He approached her. Despite all his doubts, resolutions and fears, he vowed that the next time he saw her, he would greet her. What he would say to her, he was unsure. But the moments they shared merited acknowledgement. And he would be the first to do it. 

 

Something about her eyes really troubled him. Caused him to lay awake at night, pondering. They were infinitely deep like an abyss, yet more shallow than a clear blue rockpool. They were often tell-tale signs that her mind was a million miles away. 

 

The way she walked told him that she was unsure of herself. Her posture, slightly hunched. Her feet, slightly off balance. Sure, she laughed with her friends and smiled and joked and did all those things that would, normally, tell him that she was a girl that was happy with her life. But, when it came to her, he just knew. He knew there was something about her that wasn't just right. 

 

How he knew, though, when they had never spoken, was beyond him. But was it? 

 

Deep inside, he knew how he knew. It was because her eyes reminded him of his. It was because of the way she held herself. Her slightly hunched back? That was how he stood, a little over a year ago. 

 

He didn't like to think to back then. So, he didn't. It was simple. He pushed all those thoughts and feelings you were "supposed" to feel after trauma to the back of his mind. The only thing better than hurting was to not hurt at all. To forget it ever happened. Who was the doctor, the therapist, the shrink, to tell him what he was supposed to feel? Feelings were relative; relative to your experience and your personal way of dealing with it. 

 

There is no way you are "supposed" to feel when you hated the one who died. 

 

He notices her when no one else does, because he wished that someone noticed him when nobody else did. 

 

He saw her around campus again the very next day. They discovered that they had a lectures in adjacent rooms. Soon, it would become his favourite subject. 

 

"Hi," he said, waiting outside her room for her to finish. "I'm Luhan." 

 

Their eyes met again. Lingering, again. 

 

Her eyes widened and her lips curved upward. She was smiling, all the way to her eyes. And he felt like he could burst. 

 

She was a million miles from a million dollars. But you could never spend her wealth.