Baekhyun was curled up on his bed in his dorm room, wrapped up in Kris’ navy University sweater, a patchwork blanket draped over his tiny body. It was only two days after the lake incident, but it still felt like forever had passed since he last saw Kris. Baekhyun was lying on his left side, staring blankly at the flickering images coming from the TV six foot away, but he wasn’t taking anything in. It felt extremely weird, being back in his own dorm room. He’d spent so many nights in Kris’ room, he felt like a stranger in his own. And even though he was mad at Kris, he still liked the thickness and the softness of the sweater he’d nabbed within their first month of dating. It had annoyed Kris, since it was one of his favourite winter sweaters, but he had grown to love seeing Baekhyun practically swimming in the oversized clothing.

The distant fuzziness of what Baekhyun guessed was a cartoon was interrupted by a knocking at the door. He grunted quietly but didn’t move, hoping that whoever was behind the knocking would soon disappear and leave Baekhyun to wallow in his own sad universe. But they didn’t stop. They knocked again, a little harder, a little louder. And then they spoke. “Baekhyun, please.” Baekhyun’s heart skipped in his chest at the sound of Kris’ gorgeously deep voice came muffled from behind the door. Baekhyun closed his eyes, squeezing them shut, fighting every urge he had to run to the door and throw himself at his boyfriend. His boyfriend that he was mad at, might he remember. “I know why you’re mad.”

What did he know? For a guy with a rather high IQ, he could be so dense sometimes. “No you don’t.” Baekhyun muttered, just loud enough for Kris to capture the words through the wood.

“Yes, I do, and I don’t want to talk about it through a door.”

That struck Baekhyun’s curiosity. Maybe Kris recognised that it was something personal, something they should discuss in private. Exhaling rather loudly, Baekhyun kicked back his blanket and pulled himself reluctantly from the bed, stuffing his hands deep into the warm, inviting pockets of the sweater. He walked over to the door, his feet padding gently on the carpet as he dragged them. He didn’t have energy for a fight, so he prayed that wasn’t what it would lead to. Baekhyun unlocked the door and slowly opened it, dragging his eyes slowly up Kris’ body before they made eye contact. Kris looked incredible, as always. Jet black jeans that seemed baggy around his legs, yet snug around his hips. Baekhyun knew if he were facing the other way, his backside would look incredible. He had a typical white shirt on, rolled up to the sleeves, the two top buttons open, revealing his well-define collarbones. Collarbones that Baekhyun longed to explore, but was always denied access when he tried. Kris’ hair was perfectly tousled, styled in a bad-boy, I-don’t-care kind of way, just making Kris look even ier. This wasn’t helpful at all. Of course Kris looked perfect, never had a day gone by where he had a stain on his shirt or was suffering from a bad hair day. And there Baekhyun stood, in sweats with extreme bed hair. They both stood in silence, the tension relatively thick, just staring into each other’s eyes as if daring the other to speak first. So Baekhyun did.

“If you’re here to defe-“

“No, me first.” Kris cut Baekhyun off, taking Baekhyun by surprise. “I know what’s bothering you, and I’m sorry that-“ Kris stopped and took a small glimpse around him. “Can I come in?”

Baekhyun nodded and stepped aside.”Sorry it’s a bit messy… I’m not really used to being here so much.” Kris chuckled as he entered the dorm and Baekhyun closed it behind him. “Do you want a drink?”

Kris shook his head, “I’m okay thanks.” He just wanted to talk, get everything out in the open and hope Baekhyun understood. He perched on Baekhyun’s bed, clasping his hands together in his lap. Something about the way Kris still kept his posture made Baekhyun nervous, so he decided to remain standing.

“Alright. So talk.” Baekhyun’s words came off a little cold, causing Kris to wince ever so slightly at them. He hated making Baekhyun mad which is why he avoided conflict as best as he could. But this, he couldn’t fight this away, and Baekhyun couldn’t bat his lashes and make it okay.

“Okay…” Kris began quietly, staring down at his sweater around Baekhyun’s torso. A smile tugged at his lips, but he forced it away. “You’re probably wondering why we, uh… Why we haven’t…”

“Had ?” Baekhyun said bluntly, wanting to get right to the point.

“Well, yeah.” Kris wasn’t shy about the topic, but when it came to Baekhyun it felt like a filthy act of sin that should be avoided at all costs. “It’s… It’s not because I don’t want to. I do. I mean, what twenty two year old wouldn’t?”

“You?”

“Baekhyun, just let me speak.” Kris sighed and lifted his gaze to look at Baekhyun, sincerity in his eyes. He just wanted Baekhyun to understand his reasons, but for that to happen, he had to come clean. “I want to sleep with you. I want nothing more than that, but..” Kris stopped and lowered his gaze to the floor, almost ashamed of what he was about say. That only lead to Baekhyun jumping to conclusions.

