Necrosis

My dearest Suho,

This is my final letter to you. I will finally come clean about everything. There is this sentence in my head and I can’t get rid of it. Can’t fight fate. I keep hearing it over and over again. It’s making me feel guilty about a lot of things. Most of all, towards myself. I have been lying to myself as well. Let’s not get to it right now. I don’t want to say goodbye yet.

The dream you had… I cannot deny that I felt utterly aware of what you were trying to tell me. I’ve dreamt about this many times before. The pond, the blood, the endless spinning. I’ve never seen someone watch over me like that, so it is strange that you were there, dreaming too. This may sound crazy but it is. I know what the dream means and I need to tell you something.

I’ve been lonely all my life. Because of lots of things, but it didn’t feel right. I used to stare outside my window and feel so utterly alone. Just like humans, birds travel in pairs as well. There’s always two of them, supporting each other. I always felt like a lone raven. Until we started sending each other letters and somehow, these last few weeks… I’ve never felt lonely once.

I may have read your letters time and time again. It sooths my heart knowing that there is someone out there who knows who I truly am and will always remember me like that.

As you may suspect, I have been lying about my illness countless times. I am finally facing the problems that it’s causing. I was born healthy. There was nothing wrong with me, until something unfortunate happened. Something one cannot prevent happened. Something cruel yet almost natural. I am twenty three years old now. You’re nineteen, right?

I was completely healthy when I was nineteen. The doctors say that it must’ve happened somewhere that year. A mutation. Something in my DNA changed. You’re a science student, so you must know what I’m talking about. I often call