams, she had remembered it, she believed it…

Myung Soo heart filled more and more with untainted love.

But Jia found it rather in the spectrum of amusement and broke into a full-fledged laughter.

“Suji! What on earth is wrong with you? Mighty prince in shining armor? What does he look like? Romeo?”

And Myung Soo surely as hell knew that he looked nothing like a freaking Romeo and also that Romeo was no prince.

“Ah! You’re no good!” Suji finally flared angrily. “You said you wouldn’t laugh-!”

“Okay okay” Jia said in defense. “So your…err…prince. Is he like; good looking?”

Silence.

“Really? Like how?”

A moment of silence before she replied. “Dark hair, deep dark eyes, a beautiful face, has a wonderful voice…He saves my back all the time and says he’s my prince…”

“In your head, that is…”

“Yes” she replied.

A moment of silence before Jia erupted again. “Suji, this is insane. A guy in your head tells you that he’s your prince and you fell for him! You know what? See a psychiatrist first!”

Myung Soo suddenly got the impulse to laugh, an image of leader Gyu formed in his mind. See a psychiatrist? Jia should totally date leader Gyu then.

“But it’s true alright? I see him popping out of everywhere in my head, smiling, and that makes my day than no other, and strangely I have this feeling…”

“What feeling?”

Myung Soo held his breath waiting for her to speak.

And she did.

“A feeling that this prince in armor…is the man that I’m destined for”

 

 

Forty minutes, it took them forty minutes to complete the entire process of buying lunch and returning to the dorm, and when they finally did (Myung Soo predominantly walking on clouds) the other members were fuming vegetables on the stove except for Sung Gyu who was nowhere in the sight. Yet, Myung Soo’s mind was far from being in the state to realize things in particular, he was dazed, smiling like an idiot even though the members were all ready to throw an ugly tantrum.

Or even to throw a handful of Kimchi fried rice in that case, Maknae Sung Jong’s temper was no joke.

“What took you so long?” Woo Hyun inquired with dark eyes as he snatched his portion of food from Sung Yeol who lied on the floor, distributing them.

“Something…came up. Shut up and eat would you?”

“Geez, we should have sent Woohyun instead” Hoya muttered as he opened his own portion, Myung Soo, sitting on a side noticed that the food wasn’t steaming hot like on the other days, it had gone cold; the two had taken long enough to turn up. But of course, dragging Myung Soo away from where he sat was no easy task for Lee Sung Yeol.

Which he hardly ever noticed.

“It’s gone cold” Commented Sung Jong with a hard face. It’s strange how this flower boy could actually raise his voice. At first sight, Myung Soo actually thought that all this boy could do was nagging and whining and complaining about being  sweaty and not clean; however as it turned out, all of these happened to come out from the very manly leader Gyu, where Sung Jong remained, well, ordinary. “Gyu Hyung is not going to like this”

Remembering, Sung Yeol sat up and looked around, his eyes searching for the constantly sulking leader. “Speaking of whom, where is he?”

Dong Woo raised his shoulders. “Don’t know…he just disappeared…”

“Oh…isn’t he coming for lunch?”

“Didn’t say anything”

Thus the hall fell into absolute silence, the six young men enjoying their daily portion of lunch happily in a minus-leader atmosphere; these were the kind of moments that they loved the most.

Not that they particularly hated their leader, they never did, the members loved him and gave all their respect with a sincere heart for, no matter what, he was the oldest, the most experienced and the most matured of them all. Leader Gyu knew the best, although he treated them without mercy, and they were well aware of his unconditional love for them and the commitment for what they did.

Being a very deprived, broken pack of young boys trying to rise to the top, leader Gyu was being a great pillar to stand strong, and they wouldn’t have it in any other way.

It worried the boys afterwards when he didn’t return for lunch, especially Myung Soo, he was the last to actually share a word with him, he was the one to break his heart even after he apologized and tried his best to be the perfect leader for him.

Owing to two reasons, all he could do was playing around with his food. But when his heart was in too much of guilt (And indescribable love on the other end) He gave up on the unreasonable attempt of trying to fill his stomach and stood up.

“Myung, is anything the matter?” Sung Yeol questioned through a full mouth. Myung Soo sighed before he retorted.

“I’m going to find Gyu Hyung”

Sung Yeol raised his brows. “Really? I’ll come with you”

He shook his head. If he caused the mess, Myung Soo wanted to clear it off himself.

“No, I’d be fine…” with that, he set off to the exit, and walked out into the staircase which led him up to the ground level.

The practice studio, in fact, was the basement of the headquarters of Woolim entertainments. Being an agency with a short coming of wealth, their dearest CEO couldn’t afford comfort for the idols, yet for his beloved first boy group, he gave everything he owned, even his house, where the boys lived for the time’s being. This all would only give them the courage to stand up strong.

The first place Myung Soo could guess for their leader to be at was the rooftop; leader Gyu preferred absolute silence when his mind wasn’t at peace, he was liable to hide away from them all and the sole place where he could think of to possibly possess absolute peace was the roof top.

Myung Soo climbed up without breaking a sweat.

And while doing so, many many thoughts happened to roam in his mind. He thought of Suji, the Suji that he loved for a whole span of a week, the Suji into the dreams of whom he walked in to every night, the Suji who made his heart beat so hard and swell with such warm, intimate love, the Suji for whom he’d give up his soul, the Suji who was in love with her dream; for a moment, he wondered every possibility for her to fall for him; he had no explicable ploy to clarify it, let alone enlighten himself. All he could think of was that it was fate, yes, it was fate that his unrequited love was ultimately returned although implausibly, and if they one day would be brought together, it would be the wisdom of fate too.

