Staring at Bum my hand goes to the quarter in my pocket, even though I haven't  been able to flip it, but I couldn't help it. It's just such a huge part of who I am. Pulling it out I let out a breath. "Heads I say 'no' tails, I agree to sign on."

"You're really Just going to leave it up to chance?" He asks me alarmed. "It isn't even a fair chance."

Smirking I toss the coin into the air, watching I feel the familiar apprehension of what I really want, the outcome that I am praying for.

"You're crazy!" Bum says watching the coin flip in the air. "C-R-A-Z-Y!"

"I know." I mumble, in my head chatting 'heads, let it be heads.' As the coin clatters to the floor I stare at the coin twirling to a stop, heads faced up.

"Seriously, my heart was beating all crazy for you!"

Picking it up I wonder if this really is the best way to choose, if this is sensible enough. I know it's a little crazy to leave something like this to chance, but if I didn't it'd destroy all I've believed in for so long. It's already happened once; I didn't like my reality crashing down on me. That crisis of faith scares me and I need this to work, everyone needs that revival of faith, well here is mine. "Its part of who I am."

Bum gapes at me as though I'm some sort of undiscovered life form. " Do you know what you're giving up?"

"I do, but I also know what I'm keeping." whispering the last part to him. "I couldn't do it t them, not them." louder I continue on. "This isn't something I take lightly. Bum I've put all my trust into this quarter, only once have I been scared to see the outcome, once and it was enough to nearly brings entire world down."

"Jessica...you know you're bizarre, but in your own crack-pot logic that makes sense."

Smiling at him I hear my phone beep. "Yeobsaeyo?"

"Its Jonghyun. Can we talk?"

It was as if at that moment the whole world slowed down; my stomach started to flip, my heart racing at the sound of this voice. "Sure."

"At the park in ten."

"Sure, Bye."

"Bye Jessica."

Hanging up I stare at my phone is bewilderment, he decides now to call? After all the time I've spent waiting he decides to call now...

"Jessica? Who was that?"

Blinking my confusion away I answer. "A friend, Jonghyun. I got to go, I'll talk to you later." I tell him running off.

"Jessica!" He yells, probably pouting at m sudden leave.

Panting I stare at the hooded figure sitting on a bench waving me over. Jogging to him I face Jonghyun, him looking rather somber.

"You alright?" Nodding my head I take a seat next to him.

"Are you?"

"I've been getting by."
"By rolling around I hear."

"Minho and Taemin."

"Little schemers." Hearing Jonghyun laugh sends electricity though my body, his delightful and oh-so addicting laugh.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"I assumed so." Smiling at me again, I didn't think he had this big of an effect over me.

"About last time, your possible contract and..." His voice hitches getting to the last part.

"And?" I press.

"The possibility of us." Hearing him say that I nod my head.

"Let's talk then." smiling at him encouragingly I start. "Why didn't you call before?" I ask him in a low whisper. "I waited."

Frowning Jonghyun sighs "I was afraid mostly."

"Of what? You weren't afraid to kiss me."

"I was though. Jessica you're so.... Amazing."

This time I frown. "What does that make you? Jonghyun, you're a fantastic singer, you sing for millions, brighten their day...I don't do anything like that."

"You could, you have the chance."

"To what become the girl that used you? No thanks. I told you already. I'm in it for the relationship, not what I could get. I'm not signing on."

"You'd turn down the contract?"

"I am." I tell Him looking away. "Jonghyun, if I were to say 'yes' what would happen to us?" Feeling some tears fall I look at him. "I'd be her. The unspoken heartbreak you all carry. I can't do that, not to you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"But you're not Ha Ni." Jonghyun says takin my hand. "You aren't."

"And I won't give myself that chance to be her." I tell him, and myself, squeezing his hand. "Jonghyun, stop worrying, stop blaming yourself for what happened. I'm doing this for me, you and the others."

"For us?" He asks confused. "We kiddnapped you."

Nodding my head I smile. "Gave me the right opportunity."

"That being?" Jonghyun asks still confused.

"You." Standing up I kiss his cheek. "Jonghyun, me and you."

Dazed he nods his head. "Us."

"Yeah, now come on you need to get up." I whisper. "People are coming." I tell him walking away.

"So?" He asks wrapping his arms around me. "What's the big deal?"

"I'd like not to have my face viciously ripped off." I tell him jokingly as we trot off to find oursleves that place of peace.

Sorry for the short update but I'm doing this on my itouch, I'll come back and edit it on my computer soon, and add the next chapter soon too. Although I'm not sure whenprobably after Saturday I have my ACT coming up :( 

I'll try to make the next chapter longer to make up for the shortness of this one ><

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