“I think I’m falling in love with Yixing.”

“Y-Yixing…? You mean that new guy in your class?”

“Yeah, him.”

“Really? Have you told him about your feeling?”

“Uhh… no, I haven’t. I’m not brave enough to tell him…”

“Why? You need to tell him as soon as possible! What if somebody steals his heart before you tell him? You will regret it for your entire life! Right, Jongin?”

What a lie, Junmyeon-hyung. “Hmm.”

“See? Come on, Yifan, tell him!”

Nobody could see it; sadness and sorrow that hung in Junmyeon’s eyes. He covered his feelings in a perfect way. Nobody could see it but Jongin.

It was a warm afternoon; the first time Junmyeon knew how it felt to have one-sided love.

Warm afternoon; the first time Jongin knew how it felt to see someone he loved got hurt.

Warm afternoon; the first time both Jongin and Junmyeon realized that their friendship with Yifan wouldn’t be the same anymore because there was Yixing, who all of sudden came in their life.

They felt the same feeling.

Hurt.

***

Jongin was lying on his bed when Junmyeon stepped into his room. The older male pursed his lips when he saw Jongin still doing nothing when they had an appointment to meet their best friends that night.

“Do you forget that we will go to the cinema with Yifan and Yixing tonight?” Junmyeon asked as he took a seat on the bedside. “Come on, we’ll be late if you don’t hurry!”

Jongin sighed. He moved to sit beside Junmyeon. “If I were you I wouldn’t be that excited, Hyung,” he said before getting up, taking clothes from his wardrobe to change. He didn’t seem to get embarrassed changing his clothes in front of Junmyeon, not even bothering with Junmyeon’s face that got redden immediately once he pulled off his shirt.

“Use the bathroom, Jongin!” Junmyeon yelled, covering his eyes with his hands.

Jongin smirked naughtily. “Why so embarrassed, Hyung? It’s not like you’ve never seen my body before.”

“It’s different!” Junmyeon pulled down his hands after he was sure Jongin already wore his clothes. “The last time I saw you is when we were kids.”

“Really? But I still remember how you begged me to take a bath with you last year because the storm was scaring you,”

Junmyeon blushed even more. It was really embarrassing to a 20-year-old male to beg his 2 years younger friend to take a bath with him when Jongin stayed at his house for a night. That night was stormy and Junmyeon was alone at home, that was why he asked Jongin to come and stay with him until his parents came back from their business trip.

“T-That’s not because I wanted to take a bath with you! I was scared so I—”

Jongin bent down in front of Junmyeon, his famous y grin made Junmyeon stop talking. “Junmyeon-hyung,” he called the name in a seductive way. “Are you getting embarrassed because you like my body? It’s getting prettier, isn’t it?”

Junmyeon pushed Jongin’s face as he felt it got too close to his beautiful one. “Male’s body is not pretty, Jongin-ah. Female’s body is.” he argued, still with blushing cheeks. Jongin had to hold the urge to pinch them.

“But my body is pretty. Look at its shape. It’s perfect.”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Jongin,” said the tiny male. “Are you ready to go? We’d better hurry; Yifan and Yixing are waiting for us.”

Hearing the names, Jongin’s face became stiff. He held Junmyeon’s wrist, who was about to walk outside. “Hyung, are you sure?” he asked.

Junmyeon turned to face Jongin. “Sure about what, Jongin?” he asked back.

“Are you sure you want to meet them… at least for now?”

Junmyeon didn’t say anything. He knew it would come. Jongin would ask that question he really wanted to avoid. He didn’t like it. He didn’t want Jongin to know about his feeling toward Yifan, but he knew Jongin was the one who could see what was on his mind. Nothing he could do to change that fact.

“Jongin, I—”

“Hyung. Are you sure you want to meet them?”

Junmyeon sighed. He nodded, which Jongin already expected.

“You know what, Hyung?” said the younger male. “You should stop torturing yourself.”

“I’m not torturing myself!” Junmyeon snapped. “Come on, Jongin, stop talking about it. We should go now!”