And then, leader Gyu; the annoying, cantankerous, nagging, merciless conqueror leader Gyu. Myung Soo couldn’t explain the kind of strong unconventional affection that he had towards him, strong enough to bear the ceaseless irritation he gave him, Myung Soo loved him beyond words. The thought of what happened earlier that day shredded his heart to painful fragments, the vision of his pained eyes, and Myung Soo hadn’t even apologized to him, not that he usually did, nonetheless he was too blinded by his love…

He stopped dead on climbing up the stairs and took a deep long breath. He was suddenly afraid. What if him falling in love ludicrously pulled him apart from s? Infinite was his family, his living dream, his life line, and losing even an ounce of their sheer, prominent love would leave a massive slash on him which would never heal, and he had no peculiar intention to have just that happening to him…

On the other hand, his heart didn’t allow him to lose Bae Suji, his love, his dream, the girl who was destined to own his heart...

Myung Soo was in a labyrinth, he decided to think of it no more, and climbed up the rest.

He soon arrived at the rooftop.

 In spite of being a bright summer afternoon, the sun was shining grimly far above, bathing the entire surrounding with golden warmth and wisdom. The several flower pots kept on the concrete floor had dried out, leaving particles of what once used to be life, and a several cloths which had been hung on the railings to dry off swayed slowly in the wind; all was the same just as he remembered from the last time he came here, but one.

There was absolutely no sign of leader Gyu.

The last time he came here was a few weeks back, all before he met Suji although his dreaming obsession was roaming inside him even then, and that was to deliver his lunch after leader Gyu had a fight with one of the managers regarding something trivial. Even still, the stubborn old man didn’t seek for an ounce of comfort. He lived his pain by himself.

Myung Soo knew, certainly enough that he had hurt his leader for a considerable extend, and also that he was living through it all by himself until it subsided. But what confused him was that he wasn’t at all in his sight.

Panic over took him like a wild fire.

He called out for him several times. At first, smoothly, then as loud as a booming fire cracker and walked around the area, trying to catch a tiniest glimpse of his existent to calm down his restless heart. He looked through the closed doors, the benches and short walls, abandoned water tanks and every possible spot where he could possibly be. At the end of it all, he happened to find none.

Leader Gyu was not here…

…until he noticed something completely unexpected, which factually caused his head pound so hard, he literally lost his vision following his consciousness…

Hanging grimly on a broken iron pole of the railing was a hand towel, a hand towel which he recognized just by the first glance, a hand towel which he knew just too well.

Everything started to crumble down in his mind.

Leader Gyu…

But of course leader Gyu was not stupid, he would never jump into such immature conclusions and put his glory into a blurry abyss, he would never conclude that to be the end to his heartbreak and prominent stress, he would never destroy what he had built up with all his strength for so long just like that.

He most definitely couldn’t have jumped. He had to protect his alluring ego…or did he?

Myung Soo’s mind was in a maze. If, just if he had taken the wrong move, just if his assumptions were true, Myung Soo would be the reason for it all, his obsession would be at fault;

Myung Soo would never live his life any longer.

Without taking a second to think, he rushed towards the railing. The afternoon wind rushed surpassing him, the strength of the summer sun rays almost blinded him, but he couldn’t care less. He had to rescue his leader…

…Myung Soo had no sane idea of what he was doing, he had no idea at all…

He clutched onto the broken, unsteady railing and looked down into the abyss. The building was good four stories tall, underneath was the concrete side walk where people hardly ever passed by. From above he could see a several men walk by, CEO Hyung’s old Miata was parked on a side, and a security guard sat on his solidarity waiting for the time to pass by…

, yet no sign of Sung Gyu was there in his visibility-

And just then, two strong hands encircled his torso and swiftly pulled him back, for a moment Myung Soo’s muddled mind was unable to register what was on the toll, he didn’t even realize the childish tears in his eyes…

“What the hell are you doing?!”

Leader Gyu.

He turned the latter around; Myung Soo stood facing the very man that he thought had jumped down the building and ended his life. His tiny dark eyes were filled with concern and rage, beads of sweat rolling down his forehead, lips slightly parted with surprise as his hand clutched tightly onto his shoulders. He shook him so hard with utter intimacy, just as expected, his voice ravaged with anger.

“What the hell were you thinking Myung Soo?! What were you trying to do looking down there like that?! You could have-! Hell!  Do you have any idea-!?”

“I’m sorry…Hyung”

His face softened at the latter’s very words, the grip on his shoulders loosened as Myung Soo finally raised his eyes. The very sight of his leader’s glory softened his heart, showered his soul with warmth and perpetuity, he cursed his senseless immature conclusions. How on earth would this intellectual man ever resolve to put an end to his dear life owing to such inconsequential matters? After having come this so far in the path of his reverie?

“Myung Soo, you know that Hyung always forgive you no matter what-.”

“I’m sorry for being such a failure-,” Myung Soo continued, hanging his head with guilt. He was well aware of all the commitment that their dear leader put into it to bring the group to the top most grandeur with sheer audacity; standing alone as the oldest, manipulating the youngsters was just as hard as it was for Myung Soo to evade his mind from wandering off to people’s dreams. Leader Gyu was bold. His courage was an inspiration to the six of them, his strength to deploy them with one word or a look was always in his admiration, despite all that, leader Gyu possessed such a feeble, benevolent heart. And he would always, always come around and apologize for his bad exploit, yet never had the boys apologized to him, not under regular basis, although they were the ones who caused all the troubles after all.

Myung Soo realized, he hated to be a disappointment.

As it seemed now, being the leader and also being the last person to have heard an apology, Sung Gyu ignored him.

He gently caressed his arm. “Myung Soo…please, just tell me, were you- were you trying to…commit suicide by any chance? Jump down the building?”

He was simply put at a loss of words.

