Some better love, but there's no better love

Beckons above me,

Soojung’s face is smeared by so many colours. Blue, yellow, red, basically everything on her pallette. But she doesn’t care, all she care is to transfer all the emotions bubbling inside her. She has her breath running, because the hurry movement of her hands. Both already bathed in colours, poking, taking streaks on the big canvas in the room full of light.

Little pat around here and there, she’s halfway of the work. She couldn’t stop the smile blossoming on her face. It filled witth tiny pockets of happiness. And she knows why.

She feels the afternoon breeze playing with her hair. She couldn’t help sighing in content. It reminds her of them so much.

A knock on the door, stops her. A barefaced Sooyeon peeking from the door.

“Did I interrupt something?” She Asks nervously, becase she knows so well how sacred it is whenever Soojung in her work mode. All concentration absorbed into the painting. But to her surprise, Soojung doesn’t yell her out or even glare, even better, she gives her full child-like smile. Well, that was new.

“No, nope, not at all. Come on in!” Soojung even drags Sooyeon inside, making Sooyeon speechless and confused at the same time. What’s gotten into her? Sooyeon shurgs, but I’m not complaining. Soojung takes her to stand in front of the canvas. “Okay?”

===============================================================================================================

“Hey you kid let the raptor catch you!” Mr. Jung running all over the shore, chasing naughty Sooyeon and Yunho at their grandpa’s private beach. It was inherited to Mr. And Mrs. Jung. Sooyeon was just woke up from her slumber on Mrs.’ Jung belly.

“Mommy....” Sooyeon croaked with her tiny little voice. The afternoon  was so warm, Mrs. Jung smiled to her little baby. “Finally you wake up. Hungry?” She pull the basket full of fruits near them. Soojung picked a banana, her favourite fruit. And opened it instantly, still sitting on her mother’s stomach with her tiny neon pink swimsuit. Mrs. Jung didn’t mind at all that her daughter crumpled all of her new floral dress.

“Finally the sleepyhead awake!” Yunho coming to the shady place, and sat on the carpet next to them. “Mommy...” Soojung’s tiny voice whined whenever her siblings called her that. She hated it. She felt such a little baby whenever they called her that. Mrs. Jung only smiled. “Don’t tease your sister Yunho-ah. She’s still collecting her soul from her slumber.She could be a little grumpy.” Mrs. Jung said the last part with a little whisper. “I’m not grumpy!” Soojung sulked. And both of them erupted in giggle.

“Hello baby..” Mr. Jung picked up Soojung from her mother. Holding her easily only with one hand. Even though he’s started to age, there was no trace of it. He’s still looked fit and healthy. Same with Mrs. Jung. Their beauty was unmistakable. It was radiant, shown on their children, how their good genes being passed on. No wonder many other of their bussiness partner love and jealous of them at them same time. They’re the loveliest family. The perfect family that everyone wanted. And that what makes the hates come around. But the Jung’s could careless.

“Mommy now that Soojung has awake, let’s play at the sea!” Sooyeon happily asked her mom, as she tugged her hand to wake up. Trying her best to pick her mother up even though her tiny little hands and strenght was no match at all. “Okay, okay.” Mrs. Jung laughed seeing her daughter determination, and finally get up.

Soojung was put down, throwing away the banana’s peeling off before joining her family. Soojung looked to the sea, only to see the beautiful sunset setting down, with her family playing water. They were translucent. Magical. Unforgettable. Her father putting Yunho up in the sky, with Sooyeon tungging onto her mother’s wet dress. Soojung couldn’t stop her tiny little feet to run to them.

“Eonnie? Hello?” Soojung’s full face is taking all the frame from her vision. Sooyeon is strartled. “Are you alright?” Soojung asks softly. Sooyeon blinks a few times. Only to make the tears coming down, rolling on both of her cheeks. Soojung’s face turned crestfallen.

“Oh no I ed up.” Her face alarmed. “I messed it up didn’t I?” Soojung asks as she throws herself on the bed. Sooyeon still silent, unmoved from her position. Soojung tugs her sister’s t-shirt from the back, “Hey, is the painting that bad? I’ve never seen you cried seeing my painting.” Sooyeon shakes her head disagreeing.