Jongin couldn’t do anything but let Junmyeon drag him outside to the garage where Jongin’s motorcycle was parked.

You’re not torturing yourself, huh?

“Hurry up, Jongin, we’re really late! You know Yifan doesn’t like to wait, don’t you?”

“Yes, yes, Junmyeon-hyung, just wait a sec, okay?”

“God, I’m not in the mood to hear him nagging all night because we’re late.”

Jongin smiled a little at his hyung, who already walked outside the yard and waited for him. He couldn’t deny the fact that he really loved Junmyeon’s pout. How he really wanted to keep the cute face just for himself.

“Jongin, come on!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!”

Jongin let a soft sigh escape from his thick lips before wearing his helmet and riding the motorcycle. He gave Junmyeon another helmet, waiting for the elder to sit behind him.

“Hold on me, Hyung, or else you might fall.”

“I know, Jongin.  You don’t have to tell me.”

A smile appeared when a pair of tiny arms circled around his waist, fingers gripping tightly on his black jacket.

Jongin couldn’t explain what he felt. He was happy that he could be so close to Junmyeon, yet he was sad because he knew he would see Junmyeon’s hidden sadness as soon as they arrived at the place where Yifan and Yixing were waiting.

It was complicated, to be honest.

You’re torturing me; don’t you even realize that, Hyung?

***

“You’re late!”

Junmeyon smiled when Yifan nagged after waiting for so long for his two best friends. People looked at it as an angelic smile that Junmyeon always wore, but Jongin could see a cloud hanging in his eyes as he saw Yifan and Yixing’s hands were tangled together.

It had been more than a year since Yifan said that he liked Yixing and almost half a year since finally Yixing accepted Yifan’s feeling, and of course, Junmyeon was not over him. Not yet.

“Blame this kid,” Junmyeon pointed at Jongin, which made him receive a nudge on his arm from the younger male.

“I’ve tried my best to get here as soon as possible, at least you should thank me for not making you wait for another hour,” Jongin shrugged.

It seemed Yifan wanted to scold Jongin even more—they never had a good relationship, but it wasn’t a secret anymore that deep inside their hearts, they needed each other—when, luckily, Yixing tugged his hand.

“Don’t waste our time here, Fan,” said the thin male, smiling softly at his boyfriend. “The movie will start soon; I think we’d better go inside the theater now.”

Of course, Yifan could never resist the smile of his lovely boyfriend. Like an obedient dog, he nodded and let Yixing pull him into the theater with Junmyeon and Jongin following them behind. Jongin noticed that Junmyeon’s eyes never left the pair of hands which were holding to each other and it made his chest clench in a painful way. He took a secret glance at Junmyeon and his heart hurt more as he saw Junmyeon still trying to keep his cheerful face.

Subconsciously, Jongin’s hand reached out to Junmyeon’s, intertwining their fingers together. It didn’t take a long time until Jongin released his hold because Junmyeon gave him a confused look.

“Something was wrong, Jongin?” Junmyeon asked with a low voice when they finally sat on their seats.

Jongin was so grateful that the lights inside was dim enough to hide his redden cheeks. “Nothing was wrong,” he answered, trying not to sound nervous.

“Are you sure?” Junmyeon asked again. “I mean… you suddenly held my hand… I thought you felt hurt somewhere and needed me to do something for you.”

“I’m sure, Hyung. I’m okay.”

But the answer didn’t make Junmyeon satisfied enough. He was about to ask further, but then a soft knock landed on his head. It was Yifan.

“Don’t be so noisy, Myeon, the movie is about to start,” Yifan hissed.

Junmyeon pouted as he rubbed his head slightly. “You didn’t need to hit my head.” he mumbled in annoyance, causing Yifan to grin and his best friend’s hair brotherly. Junmyeon kept his annoyed face, but when Yifan finally focused his eyes on the big screen, he couldn’t help but let a soft smile curve his lips.

Without Junmyeon knowing, the entire scene was captured by Jongin, all stored neatly on his mind.

Why do you still love him, Hyung?

