The same evening, Sungmin comes home and finds me tripping over my own feet in the kitchen.

The world spins around me – my sense of time and space feels really off – and I can hear him gasp and run with his shoes on to where I am. He catches me before I fall to the floor, and I only feel half awake anymore. My stomach pounds somehow; making my breaths hitch unwillingly; I cough between the breaths; my heart thumps frantically; I close my eyes and there I am, vanishing.

As Sungmin’s voice gets more subdued with every second; I panic, realizing that I’m not just falling asleep in his arms, but that I'm drifting away from his desperate grip and losing my senses completely.

It takes barely a second before I can see the water before me, and my blood pressure hits the jackpot.

But to my luck, I soon open my eyes finding myself alive again, only sweat dripping down my forehead and pulsing veins; no stomach ache is nearby anyhow (nor a sungmin), and I turn my head to look at the clock; 19.36.

The bed is a mess, and the sandwiches are dry, as well as the tea is probably cold. A long and refining breath escapes my mouth, and I close my eyes, thinking about different parts of my body (instead of the dreadful nightmare, oh why does life want to test me in my dreams too?). They aren’t aching as much anymore, and for that, I’m glad.

Two minutes later I open the bedroom door, wondering stubbornly if Sungmin has come back yet. Wondering, pondering; when I’m met by a switched on TV and the sound of crunching, my heart immediately feels a lot lighter. I make my way around the corner, my feet shuffling lazily over the floor, and I rub my eyes at the exact same time as Sungmin’s sweet voice echoes in the area.

“Oh, Kyuhyun-ah, you’re awake?”

Upon seeing him and hearing his voice, chills are tumbling through my body. I let my hands fall along my sides and I gaze at him with a tired and slightly pouty face. However, he is already up, coming towards me and I just have to lean forward for him to catch me in his loving embrace.

It’s almost magic.

My stomach tingles as I put my arms around his waist and lean against his shoulder, resting comfortably because I know that he won’t let me go.

I shudder in pleasure when he plays with my neck hair, and I smile wide. At the same time I know why, I’m confused.

Something as the terrifying mayhem, and being saved from it, feels so unlikely. It’s almost as if it was supposed to be, that it was fated, that this is, and that we are.

Sungmin pecks my temple, despite the layer of greasy hair covering the skin, and I squeeze him harder.

(It has been a while since I began developing these kinds of feelings for him)

“You feeling better now?” He asks quietly.

I lift my head, and glance into his eyes. They are so beautiful.

(God knows that I can only see myself looking into them)

With a nod, I smile carefully, before our foreheads automatically press together, and my heartbeats increase instantly. For every millisecond I’m glued to his presence; to his body with mine; with my glance to his: it’s like I’m given power. I was a wreck – and somehow, I still am (I cannot leave it too easily, I just can’t) – and should I have taken a chance when I was given it? Should I accept another gift life – or fate – has handed me to take, even though I’ve basically done nothing to deserve it?

Sungmin can read you, don’t falter

But when we find ourselves inched together; lips melting in with each other and noses digging carefully into other’s skin; eyes closed to savor it (it’s not always “the more the merrier” when it comes to senses); and hearts intertwined by sense,

I lose my focus.

He pecks me gently, and only long seconds later, of mind wandering away and drifting on clouds, our lips disconnect a little. I open my eyes, completely dazzled about the feeling, and I find him glancing at me too. Whatever time is, it isn’t, because we’re connected again, and this time, I hold on to him harder, and he’s more determined to keep me here. I surrender to his feelings, as he surrenders to mine,

And that’s what makes us perfect.

When Sungmin isn’t at home, I tend to play a lot on his guitar. Music is something that has always been with me, whether it has been me playing an instrument, humming to a song or bobbing my head to a beat.

And being a musician has always been a dream,

although a broken one.

If people don’t accept me the way I am, why would they accept the way my music is?

I have never had many friends. People did enjoy when I was in the center of attention, however, I didn’t. Their views of fun were never mine. I was the outsider, the weirdo and the loner; throughout school, until university, I remained the same person, and people remained the same to me and towards me.

Then there was home, the thing I didn’t have; the place that I only went to when I absolutely had to, because I never felt welcomed there. There has always been something with my parents that just seems so off, and it certainly did not prove anything otherwise that I got occasionally harassed between our own walls.

It’s ironic how something as obvious as the right to privacy is what keeps our dirtiest secrets inside.

