15 minutes… I was already 15 minutes late and the train was not helping at all. It’s going at super snail speed and even stopping every now and then.

“Sorry to inform this but the train will be stopping here because the train ahead is still at the station.”

I let out a loud sigh as the announcement goes the 3rd time already. I looked at my phone and there were already 12 unread messages. I slid the lock screen away and the chat box got flooded with those messages appearing.

‘Where are you?’

‘I’ve reached already.’

‘Where the hell are you?’

‘Slowpoke! Reply me!’

‘If you don’t reply me, I’ll take it as you are not coming anymore.’

‘YAH!’

‘Stupid idiot that doesn’t reply me, where the hell are you?’

‘I’m already at the cinema’s entrance waiting for an idiot to arrive.’

‘Great! I look like an idiot now too.’

‘I’m going in already! You will miss out that awesome show!’

‘REPLY ME, IDIOT!

‘Nevermind… I’ll go in by myself. BYE!’

I was about to reply when another message came.

‘Are you ignoring me?’

I sighed again and pulled my bag closer to me before tapping my fingers on the screen.

‘The stupid train is not moving. How do you expect me to arrive on time?’

I pressed send and next few messages appeared within the next 5 seconds.

‘THANK GOD!’

‘Someone finally replied!’

‘Where are you?’

I rolled my eyes with a tiny smile and replied, “I’m just a few more stations away and the train is still not moving.”

Just then, the train started to move and it jerked a little, making me lose my balance. I panicked and quickly grabbed onto the nearest pole to regain my balance.

My phone vibrated in my hand when that message arrived, ‘So you are still coming? I thought you are ignoring me.’

I rolled my eyes again and continued to keep him accompany as the train slowly crawls its way to my station. When the doors open, I rushed out like a Formula 1 race car to the cinema’s entrance. There he is. Standing while tapping his foot impatiently, with a few girls gazing at him, which he ignored.

“FINALLY!” He rolled his eyes as I ran towards him. I held onto his arm for support and try to catch my breath before talking.

“My boss gave me last minute work and I finished it as fast as I could. But the train is not helping at all. It stopped…”

“Don’t blame the train when you are the one who didn’t estimate the time well.” He shot me a look before walking over to the theatre area. I just clung onto his arms as he led and I continued to calm myself down.

“I gave a 10 minutes grace, okay? But today, that train took longer than it should be.”

“Thank you.” He took the tickets back from the staff after verifying and dragged me in (Or should I say, I followed in since I am clinging onto his arm). “Then you should have took a cab here or tell me. Do you know how long I waited for you, Little Miss Princess?”

“I wasn’t…”

“SHHHH!!”

I bowed apologetically as Kris dragged me (He did this time) down the stairs and got to our seats. Our conversation stopped here and we watched the movie in silence. We are the quiet watcher when it comes to movie. We won’t exchange any words until the end. That’s how focused we are.

 

“Let’s go?” I urged and he just sat there to watch the credits go. Normally, we will be leaving the moment credits start rolling. So I raised a brow at him and he seems to be in his deep thoughts that he didn’t notice it at all. “Kris?” I called out but still no reaction. So I waved my hand in front of him and snapped my fingers. “Mister Jerk, time to go.”

“What?” He suddenly twitched and turned to me. “Did you say something?”

“Yes, Mister Jerk. TIME.TO.GO!” I repeated word by word and he rolled his eyes before standing up. “What were you thinking?”

“Nothing.” Seriously?! One word and you think you can shut me up?

“You must be thinking of something! You better tell before I find out myself.”

“I said nothing. I wasn’t thinking about anything. Why are you so curious? Did you panic just now because of me?” He smirked and I rolled my eyes this time.

“NO! I was cursing you to have shorter life span. Too bad you didn’t hear it, you missed the fun.”

“I’m hungry.” He patted his tummy with a frown. “What do you want to eat?”

“Royal food.”

“Royal food?... OH!! SURE! Your wish is my command, little princess.” He acted out like a servant and narrowed his eyes after he bow. “Dream on. We are going for noodles.”

“But I just ate it this afternoon!” I whined and he shook his head.

“I don’t care. I am craving for noodles now. Let’s go.”

 

This is my relationship with Mister Kris Wu Yifan over here. We are friends ever since I was 7. He is older than me by 3 years and he was appointed to be my student helper for a year when I just entered our school. At that time, I didn’t know how to make friends and I was all alone during the morning until my teacher introduced him to me.