***

There was a spot, which used to be Jongin and his two best friends’ favorite place. It was a big, old oak tree on the hill behind Junmyeon’s house; Junmyeon, Jongin, and Yifan used to come there back then before Yifan met Yixing and dated him. Until then, there was only Jongin who kept coming there in his spare time, doing nothing and only looking at the sky. Yifan was too busy spending time with Yixing and Junmyeon was too busy studying—or distracting his mind from thinking of Yifan all day.

There was another reason, to be honest. Junmyeon never mentioned it, but Jongin really knew why Junmyeon didn’t want to come to that place anymore.

It was the place where Yifan told Junmyeon that he fell in love with Yixing; the place where Junmyeon finally knew how hurt it felt to lose someone he loved. Jongin never asked Junmyeon about it. He didn’t need the elder’s answer to know the truth, though.

But that day was different.

Jongin blinked as he spotted a familiar figure coming closer to where he laid his body right then.

“Enjoying your spare time?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you come to my place instead? I don’t have anything to do right now…”

“I didn’t want to interrupt your private time with your beloved text books,”

Junmyeon chuckled at the sarcastic answer. He sat beside Jongin, who didn’t even bother to move his body. The younger male kept laying there, eyes staring blankly up at the sky. The soft breeze his hair, making his eyelids feel a little heavy.

“It’s been a long time,” Junmyeon said.

“What?”

“It’s been a long time since I last went here.”

Jongin moved his head to look at Junmyeon. “Yeah, you were too busy having a date with your assignments.”

Junmyeon sighed before placing his head on Jongin’s stomach, lying with the side of his body. “I need to study hard for my straight A’s sake. I don’t want to make my parents disappointed, you know.”

“But you still need to do something fun. Studying is boring. Even I couldn’t stand to see you drowned among those stupid books.”

“It’s not like I’m doing it every day, Jongin,”

“You just stop doing it when Yifan-hyung asks you to go with him and—” Jongin quickly shut his mouth. He mentally cursed himself for saying an unnecessary thing that might hurt Junmyeon. He kept telling himself not to say anything related to Yifan and Yixing, but sometimes it slipped from his mouth without him could stop it, like that day.

Junmyeon didn’t say anything after that. All Jongin could hear was the sound of blowing breeze. Carefully, Jongin moved a little. Putting his weight on his left elbow, he tried to look at Junmyeon’s face. He couldn’t see it though, since Junmyeon lay with his back facing him.

“Hyung…?”

“… I miss him.”

“H-Hey, Hyung…”

“I miss him every time, that’s why I will never turn him down when he asks me to go, even though it means I have to see his lovey-dovey time with Yixing.”

The way Junmyeon said those words was so calm, like there was no burden he felt when he let them escape his lips, but Jongin could feel that his T-shirt getting soaked by tears.

What can I do to make you come to me and forget him, Hyung?

***

 Jongin didn’t know it would come. He always thought that even though he had to see Junmyeon suffering because of his one-sided love, he wouldn’t leave. He always thought that Junmyeon still needed him. He always thought that Junmyeon would always be with him.

Jongin forgot that life was a big wheel. You might be on top, but one day, it wasn’t impossible that you would move to the bottom of the wheel. What worst was you were already on bottom, and suddenly the wheel stopped moving and you were stuck at the bad situation and more bad because there was mud around the wheel.

It was the place where Jongin standing right then.

“Yifan has fight with Yixing,” Junmyeon said one day when they were at Jongin’s room. “He came to me last night and we talked a lot…”

Jongin could see how Junmyeon’s eyes sparkled just like he already found a new hope, which made Jongin feel his chest tighten. “What were you two talking about?” he asked with a tone that showed that he didn’t really pay any attention, even though honestly he was really curious about anything happened between Junmyeon and Yifan last night.

“At first it was mainly about Yixing,” replied the tinier male while pursing his lips. “He said that they fought because Yixing thought he was cheating on him with a guy they met at the club when they came to Jongdae’s birthday party. The guy was y and all, according to Yifan. He looked so broken so I couldn’t help but comfort him, telling him that everything would be okay… but after Yifan felt better, we started to talk about anything.”

