Why it had taken me so long to realize, I did not know. All I knew was that I had fallen in love with L, completely against my own will.

It seemed silly now, to think that I could have actually believed myself when I had told myself that I didn't like him. That I wasn't in love with him. That I didn't want to hold his hand, or brush away the hair covering his eyes, or hug him, or smell his scent of green grass and spring rain, or let him rest his head on my shoulder, or make him smile, or kiss him, or hear him say he liked me. 

I wanted all of that. I wanted him. 

Yet, even though I knew that he did in fact like me too, I found it impossible to confess my feelings. I didn't know why, though I had a gnawing suspicion that it could have something to do with my self pride. I had denied my feelings for him and pushed him away for so long now that suddenly opening up my heart seemed... scary and rather unpleasant. 

And below that there was another feeling, hiding in the darker recesses of my mind. Fear. What if all he wanted was for me to give in? What if, though he assured me constantly that he liked me, he only valued the chase? What if I confessed to him and he turned away, because I wasn't interesting anymore?

Just the thought of him leaving me made me cringe. If he were to grow tired of me, I didn't know what to do. Could I really go to school and act as if nothing had happened if he suddenly started ignoring me? I doubted it. 

It would be impossible. 

And so, after that day in his bedroom, I had acted as if nothing had happened, and never mentioned it again, and weeks had passed since then. 

I didn't know what L thought of my silence, but he didn't question me further, though he sometimes stared out at nothing in particular, a slight frown on his face. 

Still, our time together was my favorite time of the day. As soon as I got home, all I did was wait impatiently for the next day to come, so that I could see L again. I went to bed early, to make the morning come faster, and I woke early, fully awake within seconds. 

L often waited by the school entrance for me. 

"Choding!" he yelled and waved his hand enthusiastically over his head.

I smiled, waved back - though not in such a grand way as him - and walked up to him. 

"So, how did my jagi-ah sleep?" he asked and gazed at me with loving eyes. 

"Same as always," I replied, feeling my heartbeat speed up. 

"You're so boring. You should at least pretend that something extraordinary happened." L regarded me with a stern expression, though I could tell he was joking. 

"Fine. I fell asleep and dreamt the greatest dream ever, and it was the best experience of my life," I said. 

"You should at least tell me what you were dreaming then," he said, his curiosity evident in his voice. I dreamt of you. As always.

"Secret," I replied, smiling playfully. 

"You're lame."

"You're the one liking a lame person."

L looked at me and cocked his head to the side, as if this had never occured to him. "I guess that makes me pretty lame too then." 

"I guess it does." I couldn't help but smile as we walked together towards the classroom.

_____

"Ok, listen carefully. I've got a plan." L leaned over the table, his elbows resting on the cold surface. His face showed his eagerness all over. "You. Me. Trip. This weekend. Alone."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, caught completely off guard. 

"Let's go somewhere this weekend, only the two of us. Just for one day."

"I don't think that's such a good idea..." I mumbled, embarrassed. 

"I won't attack you like-" L trailed off, a look of regret on his face, as if he had just remembered that he wasn't supposed to mention the kiss. "I won't do anything, anyway. I'll be good. I promise."

"Okay. I'll go," I accepted, giving in within seconds. 

L stared at me, his eyes wide with surprise. "Are you agreeing this easily? Why?" He seemed totally confused, as if the prospect of me accepting his proposal had never occured to him. 

"We're friends, aren't we? I want to go with you," I explained, though I had a hard time looking him in the eye. 

L's face lit up then. He smiled happily, his eyes becoming thin lines. I wanted to reach out and touch him, to feel his warmth against my skin. 

"Great! Where do you want to go?" L inquired, his voice light. 

"I don't know..." 

"Let's go to the seaside then. I've always wanted to, but I've never had anyone to go with."

I nodded my assent, which made L smile once more, and I felt myself blush. 

I want to tell you. But I just can't. And it's so frustrating. 

_____

"The breeze feels so nice," L said contentedly. We were sitting in the soft sand, watching the sun go down, listening to the waves. L was leaning his weight on his hands, which he had placed on either side of himself. His eyes were closed, his face turned towards the cool wind. I sat next to him and watched him quietly, taking in every part of him, enjoying his company. 

"Aren't you glad we came?" he asked me, his eyes still closed. 

"Yeah. I like it here," I replied, looking towards the sea. The sun was painting the sky in hues of red, orange, yellow and pink, and the water reflected the warm colors. "It's beautiful."

"Just like you."