“Hi, I’m your student helper for this year, you can call me Kris.”

Although he was only 10 years old, his confident reflects that he is already 13 on the inside. He brought me around the school and we (or rather he) attracted a little attention from the girls. Since I was a quiet person then, I didn’t like the attention we gathered and I had to hide behind him throughout the whole day.

As weeks passed by, I slowly got attracted to him and got used to the attentions. At the end of the year, we exchanged numbers even though we still went to lunch breaks together. He will always be waiting for me outside of my class, sometimes the opposite, and I will rush out the moment my teacher releases us for lunch breaks.

As years go passed, he came out to working life before I did and he kept taking care of me like a big brother. We always got teased as couple and we will shrug away or when we’re in good moods, stick closer and acted like a real couple. But both of us knew that our relationship is just plain brotherly-sisterly love and nothing more. Until that year when my ex-boyfriend cheated on me and him caring too much, my love was channelled from my ex-boyfriend to this “brother” of mine. And since I know he only loves me like a brother should, I won’t confess this feeling. Rather let it be in my little secret than get rejected.

 

We chatted as we were waiting for our food to arrive and I purposely reminded Kris about my birthday that is coming in a few months’ time.

“Yah! My birthday is coming, I feel old.” I pouted at the thought of going 21 this year. They said that 21 years old is a very important birthday and must be celebrated it with a party because it’s an age that made you legal to make your own decisions and counting you as a “full adult” that will take full responsible in your words and actions. But I still want to be 18, forever 18! I mean, who don’t?

“Hello? What about me?” He replied, slightly louder.

“Have you prepared any present for me? I want a grand chalet and invite everyone over to party whole night…” I tapped my chin as I thought of how my birthday celebration will be like.

“NO! I will NOT do all of that.”

“WHY!!!” I whined.

“Because all I got was getting beaten up by my friends and I heard that you are the one behind all of that.” Kris leaned forward with narrowed eyes. The flashback of Kris’s 21st birthday replayed itself as I thought back.

I did plan for his party and invited all our friends over to help celebrate. But Kris had guessed it and decided to not turn up for the party. We waited until 5 minutes left for his birthday and HE decided to just “pass by” the venue looking like a stranger. Fortunately, one of our friends spotted him and shouted out for him. All 11 of our guy friends ran towards him and pounded onto him like a pack of wolves. Then they started to poke him, NOT PUNCH but poke him! And Kris, a big, tall, grown man with slight muscles, is afraid of tickles. Thus, he ended up rolling on the ground and the guys had to hold him in position, with Minseok sitting on him, in order to continue tickling until his birthday ended. So we ended up celebrating after midnight and he will always bring that up whenever I mention about birthdays.

“Please. It’s YOU who wasted our time, okay? We waited for hours and you decided to appear at the last minute and you are blaming us?” I slapped his arm but he jerked back, causing me to slam the table loudly.

“I was expecting a limo to pick me up!”

“LIMO? What do you think I am? Rich lady?”

“You are a princess after all. Why not?” He smirked and I kicked his legs, which he can’t avoid this time.

“OUCH! Petty princess that is.” He rubbed his leg and frowned. Our food came at that moment and we didn’t continue on that conversation anymore.

After dinner, we went to shop around for digesting sake. Kris will reply “Buy it with your own salary” whenever I pointed to an item that I wanted for my birthday but I know he is secretly noting it down. That’s why I kept pointing for the whole night and making Kris give up in remembering the things.

Everything went on like that until two weeks before my birthday. I am sure Kris already had a list full of the things that I wanted and beginning to buy them for my birthday, so I stopped pointing at things but smile creepily whenever I pass by the things I wanted.

A week before my birthday, Kris disappeared and I heard from his colleague that he wasn’t in for work the week before too. Whenever I went to visit his apartment, there is no one in. Maybe he went overseas?

He didn’t reply my messages or calls. So I started to worry on the third day of his disappearance and went around checking with his friends of his whereby.

Now, I am knocking on Minseok’s, the fifth friend who I visited today to find Kris’s whereby, door and he was shocked to see me by the door.

“Oh! What brought you here? Little sweetie.” He didn’t let me in but just peek through the crack.

“Did you see Kris? He is missing for days.”

“Kris?” He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “No. Why?”