Wasn’t that deliberately the other way around? Where he was convinced, distinctly yet illogically that leader Gyu had committed suicide viciously putting an end to his life…

..A conclusion far more puerile to his ego after all.

He slowly shook his head, although he wasn’t being efficacious in passing over the accurate message to the worried old man. He was in no state to utter a word in retort, let alone fathom whatever the incidence transpiring at the moment.

Leader Gyu let out a sigh, and returned to stare at the latter rather attentively, his dark orbs searching for something precise, he gave up when he read presumably nothing and spoke up.

“I knew…this would happen sooner or later, and I was so worried-!”

He let out yet another irritated sigh and looked up. “Listen. I’m sorry if I’m giving you kids a hard time, despite all that, I love you all…beyond words, and you Myung Soo, are precious to me; you’re the only person, out of you all, that I still can’t understand. I know you’re closed to the world, I know you like it that way…but one way or the other, you have hurt yourself…Do you know? I have observed you for all these months, and what I came upon was that you are unlike the others…I’m concerned. I truly am. Being closed and cornered, you can’t handle the pressure…eventually, you’re hurt; mentally…and you need help…”

Myung Soo gulped down whatever the feeling rebelling inside him and slowly nodded. The truth was, there were countless moments where he wondered whether he was left alone in the world. He had, far most, concealed himself from the reality, drowning himself in his world, ultimately locking himself up in it,   unbeknownst to him, he had pulled away from the society, lived in his realm, eventually losing all the possible ways back to being himself.

Leader Gyu, as always, did make such eloquent sense.

“And whatever the problem you have…running away from it; solves nothing…”

Silent was what Myung Soo consciously followed.

“And I gave thought to this, rather deeply…I decided to seek for help for you, myself. It is my duty for you, Kid, as your leader, I hope you wouldn’t budge-,”

And for once, he didn’t want to become an utter disenchantment.

Myung Soo nodded in retort.

“And I promise, this wouldn’t hurt your esteem in any way.”

Myung Soo nodded again.

“And also, if you feel it’s…unnecessary, we’ll stop”

Again did he nod.

Silence.

Sung Gyu continued, this time, with one of his strange but charming smiles, it evidently reached his eyes too, and Myung Soo thought, not trying to be creeped out, that it was actually really nice.

“So you’re letting this Hyung help you, kid? Do you trust me? Not only as your leader but as a brother; do you trust me?”

And at that point, Myung Soo found his voice. “Yes. I do”

Leader Gyu’s smile was as bright as the sun creeping through a crack of dawn, Myung Soo, momentarily, liked it very much.

And he liked it even better when the older pulled the latter into a warm, brotherly embrace. It felt so good to be secured and loved, and being it a leader with such prominent care, Myung Soo loved it more.

He finally pulled away, leader Gyu stepped back and tousled his hair. “And don’t apologize again, it feels strange…I forgive you though…”

Myung Soo smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind”

With another smile, Sung Gyu commenced to retrieve towards wherever he turned up from; but before he could disappear from his sight, Myung Soo spoke out.

He demanded the most futile question of all.

“Hyung!”

Leader Gyu turned around. “What?”

Myung Soo took a deep breath. “Hyung…would you-would you ever…think of committing suicide?”

There was silence on the other end of the conversation which dominated the two for a while before he replied.

“Never even occurred to me…God has given me a life with purpose. Why should I end it just like that?”

“Never? Not even when you’re really stressed out? Not even when you feel like…running away?”

Sung Gyu sighed. “Do you?”

Myung Soo distinctly shook his head.

“Good” Retorted leader Gyu and took a step towards him. “And that should stay that way…come here now…”

He held out his hand.

“I’m starving…let’s go”

 

After the final practice session for the day, leader Gyu actually considered giving some mercy to Myung Soo and reduced the hours of extra practices to the originally ordered extension, inquired if he wanted him to stay which Myung Soo politely declined (He was hoping to have a heart-to-heart talk with Sung Yeol) and left the two friends with their time, which the two decided to take for some proper use.

Sung Yeol wanted to hear it, all that happened earlier that day, Myung Soo momentarily felt as though he were a girl discussing crushes while doing nails with her best friend. One look into Sung Yeol shining orbs and gummy smile; he shook away his unnecessary thoughts and as frankly as he could, (And patiently, being careful to not to show his excitement) as he explained to Sung Yeol of the latest piece of news he got, which Suji flaunted unaware of the presence of the very said mighty prince in shining armor.

Although Armor was the last of what he got.

“So…what you gonna do now?” Sung Yeol asked after he had finished with his long explanation. Myung Soo was lying on the floor, smiling at his imagination like an idiot while the other sat beside him cross legged.

“I…don’t know…let her fall more and more maybe?”

“And what?” Sung Yeol asked in a grave tone. “Sorry to say this but Myung we’re not supposed to date”

Myung Soo closed his eyes tight.

True, he was so excited to become an idol, in another month, his dream; the dream of becoming an idol will come true and he would be a full-fledged specimen of an idol as a part of a rising kpop group with shining talents and being showered with love, his privileges of being an ordinary citizen would raise in spite of his status as an idol, and him being the face of the group, things would be much much different from how it all was now. But one.

He’d be evaded from the pleasure of falling in love.

He found this particular rule ridiculously unfair. Now that he had fallen in love, being only a month apart from their debut, he had no idea what he could actually do now. Whether he should just go ahead and date since the group still hadn’t debuted yet, or whether he should let his dream, well, be a dream forever, he couldn’t figure out with his insanely crazed mind. Thinking of it now, he did have the said feeling to run away from everything and love Bae Suji in every possible way he desired. But then again, he didn’t want his feelings to overpower his passion for his career. He wouldn’t understand the exact reason to put up such a ridiculous rule; falling in love couldn’t be stopped, dating was a basic human need plus living in with six others of the same , he did need female company; if not it was a violation of human rights. That much was all that he could understand.