“Anything?”

“Yeah, anything. We talked the way we used to before we met Yixing. We were even talking about you…”

Jongin raised one of his eyebrows. “About me?”

Junmyeon nodded. “We were talking about how cold you are, Jongin,” he said after. He then threw his body on the bed, lying flat on his stomach beside Jongin. He placed his chin on his palm, eyes locking on Jongin’s. “Say, Jongin… do you have someone you like right now?”

I do and it’s you, Hyung. “No.”

“Really?” Junmyeon then shifted to lie on his back. “You know… you’re really handsome. You should find someone to love. There are many girls and even boys, who have crush on you, so why don’t you try to go out with one of them?”

I only want to go out with you, Hyung. “Not interested.”

Junmyeon showed his annoyed face to Jongin, who only gave him an innocent look. Junmyeon sighed.

There was a silence between them, both enjoying the peaceful time without saying anything. Jongin would think that Junmyeon had been asleep if the elder didn’t suddenly ask, “Is it wrong, Jongin…?”

The tan-skinned man took a glance at his hyung with the corner of his eyes. “What’s so wrong?” he asked back even though he knew what Junmyeon did mean.

“Is it wrong to have this feeling…?” Junmyeon placed his head on Jongin’s chest, which caused Jongin to hope that Junmyeon wouldn’t hear his rapid heartbeat. “Is it wrong to keep this heart for Yifan even though he already has Yixing…? I can’t lie that I suddenly felt that there’s still a hope for me when Yifan came and told me about his fight with Yixing… I suddenly thought that I still have a chance to be with him…”

Please stop thinking that way, Hyung.

“It hurts so much, Jongin…”

Then stop loving him. Come to me.

“… but I can’t stop loving him. He fills the biggest space in my heart…”

What about me, Hyung?

“… there will nobody can fill this special space… nobody but him…”

Even me?

“… nobody, Jongin.”

“He already has Yixing.”

Junmyeon looked up. “I know,” he said. “But I need him more than anything. I will run to get him even though that means I have to leave everything I have.”

Then I will send a deadly storm to catch and bring you back to me, Hyung. I won’t let you leave.

***

A week had passed, but Yixing was still mad at Yifan. Yifan said that they needed time to calm themselves down so he let Yixing do what he wanted to do. He didn’t try to apologize. He spent lot of his time with Junmyeon instead. The two best friends who had rarely been seen for a quite long time right then could be seen anywhere together.

And that night, Yifan decided to do something he hadn’t done for a while with Junmyeon and Jongin. He suddenly appeared in front of Junmyeon’s house, knowing that Junmyeon and Jongin must be together at the time. He couldn’t forget their routine to watch movies together every Saturday night at Junmyeon’s place.

 Jongin didn’t like the situation. He knew it had been a while since they last spent their time together. Watching movies at Junmyeon’s place was their old habit that had been stopped after Yifan went out with Yixing. They might still do something together in Saturday night; hanging out together or maybe going to the cinema like what they did a couple of weeks ago, but for sitting in the white, comfortable couch in Junmyeon’s living room, just the three of them, and watching random movies until drowsiness came and ate them up, it was an old habit that Jongin thought had already died.

But that night was different with what they always did. The atmosphere was really awkward, at least to Jongin. Looking at how happy Junmyeon and how flirty Yifan to the shorter guy made Jongin feel that it wasn’t supposed to happen.

Junmyeon should’ve known that Yifan still belonged to Yixing and Yifan shouldn’t have been so flirty and clingy toward Junmyeon, it would make Junmyeon get him wrong. Jongin was sure Yifan just wanted to distract his mind from Yixing for a while, at least until both Yifan and Yixing managed to solve their problem.

It felt so wrong looking at Junmyeon and Yifan right then.

“Do we really have to watch horror movies?” Junmyeon asked when Yifan picked one of the DVDs they would watch.

