I stared at the tall figure in front of me, confusion in my face as to why this random stranger would step out of his way to help someone like me. I wasn’t even in any real danger—Kikwang wouldn’t dare to raise a hand against me—but nonetheless, this stranger had come.

“No, seriously, who are you?” Kikwang’s face went from anger to annoyance as I cowered behind the figure, shaken from the mentioning of the unspeakable name.

“I’m a friend of Taeyoung’s,” the figure spoke, his voice sounding more and more recognizable the more he spoke, “that just happened to walk by and see you hurt her.”

“I’m not hurting her,” Kikwang defended himself, “she’s my sister!”

“Oh, really?” He raised eyebrows, seeming to tower dangerously over Kikwang. “What kind of brother would say things to intentionally make his sister cry?”

“She’s not crying!” my brother argued, feeling more unsure than he sounded. “You’re not crying, right, Taeyoung?” The figure stepped to the side, revealing my tear streaked cheeks to my younger brother—flashes of guilt appeared on his face as he stared at me in horror, seeing my tears for the first time since the accident had occurred. As a child, I never was one to cry over anything. Not when the class bully stole my cookies, not when I fell off my bike and broke my arm, not even when my dad had walked out on our family.

I didn’t even cry at his funeral, standing in front of his coffin, looking down at the face that had brought me so much happiness in the past.

“Oh my,” I heard Songyi’s soft voice utter as I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to stop the flowing tears, pushing my way through the audience that had gathered to watch Kikwang and me battle. With my eyes half closed and half filled with tears, I broke into a run, hearing nothing but the sounds of the rushing waves inside of my head. There was only one place I felt safe enough to let go of these disobedient tears—there was only one place where I felt he was still with me. My running slowed immensely as I reached the front of my house, leaning on a black metal light post to catch my breath, standing directly underneath its yellow light. I breathed in the salty air deeply, able to feel the ocean breeze weave its way through my hair.  I clutched the metal pole tightly, watching my fingers turn pale from the lack of blood, holding onto my chest as I heard it thump, thump, thump in my ears. I didn’t even notice the sound of the approaching car, only seeing the one thing that gave me nightmares whenever I went to sleep.

The approaching bright yellow light.

Quickly, I pulled my arm away from the light pole, staggering backwards, trying to escape the single thing that kept me awake at night. My heart pounded quickly as it approached me, blinding me to a point where I saw nothing but whiteness in my vision; a fear began to pump through my veins as I stumbled, falling directly down on to the cold concrete. I scrambled to get up, my heart continuously thumping in my chest, feeling that at any given time, it would burst. Suddenly, the bright yellow light switched off as I was enveloped in a soft darkness, the only glow on the street was the dull light from the light pole. I stared at the figure that had emerged in front of me, my chest feeling tight, my breaths coming quick.

“Hey, are you okay?” that familiar voice spoke again as I raised my eyes up to meet his, “Taeyoung?” I opened my mouth to speak, but the dryness that rested on my tongue forbade me to as I ended up merely shaking my head at him, unable to communicate properly from the shock I had just received. “Do you remember me?” he asked, his brow scrunched up slightly as he squatted down in front of me, not even giving a thought to the potential underwear-baring his sagging pants could bring. I shook my head slowly, feeling that I’ve seen his unreadable eyes somewhere. “Junhyung,” he let out a grin, his teeth lighting up our dark surroundings, “nice to meet you.” I stared at him as he stuck out his hand, allowing the realization to hit me.

“Oh!” I exclaimed, reaching into my pockets quickly, “you’re the handkerchief guy!” I dug in all of my pockets until I found his off white silk handkerchief, with his initial stitched into the corner. “Thank you for that night,” I said softly, handing him back his handkerchief, “I washed it for you.”

“Its fine,” he waved it off again, “you keep it. I told you, you need it more than I do.” He smiled at me, such a kind smile that completely contradicted his bad boy image, and for the first time that night—I smiled back. “You have a pretty smile,” he commented, causing me to be suddenly away of how close he was, squatting in front of me like that, “you should do it more often.”