And oh! Also that he would still and always love Bae Suji. He wouldn’t stop; not even if leader Gyu come and try to shove a block of wood down his throat, he just still wouldn’t stop. That much was his love for Bae Suji.

She was his destined princess after all.

“I’d date her…anyway” Myung Soo finally replied, still having his eyes closed tight. He was, somehow, afraid to witness the look on the older one’s eyes, which was most definitely a striking yet a horrid no-no.

“You’d ask her out you mean?” Sung Yeol asked instead of hitting his pretty head to put some sense into it as Myung Soo had assumed. He nodded, feeling quite proud of his bold decision.

“In your dreams that is…”

Myung Soo shook his head. “Nope. For real…”

This time, the hit on his head did come, Myung Soo snapped open his eyes only to see Sung Yeol’s angry face.

“This idiot! You can’t ask her or anyone out!”

Myung Soo sat up straight, then, and shrugged. “Why not? Yeol, why aren’t we supposed to date?”

“Because we are supposed to be dating our fans!”

Myung Soo couldn’t help it but find the very statement unreasonably amusing.

“Pfft! Fans? We don’t even have fans yet! That’s ridiculous!”

Sung Yeol shook his head in frustration and took the latter by his shoulders. “Here…listen, Kid. We will be idols in another month. Not just idols, kpop idols who are more or less closer to the fans than other idols in all around the world. Have you seen how obsessed those girls are? One day, we would have a set of such fans who’d be demanding for our love, and we give it, because as a group, we rely on them, we earn out of them. If you date, it’s a scandal. We lose our fans, and everything goes down the drain”

Myung Soo shrugged. For his juvenile mind, it was too much of pressure to take. “Does that even make any sense?”

Sung Yeol nodded. “For you, at the moment, it doesn’t. But when you grow up, and we are super famous, you’d understand it all…I just hope it wouldn’t be too late when you finally do”

But momentarily, Myung Soo was quite certain that this ridiculous fact would never get into his mind. Not even when he grew up. All he really believed was that he, as a human, had the right to fall in love, let alone, date whoever he wanted to, whenever he desired it.

And going out with Bae Suji at this particular moment did not show any sense of defiance in his mind.

It was rather, a blissful fact.

“I’d still date her, anyway…” Myung Soo finally replied and climbed up on his feet. “I won’t ever let her go”

Sung Yeol, in his part, could only let out a distinct sigh. “Whatever Kim Myung Soo…all before it’s too late. I still love you though”

Myung Soo smiled. “I do too. Strange. But I love her even more”

 

 

The two practiced for a span of two hours that night, perfecting each and every step of their debut track and several others, did a few cooling down exercises, shared a bottle of provided energy drink (Shared, since the kids were short of the beverage), went home, had dinner, shooed Dong Woo Hyung out of the room to go and sleep wherever he wanted to which he happily accepted (Myung Soo betted he was appreciating the Myung-free peaceful sleep which Sung Yeol was having to suffer instead), took rounds and bathed, and finally found themselves lying on their mattresses respectively in inky darkness. Myung Soo could only see a hint of light coming through the space under the door; an indication of one of the others still being up. He stared up at the roof above and waited.

He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t keep his mind off from one person in particular who had prominently confessed her love for him.

“Myung? You up?” Yeol questioned breaking the silence after a while. Still lost in his trance, Myung Soo nodded into the thin air. “Mmhm”

“Can I ask you something?” Sung Yeol inquired, shifting in his mattress. Myung Soo could feel the latter’s eyes on him.

“Shoot”

A moment of silence as he hesitated to bring out his question.

And finally, he did.

“Myung? Is it true that…that you were trying to jump off the building today?”

“Eh?” Myung Soo tried to conceal the impulse to laugh. Sung Yeol carried on.

“I heard Gyu Hyung telling Dong Woo Hyung before, that he saved you from suicide. He says you have depressive disorder”

“Depressive what?” Now Myung Soo literally had to bite down his quilt to stop himself from laughing. In fact, him being over the moon at the very moment, he found the least amusing situations rather witty. His Suji craze was no joke after all.

“Disorder. I know you don’t, you are just…crazy in some other way. But hearing that worried me”

Finally when he had gotten rid of the impulse to break into a laughing fit, Myung Soo stretched out his hand, shifted on the mattress and finally turned to face Sung Yeol who was staring at him. Myung Soo placed a hand on his arm.

The truth was, ever since the two boys grew closer, Myung Soo was more comfortable to hang around him than he found it being around the others. Being with Hoya was simply awkward, he still didn’t particularly like Woohyun because all that kid knew was blabbering and making senseless remarks(At least, senseless to him) and Myung Soo couldn’t just stand him, Dong Woo Hyung was alright, he found him fun to be around, the kid had a laughter! And Gyu Hyung, well, his criteria on this particular member may change overnight, and then Sung Jong, no matter how nice he was; Myung Soo was still mad at him for stealing his Maknae position. He just wasn’t certain whether he’d ever get over it. That left no choice but push himself more and more into Sung Yeol’s embrace.

And strangely enough, Myung Soo felt a sense of warmth in his embrace, and he liked it. He finally felt how being the younger brother was like.

“Hyung.” He called out, loving the sound of the word. He had said it countless times, had heard it countless times from his younger brother, but calling Sungyeol just that at this very moment made him warmer. “You know what’s funny?”

“What?” the older inquired curiously. Myung Soo held back his laughter, recalling the past situation. Seeing it now, it was plain absurd of him, rather witty and insane but he decided to let him know anyway.

“It was me who thought Gyu Hyung had committed suicide the first place! I saw his face towel hanging on a broken railing, he was in a bad mood and was weird this morning, I thought he had jumped! I actually looked down to see if…anyway, he thought that I was committing suicide and got hold of me!”

