"And just tell me you love me only."

Today is a snowy day, but not the harsh and gloomy one with heavy drops of snowflakes burying the whole town and freezing all of living things beneath the earth’s crust. Today is snowing, calm and mild accompanied with the sun shining too. Maybe this day is not that bad because even the nature tries to brighten up his mood with the small sunshine rays trying to send some warmth through his skin wrapped in layers of clothing. He is outside, taking a walk around his new neighborhood, trying to get some fresh air for his mind and soul. He got tired of watching tv and play some video games. Sure, it is pretty far from his previous one. He bought a house in this small town instead of having a condo unit back in the city of Seoul. He is still in the said city, but in the rural part of it. He guessed he needed time to unwind and let all of his wounds to heal. It is not easy to live again when he lost the reason for his living. But he need to try to survive. Even if it’ll take him to suffer every day. He is just hoping that one day he will get numb and feel nothing from all of the hurt he felt. He started to move on slowly although it is painfully killing him. He took an offer near in this town and continued his career. This is one thing why he loves his job. Wherever he’ll go, there will always be a place for him to work. A place for diversion of activities and to allow him to think less about his depression.

Junhyung took a sit on a bench nearby and wandered a little in his thoughts. Four months have passed and he admits he can still feel the pain. But only on a different level. Just this time, it is not as much as before. Not as much as when a doe eyed architect left him for the second time. Junhyung sighed when he remembered his pretty deer again. Oh how much he loves him. If only the other would allow him to, he wouldn’t care less of how of an idiot and a pathetic is he.  Because whatever the other has done to him, he can’t keep his arms but to willingly accept him, again and again. He is so hopelessly in love with Jang Hyunseung and in any moment now, the love of his life will be a married man.

And again, for the nth time, he suddenly felt that intense hurt. So much hurt when he can’t comprehend why Hyunseung would choose this day to be his wedding day.  Today is supposed to be his birthday, his twenty-seventh year of existence. It is supposed to be a happy birthday that is why the president gave him an off today. He should be celebrating and partying about how happy it is that he was born in this world. But he feels to mourn and feel like on a funeral wake instead. He doesn’t find the sense to celebrate when Hyunseung will be walking on an aisle, will exchange vows of love, will get the public to witness the ceremony, and will be married to a different man.

Does he really want me to suffer so much? I didn’t do anything but to love him more than I should have but here I am, experiencing nothing but pain and sorrow. Hyunseung-inflicted misery.

After a couple of hours torturing his wrecked up self about how of an emo with a broken heart boy is he, he decided to go home and have a nice shower. Junhyung doesn’t feel like eating and doing anything today aside from mourning. Let him be and he will get over after some time. Just this time, let him be. He feels so empty and hollow. Knowing the love of his life is married now and he can’t do a ing single thing about that. It hurts. So so much! So ing much that he screamed so loud and punched his cold tile before sobbing nonstop. He really wants to be numb, even just for once. He wants to send the pain away and at least if he can’t be happy, can’t he feel just pure