“Come on, Myeon, don’t say you’re still afraid to watch horror movies,” Yifan .

“I-I’m not!” Junmyeon made an annoyed yet still cute face.

How Jongin wanted to squeeze that small guy, who sat between him and Yifan.

“Well, let’s see if you will survive without screaming like a girl until the end of the movie,” Yifan said as he ruffled Junmyeon’s soft locks, which caused pink tints to appear on Junmyeon’s cheeks.

“J-Jongin! Help me!” Junmyeon whined to his other friend, who kept his mouth shut. He wrapped his fingers around Jongin’s arm, hiding his face in his shoulder.

And Jongin could see Yifan giving him a look as if he didn’t want Junmyeon to be that close to Jongin.

What now, Yifan-hyung, do you start to fall in love with Junmyeon-hyung or what?

“Ah, Myeon, you forgot to take the Cokes.”

Junmyeon pulled away from Jongin as Yifan said so. “Oh, right,” he mumbled. “Wait here, I’ll take the Cokes.”

“I’ll help you.”

Jongin almost rolled his eyes, but he managed to hold it. In his eyes, Yifan clearly wanted to be as close as he could to Junmyeon. No one needs help only to bring three cans of Cokes, Yifan-hyung.

Secretly, he stole a glance at the two persons in the pantry. There was no meaningful skinship, they only talked and laughed like what normal best friends did, but Jongin could feel that there was a different chemistry between them. There was something in the way Yifan looked at Junmyeon.

Jongin finally saw it coming, and he knew it wasn’t good at all.

***

Another week had passed and Yifan and Yixing’s relationship was getting better.

Even though Yifan didn’t change the way he looked at Junmyeon.

Jongin was wondering if Yixing got it too when they spent another Saturday night together at some random café. Even though Yifan kept holding Yixing’s hand as if he didn’t want to let it go anymore, the way he talked to Junmyeon, the way he smiled at the tiny guy, they were all different. His eyes went softer when he looked at Junmyeon, and his smile became gentler.

Does Yixing-hyung realize how different his boyfriend now?

Jongin looked at Junmyeon, who laughed at Yifan’s lame joke beside him. He really wanted to tell him to stop laughing. He really wanted to drag him out of there. He wanted to pull Junmyeon away from Yifan’s charm. He wanted to tell him that he shouldn’t have enjoyed that happiness because he would be hurt in the end.

“By the way,” Yixing said. “I will go back to China next week. My mom is sick and she wants me to be there, at least until she feels better. I’ll be there for around a week or a little more.”

“You have to bring us something then,” Junmyeon smiled at Yixing.

Jongin held his breath. Junmyeon’s eyes sparkled even more when he heard about the news. His smile became brighter when he talked to Yixing.

Do you want to snatch Yifan-hyung from Yixing-hyung?

Jongin had a feeling that something would happen when Yixing wasn’t around. He could only hope that it wouldn’t be something bad.

***

Jongin wished it wouldn’t come, but it still came.

“We made love last night.”

How Jongin wanted to kill himself, not because Yifan touched his Junmyeon, but because he couldn’t stop Junmyeon to do that wrong thing.

“Having with your best friend who already has someone when his someone isn’t around is not a good thing, Junmyeon-hyung.”

“We made love.”

“It’s having for me.”

Junmyeon chewed his lower lip. He didn’t say anything. He just sat on the floor with his back leaning against Jongin’s bed, chin placing between his knees. He ducked his head, avoiding Jongin’s face.

“Junmyeon-hyung,” Jongin called him. He squatted in front of Junmyeon, trying to look at his older friend’s eyes. “Hyung, look at me.”

“I-I know it was w-wrong…” Junmyeon stuttered. “I-I just… I couldn’t—we couldn’t help it. The chemistry was just so right a-and—”

“It’s not a good reason for you to have with him, Hyung!” Jongin couldn’t help but raise his voice. “You cheat—Yifan-hyung cheats on Yixing-hyung because of you! You can’t be like this! I know you love him more than you love yourself, but it’s not a reason to have with him!”