Sung Yeol broke into a fit of laughter. “Seriously! You told Hyung that?”

“Nah” He shook his head. “It’s embarrassing. He had been there on the roof top after all. I was preoccupied, never saw him”

“So the whole situation is fraud” Sung Yeol pointed out. To which he retorted with a nod. “Yup. And funny…I started to like Gyu Hyung even more I guess” He confessed. “He’s cool…We talked for hours…”

Sung Yeol didn’t say a word for a moment afterwards, lost in a world of his own. Myung Soo shifted to lie on his back once more; the light in the living room was still on and he could grasp someone’s voice although he couldn’t figure out the exact owner of it. It was later that Sung Yeol spoke out once more.

“Myung…you wouldn’t commit suicide, would you…? If you go really crazy?”

Myung Soo couldn’t help but let out a brief chuckle. Ironic, how he and Sung yeol both had the same question to ask from two different people.

“Not really” Myung Soo finally replied. And thoughtfully phrased what Gyu Hyung quoted earlier in retort to the same question.

“God has given me a life with purpose, so why would I end it?”

Silence.

“True” Lastly came Sung Yeol’s voice. “I have no idea where those come from, but for the first time you actually made sense”

Myung Soo laughed.

“Myung?”

“Yeah?”

Sung Yeol hesitated once more before he stated out. “Don’t commit suicide or do bad things that would kick you out of the group”

Myung Soo was confused. He shook his head. “I wouldn’t…why did you say so…?”

A slow smile crept along the lips of Lee Sung Yeol. “Because I have no idea what I’d do without you”

The latter frowned. “You…like me that much?”

“I guess…okay, yes, I do. I don’t like it much here…you’re the only person I find comfortable to be with”

“Oh…” Myung Soo responded. “Well, Hyung is the same for me…”

“Really?” Sung Yeol asked, shifting closer to the younger with a smile. Myung Soo nodded, enjoying the sudden affection. In fact, he was suddenly put in to the state of thinking back about his younger brother. Never had he given him any affection whatsoever. He regretted it now, where he missed him so much.

“Really…And Hyung; you’re warm…”

“You too…he finally replied, sounding rather sleepy and snuggled more into him. In general perception, their strange affection would have seemed extremely weird, but for the two of them they meant for each other so much.

“Let’s sleep” Was sung Yeol’s final reply before he finally drifted off to sleep. And Myung Soo, feeling the weight and fatigue rolling over his eyes, and a glee excitement at the thought of Bae Suji in his mind, closed his eyes and drifted off to a peaceful slumber.

 

 

He walked into Suji’s dream that night, and he was shell shocked; he could swear his life span got shortened by ten years, dead panned by the very sight before his eyes.

Before his eyes was a very peculiar sight. An exact replica of him, Kim Myung Soo, in a tuxedo, playing a piano With Bae Suji sitting by his side.

Myung Soo clenched his hands in rage. There was absolutely no reason for him to feel so disturbed, unless of course, he was jealous of yet another Kim Myung Soo who was rather decently dressed than in an old Naruto T-shirt and pajamas which was rather feeble, perhaps so, it was the reason.

He was disturbed by the man who sat by her side. Another Kim Myung Soo.

And he was playing to her some sort of a piano piece which he didn’t recognize, yet he assumed it to be the fourth Piano sonata for this was Bae Suji, in the dreams of whom, the same things replayed.

Myung Soo couldn’t help but express his utter disappointment in the form of several hushed incoherent words at the ridiculous arrangement of the room. He had no idea how on earth this ludicrousness seeped into Suji’s mind which, according to his expectation, should be so pink and nice (Which several times was) yet in reality was unbelievably insane.

The room the three of them were in, was all black, white and red, every nook and cranny of the place; Myung Soo wished just if he could change the surrounding of the dreams, which unluckily he couldn’t, only he could do now was groan in irritation. Why couldn’t he find a final teeny patch of color in this room?

Correction; why was Suji the only patch of color that he could find in this room?

The answer was simple; because she was Bae Suji.

The other version of Kim Myung soo finished playing his piece and sat up. Suji made a round of applause with her oh-so-alluring slender pale hands about holding which he always fantasized. Suji was smiling, Suji was delighted.

Myung Soo was happy.

“That was beautiful oppa! I loved it!”

Even still, Myung Soo was angry. Why was she speaking to this doofus when she should be speaking to him?

Oh right, as it just occurred to him, this was only a dream.

“Well, thank you Suji” Said the doofus with a smile which made Myung Soo himself wonder whether he actually looked that good when he smiled. He didn’t like the voice impersonation though. He sounded absolutely nothing like himself.

“That was Allegro molto e con brio of Beethoven’s Grand Piano Sonata for you…I hope you enjoyed. Would you like to hear the rest?”

Suji stared at the other with shining eyes (Which was absolutely beautiful of a sight) and shook her head. “It’s okay, oppa…I actually have something else in my mind…”

The Doofus’s face went dark. “What is that?”

Suji pulled out a folded piece of paper out of her school blazer (She was in her uniform in her dreams, Myung Soo hand no problem regarding that at all), unfolded it, pressed and ran her palm over it a several times and placed it on the stand of the piano. “There…oppa play it. A piece that my friend wrote”

The doofus looked so insanely irritated. “An…original…composition?” He said true gritted teeth. “An original composition Bae Suji?”

Suji hadn’t caught the irritation in his voice, she simply continued to smile. “Yup. That would be a rock ballad-,”

“A rock ballad?!” Boomed the doofus like a ludicrous fire cracker. “A rock ballad?! You are freaking playing a rock ballad?!”

