(Hani)

Of course!!! That’s why he was asking!!! To give it to Yura!!! Not to you!!! Why did I even assume!?!?

GOD I’M SO STUPID!!!! I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS !!!

“YAH HONEYBEE ARE YOU LISTENING?!??” he yelled and I snapped back to reality

“y-yeah…” I replied softly, my voice started to crack.

GADDAMIT MOON HANI DON’T CRY YOU MORON!!!

THIS IS YOUR FAULT TOO!!! YOU ASSUMED!!! YOU STUPID GIRL!!!

“good. So I’ll give you the money at school tomorrow. Remember, 5PM Alumni Restaurant on 8^th avenue. Don’t be late okay???” he asked and I nodded before feeling something wet stroll down my cheek.

“yeah.” I replied meekly and wiped the tear falling on from my eye

“are you okay? You sound weird.” He suddenly said

“a-ani.. I’m sleepy.” I said and faked a yawn.

“oops. Sorry for disturbing you, I forgot this is the time you usually sleep. Anyway, thanks Honeybee!! You’re the best. I’ll see you tomorrow!” he said and then hung up.

I was at lost for words, mainly because I can’t say anything to describe how dumb and stupid I am. Those are the same but yes I am best of both worlds.

How can I assume so badly?? Am I that desperate for him?? For him to love me and look at me just as he does with Yura???

Why are you so pathetic Moon Hani??

--

Today is the day Luhan practically murdered Chen in his mind when I told him what happened.

“UGH!! HE’S SO STUPID!!!” he yelled and gripped on his hair in annoyance.

“you’re really gonna go there??” Baekhyun asked

“yeah. He already gave me the money, plus I did tell him I’d do it.” I said

“UGH!!! MOON HANI!!!! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!? YOU’RE HURTING YOURSELF!!!!” Luhan yelled and Sehun covered his mouth.

“he’s right Hani, I don’t say this often but please don’t do this. Even a person as strong as you will breakdown eventually.” Sehun said and I sighed, even the neutral king is lecturing me now.

“I already broke down. I am already broken.” I replied with a sad smile, just then two small arms wrapped around me and I got shocked.

“Baekhyun…” I said and looked at him.

“I’m not letting you do it. no. I’ll lock you in my car if I have to.” He said and I sighed

“I’ll be fine Baekhyun, trust me. I’ll be fine. When was I not fine?” I smiled and he looked up with those adorable puppy eyes of his.

ASFHSGHJGHKDGJSK CAN I KEEP HIM IN MY POCKET??? PLEASE???

Okay, not the right time to think about that but what else should I think about??

“but----” before he could speak the bell rang.

“let’s get back to class.” I smiled and stood up, walking ahead and leaving those sad stares I kept getting from my friends.

I know I am so pathetic for doing this. But I love Chen. I love him to the point where I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness, just to see him happy.

I love him to the point where I am willing to watch him be happy with someone else.

--

I went by this flower shop Jinki and I used to go to whenever we would buy roses for mom. The owner knows me already so she smiled when she saw me.

“Hani-shii~ it’s been a while. The usual?” she asked and I shook my head

“not really, this is for something else. One full bouquet of white roses.” I said and she nodded

“how’s your brother?” she asked while arranging the flowers

“busy as usual, studying law.” I smiled

“and you? You seem… different.” She said and I gave her a look

“how so?” I asked

“I don’t know, when you entered here every time your aura feels so bright and happy, but now… it feels sullen.” She said and gave an apologetic smile

Is my misery that obvious??

“oh really? Sorry… must be because exams are near again.” I joked and stuck out my tongue playfully.

“AHAHAHA!! I see I see, well I’m sure you can pass them. You’re a good student I can tell.” She finished arranging the flowers and she handed them over to me.

I paid and then walked out before riding a bus to 8^th avenue.

This is it.

--

I arrived at 4:45 and Yura wasn’t there yet. So I sat down a table, on the chair facing the door so I could see if Yura was coming in.

I looked around the restaurant, it was fabulous. Really high-end. I’ve been to such restaurants but only with Jinki and family.

Chen never took me to places like this. This event will be a reminder of how I’m in no match for Yura’s importance in his life at all.

The thought made me sick. Not negatively sick like I want to throw up, but the type of sick wherein I’m telling myself: why am I even thinking about matching up to Yura?

I GOT NOTHING

“H-Hani-shii?” I heard a voice and I looked up to meet Yura.

Wow. She’s really pretty. She was wearing a simple black and white frilly dress and a small shoulder bag, she was wearing simple make-up but she looked much like a doll and a model.