(And what is a secret about an unwanted child)

I can feel a lump in my throat when Sungmin presents the idea of me following him to meet up with his friends. We both stand in the tiny living room – he has just turned off the TV – and I observe him approach me with a questioning expression painted on his round-y face.

He grabs my arms kindly when he notices my insecurity, and he gets close to look me in the eyes.

“You don’t have to. But it might be good for you. I swear they are really nice people.”

He knows that I’ve never been one to interact with others. At the same time as I’m irritated over the fact that he asks me to go out and see people so quickly (it’s day eight now), there is still this undying trust in my soul that gives me such a feeling I cannot really explain.

Sungmin’s neutral expression fades, and he looks down.

“I’m sorry for pressuring you, Kyuhyunie…”

I don’t mind, Min. I don’t-

“I should just let you recover; I mean-“

“Sungmin-ah.”

The darling – my darling – blonde looks up at me with glimmering eyes.

(why did I never notice the glimmer)

I let out a short breath before I try to smile assuring.

“For you, I’ll try.”

And this is when I kiss him again, only feeling the will to have him close growing, growing with each tiny second.

When I after several days finally take my first steps outside, I feel like I’m clawing on to Sungmin too much. The way his shoulder is pulled down reminds me of a scale, but it surprises me that he doesn’t say anything about it.

It’s pretty cold, and it soon reminds me of the wind that hit me just before I thought I would never see daylight again. So I shiver underneath the jacket and hat Sungmin has given me, and I barely have to try to think about something else, because when two figures approach us, waving, I cannot seem to stop my two sweaty hands from squeezing Sungmin’s.

“Hi!” the jolly blonde squeals as I suppose the two men walking a bit further away are his friends. But he never lets go of my hand.

The taller of two brunettes that wave furiously, begins shouting phrases such as “How are you” and “Long time no see” before even approaching. Even though I find it a bit funny, there is still a crippling feeling under my skin.

“Hi”, the two strangers say to me at the same time, leaving me startled of who to look at as I bow back to them, unsure of whether I should be polite or not. I can feel Sungmin squeeze my hand and I look at him.

“This is Kyuhyun”, he says to his friends, and then turns to me.

The tall brunette tilts his head. “I’m Donghae. How old are you?”

Me, almost unable to speak, bite my lip for a short second before I decide to not make the situation more awkward than it could be.

“I’m 21.”

From the corner of my eye, I can see Sungmin’s lips curve up. He’s proud of me and I am too.

I can see Donghae thinking for a while; he looks thoughtfully at the surroundings before looking at the shorter man beside him, who smiles at me.

“Hi Kyuhyun, I’m Ryeowook and we’re all 22, but let’s be friends!”

After a short while, Donghae nods as well. “Let’s speak comfortably.”

I learned this day that Sungmin treasures his friends.

Friends is something more than just sitting around and gossiping; friends is something that you can think about and smile; a person or several people you can say or do practically anything around comfortably; a symbol of something that is bound to stay intact.

Maybe that is what I had not realized when I first had encountered Sungmin.

But we aren’t just friends – it hits me as we sit down in a café and he leans his head on my shoulder, still holding my hand – we are friends, and more.

I blush – unusually – at the thought, as a warm, fuzzy feeling explodes from my stomach.

Despite that I constantly clawed on to Sungmin to feel some sort of comfort and safety, I think that I managed to get some kind of connection with Donghae and Ryeowook as well. Sungmin had been right; the two was not as dangerous as I had pictured them to be, but Sungmin didn't blame me for having such thoughts from the beginning.

The way he can be so easy-going at times is only one of the things I love about Sungmin. He has a sense of understanding and compassion that I cannot lay my finger on; it’s not pity and empathy only, but he really does try to understand and absorb what he's given. I have never tried to make him have any kind of pity for me – sometimes it even feels like I might have made a mistake – but somehow, I can sense that this comes naturally.

Sungmin has already told me that he’s been in love with me for long. And I feel so stupid. Because that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. I don’t know how it appeared or why it appeared; but it did, and that I have been foolish enough to pass it aside is still something I get uneasy thinking about.

I’m contradicting myself, constantly, every day. But one thing is certain; when Sungmin is near, hope is not lost.

some more fluff and psychological development i guess ;;; this story will be over quickly because my inspiration is flooding like hell and I don't want to make fill-outs that I don't consider necessary XD hihi ~ leave a comment and I'll be so happy ^^;