This was simply going out of hand. Myung Soo decided to get into action, soon, although he still was suffering the after math of the great shock, he had no idea how on earth he could actually save her back this time.

This had now turned into a nightmare.

Myung Soo had now turned into a nightmare.

She was having a nightmare on her mighty prince in shining armor.

He had to save the day.

As he inched towards his proceedings, the other non-originality of Kim Myung Soo had gone over the edge of his patience, now blaring like a wild fire as he slammed his fingers on and on against the keyboard making an unbearably ugly sound. He held an entirely different appearance, nothing good, nothing ordinary, nothing humane, nothing like Kim Myung Soo.

The real one was running insane. Literally. He should shove in some nice things into her head when he got the chance sometime. Particularly along the line of teletubbies…

And the annoying blare of music blew all the fuses and he lost it, his patience, just like that.

Myung Soo charged towards him like a hawk to its pray, caught him by his collar,

And was stuck.

The face has changed into some old hag.

“M-mighty…prince?”

Myung Stood stuck to spot, holding the old man by his collar, unclear of the signals that his brain kept giving him. He was a boy brought up with respect, and he had obviously done some serious violation last night, few times before that but this, felt for him so undeniably violent.

The guy was too old. Myung Soo quickly dropped the guy onto the floor.

“M-mighty prince…” Suji called out once more which made him unconditionally content. His mood changed briskly as the old guy shuffled painfully back to his posture. He turned around just to be fronted by the most amazingly stunning sight ever. “Mighty prince…”

Myung Soo smiled. “Bae Suji…”

“You saved my back again…”

He bowed. “At your service…princess” He loved the term, he just loved the sound of it, he might as well get addicted to it, he would say it every day…

“Thank you…for doing that…”

He held onto all smiles. “My pleasure…” But with a clearance of his throat, he looked gravely down into her eyes. “But Bae Suji…like I said…whatever is manipulating you, ignore it. Follow what your heart desired….”

“Mighty prince…”

Seeing that his job was done, he stepped away. “I have to go…”

She stepped forward, his heart skipped a beat. “But wait!”

He smiled. “Yes, princess?”

And witnessed it as she gulped hard. “Mighty prince…I…it’s impossible to follow my dreams-,”

“No it’s not” He said cutting in and stepped away. “I know so…because I did so. I followed my dream…”

And I found you.

He stepped further away, nearing the entrance and finally stopped on his track, turned around and gave her his best prince-out-of-a-novel smile and bowed.

“As always…your mighty prince in shining armor at your service…princess. Take care…”

With that, he disappeared out of her sight, feeling triumphant of his doing and finally shook his head at his feeble remark. The phrase was simply absurd, so badly put, but he was no poet. He liked it anyway, he liked the phrase very very much.

 

 

 

Myung Soo woke up the next morning with a splash of cold liquid thrown about his face. He fluttered open his eyes with much difficulty, cursing the arrival of yet another Sunday, only to greeted by two pairs of eyes. Both Sung Yeol and Sung Gyu had invaded his sleep.

“Finally…” Sung Yeol breathed out as he sat back, a plastic cup in his hand. Myung Soo immediately discovered the culprit who was responsible for his dampened pillow and quilt; the other, leader Gyu sat cross legged on the floor smiling creepily (it was nice, but creepy) as Myung Soo fumbled to sit up straight.

He finally found his voice although it came out somewhat hoarse.

“What the hell?”

Sung Yeol shrugged. “Nothing really…perfectly fine when you slept like you’re dead! I actually thought you had out!”

Myung Soo stared at the duo unbelievingly and looked down at the old plastic clock lying on the floor. The sun was already out shining bright, it was eight in the morning and he had apparently missed the morning jog on the riverbank on such a perfectly fine day. He had no idea who he should blame.

He blamed Sung Yeol instead.

“Yah, you should have woken me up!”

Sung Yeol was seemingly irritated. “I tried but you kept napping like a log!”

“You just wasted good two hours of jogging” Sung Gyu added gravely and brushed a lock of dark hair off his face. Myung Soo’s eyes widened mechanically. “You…guys didn’t go jogging?”

Sung Yeol shook his head. “Thanks to you, we couldn’t. Made an excuse of you being sick and stayed back, but hell! You never woke up!”

“You need serious consulting” Sung Gyu said, finally climbing up on his legs. “Like I said, we are seeing a psychiatrist, Myung Soo…you’re depressed…”

He opened his mouth to argue but all before he could utter a word, the oldest had vanished through the opened crack of the bedroom door.

He had no way out.

 

 

When Sung Gyu had mentioned seeing a psychiatrist, depriving enough, he had meant business.

After the morning session of practices, all before Myung Soo could happily skip off to get lunch (And to see his love) Sung Gyu had grabbed him by the collar, followed by Sung Yeol, dragged them both into the van and took them home.

Apparently, as it happened, Leader Gyu had been dead serious. The two of them were forced-literally- forced to get dressed in something decent until he made a few calls. Myung Soo was shell shocked when Sung Gyu actually spoke to CEO Hyung over the phone and told him that the three of them had an appointment at the Seoul general hospital, at the mental ward (Sung Gyu exaggerated the phrase very well and also many times which utterly deprived him) and that they would be out until night.

Myung Soo reconsidered the idea of hopping down the building and die.

“You have no way out of this” Sung Yeol told him as he brushed by him when Myung Soo walked into the bath room. “Gyu Hyung hardly ever gives up”

Myung Soo decided to not to respond.

Once the three of them were fresh and ready for the ride, one of the manager Hyungs turned up with the van, into which leader Gyu pushed the younger members before he settled himself in the front passenger seat, looking very pleased of himself.

Myung Soo, on the other hand was undeniably nervous. For a bright warm Sunday, Myung Soo was exceptionally cold, freezing, literally and had to bury himself deep inside his hooded jacket, wishing he could simply melt and disappear.