“Thank you,” I blushed slightly, grateful for the darkness, “I should…I should go inside.” He started to stand up as I scrambled to get back up on my feet, straightening my hair as if I had an impression to make inside of my house. “Thanks for…thanks for tonight too.”

“Yeah, anytime,” he shrugged, starting to walk backwards towards his car, “I’ll see you around then.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, biting my bottom lip slightly. I turned, slowly starting to walk up the steps to my front door, where the light was waiting to be shone down on me. “Bye, Junhyung.” I heard the sounds of a car door opening, and then the start of the engine as I flinched at the sound of him flipping his headlights on, feeling the adrenaline of fear pumping through my veins again. With a shaky hand, I reached out for the handle, starting to open it and allow myself where there was darkness, and no more fear.

“Hey Taeyoung!” The sound of his voice suddenly called over the roar of the engine, causing me to jump—haven’t I heard this same tone of voice over the same type of engine before? I squeezed my eyes shut as the sound of that voice filled my ear with his requests, only moments before the accident. I heard footsteps lightly pattering up the walkway, and up the steps as I turned, looking down at Junhyung’s hopeful look at the bottom of my steps.

“Yes?” I managed to speak, my heart beating in rhythm of the engine.

“Do you want to go for a spin? I just got my ride redone, very nice interior and everything—“

“I’m sorry, but I’m really tired, Junhyung,” I lied, never feeling more awake, “so I’m going to turn in early tonight.” I watched the hopeful look on his face fall into disappointment, as it did before, when I turned his first offer down.

“Oh,” he said, breaking our eye contact as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, “right. Dramatic night.”

“Yeah,” I tried to smile, “maybe next time.”

“Yeah,” he replied gruffly, “maybe next time.” I nodded slightly and unlocked my front door, turning the handle slowly.

“Good night, then,” I said softly, knowing deep in my heart that there will never be a next time. He watched me enter my house, and as soon as the door was shut, his shoulders sagged. From the small window beside my door, I watched him slowly make his way down my steps, down my walkway, running his hand over the smooth hood of his car. He raised his head towards my house again as he placed both hands on his car—and at that moment, I felt like he knew I was watching him, and that once again, he was looking at me directly in the eye. For that single moment, the whole world felt like it stood still as my heart began to pound.

But it began to pound in a way it hasn’t in a while.

Terrified by this feeling, I broke my gaze away from him, backing away from the window. I turned and ran through the empty house, my feet pattering on the wooden flooring as I raced down to the one place where I felt at peace. The minute I felt the sand become my floor, I fell to my knees, only a few feet away from the ice cold water. I felt the night air begin to cool down, causing me to shiver in my uniform, but I didn’t care. My heart began to slow its beating as I closed my eyes, breathing in the salty, moist air of the ocean. ‘Taeyoung,’ I suddenly heard his voice break through the whispering of the wind as my eyes shot open, my heartbeat starting to race again. ‘Do you miss me?’

“Doojoon?” I spoke his name for the first time since the accident, “is that you?”

‘Do you miss me, Taeyoung?’He spoke again as my eyes grew wide, looking around frantically for the source of the voice. Tears welled up in my eyes as I imagined his figure walking towards me, a confident and easy smile on his handsome face. I saw his kind eyes twinkling underneath the moonlight as I stood up slowly, reaching out for him.

“I miss you,” I whispered to the wind as I saw him stand there in front of me, grinning as if he was still there. “I miss you a lot.”

‘Don’t forget me, Taeyoung,’his voice spoke again, that easygoing grin still on his face, ‘try not to forget me.’ And as soon as he appeared, he had left as I desperately tried to hold on to his figure, trying to hold on to all the sanity that I had left.

“Doojoon!” I exclaimed, falling back down on my knees as the sobs that had been stored inside of my heart exploded. Tears fell quickly down my cheeks as I buried my face into my hands, unable to block out the forlorn sound of my cries that mixed in with the lonely whispering wind.