“I told you, it is making love! I did it because I love him and—”

“And he doesn’t love you! He loves Yixing-hyung, not you! I don’t know why did he want to have with you, but I’m sure he doesn’t love you the way you love him! Why don’t you just accept the fact and move on?! Do you really want to be such a who likes to steal somebody else’s lover?!”

Jongin knew he shouldn’t have said that to Junmyeon because a moment later he regretted what he had said.

Junmyeon looked up at Jongin, tears hanging in his eyes and soon they dropped, wetting his red cheeks. Jongin couldn’t say what was there in Junmyeon’s eyes; was it anger, or sadness, but he sure hated it. He hated himself even more because he was the one who made Junmyeon look like that.

Jongin extended his hand to touch Junmyeon’s wet cheek. “H-Hyung, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“No.” Junmyeon quickly pushed Jongin’s hand away before it could touch his skin. “No, you were right. No need to be sorry.”

Jongin sighed heavily. He ran his fingers through his hair in a frustrating way, tired of what had happened. “I’m sorry, okay, Hyung?” he said. “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said such a thing to you.”

But Junmyeon only gave a cold look to Jongin. “I said you don’t have to be sorry,” he said with flat tone. He then got up, wanting to go away from the place. “I’m sorry for being such a . I’m sorry for making—having with Yifan. I was wrong.”

Jongin quickly stood up and grabbed Junmyeon’s wrist as if he didn’t want him to leave yet. “Hyung—”

Junmyeon shoved Jongin’s hand away once more and added, “But that’s my problem. I don’t get it why you have to act so exaggerate like that.”

Jongin hissed in annoyance. Junmyeon’s act made him feel irritated. He tried to help, he tried to take Junmyeon away from that kind of situation before the problem got bigger, but why Junmyeon couldn’t see it?

“You should now that I did that because I care—”

“Do you not want to see me happy with Yifan? Are you jealous because I finally find my happiness with Yifan and you haven’t found it yet?”

That time, Jongin couldn’t hold his anger anymore. He pushed Junmyeon’s body onto the bed harshly before caging him with his own body. Junmyeon was really shocked, but before he could yell his protest, a pair of plump lips already attacked his.

“Mmph!” Junmyeon tried to scream, but Jongin’s lips pressed in a strong motion. He tried to push Jongin away, but Jongin quickly grabbed his wrists and held it above his head.

Jongin broke the kiss when he felt Junmyeon stopped struggling. He pulled away slowly, chest clenching painfully as he saw Junmyeon’s face. Junmyeon was crying silently.

“You should know, Hyung…” he said with a low voice. “You should know that I did all the things because I love you. I don’t want to see you hurt anymore. You’ve suffered enough.”

“… let go of me.” Junmyeon whispered, not even bothering to respond to Jongin’s confession. “I want to go home, please, let me go home.”

“I haven’t finished yet.”

Junmyeon shut his mouth, throwing his gaze anywhere as long as it wasn’t Jongin.

“… but you’re right, Hyung. Whatever you’ve done, it’s your own problem. I shouldn’t have had a finger on it.” Half-heartedly, Jongin crawled down to let Junmyeon move freely. “You can do anything you want from now on. You can go wherever you want. You can date and make love to whoever you want. I won’t forbid you anymore.”

Once again, tears rolled down Junmyeon’s cheeks. He didn’t waste his time. He quickly got up before rushing outside.

Jongin didn’t hold him anymore.

If only I could send lightning thunder to strike your head hardly to make you come back here, Hyung.

***

It had been months and they didn’t talk to each other anymore. When they met in campus, they would pretend that they were two strangers who never met before. Jongin and Junmyeon weren’t best friends anymore.

Some of Jongin’s close friends asked him what happened. They had never seen Jongin and Junmyeon like that before. They once had fought, but they had never been like that. Junmyeon would always come to Jongin and asked the youngster to forgive him, but that time, he didn’t come back.

Junmyeon spent his time a lot with Yifan, especially when Yixing had something to do he couldn’t be with Yifan. Only God knew what Junmyeon and Yifan did when they were alone.