He was afraid of whatever the trick the so-called psychiatrist would play on his poor brain. He wasn’t crazy, after all. He only had an unrecognized power to walk into people’s dreams, which could not me considered some sort of a mental disorder as far as he was concerned, yet, more precisely, was a special ability of some sort.

And of course, Myung Soo would never succeed in making the necessary explanation. He’d, more or less, be degraded to a mentally impaired schizophrenic psychopath, which would also be a slash on his glorious ego.

He definitely wouldn’t want that.

All the way to the hospital, Sung Gyu found himself more comfortable to make all his typical nags and complains, calling here and there to get the rest of the boys to go ahead and practice which Myung Soo highly doubted himself. They were most probably throwing a party of some sort, having no Sung Gyu to witness their scheme; for a moment, Myung Soo actually felt a twinge of jealousy. Oh how much he would like a leader free atmosphere where he could lie down and indulge a quite nap…

But now, to no avail, Leader Gyu happened to materialize from every corner of where Myung Soo’s existence was present. He really had no way out.

Especially when leader Gyu was convinced that he, once upon a yesterday, was in a fair proximity to commit suicide.

Oh the irony of it where they both imagined the same on one another. Which also implied; leader Gyu was also suffering from depressive disorder.

Myung Soo made no such controversy regarding the matter though. He was afraid to go into such sensitive measures.

The van parked in the basement car park and the four of them made their way through to the lift; Sung Gyu, on his part was highly audacious on his leaderly esteem, walking with both hands in his pocket, chatting away with their manager as though he were a grown man, while Sung Yeol looked as though he were a ten year old who was paying a visit to his new born brother, absurd. Myung Soo, on the other hand, gone outrageously pale and freezing in a hot summer day, surely enough, held the aura of a man who was going to meet his merciless fate, waiting to chop off his neck at any rate. It was an empathetic sight, truly.

Myung Soo wasn’t at all very much into the hospital curb. His last visit to the place being few months back where he and Howon were diagnosed with typhoid fever, it was no good experience, painful, rather, bonded to a bed with no prevail to move a limb owing to all the platelets he’d lose by any single move, where it went over board and he was set unconscious for two days, he couldn’t remember the rest, until he happened to wake up from an incredibly elongated dream.

And now was he heading back into the very place, in doubt of being in a mental disorder. His life couldn’t get any worse.

Not to mention that he was in love where he was barred from doing so.

The four men rode up the lift in utter silence, Myung Soo trying his best to not to get his feelings startled and dominated by the unwilling stench of the surrounding and the past, It gave him too many unnerving (a little happier once add to that) memories; the few days of being a sick patient, nearing his death was not at all pleasant, and for the record, he’d been one of the serious cases who had his life in danger, he returned, by some miracle and also being gifted by a special ability. Fate was a strange thing, if he’d rather leave the unbelievable happenings of his life on the responsibility of fate. No other phenomena could ever explain all that he had had happening in his life.

The four of them stepped out once they’ve reached the fourth floor.

As quoted and exaggerated exasperatingly by Kim Sung Gyu; the mental ward.

A distressing topsy-turve had taken place in his life. What had he done in his previous life to land himself in this…inglorious place which so gravely hurt his self-esteem?

The four of them walked down the depressingly lonely white corridor until they reached a waiting area consisted of a service booth which immediately caught Sung Gyu’s attention. Sung Yeol and Myung Soo stood on their silence, eyeing each other nervously as the older men carried on their discussion with the lady at the service booth; and finally, after a long while, the two of them returned with a satisfied smile playing on Sung Gyu’s lips.

“He’s in…we should go”

Thus did the leader take Myung Soo by his hand, squeezed it reassuringly and led him towards a closed metal door on the right side of the corridor. On a placard on the door read; ‘Dr. Jung Tae-Hwan.

The duo entered without a word.

The said doctor, a well-known child mental specialist, whatever, for Myung Soo’s utter surprise was obnoxiously attractive, in a none-exasperated way. His range of likability towards this personnel was in a rather high possession than he actually believed it to be; this young man, he had the charms that Myung Soo was simply drawn to him, without a single mental budge. It was as though it were a reassurance to not to harm his juvenile mind, the smile of his; He’d have rebelled and thrown a tantrum or chickened out and hid behind Sung Yeol’s tall silhouette otherwise. But he didn’t.

Instead, he went along the flow.

Leader Gyu, despite being the irritating, pain-in-the-neck, nagging old man was such a noble leader, playing his role all so well in the terms of well-being and protection of his younger member; Kim Myung Soo was flattered. In fact, he feared doctors, he feared the stench, the surrounding, the beds, the curtains, the long white coats, oh well, anything and everything to do with hospitals for what they all reminded him was of the painful few days that he had spent, grieving to hold onto his breath, fearing it would be his last. He remembered the fierce pain in his abdominal, striking thousands of needles through him in a ceaseless attack, the fatigue, the fear, and then unknowing two days of what could have been memories; it was a rather unbelievable stride, the journey; it had finally come down to this now, the power he recognized after the dreading experience, finally to be diagnosed as a mental sickness.

That didn’t even make any sense.

Yet he was beyond thankful for the leader’s concern.

The doctor, to start off, decided to go with simple measures in diagnosing whatever the illness he might pocess. Myung Soo was taken to a separate room, separated from his leader dear, a room which was rather spontaneous, speculative; four white walls, blank interior, just blank, blank, blank; was asked to take seat and was he left alone to stare at the four blank walls.

Myung Soo found the blankness rather comforting.

He thought of Suji’s dream the other night where the four walls were crimson with patches of black and white at various insignificant spots, he had thought of  kings and queens too; and sitting there, he realized; He would love to shove an image of this one place into her young mind; that would be, of course, if he would survive this place with a sane, unharmed mind; which he couldn’t quite gurantee.