“I don’t know why he is missing! He didn’t reply any of my messages or calls. It’s like he suddenly disappeared from this world.” I waved my arms in anger as I explained for the fifth time already.

“Maybe he went overseas?”

“But he should have told me! He can’t just go like that without asking me what he should buy for me or telling me the date that he will be back!” I stomped on the ground like a kid. Minseok looked into his house and back at me.

“You know what? Maybe I should help you to search for him. I think most probably he went overseas. I’ll help, don’t worry.” He shot me an assuring smile. I calmed down and thanked him before leaving to the sixth friend’s house.

All the 11 friends that we had didn’t see Kris for days too and I was so worried that I didn’t sleep for that night. The next morning, I received a call from Minseok saying Kris went overseas to visit his friends and he didn’t get to say because it was an emergency. But he said he will be back as soon as possible since his leaves at work are limited. He also asked me to not worry because he had my party planned out nicely.

I let out a sigh of relief after that call and Minseok really knows how to comfort people well. I no longer am worried about that “brother” of mine as I trusted his words. Maybe he will be back by tomorrow? Or at least before my birthday! He won’t miss out that fun that he prepared, right?

Days went by and I forgot about it because my work stressed me out as the buyers kept calling to chase me for documents and money. It was until my birthday, I finally received a message from Kris.

‘Come to my apartment after work! Don’t run away because I will be sending a limo over to fetch you!’

I giggled when I saw that message. My day went by quite fast because I was in a good mood and none of the buyers call to chase me for things. Maybe it’s my birthday luck.

“Bye. TGIF everybody!” I greeted as I skipped my way out of my office and there is really a limo parked right at the waiting area. I beamed as I saw Kyungsoo walking out of it and opening the door for me.

“Hello, birthday girl. I am here to pick you up.” He bowed slightly like a gentleman and I went in while laughing. The car was so long and I am sitting all alone at the back of the car. There is a box nicely wrapped being placed on the seat behind the driver’s.

“Is that for me?” I asked and Kyungsoo, who is now at the driver seat, shyly scratched the back of his neck.

“It’s… It’s a little gift from me. Happy Birthday.” He smiled through the rear mirror and I gave him a thank-you hug from the back. I can feel him becoming rigid in my arms and I giggled beside his ear. When I pulled away, his face is flushing red! I laughed this time and he shook his head, getting back to reality. “Let’s go back. Are you ready for your party, princess?”

I nodded with a grin, “Yes!”

On the ride there, it wasn’t an awkward silence. Kyungsoo will hum songs as he drive carefully and I was secretly admiring the song and the wrapping of the present and even peeking into the box to see the item inside. But the wrapping was so good that I don’t have any clue of what is in there. I can sense that Kyungsoo is also in a good mood because he will peek at me through the rear mirror every once in a while, smiling.

When we reached Kris’s apartment, he parked the car nicely and led me by holding onto my hand so gently like he will crash it if he grab onto it. When we are the door step, he turned around and smiled at me.

“First, I have to blindfold you.” He took the blindfold that is hanging on the door knob, surprisingly it didn’t get blown away, and tie it around my eyes and blinded me. “Are you ready?” He whispered into my ear so seductively but held onto my arms so securely.

“Ever ready.” I beamed and he slowly pushed me towards the door direction and I trusted him, so I just walked and I think we walked pass the door because I didn’t knock into it. Then there is smell of burning stuff and I assume it’s the candle since there is no sound that anyone is panicking. In fact, I don’t even know whether there is anyone in this apartment right now.

“You can take out the blindfold at the count to 5.” Kyungsoo ordered as we came to a stop. I feel him leaving me and all I can do now is do as he ordered.

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5.” I took off my blindfold and a room full of our friends shouted “SURPRISE!” as they pulled the party popper into the air. I jumped in surprise and looked around the living room. It’s decorated with helium balloons; some more it is in my favourite colour! And there is a piñata hanging right behind the crowd. There are also mini game stations like the classical ‘Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey’ game and also some video games placed on the table nicely, like asking me to choose.

“Happy Birthday to you~” They started singing without giving me a chance to speak up and I had to clapped along like an idiot as they separated to let Minseok come out with a cake in his hand. He is trying his best to not let the candle blown out as he took every step carefully.

“Happy Birthday to you~~~” They ended noisily and he successfully reached a step away from me to presented me my cake. It’s the ice cream cake that I always said I wanted.