“No, Soojung-ah..no..it’s beautiful. It’s the most beautiful piece I’ve seen.” Sooyeon whispers softly. Soojung sighs in relieve. She hugs her sister from the back. Knowing Sooyeon really hates it to be seen crying. Soojung can’t help her sadness too.

“I miss them. A lot...” Soojung whispers, breaking the silence engulfing them. The night already setting. Even though it’s halfway done, She knows, they both know the canvas still glowing. It’ll be her masterpiece.

Jongin huffs a breath as his body finally meets the soft matress of his bed. It’s dark. But he likes it. The dark makes him calm. He can see the moon peeking on his window. Glowing its glory in these past days. Reminds him the nights he spent back then. Way back when another part of him still living together with him there. In his enormous apartement.

He loosens his tie, two tops buttons of his grey shirt. Taking deep breaths into his lung. Enjoying the short time to relax. To feel comfortable again in his comfort zone after long hours of work. He’s too tired to take a bath, so he decides to sleep. Just before his eyelids fully closed, the apartement’s doorbell rings.

Who the hell coming this late night? Jongin wondered. And annoyed. He’s too lazy to open the door. It’s too far for his liking right now. But the door keeps ringing, persistent and there’s no way it’ll stop until he receive it. you. He grunts in his head, as he drags his body forcefully to walk out of the room.

He cliks the sound intercom first, and half yelling, half yawning, “Not taking any guest this hour, Sorry.” The intercom beeps hurriedly before he shut it down. “Jongin open the door right now!” The familiar sound echoing around the quite house. He instantly open the intercom’s camera, with confusion, he opens the door afteward.

Mrs. Kim sitting rigidly on the sofa, with back straight, as she sips down the tea her son made. With towel still hanging between his neck, his torso showing the chocolate abs’ glory. Loose sweatpants hanging low on his waist, making Mrs. Kim rolls her eyes.

“You’re always showing off son! Put a shirt on!” She yells cheerfully, as she makes her way to the laudry room, and throwing a t-shirt onto his son’s face. She never changes, he thought. Since he was a little kid, she never changes.

“Okaay mother.” He replies lazily, with a sigh of relieve. He glad she’s healthy. He’s sitting next to her, still drying his wet hair. Mrs. Kim sighs in disdain. She looks tired, he thought. It’s been a while since the last time he saw her. Few months ago.

“What brings you here mom? Why didn’t you call me? I could pick you up beforehand.” He asks, it was unsual for his mom to come all over here from their contryside home. Their far countryside home. “Is it dad? Is he alright? Does something happened to him?” Jongin’s frantically questions his mother.

Mrs. Kim smiles, “No Jongin-ah, he’s alright. He’s healthy.” She reassures him. He looks at her for assurance. And after he gets his answer, he hugs her tightly. “I’ve missed you. Sorry I couldn’t visit often, the works were endless.” He knows it’s a lame excuse. But what other things can he say? It was true though. With her too occupying his mind lately. He couldn’t focus.

“So I heard, you had a dinner with the Song’s and the Roh’s, how was it?” She asks an unexpected question. “How do you know?” He’s getting more confused with his mom. She chuckles, “I have my sources. So how was it?” She seems determined to know.

“Well, uh, it was alright. The food was great, you should taste the steak! We should come there next time!”

“Okay...And I also heard Mr. & Mrs. Roh’s daughter was coming...How’s she?” She carefully asks, but still to the point. “Why do you asks about her?” Jongin is now scrunching his eyebrows. “No reasons.” Mrs. Kim answers vaguely. But her eyes still trained on him, waiting for him to go on, to answer her.

The good atmosphere suddenly turned sour when her menacing glare trained oh Jongin. Jongin somehow remembered what happened at the bar. It was really humiliating for him to sit there. He just want to runaway and visit Soojung. He missed her uncontrollably.

The elders turned confused, sensing the heavy atmosphere between the youngest in the room.