When I looked towards L once again, he was staring at me with a peaceful yet longing expression. 

"Are you going to change your mind any time soon, do you think?" he asked, a slight hesitation in his voice, like he was afraid of scaring me away. 

I panicked inside, though my face remained calm. "Are you ever going to give up?" I asked him. Please say no.

"Never. I'll cling to you until you return my feelings or until I die," he said with certainty.

"You're so stubborn."

"So are you."

"I'm not being unreasonable though."

"According to who?"

"According to me."

"According to me, you should like me by now," L muttered quietly. I wasn't sure if it was meant for my ears or his only. 

I took a deep breath. I like you, I wanted to say. I'm in love with you. I can't stop thinking about you. I want you so bad I could scream.

Yet the words wouldn't come.

Before long, the sun disappeared, and the moon soon took its place. The stars twinkled up in the dark velvet sky, and the air became chilly. I shivered, and L took out a blanket from the bag he had brought. He scooted closer, draping it around both of us. Our shoulders touched, and my heartbeat sped up.

"Are you cold?" he asked me, concerned.

"I'm fine, as long as you sit close to me."

L glanced at me curiously. 

"You've been acting rather strange lately, you know," he said. 

"How so?" 

"How should I put it? You don't complain as much when I tell you I like you and stuff like that, and you don't seem to mind it when we're close, like we are now."

"I guess I got used to it."

"Are you sure?" he insisted. "Are you sure that's the only reason? You haven't... changed your mind, by any chance?" he inquired, looking as if he was struggling in order to push down his newfound hope. 

"I've already told you countless of times that you wouldn't be able to change my mind," I mumbled. 

"You're avoiding the question, Sungyeol."

"No, I'm not."

"Then answer me directly. Is it certain that you haven't changed your mind? Are you completely sure that you haven't started liking me even a little? Are you a hundred percent positive that there is no small part of you - not even a tiny, little part - that likes me at all?" he asked, his eyes focused on me with the intencity of fire. 

"Why would you think I would ever like you?"

"You're avoiding the question again!" he exclaimed, clearly frustrated. 

"I don't need to answer your questions if I don't want to," I said, feeling my willpower slip away. 

"I'll never make you answer any of my questions again if you'll just answer me right now," he said pleadingly. "So please. Just tell me. Do you like me at all? Do you really have no romantic feelings for me? Do you feel nothing when I touch you like this?" And he touched my cheek gently with the tip of his finger. 

"I..." I tried, but I was unable finish my sentence. 

L stared at me intently, his finger still touching my cheek. Slowly, ever so slowly, he lowered the rest of his fingers so that his whole hand was resting against my face. I could hardly breathe. 

"Is there no reaction at all? Are you really telling me that even though my heart is racing like this, you feel nothing?" he asked, sounding disappointed and crestfallen. 

He removed his fingers from my cheek and grasped my hand instead. Then he brought my hand up to his chest and placed it above his heart. 

"Can you feel it?" he asked, looking down, away from my face. He was blushing, his cheeks a dark red color. His heart was beating rapidly, though my heart was beating just as fast. 

And idea occured to me. I took hold of his hand with my free hand - the one that wasn't touching L's chest - and gently placed it above my own heart. 

L looked up suddenly, the shock evident on his face. He in a breath, staring at me with a wonderstruck expression.

For the longest time, he seemed unable to say anything. His hand was resting above my heart, and my hand was resting above his, and the world seemed to melt away and disappear, and instead there was just us. Him and me and the sound of our heartbeats.

"I don't understand," he mumbled finally. "This isn't supposed to happen. This only ever happens when I'm dreaming. Never in a million years would I have though..."

I looked at him without saying anything, because I didn't know what to say. I never knew what to say. Do you understand, L? Do you feel my feelings?

"You heart... why is it beating so quickly? Doesn't that mean..." he fumbled with his words. "You're not saying anything. You're not denying anything."

Silence wrapped around us once more, only the sound of the waves accompanying us. 

"If you don't tell me otherwise, I'll take this as a sign that you like me." L regarded me with uncertain hope in his eyes.  

I stared back at him.

"This is your last chance if you want to tell me I'm wrong," he warned. He seemed afraid that I would suddenly speak up, denying my love for him. 

So in order to reassure him, I leaned in slowly, the blanket still wrapped around us, and kissed him softly on the lips. 

Author's Note: Hey guys! I'm pretty sure this is my longest chapter so far:D I hope you like it, with all of its sappiness. xD And thank you so much for reading my story so far^^<3