“Quickly, make a wish. Blow the candle before the ice cream melts!” Minseok encouraged and I closed my eyes, making a health wish and world peace wish while thanking Kris at the end silently. I opened my eyes and blew the fire away but it lighted up again. I was confused and I blew again, harder this time. Then the candle lighted up again the third time and I took a super big breath before blowing it out. The fire finally went off this time.

Minseok smirked, “Congrats, now it’s all covered with your saliva. The whole cake is yours.”

I slapped his arm playfully and he went back to slice the cake for everyone. Soon, I was flooded with birthday wishes and presents from the others that I had to move to a corner of the room to place them there.

After eating the cakes, chatting and playing around, a few hours had passed and I can noticed that some of them left already because it’s getting late. But reality hits me when I finally noticed that I didn’t see Kris for the whole event. Where can he be? Did he miss his flight back? Or is he on his way back?

“Hey, we are going already.” The last few boys said.

“Wait.” I called out as they were on their way to the front door. “Did anyone see Kris?”

They exchanged a glance at each other before shrugging and leaving the house with a “bye”. I am left all alone now, in Kris’s apartment with all the party mess and presents. Just then, a message came and I checked my phone. It’s from Kris.

‘I guessed party’s over? I’m sorry that I can’t attend your party. I hope you can forgive me. But can you promise me one thing?’

 ‘YAH! WHERE ARE YOU?! What promise?’

‘Promise me that you won’t cry after what I am going to tell you.’

‘PROMISE YOUR HEAD! COME HOME! I’m at your apartment already!’

‘PROMISE ME?’

I was taken aback by his demanding message and I sighed before replying, “Promise.”

‘Go to my room and you will know what happened. The key is in one of the balloons. Have fun.’

I gasped as I looked up at the balloons. There are like 20? 30? Or maybe 40 of them! How am I supposed to find the key out of so many balloons? It’s all helium balloons, so I can’t waste the fun of playing with it by popping them just to get the key.  

‘Happy Birthday, My little princess.’

I rolled my eyes as I was out the air from the first balloon when the message arrived.

“What kind of joke is this, you idiot jerk!” I spoke in my high pinch voice. Then I let out laughter and it’s in that high pinch voice also. So I continued to laugh and laugh and laugh whole night while playing with all the 20 (luckily) balloons by myself.

“Should have chosen this the moment I saw it.” I said to myself as I pulled the key out of the deflated balloon. Then I walked towards Kris’s room as I ripped open the paper covering the sharp tip part. I pushed in the key and took a deep breath as I prepared myself for the surprise that the big jerk could give. I turned the knob and a click was heard before I pushed the door open slowly.

Welcoming me is a room full of presents. My mouth hung widely open as I walked into the room and stood beside his bed. Right now, I am standing right in the middle of a sea of presents and those were the one that I pointed out the past few months. But something weird about them is that they are all labelled with a tag each. Then I found an envelop nicely placed right in the middle of his pillow. So I jumped onto his bed, like I always did, and lay on my stomach as I opened that envelop while smiling at the drawing on the front page. It was a stickman boy holding onto an animal, I guess, like that animal is his pet. I remembered seeing this drawing somewhere. It’s that drawing of that alpaca stuff toy that I gave for his Christmas a few years back. He named it ‘Ace’ because he said that the stuff toy is as “Ace” as him. I never know what he means anyway. Then he would draw it randomly just to prove how artistic he is. It never looks good. It looks more like a cow with a chicken hair done than an alpaca stuff toy.

“Tsk! You and your drawings again.” I commented as I pulled out the paper that is filled with his “artistic” drawings of random stuff at the back and I unfolded it. I took a deep breath before starting to read it with my eyes.

‘Hey, Princess/Slowpoke/Stupid/Clumsy/Pretty sister of mine. Happy Birthday. I know it’s a bad way to greet you like that but I know you won’t take it to heart, right? You will always forgive me, right? Haha. Take every of my drawings as an apology, will you? I tried my best already and I know you know my effort so you won’t complain about it. So… I guess you are expecting me to jump behind you and scare you when you are reading this right now. Am I right? Well… I would! But only if I could. Remember those days when you kept pointing at the things that you wanted and I kept saying to buy it with your own salary? Well… I’m not a person who always talks about promises because I know it’s hard to commit to them. But promise me that you will open up the presents one by one in their respective years, okay?