He would admit it now. He loved being a wanderer, he loved being a dreamer, he loved being a lover, he loved being the boy who painted dreams.

His biggest fear was being separated from his untainted companion, the power. Without it, he’d be a violin without a bow, a rather pointless without a bow; If one can take the term violin as good armor to hammer someone’s head, even for that, with his abilities drained, he’d just as be pointless.

He didn’t want that; Kim Myung Soo was too attached to his infatuation.

Doctor Tae Hwan began with the most general questions, starting from name and age to likes and dislikes, slyly touching onto his personal life by regarding his family and acquaintances; he really didn’t mind though, he hadn’t much to say being a well pampered child of a complete well-off family, acquainted by (Wonderful, equally nerve-wrecking people) like Kim Sung Gyu and Lee Sung Yeol. He told him about being in a boy group and yes, denied the fact that he was probably a little stressed by the upcoming debut, which really was the truth (Kim Sung Gyu had that covered up leaving no more stress for the others), he also denied the probability of being bullied and mentally hurt let alone physically. For Kim Myung Soo, none of these were to be taken into account.

His life was as perfect as it was,

And also, it wasn’t him who had problems with it on the first place, it was Kim Sung Gyu.

Like said, no controversy, no sensitive measures; no expecting yet another nuclear explosion.

Doctor Tae Hwan knew the best. If not for the odds, he’d have been inspired; but he was not.

“Have you been in love? Kim Myung Soo-ssi?”

He asked it, just like that. Myung Soo searched in the surrounding for something prominent to hide his badly blushing face, and ears.

A smile crept along the older man’s lips, Myung Soo gulped.

“Are you in love, Kim Myung Soo-ssi?”

Oh the irony of the question.

Now where was the door again?

Doctor Hwan let out a slight chuckle and laid a hand on his shoulder. Myung Soo cursed his darn handsome face (And his ears) for being so (red and) transparent. Of course, Myung Soo was the master of emotional disguise; keeping a darn straight poker face wherever he’d go no matter whatever the situation he would be in. Kim Myung Soo was, on a regular basis, unreadable. His perfect facial features, those dark bearing eyes, impeccably pointed nose, and yeah, pretty much everything to do with his visage did very much prominent aid for proper emotional disguise; people found it awkward, nerve wrecking, bone-cracking and more or less peculiar, how a seventeen year old could hold such a deviously precious face; he was lucky in that way, he was lucky in every way, he could well camouflage the truth…

… yet not always…

..Predominantly not from certain doctors…

…who specialized in child mental health…

Child mental health? Does it even make any sense?

But then again doctor Hwan was young, nice-faced and talented in his doing, and definitely was not Kim Sung Gyu…Myung Soo felt suddenly powerless.

“So there, I found half of your problem. Girl troubles, Kid?”

Suji was definitely not making any such trouble; she was sweet, like a cupcake. He liked cupcakes…

Myung Soo shook his head in denial.

“So you’re denying?”

He shook his head again.

“But you certainly are in love, kid”

Darn you handsomely annoying visual face! (And ears!)

Doctor Tae Hwan sighed and let out a sigh. “Alright…let’s leave it to discuss at some other meeting shall we? Tell me now…” He went through a couple of papers and looked up. “How are you…tolerating the new change of life…?”

 

 

The flow of questions rolled on for a few minutes, gradually turning the situation into a casual conversation. Such, were not regular in Myung Soo’s book.  He was no conversationalist for obvious matters, of course, he couldn’t imagine how the world would be like if everyone in the world turned out to be like Sung Yeol and leader Gyu and Woohyun; not very pleasant. He had chosen how he should be, which was definitely this, it was exactly how he replied to Doctor Tae Hwan when his silence and prominent short answers seemed quite problematic. He asked him about the peculiar stuff afterwards, the kind of questions he couldn’t answer with a lacking knowledge of moralities, he said less, listened more; thirty minutes, the conversation was over.

His esteem was marred.

Myung Soo was led out of the room, and into the corridor for a while (He despised it; ‘For a while’ which implied, ‘please come back again’), Sung Yeol who was sprawled down on a couple of waiting chairs like a fallen tree immediately jumped up on his feet, welcomed with his warm greeting; few minutes of chattering bogus, he was dragged back in by an oddly annoying leader Gyu.

He was led into a different room.

He wasn’t surprised seeing the blank blank four white walls, the only difference of it was that one wall possessed a full size French window, covered with an unmoving white curtain, sunlight creeped through where it was parted.

And there was a bed.

The strange happiness that beds, mattresses, floorboards, Tatamis and couches had no shrilling surprise after all; Myung just adored to lie down and doze off. He was, truthfully enough, in a grave need of a good nap. He, indeed, had the urge to tell doctor Hwan of being forbidden to fall in love and also of his disorderly sleeping arrangements, but then again, the said details were personal, too personal, confidential, he was a part of the group after all, and it couldn’t go and mar all over on leader Gyu’s depressed face. He kept his mouth shut; despite that, he was good. Plus, after hearing yesterday’s confession, he was way over the moon.

He was actually wondering what Bae Suji must be doing right now. A Sunday, no school; was she practicing? Probably was. He heard in her dream that the recital was weeks away and that last minute preparations were important; she must be working hard…oh his gorgeous, pink ribbons and lacy cupcakes…Bae Suji who dreams of him playing Beethoven like he lost his mind.

“Do you feel…sleepy Kim Myung Soo-Ssi” He was gestured at the bed.

Luck comes in the weirdest ways.

Luck comes to Kim Myung Soo in the strangest ways ever.

And so did to Bae Suji.

For Bae Suji, somewhere... far away in the city…

… was planning a vicious defeat.