Everyone says that she wears her heart on her sleeve and that she is predictable, but Joonmyun begs to differ.

 


It's true that she does wear her heart on her sleeve, but she isn't predictable. She's like a labyrinth, complicated and confusing. Trying to figure out what she's actually thinking is like trying to find your way out of the labyrinth. When you thought you've found your way out, you're met with a dead end. Just like when you thought you've already understood her, she does something unexpected to surprise you and you’re back to square one.

 

Yeah, that’s what she always does to Joonmyun.

 

The things that goes through her mind, is a mystery to him, a mystery that he has always wanted to unravel.

 

She is rarely seen with a smile on her face, unless when she's with her best friend – which is also in their class and probably the only person he sees her hang out with, or when something amuses her a lot.

 

She isn't unsociable but isn't friendly either. She is always seen with her best friend, making everyone think that her best friend is probably the only friend she has in her life. He once thought this way as well, until he overheard her conversation with her best friend talking about some other people that he has never heard of before.

 

Joonmyun has always found her intimidating so, even though they're in the same class, he has never really approached her nor did they talked to each other before. Even so, he found her really intriguing so he decided to just observe her from afar.

 

So… why is he standing right in front of her and tripping over his words right now?

 

* * *

 

'So, you're saying that you want me to be your partner for this Chemistry final year project?' She raised an eyebrow while holding her gaze on Joonmyun. He lowered his head, staring at the books on her desk like it's the most interesting object he has ever seen. 'Y-Yeah.' He mentally slapped himself for stuttering.

 

She let out a quiet chuckle, causing his cheeks to instantly flush red, knowing that her chuckle was because of his stutter.

 

'But why me?' She questioned, feeling curious before continuing when she saw Joonmyun’s stunned expression, not knowing what to reply her. 'I mean, do you realize that we've never spoke to each other before? I thought you would want to choose someone you know since this is the final year project, so it's quite important to all of us, you know?'

 

A smile crept onto Joonmyun’s face, feeling a little relief that she didn't outright rejected him, feeling more confident than before. 'Well, I trust you. And you don't seem to be someone who would screw up such important matters. And since you pointed out that we've never spoke to each other before, then all the more we should make use of this project to… bond?' He explained, feeling a little uncertain at the end though.

 

'Well…' She trailed off before looking at her best friend who was currently talking and smiling at her crush. From her best friend’s look, she has probably successfully asked her crush to group up with her for the project.

 

Meanwhile, Joonmyun was playing with his fingers nervously while looking at it. 'Damn, I'm probably going to get rejected now. This is embarrassing.' He thought to himself.

 

'When and where do you want to meet for our first discussion meeting then?'

 

* * *

 

'Oh god, we're finally done with balancing the chemical equation.' She smiled happily, plopping back onto the chair exhaustedly. 'Sorry to burst your bubble, but you know, that's just another small part of our project.' Joonmyun poked her arm playfully.

 

She groaned and looked at him in annoyance, 'Kim Joonmyun, I hate you. Oh, and Chemistry too.' She pouted, crossing her arms.

 

Even though he has heard her calling his name so many times for these past few days, his heart still skips a beat whenever he hear her calling him 'Joonmyun'. Even so, he likes the sound of her voice calling his name.

 

For the past few days, they've been meeting to plan on the things they have to do for the Chemistry project and he has also slowly got to know her.

 

It wasn't as awkward as he thought it would when they've stayed back in school for the first time to talk about the project. He was rather surprised that she's actually rather chatty because he has always thought of her as someone who keeps to herself.

 

'I'm actually quite surprised though. I thought this would be rather awkward since we've never spoke to each other before but it was the total opposite of what I've imagined.' Joonmyun blurted out, and before he could panic and apologize, he heard her laughter. 'Well, I don't blame you. Anyone would've thought that I'm cold and quiet seeing how I act in class.'

 

Her smile faltered a little before she continued, 'But no one bothered to approach me to know me better. So I decided to just go with the flow, and let them think that I'm that kind of person.' She paused for a moment and Joonmyun thought he saw hurt in her eyes. But it was gone in a flash and replaced by her smiling widely.

 

Somehow, he feels that her smile doesn't seem to reach her eyes.

 

He got to know that she dislike Chemistry, or rather any subject related to Science. As quoted from her, she claimed that she ‘doesn’t have any chemistry with Science’. And even though many people adore coffee, including Joonmyun himself, she told him that she detest it.

 

‘Hey, so I was wondering, if you want to visit the newly opened café near our school and grab some coffee with me? My treat.’ Joonmyun asked while sorting out the papers on their desk, packing up. He was trying really hard to pretend as if he was nonchalant about it but inside, his heart was beating against his body furiously. She suddenly turned to look at him with an expression looking as if she was disgusted by what he said.

 

He bit his lip, wondering if he has said something wrong. ‘You like coffee?’ She asked in disbelief, raising an eyebrow and still looking as if she was disgusted by what he said. He just awkwardly nodded, not saying anything.

 

‘Sorry Joonmyun, but I hate coffee. Even though coffee is really aromatic and all but I can only taste the bitterness in it. What’s more, coffee reminds me of exams because I only take coffee during exam period since I have to stay up to study. And I hate exams, thus in turn, it makes me hate coffee too.’ She continued blabbering on the reasons on why she dislikes coffee while Joonmyun could just look at her blankly.

 

‘Did I just get rejected while asking her out for a coffee date? I thought it would be romantic.’ He thought to himself.

 

She suddenly stopped talking when she realized that Joonmyun didn’t gave her any response, which he usually would. She bit her lips when she saw Joonmyun’s disappointed look, obvious on his face. She poked him on his arm before giving him a smile so bright when he looked up.