And Jongin was broken. Every time he saw Junmyeon and Yifan walking together, he felt some important part of his heart breaking. He had never felt that kind of emptiness before. He used to have Junmyeon beside him; he used to see his bright smile. He used to have Junmyeon every time he felt uneasy. Junmyeon would always be there, but not anymore.

Jongin was broken so badly.

Come back here, Hyung.

***

Junmyeon didn’t see it coming.

He thought he would be okay after his fight with Jongin. He thought he would be fine as long as Yifan kept embracing him, even though their relationship was forbidden. He thought everything would run smoothly; Yifan would break up with Yixing and come to him just like what the taller guy promised him after they had last three months, but Junmyeon shouldn’t have realized that the real deadly storm and lightning thunder were coming to hunt him.

That day was cloudy when Yifan came to Junmyeon’s house.

“Yixing knew.”

Junmeyon felt there was a lump in his throat he couldn’t say anything.

“He read our texts on my phone. He knew we have an affair.”

Junmyeon glued his eyes on his lap. Tears were ready to fall, no matter how hard he tried to hold them.

Yifan sat beside Junmyeon, hand moving to hold Junmyeon’s smaller one. “Junmyeon, I’m not ready to lose him.”

It was like a thunder striking his head.

“You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met, Myeon, but I don’t think I love you the way you love me.”

Junmyeon raised his head, teary eyes meeting Yifan’s, causing the tall guy to feel guilty.

“You said you loved me,” Junmyeon said with a hoarse voice. “That night when we made love, you said you loved me!”

“Junmyeon… it was a mistake. It was just… I just… the chemistry felt so right and… I don’t know… I felt like I really loved you that night.”

Junmyeon couldn’t believe what he had heard. Tears streamed down his cheeks even more as he felt his heart started to break. Jongin’s face suddenly flashed in his mind, and he gasped as he realized what he had done. “I even threw my friendship with Jongin because of you…” he whispered, voice cracking when he tried to hold his sob. “I hurt him because I wanted you so badly, because I loved you so badly… because I believed that you would come to me, you would choose me instead of Yixing, like what you’ve said that night!”

“It was a mistake, Junmyeon. I’m so sorry I hurt you, but I can’t be with you. I love Yixing so much I don’t want to lose him.”

It was just like that. Junmyeon was broken once again, and that time, he didn’t have anyone to lean on.

***

Jongin couldn’t find Junmyeon anywhere. He thought maybe Junmyeon got sick and he would appear in a couple of days, but he was wrong. It had been a week and Junmyeon still didn’t come up. Jongin didn’t have any choice but to ask Yifan where Junmyeon was, since he was Junmyeon’s ‘closest person’ that he knew, so that he decided to meet Yifan when their classes were over.

And Yifan’s answer was out of what he had expected.

“We never talk anymore,” said the elder. “We’ve… broken up last week and Junmyeon refused to talk to me and Yixing. We tried to make up with him, but he didn’t even reply to our texts or pick up our calls.”

Jongin was so speechless.

“It was…” Yifan said again after they went silence for a moment. “It wasn’t his fault. It was my fault. I don’t want him to think that Yixing and I blame him for what has happened. Yixing has forgiven him.”

“… he must be broken right now.” Jongin mumbled.

“I know.” Yifan sighed and placed his hand on Jongin’s shoulder. “Do me a favor, Jongin.”

“What?”

“Make him happy again. It’s only you who can do it. If I and Yixing come to his place, I will just hurt him more.”

“… I don’t think he wants to see me.”

“But you still love him, right? I’m sure you will do anything to make him back into the old Junmyeon, who always has a smile on his face.”

“Yes, but—WAIT, WHAT?”

Yifan grinned.

Jongin couldn’t help but blush.

“How could you know? Did Junmyeon tell you about… that day?” Jongin asked groggily.

“What day? Junmyeon didn’t tell me anything about your feeling or ‘that day’, whatever it is,” Yifan replied. “It’s Yixing who realized that you’re in love with Junmyeon. He said he could see it in your eyes that you’re desperately in love with him. Man, he knows everything I don’t know.”

