Let’s say I was doing quite well on my own without my friends the following week as we all turned busy from finishing our semester’s requirements. I’m stuck at the basement though most of the time because we’re also busy in preparing our year end event before Christmas break; a part of college that didn’t change for the better regardless of the Lees influence. It’s still as busy as hell like we rarely meet at our usual spot in the cafeteria because hey, we’re all active leaders of our club and we’re carrying the university on our backs.

Fr: RedBean

Here’s the finished project of the tarpaulin. Jaehwan hyung over did it sort of but you know him. He’s never bad at designs anyway and he really won’t settle for half-assed work. Anyways, I attached all the files and drafts you need for the layouts. Also~ I have a surprise video! BE WARNED though. Only freaking watch it when you’re totally depressed and tired AND with the others! PLEASE heed my warning or you’ll DIE alone!  

See you guys on Monday! Don’t kill us if we traumatized you!

PS: Kendy’s idea 

I couldn’t help but chortle as I imagine Hongbin’s voice as I read his e-mail. I’ve been keeping in touch with him while they were in Ilsan since I had take home assignments for the two; the tarpaulin, tickets and flyers for the year end festival.  I usually give those tasks to Wonsik but time is of the essence and he’s busy with his boyfriend for a legitimate reason so I just gave it to our new recruits artistic hands which they’re known for.

Fr: Hyukkie

That was some bizarre mail. Kendy? I’m hoping it’s not one of his obnoxious aegyo again. I swear hyung will one day melt the ice caps of Antarctica and erase Korea from the map because of it….. But wait, are you on it too? (if you are… I don’t mean to be rude but you need a time out from Ken. He’s becoming too influential in your life. He’s going to ruin you.) O_O

I can’t wait to see you guys! Thanks for helping out! This really cuts up our load…argh… Don’t be surprised though if you see haraboji Ravi when you’re back. He’s not exactly good with stress you know? XD

P.S. “Thanks for asking Leo to help out with the booths. I love you!” – N (He told me to tell you that.)

I love you

My hands automatically curled from typing such affectionate words. I had erased and retyped those words multiple times before I finally get to click the send button before I can fall into a loop of erase-type-erase. I feel tingly and my blood was rushing to my cheeks as it continues to flood my head. I feel so weird and I don’t really know why I was making a big deal out of it. It’s just words and it’s not like it was me who said I love you. What the actual is wrong with me?

“You called Hyuk?” Chen asks innocently when he enters my small office.

“Yes… well I uh… e-mailed you the layouts we needed for the event. That’s all,” I spun my swivel chair, trying to hide the blush on my face. I knew I was red and I do not need a mirror to know it. I’m just hoping he didn’t see—“

“You’re watching something naughty, aren’t you young Pres? Your ears are very red. The chair isn’t really helping you hide it,“

“No, it’s not that!” I panicked, turning to face Chen sharply as he grows a mischievous smirk on his chiseled face that dissolved all resolve I had to save myself. “B-believe me hyung, it’s not—“ Why am I stuttering now!? Wae!?

“It’s okay. If it keeps you awake, man. I should honestly try it too since I’m feeling a little drowsy already. I actually saw Suho hyung browsing them too yesterday so be at ease, you’re not the only one caught red handed by Chen Chen~” he tells me with a wink before he joyfully takes his leave with a loud chortle.

My jaw dropped on the floor (metaphorically of course) while I inwardly wish for a hoard of flies to choke me to death or the floor to cave in and eat me alive that very instant. I was misunderstood again and this time I was left defenseless to do anything about it. I know that I was getting weird lately and I thought it was just a part of the phase of adjustment I’m going through in college. It wasn’t that though. It was something else… something that will change a lot more things in his life.

            “Mom, I feel weird lately.” I mumbled softly when I got home and had dinner with her. Dad was out for his seminar in Busan.

            “Are you sick, honey?” she frowns and I shook my head quickly to reassure her I wasn’t. “Then what is it?”

            “That’s what I do not know. I just feel weird. I sometimes feel restless and all tingly and I’m blushing over the strangest things like typing the world I love you—“ I covered my mouth a little too late. My mom looked equally surprised as I was, chopsticks awkwardly approximately an inch away from her lips.

            “I… uh… well…”

            “Do you like someone, honey?”