“But you don’t want to, because then that means you’re really gay.” It was no secret to anyone on campus that Kris hadn’t questioned his uality before he met Baekhyun in his sophomore year. The way the little freshman strut around the campus with a large smile on his face and a bright twinkle in his eyes drove Kris insane, and he just had to have him. It took Kris a while to fully understand himself and his new found feelings for someone of the same gender, but he was perfectly comfortable with who he turned out to be. Baekhyun’s assumption was incorrect, and Kris was horrified that Baekhyun even thought that about him.”

“Not at all!” Snapping his head up, Kris pressed his lips together, letting out a deep sigh. He reached out to take Baekhyun’s hands out of his pockets, linking their fingers together. “I’m fine with who I am. You should know that. Everyone knows, my parents know, I’m okay with liking you. You shouldn’t ever question that. I love you, Baekhyun. Don’t you ever think that I’m reluctant to love you because of your gender, okay?”

Baekhyun began to feel extremely guilty about his thoughts. It just felt like there was no other explanation. “So then what is it? Are you not attracted to me ually? Am I unattractive?” Baekhyun spoke softly with a small pout, eyes fixated on their conjoined hands.

“You know that isn’t true. How many times have you been dancing to Freaking Iggy Azalea and given me a just from watching?”

That made Baekhyun giggle and Kris smiled. The way Baekhyun laugh just made him happy, and it meant just that little bit extra in this moment. “Okay… So, what is the reason?”

Kris pulled Baekhyun closer towards him, and the younger one ended up perching on his lap, curling his arms around Kris’ neck. “Well… The last person I slept with was about, three years ago, a few months before I met you. I was a uni freshman, just about to take an important exam to see if I could continue on to the next year. There was a girl in my class, really beautiful and all of the guys wanted her. And I ended up being lucky enough to get her. We dated for a few weeks, and when it got round to it, we slept together. But it turns out she wasn’t really interested in me, she just wanted to use me for my brain. Because we’d study together, she took all my notes, all of my ideas for my upcoming coursework and plagiarised them. She turned her work in first, which made it look like I was the one who cheated. So when I confronted her about it, she warned me not to turn her in or I’ll regret it. She got so mad when I ignored her and told our professor that she went around telling everyone who I was terrible in bed, how I had a small and that I gave her an STD. No one really believed her, luckily, because she had a bit of a reputation. But it still hurt like hell and I guess… It left me a little self conscious. It made me nervous about ever getting physical with anyone again because I didn’t want to disappoint. I didn’t want to let you down. I wanted to be good enough for you.”

As Baekhyun listened to Kris’ story, his heart dropped a little lower with each sentence that came from his lips. Kris was always so proud and confident with his head held high and shoulders back. It’s what had drawn Baekhyun to him in the first place. He loved someone who was comfortable in their skin, never afraid of anything. But hearing these words, it was like Kris was showing a completely new side to him, and by his reluctance to do so, he knew Kris had never shown it before. “You know, you’re so much more than enough for me, Kris.” Baekhyun slid one of his dainty hands down Kris’ neck, cupping his jaw lightly. “We’ve been together almost two years now. I’m not about to throw it all away on your skills. I don’t care if you’re terrible. That only means that you’re a blank canvas that I can work with into becoming something that’s perfect for my taste. You know why? Because I’m the only you should be perfect for. I’m the only one you should please because I’m the only one you’re ever going to be with again. Got it?”

Baekhyun smiled sweetly down at Kris, who wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s slim waist. Kris had never felt so lucky to have someone so sweet and understanding in his life, let alone have that person love him. The way he spoke, like they’d be together forever, didn’t terrify him. A year ago, he would’ve flipped Baekhyun off his lap and left a Kris shaped hole in the door. But not tonight. Not ever again. Baekhyun had re-assured him, made him less self-conscious and it was highly appreciated.

“So you’re not mad at me anymore?” Kris spoke hopefully, tilting his head a little to his left, a sad smile on his lips.

“Of course I’m not mad, you big doofus.” Baekhyun gave Kris a gentle peck on his right temple, grazing his thumb over his jaw slowly.

“Are you able to wait a little longer? I want it to be special.” After all, this was Kris’ first time with a guy, it was like he was a all over again. Baekhyun had only ever had two other male ual partners and he’d only had a grand total of three times. He was still quite new to it as well.

“Of course. Just not another two years, okay? I’ve got needs that my hand just can’t satisfy.” Baekhyun grinned in a cheeky fashion and Kris tapped his nose playfully.

“I won’t keep you waiting long. I promise.”