“Is it really obvious…?”

Yifan shrugged. “It is really obvious now,” he said. “Anyway, about Junmyeon… you have to try to talk to him. I’m so worried about him, Yixing too.”

Jongin thought for a while before nodding. He asked his leaving, but before he could step away, Yifan called his name.

“You know…” Yifan said with a softest smile Jongin had ever seen from him. “I once fell in love with Junmyeon too.”

Jongin looked surprised. Whoa, that is new.

“It was when Junmyeon and I were still in high school and you were in your last year in junior high school. I wanted to confess, but I was afraid of rejection that time. I was afraid he didn’t love me back.” Yifan continued. “If you were wondering why I could easily have an affair with him, I can say… maybe it was because I once wanted to have him… but, yeah. I only love Yixing now.”

“… I don’t know why you told me that, but thanks for the surprise.”

Yifan chuckled. “Go to him, Jongin. Don’t lose him. Make him happy. He deserves happiness after what he has been going through.”

***

Junmyeon’s mother looked happy when Jongin came up in front of her door. “Jongin! It’s been a while since you last came here. I missed you, you know.” she said with a bright smile; the same smile as Junmyeon’s.

“I’ve been… busy with assignments, but I’m free now,” Jongin lied; he couldn’t tell her the real reason why he didn't come there, could he? “Uhh… I haven’t seen Junmyeon in college and… w-well… I just wanted to make sure he’s okay.”

“Junmyeon, hmm…” Junmyeon’s mother’s smile faded a little. “I don’t think he’s okay… he refused to go out from his room, even for a meal. He didn’t eat properly. His father and I are worried, but we can’t do anything to make things better.”

“Can I… can I see him now?” Jongin asked.

“Only if he doesn’t lock his door,” the pretty lady answered. “By the way, Jongin, I have to go now. There’s some file my husband forgot to bring this morning and he asked me to bring it to his office. After that I have to go to buy something for our dinner. If you don’t mind, can you stay here for a while? I’m worried if I have to leave Junmyeon alone.”

“Mmm. Sure, Aunt.”

“And make sure you will stay for dinner, okay?”

Jongin nodded. He waved his hand to the lady, who was about to get inside her car.

After Junmyeon’s mother left, Jongin went upstairs to Junmyeon’s room. He knocked the familiar door gently just to get nothing.

“Junmyeon-hyung, it’s me,” Jongin said hesitantly. “I’ll come inside, okay?”

Jongin turned the door knob slowly, fortunately Junmyeon didn’t lock it. He opened the door and stepped inside, holding his breath when he saw Junmyeon sitting in the corner of the dim room.

“Hyung…” Jongin called Junmyeon as he sat beside him. He patted Junmyeon on the head, making the other male raise his head slowly.

“… Jongin…?”

Jongin gulped. Junmyeon looked so pathetic. His eyes were swollen due to too much crying, cheeks wet with the unstoppable tears. Jongin could hear his soft sob and it hurt him so bad.

“… you look like a little rat, Hyung.”

“… do I look like a cute, little rat?”

“Rats aren’t cute,” Jongin rolled his eyes and pulled Junmyeon to lean on him. “But maybe I can make an exception for you, if you really want to be a cute rat.”

Junmyeon chuckled.

He knew—Jongin knew that everything would be alright after that.

***

“Do you still love Yifan-hyung, Hyung?”

“Maybe.”

A short silence came between them.

“… do you still love me, Jongin?”

“Yes.”

“Even though I don’t love you back?”

“Yes.”

“What if I run away because I don’t want you to love me?”

Jongin pressed his cheek onto Junmyeon’s temple as he grinned. “I will send a deadly storm and lightning thunder to catch and strike your head, so that you will come back to me.”

Junmyeon laughed and slapped Jongin’s thigh playfully. “Will you wait for me until I can love you the way you love me, Jongin?”

“Yes, Hyung. Yes.”