“Do you guys have known each other before?” Mrs. Song asked, with the Roh’s also asking their daughter with their stares. It was unsual for her daughter to be like that around other people. She usually polite, especially in bussiness meeting like this.

“Oh no, no, not at all Mrs. Song! We’ve never known each other before. But Mr. Kim reminds me of some I met at my friend’s party few days ago.” She curtly answered, with a fake-annoyed smile sent towards Jongin. Her eyes never left him.

“language my daughter!” Mrs. Roh gasped, didn’t expect her daughter to let out inappropiate word like that in front of people. “Sorry mother, couldn’t help it.” She shrugged nonchalantly, as she continued to eat. Jongin only could muster a nervous smile.

“Why? Tell me.” Mrs. Kim softly reassured him to continue. He’s kinda reluctant to tell her, but he tells her anyway. “Whoa that was awkward.” His mom replied after he finished. “Yup it was.” He replied.

“What did you do huh?” Mrs. Kim nudges his son. Jongin looks at her, he knows she won’t judge him. He knows her. And she knows him inside out. But he doesn’t want to dissapoint his mother. So he decides he wouldn’t tell her. It’s kinda risky for all party.

“I’ve met her before, it was me the she mentioned. We, uh, got some misunderstanding there and, I haven’t had the chance to clear it up.” He explains briefly. “Well, then, clear it up then. Man up.” She encourages. “Well I didn’t know her at all back then, so I haven’t got the chance mom.” She only stares at him. “Well you know her now.”

“Well yes but..”.

“No buts.” Mrs. Kim cuts Jongin. With a stern face, how can he disobey her? “Okay mom, I’ll clear it up to her soon. Don’t worry.” She sighs in content. “That’s my boy.”

Both of them fall into a peaceful silent. As he massage his mom’s palm. He looks at her, the wrinkles getting more visible here and there. She’s getting older, but her beauty never fades. Oh he couldn’t imagine a life without his mother and father. It was unimaginable.

“So what dad has been doing lately?” He asks the generic questions he usually had with his mother.

“Still busy with his greenhouse and fishing, like the usual. But..”

“but?” His mother hanging sentence makes him wonder.

“But he’s often spacing out lately. Sometimes he even missed the fish even thought it already tugged his bait so hard. Only after he fell he back into the reality...” And Jongin becomes panic after he heard her answer.

“Is he sick? Has he seen the doctor?!” Mrs. Kim smiled shortly. “No he’s not sick.”

“I’ve asked him. He just got a lot of things in his mind. Especially you.” She answers. His scrunching eyebrows getting deeper. “Me?”

“Yes you Jongin.”

“Why? I’m alright. The company is alright under my wings. What’s the problem?” He explains it all. He’s sure it’s alright. Everything’s fine. So what’s bothering his father’s mind?

“You’re almost thirty Jongin. He wants you to get married.” Mrs. Kim asnwers to the point.

“M-married? But why? I’m fine!” Jongin’s face turns ridicule. His mother’s face turns a little bit sad. She looks tired, and that makes Jongin regretted what he said. “We’re getting older Jongin. He doesn’t want his life ended before he sees his grandson & granddaughter. He cares about you Jongin. He knows you’re lonely.”

“I’m not lonely.” Well that was a lie. She knows it. And Jongin converts his eyes from her, and sighs. His parents knows him the best. He’s bad at lying.

“And we want you to marry the Roh’s daughter, Roh Sora.” She softly says. His eyes widened.

“What n-“

“Shush, don’t answer it now. We just want you to know. We’ve think about this thoroughly. And She’s one of the brightest kid we’ve known since she was a kid. She suits you Jongin. She could complete you.”

No one can complete me mom. I’ve found my missing pieces long time ago. And never changes.

“But mom, I...I can’t.” He weakly answers. It’s impossible. His heart is always hers. And with her condition like now, he couldn’t left her alone. She needs him. With deep down, he knows it’s otherwise. He needs her presence more than everything.

As if she could read his mind, “Is it Soojung?” Her warm eyes never left her son. Jongin feels distrubed. He doesn’t want to make his parents sad, but he couldn’t grant their wish too. He only silent on his mother question. No words could be formed.