My mom said those words softly but I couldn’t stop myself from gasping too loud as if someone spooked me that very moment. I could feel cold sweats dribbling down my back along with my clammy hands that grasped my sweatpants. I was completely flustered. It’s as if my mom just undressed me in public.

            “Omo…my baby is really growing up now,” Mom mutters shortly after she placed her chopsticks down neatly over a napkin. She then covered , steadying her gaze on me. “Do I know the person?”

I blinked several times just to check whether or not I can flee from the awkward situation I put myself into. It was hopeless though. I can’t do anything about my mom’s interrogation but I can’t form any type of reply inside my head. It just doesn’t make sense to me that those feelings translate to something like that. I mean I do like him…as I friend.

            “Is it the photographer?” My mom asks blankly all of a sudden, fondness gone like it wasn’t even there to begin with.

I gulped ungracefully, almost dropping my spoon, not totally expecting to hear that from her. The sweat that accumulated under my fringe had already dribbled down the side of my face. I know what that expression meant all too well. She’s analyzing my situation already and it’s either she’s assertive or just suspicious of me like when I was in middle school and was framed to have stolen my classmate’s new watch; one of the few things that led me to the path of being antisocial.

            “I…uhm… that’s impossible. He’s just my friend mom and I am not a…” I trailed off, suddenly horrified at what I was about to say. My mind suddenly flashed the image of Ravi hyung and N hyung.  I felt frightened

            “You’re not what?” she said softly this time but her gaze remained unreadable.

            “I… I am not gay…” I answered meekly, gripping on my thighs hard.

I knew better than to believe my own voice that time and I was ashamed. It felt very uncomfortable as those words roll out of my tongue. The realization right after though had struck me like bolts of lightning, piercing through my heart.  

            “It’s okay, sweetie… It’s okay,” My mom stood up from her chair and hugged me. She wiped the tears out of my eyes and kissed my forehead. I didn’t even realize I was crying. I didn’t even know why I was bawling all of a sudden.  

            “I’ve fallen for my friend.”

Monday came and I was expecting myself to act compose and natural, the best I could. After my talk with my mom last Friday, I’m really hoping I’ll be more in control of my emotions. I have to and needed to because the Lees will be here soon. He’ll be here soon.

“Good morning, Sanghyuk. Aren’t you a little too early today? It’s only seven in the morning and I believe your class starts around nine thirty,” Professor Kim Jaejoong asked after meeting me down the empty hall. He’s from the economics department.

“Y-yeah… I’m busy with the event so…” I mumbled, hiding the obvious lie that’s written all over my face.

“Yes! I almost forgot your club working hand in hand with the Student Council. Well that’s really good that you’re working really hard for your team,” he smiles radiantly as ever. I felt a little bad for lying.

“Smile dear one! I believe in you guys!” Mr. Kim winks while ruffling my locks before he turns to a corner and entered the faculty.

“Thanks…” I mumbled, staring at the faculty door and sighing to myself.

The real reason why I came in early was to avoid getting caught off guard by Hongbin. I don’t want him to surprise me that he’s back. I’m afraid that I might do something real stupid. I’m not necessarily good at controlling my emotion and I tend to run away from it. I didn’t want to run away. My mom told me, running away would only make people more curious. I wasn’t ready for that.

“Hey?” I voice croak from behind me.

“Kyungsu hyung,” I bowed slightly at a shorter male with big brown orbs that I always thought, sees through my soul.

“You just passed me there,” he giggles without his wide eyes crinkling. I always find his face funny because of it and I sighed in relief that it was just him that met me while my thoughts are scattered elsewhere.

“I didn’t see you in my line of vision” I teased, ruffling his hair. He attempted to kick my shin but I jumped back, expecting it already. “Who walks looking down?”

“You’re getting better at this, you troll face.” He smiles wider, clapping his hand. I laughed but then choke when he suddenly nudged my side hard.

“Hyung!”

“Never better than me though. See you around troll!” he wiggles his thick brows before skipping his way to the home economics room.

I pout bitterly for a second before grinning to myself. I continued walking down the long hallway, feeling a tad bit better. At least for a few good seconds of my life I felt better.  

“Ken hyung…”

“Hyukkie!” Ken runs to me and tackled me down the floor. He’s voice was small and he was obviously crying. The first time I saw him like that

“What’s wrong?” I mumbled, awkwardly patting his back.

“Hongbin… Hongbin is…” 

TBC