 

‘Why don’t I get iced chocolate while you get coffee? I’m sure the café doesn’t just serve customers coffee beverages, right?’

 

And immediately right after she said this, a wide grin was seen on Joonmyun’s face.

 

Joonmyun has always hated ambiguity, having the feeling of being uncertain irks him a lot.

 

On the other hand, everything about her has always been ambiguous to him from the start. But with her, the ambiguity doesn’t even bother Joonmyun the slightest bit. Instead, he feels blissful whenever he uncovers things about her.

 

After that one coffee date, they were seemingly closer to each other, even her best friend mentioned about it. Joonmyun seemed to find himself falling even deeper for her. Even so, Joonmyun wasn’t sure of what she thought about him and what does their relationship means.

 

Sure, he does subtly flirt with her from time to time and it wasn’t like she didn’t respond to it. They even went for a few dates as well, but it was nothing serious and she didn’t said anything about it either.

 

But then again, he didn’t mind because he felt that just being with her makes him feel happy and he is contented with it.  

 

Even so, one would’ve been taken aback when she asked Joonmyun if he wanted to come over to her house for their last project meeting out of the blue, and that was what Joonmyun felt.

 

‘What about my house? My parents are seldom home and normally it’s just Aunty Kim who would be there.’ She suggested when Joonmyun asked her where should they meet for their group project.

 

Joonmyun raised his eyebrows, feeling a little bewildered but she misinterpreted it, as he didn’t want to go. ‘W-Well, I meant, you, uh, we don’t have to come over to my house though, maybe we can just head over to the library or something, or –’ She stumbled over her words, feeling apprehensive before Joonmyun cut her off. He smiled warmly, looking at her intently before telling her that he liked the idea of going over to her house, causing her cheeks to heat up. She hurriedly lowered her head, not wanting to let Joonmyun to see her cheeks flushed red lest he again.

 

Seeing how huge and expensive looking her house, cut that, her family’s mansion is, proved that the rumors spreading in school about her being in an affluent family is true.

 

‘So, how was it?’ She asked shyly. They’ve already completed their work and she insisted on Joonmyun staying over for dinner, partly because she didn’t want to eat alone again and also because she wanted to spend more time with him. ‘How was what?’ Joonmyun threw back the question, raising an eyebrow, unsure of what she was referring to.

 

‘Well, I meant my house and all. You’re the second person I’ve invited to come over, you know… The first being my best friend.’ She gave a small, shy smile before looking at Joonmyun. He smiled back, ‘Honestly? I think it’s really cool but then again, it’s a little way too huge. I think if I lived here, I’ll probably get lost in my own house or something. What’s more, Aunty Kim kept glaring at me as if she’s going to stab me at the back when I’m not noticing. So if you’d let me choose, I think I’ll still prefer my current home.’

 

She chuckled at his reply before slapping on his arms playfully, ‘Aunty Kim is really nice. She’s just worried that you might be a bad friend for me. She’s like the mother I never had.’

 

She then walked over to her room’s window, which Joonmyun followed, standing next to her. ‘Joonmyun, you know, if I had a choice, I’ll probably choose to live normally. Just a normal average girl who gets to see her parents everyday and gets nagged by them, and also with lots of friends surrounding her.’

 

Joonmyun looked over at her when she was talking and it was obvious that her expression was filled with sadness. Seeing her melancholy expression on her face, he felt a tight squeeze on his heart.

 

‘Joonmyun, I’m suffering from depression.’ She told him unexpectedly, looking over at him to observe what his reaction would be, he looked a little stunned but he just smiled, as if encouraging her to continue talking.

 

‘Not many people knows, just my parents, Aunty Kim and my best friend, and now you. I’ve been taking medications and going for psychotherapy for years but it wasn’t really effective and there hasn’t been any improvement on my illness.

 

But the doctor recently told me that I’ve shown great improvement and I’m getting better. He even said that in the near future, I probably don’t have to rely on the medications anymore.’ She smiled happily, looking out at the window.

 

‘What I want to say is that, I’m really thankful for you. Nobody has ever bothered to approach me to make friends with me. My best friend doesn’t really count since we’ve known each other since we’re toddler. I know what everyone thinks about me, I can hear what they’re saying even though they thought they’re being subtle about it.

 

Adding on to that, my parents are always travelling and not being at home, I don’t really have anyone to talk to, other than my best friend and Aunty Kim. I guess that was why I became depressed.

 

Joonmyun, I like you a lot,’ She confessed shyly, glancing over to look at Joonmyun’s reaction before continuing,  ‘and I hope that even after this project ends, even after you know about my illness, you’ll continue to be there for me.

 

I want to be happy.

 

And… you know, Joonmyun, you make me happy.’

 

She finished talking and looked over at Joonmyun expectantly with her cheeks heated up. Frankly speaking, Joonmyun was kind of shock over her confession of her illness, because over the past few weeks that he has been with her, she has never shown the slightest hint of her probably suffering from depression.

 

In his mind, she has been the cheerful girl who always chuckle or laugh at the slightest thing, the girl who always jokes around and the girl who is always seen with a smile when he was with her.

 

His impression of her has totally changed. From the impression of her being the girl with the cold demeanor to the girl who is always smiling warmly.

 

And he knows that this probably took her a lot to actually stand in front of him to confess about everything. He also knows that she is expecting a reply from him and that he should reply her soon, but why is it that he finds himself hesitating?

 

---

And also have a Happy Chuseok! :)

Oh, and I'll appreciate if you guys leave comment and all! Thank you :* 

22ohfive.livejournal.com