You can call me an idiot, jerk, stupid, liar, or whatever you like. Because I just can’t bear to see you being sad if you know about my condition. I don’t want you to shed a tear because of me. I am not worth any of them. I am supposed to be a brother that protects you from getting hurt, but I guess god didn’t give me the chance to prove that. I found out about my condition a few months back. I never tell you because I don’t want you to worry. I had cancer.  Last stage to be exact. The doctors said I only have 2 months left. But I guess, after 3 months, I am still here writing this. To be honest, I don’t know how long I still have left because I already live longer than what the doctors expected. I really appreciated every day that I get to spend and I always spend it wisely. I am just writing this letter in case that I can’t attend the party that I planned. So if you are reading this letter now, I probably am on my way to negotiate with god about my life span. Only Minseok knew about my condition because he saw me fainted that day when we were about to play basketball. He was the only one presented when the doctor told me about my condition. So if you are receiving all the messages, it’s probably because I asked him to help me send them using my phone.

Now that I’m gone, I guess you have to find another guy to protect you from harm. I guess Minseok is the best chance for now. I know he do take care of you A LOT and he will still continue to do it even though I left. Maybe he might be a better brother than I am since I hurt you now. Or he can be that husband that you never know you will be getting married with. Keke.

I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry! You said you will forgive me, right? I know you have a big heart, so you WILL! And you promised not to cry! So don’t forget about it and those tears back in! Remember, a bad guy like me doesn’t deserve any of your precious tears.

Goodbye, my little princess. I love you.

 

PS: Just in case you didn’t notice, I’ve moved the tissue box to the side table so you could reach it when you are crying.

PPS: Please take care of my apartment for me. The keys are with Minseok and the spare one is under the carpet since you can’t reach the flower pot hanging beside the door. Keke. Shorty. I will come back to spot check on you!

PPPS: I’ve noticed that Kyungsoo likes to look at you and smile like an idiot. I think that guy likes you. Please look at him more. If he blushed more than usual, means he likes you because he normally don’t get a dam to things that he is not interested in. I’ll approve if that guy propose to you. I’m sure he will take good care of you for me.

Last PS: I know I am the best artist in the whole world. And I know you agree with it. Hahahaha.’

 

My vision was all blurred out when I finished reading it. I didn’t know I was crying from the moment I saw the word ‘Cancer’. Although my vision was blurred all along, I continued to read it with Kris’s voice in my head as if he were the one reading it instead. That guy…

“Jerk.” This was all I can say after reading all these. I buried my face onto his pillow and try to suffocate myself while crying so I can be with him. But the thought of him being angry at me and scolding me that I’m being foolish appeared and I lifted my head up to read the letter again. Just to make sure I didn’t miss out anything such as “PS: I’m just joking. Happy Birthday! Look at your face right now! You are so ugly!” But those words never appear.

“Hey.” I heard someone called out and I turned around to see Minseok standing there. “Need a shoulder?” He carefully walked into the room and was amazed by the sea of presents too. Without thinking much, I jumped onto him for a big hug because I really need to release all the sadness that is built up in the past few minutes.

“This is supposed to be my birthday. HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” I shouted as I buried my face in his chest. It feels so different. Kris’s chest was board and slightly muscular while Minseok’s chest is comfortable and filled with warmth. And of course the height difference is very big too.

“I’m sorry that I lied with him. He ordered me to not tell if not he will not trust you in my hands.” He lightly patted my back to calm me down. All I did that whole night was to lay on Kris’s bed with my head burying into Minseok’s chest as I cried my heart out with him whispering comforting words into my ears. Maybe Kris is right, Minseok might be a better brother than him. But what he never knows is that feeling I have for him will never be channelled to Minseok. I’ll let that secret be locked in the deepest part of my heart and never ever be exposed out.

Just then, I realised. I didn’t point to Kris during that period of time. I even lied to him about cursing his life span to be shortened. I regretted. I should have pointed to him and said “I want you to be at my party too.”   

“You know what Kris said before he left?” Minseok said as he hugged me closer to him. He is looking at me for any reaction but all I did was to blink. “He said ‘Tell her that I love her’.” He waited for my reaction but I didn’t give any because that is too much for me to register. He patted my head softly and hummed a song, making me closed my eyes and sleep on him as the last few tears fell onto his wet shirt.

“Kris, I love you too.” I whispered before I went into my dreamland and hoping that when I wake up, Kris will be standing there, smirking at me while teasing me for what I’ve said.