“Taeyoung, I’m sorry.” A knock on the door indicated a presence in my bedroom as I looked up, pushing my glasses up my nose.

“Excuse me?” I asked for clarification as I glanced up at my younger brother, standing guiltily in my doorway. “Sorry for what?”

“For what happened that night,” he mumbled, stuffing his hands into his pocket. “Remember? Last week…”

“Oh,” I said, turning my attention away from him again, “it’s fine.”

“Really?” I heard him take a few steps into my room as I turned the page in my novel, the words beginning to blend together as I listened to his footsteps. “Are you okay though?” I closed the novel and forced the smile I always plastered on my face whenever people ask me that dreaded question.

“Of course, Kikwang,” I smiled at him, “why wouldn’t I be okay?” He stood at the foot of my bed, a look of confusion, sadness, and curiosity implanted in his face. I stretched out my long legs across my bed, leaving him just enough room to sit comfortably, which he did.

“You haven’t really been the same since…” His voice trailed off as my bed springs squeaked under his weight, his eyes looking into mine evenly.

“I’m fine,” I shrugged it off, opening my novel again. “There’s nothing wrong.”

“Then how come you never want to go anywhere with us? Or even with me?” he asked, not in a mean tone. “You haven’t really left the house since…” Once again, he didn’t finish his sentence.

“I just don’t feel like it,” I replied, ignoring his unfinished words. “I’ve been busy lately.”

“Busy with what?” He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at me. “Reading novels? Sitting by the beach? Staring into space?”

“For your information,” I slammed my book shut once again, glaring at my brother, “I’ve been busy with a friend.”

“A friend?” His eyebrows shot up to the ceiling at the sound of my words, “what friend?”

“A friend,” I shrugged, sounding more sure than I really was. I raked my mind for a friend Kikwang doesn’t know of—or even a friend that I could make up.

“Who is this friend?” he asked me, continuing his suspicious glance at me, “do I know him?”

“No,” I replied shortly, “he’s…he’s new in town.”

“What’s his name?” he pressed, hoping in his heart that I was telling the truth. “Can I meet him?”

“His name?” I panicked for a second as I quickly glanced around my room, attempting to find anything that I could use in my lie, “his name…his name…” I suddenly glanced out of my bedroom window—and saw a lone figure sitting on the beach. “His name is Junhyung.”

“Is this the kid that came between us in the diner?” Kikwang asked as I ignored him, slowly standing up from my bed. “I don’t like that kid! You know, he hangs around all the gangs and stuff? And he gets like, into all that underground crap. You should stay away from him, Taeyoung. He’s bad news.” But I wasn’t listening to my brother’s nagging as I climbed onto my window seat, pressing my hand against the cool glass of the window. The lone figure sat still in front of the ocean, in the same place where I had always sat. It was almost as if he was waiting for me to join him, with the way the space beside him seemed so empty.

“Yeah, he’s a great friend,” I replied to my brother distractedly as I grabbed a light sweater from my closet, “I’ll be back later.” I rushed down the stairs, not even hearing the sounds of my brother’s voice calling me back. As I opened the door that would lead me to the beach, I stopped myself. For a moment, I just admired the clashing of his black shirt was to the ocean as I saw him shiver a bit against the wind of the day. A cold front had been passing through the area—and it was getting late. Without thinking, I stepped back inside of my house and grabbed an afghan off of the living room couch, making my way down towards him with the soft material in my hands. Without a word, I opened up the small blanket and placed it around his shoulders, smiling a little to myself at how his shoulders softened against the warm fabric.

“Thanks,” he replied, a grin in his voice, “I knew I was forgetting something.” I let out a small chuckle as I pulled my sweater around me more snugly, regretting not grabbing a thicker jacket. I took my usual place beside him on the white sand, joining him in staring out at sea. The sun was beginning to set, taking away its warmth and causing me to shiver slightly against the cool, salty ocean breeze. Without warning, I felt a soft material being thrown over my shoulders, followed by a warm arm touching my own. “There’s no point in both of us getting sick,” he spoke softly as he moved in closer to me, the two of us sharing a single blanket. My heart began to race quietly at how close he was; I was able to smell the spicy sweet cologne he wore, feeling the material of his cotton t-shirt against my knitted sweater.

“Thanks,” I replied, rubbing my hands together to keep the warmth, “people would think we’re crazy, sitting out here, huh?” I glanced over at him, a joke in my eyes as he returned my gaze with a serious one.

“I don’t think you’re crazy,” he replied, his expression serene. “Just unique.”

“Um, thanks, I guess,” I blushed slightly at his somewhat compliment. I forced my eyes away from his piercing ones, focusing my attention once again at the orange sun sinking below the horizon. “Why were you sitting out here anyways?” I asked him, breaking the comfortable silence that had enveloped us. He didn’t respond for a moment as I watched his handsome features, absolutely no expression flowing through them.

“Plenty of reasons,” he shrugged slightly, “it gives me a place to think, first of all.” My heart throbbed at his choice of words, having heard those exact same words before.

From the person who I had missed the most.

“What do you think about?” I managed to say, nearly choking on every word that had left my lips. I touched my heart discreetly, knowing that I shouldn’t have asked that.

But I knew that if I didn’t, I’d regret it.

“Lots of things,” he shrugged, not looking at me. “But you, mostly.” I nearly fell over at the sound of those words, coming from a different pair of lips, coming from a different person, coming from a different heart. The pain that engulfed my chest made my breaths harder to take in and out, causing me to sound as if I was wheezing. “Taeyoung?” He quickly focused his attention on me again, concern in his dark brown eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“You said you thought about me,” I gasped, “you said the exact same thing that he did. You said that this place gave you a place to think…to think about me.” I suddenly had an urge to pull away from him, to run away from him, to be as far as I can from him. This person sitting beside me—he was different in all aspects but one.

He cared for me.

I knew this fact but I chose to ignore it. I chose to ignore the fact that this man willingly sits beside me on a cold beach with restless winds, and is willing to just sit there in complete silence. I chose to ignore the fact that he had stepped between what could have been a brutal fight between my brother and me, and had ensured that I had gotten home safely afterwards. Here was this man, asking me to go out with him persistently, and I chose to ignore him.

I chose to ignore his open arms when I’m in desperate need for them.

He was silent as my body began to shake violently, the sobs once again building in my throat—but my will to remain strong held them back. I gulped down the tears that were threatening to escape when I felt an arm being put around me in a reassuring way; I glanced over at Junhyung, his solemn face continued to be turned forward, but his arm rested comfortably around my shoulders. Without a single thought, I leaned in towards him, still swallowing the tears that wanted to fall.

“Why don’t you cry?” he suddenly asked, catching me by surprise. I looked up at him, raising my head slightly above his shoulder. He looked down at me, locking his gaze upon mine as he repeated his question, “why don’t you cry?”

“Why don’t I cry?” I repeated after him, more for clarification purposes than confusion. “I’m not sure.”

“Yes, you are,” his gaze rested evenly on mine, his features not expressing a of emotion, “you know why you don’t cry.” I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should let this new person into my life, and into my heart.

‘Don’t forget me, Taeyoung,’ a whisper in the wind spoke as I sat up straight, keeping my eyes locked on his.

“I just don’t.”