See? I can’t match up to this. I’m insanely boyish and I don’t give a damn about my looks.

“Oh hello Yura-shii, right on time.” I smiled and she gave me a confused look.

“Chen can’t come on time today.” As soon as I said that she frowned.

“so he sent me instead, he’s sorry for being late but he doesn’t want to cancel your date so he asked me to give you these. He’s hoping you’d forgive him and----”

“aish!!” she suddenly said and stomped her foot. I was shocked to be honest but no one was looking so thank goodness for that.

“he asked me to come here and wait for him?? Seriously!! After all the trouble I went through just for this special night and…. Ugh! I hate him.” She said and then stormed outside.

I was frozen in my spot of course, I didn’t know Yura had that attitude but I think I understand a bit on why she’s mad.

I followed her right after but when I came out she was already going in her car with a chauffeur and then they drove away.

So much for compensation.

--

“SHE LEFT?!?” Chen yelled on the phone and I pulled the phone away from my ear.

“yeah, she was mad so she left.” I replied with a sigh while paying for the bill. Of course it would be rude not to order anything so I ate some pasta.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL HER WHY I WAS GONNA BE LATE??!!?” he yelled and I couldn’t help but feel angry at his words.

“how was I supposed to tell her when she left in a flash?” I asked and he sighed

“I’m picking you up from there so wait for me, you need to fix this.” He said that and hung up.

THE NERVE OF THIS GUY!!! HE EVEN HAD THE ABILITY TO BE MAD AT ME WHEN I WAS THE ONE WORKING MY FOR HIM!?!? REALLY?!?!

ARGH!!!! KIM JONGDAE!!!!

--

“so… what do you suggest??” he asked as we drove home.

“don’t look at me she’s not my girlfriend.” I replied, the anger in my voice was evident; you’d have to be rock not to feel my rage.

“yah don’t be like that. It’s your fault she left.” He said and that’s when I snapped.

“EXCUSE ME!?!? AS FAR AS I KNOW I’M NOT THE ONE WHO SHE GOT MAD AT!!! IT WAS YOU!!! YOU HAD TO MAKE HER WAIT!!! YOU COULD’VE JUST CANCELED THE DATE OR SOMETHING BUT YOU DIDN’T!!! IF YOU KNEW SHE HATED WAITING THEN WHY DID YOU SUGGEST THE IDEA TO MAKE HER WAIT WITH ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!? AND EXCUSE ME FOR HELPING YOUR HELPLESS !!!” I yelled and he was dead silent…

I AM JUST SO MAD!!!!! HOW COULD HE BLAME ME WHEN I WAS THE ONE WHO EVEN HELPED HIM!?!?

The ride home felt like hours since we weren’t talking to each other. I was looking out the window but I could feel him give me soft and sorry glances whenever we stopped for the red light.

Again, I feel like I lost. When I feel his sad glance, my conscience eats me.

I can’t stand being mad at Chen, and I don’t like it when he’s sad because of me either.

UGH!!!! WHY IS LIFE SO COMPLICATED!?!?

We got home and I was ready to leave the car but when I opened the lock he closed it again.

“I’m not letting you leave while you’re still mad.” He said and I sighed. So stubborn.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled and I looked at him, his eyes were directly staring back at mine. It was full of guilt, pain and sadness.

The same feeling I’m probably showing right now.

“I’m sorry, you’re right… I shouldn’t have let her wait.. and I shouldn’t have blamed you for what happened…. I’m sorry it’s just that tonight was supposed to be special but then….” He sighed and banged his head on the steering wheel.

I hate seeing him like this. I don’t want him sad, I don’t want him depressed. I don’t want him not to smile.

“it’s okay. I’m sorry for snapping.” I said and patted his shoulder.

“I don’t blame you. It was my fault.” He said, still not looking at me.

“don’t worry. I’m sure she’ll understand and she’ll forgive you.” I smiled

“you really think so?” he asked and when he lifted his head up to look at me I saw the light go back in his eyes

“I know so. But don’t expect her to come to you first, you’re the one who did wrong so make up for it.” I said and he sighed in exhaustion.

“but I don’t know what to do….” He whined and leaned back on his chair.

And I know I’ll hurt myself again, I know Luhan and the others would scream at me again… but to see Chen smile once again… I’d do anything….

I smiled and poked Chen’s forehead, he glared at me but I just smiled more, showing him that I’ll be there with him (even if it hurts me)

“don’t worry… I’ll help you.”

----------------------------------------------------

-insert deep sigh of exasperation here- Moon Hani...