She pats her son’s cheek softly. “Don’t worry about it. Just calmly think about it Jongin.”

“We know you’ll never let us down.” She smiles.

Soojung is content. With her headphones on, the musics always calm her. It’s already past midnight. She’s tired. But she doesn’t want to sleep yet. Not that she can’t sleep. Since that day, the day Jongin spent the night, Her sleep is getting better. She never had any nightmares. Only dreamless sleep days after days.

It’s a relief. Really.

And the brown coat he left that day, always accompany her everynight. It’s warm, full of his scent. A scent of sandalwood, pertichor, and mint mixed into one. His scent always intoxicating. She just knows it, deep down inside. Even though she doesn’t know him at all. But everytime she pictures him inside her mind, it always makes her heart aches, and her breath shortened. The Jongin effect.

He’s her poison. She’s his puzzle piece.

He’s her relief. He’s part of her. She knows it. She could feel it in her bones. She knows he plays an important part in her life. But then, why she could forget him? Why her body reacts that way everytime she sees him? She doesn’t like the effect he had on her. But she couldn’t help it. She’s addicted to it. She’s addicted to him.

Her deepest wish is to have him here, right now, next to her. Singing the lullaby just like last time. Sing her to sleep. She closed her eyelids, as she hugs her body tightly wrapped in his coat. The sheet feels cold against her skin. This night is kinda cold.

She feels kinda quenched with just this. But on the other side, she wants more. She needs more.

She misses him.

“Kim...Jong...In...” She whispers softly, remembering his name, just like when he said it to her at the hospital. She sighs. better goes to sleep. Her body needs sleep.

Suddenly she hears her phone vibrating. Who called this late night?

‘김종인’

She’s startled. It’s him. He’s calling her.

Without further ado, she asnwers the phone. She’s quite. 

“Hey. It’s me...Jongin.” He huskily said. She couldn’t help feel breathless hearing his sound, it reminds  her to that day. It reminds her his warm skin, against hers.

“I know.” She answers. And they both fell silent. She knows something is off.

“What’s wrong?” She asks. She could sense his uneasiness. It’s palpable. And she couldn’t help but want to know. She cares for him, somehow. Unknowingly.

A lump of silence coming between them. Only their breaths present. And it calms Soojung. And Jongin, oh how he wish he could be next to her right now. Feeling her heartbeart by himself. Setting his arms around her waist, just like before. Back to its place.

“Nothing..I just...I just...Missed you...” He whispers so softly, and if Soojung didn’t listen close, she could’ve missed it. But no, not in the world she would missed it. He said he missed her. The Jongin Effect making its way to her body. The butterflies in her stomach are undeniedable. She couldn’t formed any words.

“Jongin...I..” She wants to reply back. But hearing his steady breath across the phone, she knows she’s too late. He’s already asleep.

“I missed you too..” She whispers. And welcoming the oblivion that comes to her.

Little did she know, he heard her.

Chided by that silence of a hush sublime

Blind to the purpose of the brute divine

But you were mine

Staring in the blackness at some distant star

The thrill of knowing how alone we are, unknown we are

To the wild and to the both of us

I confessed the longing I was dreaming of

Some better love...

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The next morning his mother is already gone. Leaving only a note.

‘I’ll take the train.

                                                                         Mom.’

He sighs. His mom is an unpredictable woman. It was always hard to figure her out, what would she do next. And it sometimes worry him. But he knows, she’s strong. She’s an independent woman. She could take care of herself.

He’s always been the early bird. He wakes up early, but sleep late at night. His sleeping schedule always short, started since his first year of college. And it was Soojung, who always keep the track of his time. So that he could have an enough time to sleep.

Oh memories. How sweet it was.

Soojung.

“Yes wait a minute!” Soojung shouts from the stairs. It’s Sunday, Sooyeon is off work, she’s off work, and it’s rare for them to wake up early. But knowing Sooyeon’s room is father than her room from the door, there’s no way Sooyeon would answer the door.

“Hello-“ Soojung stops on her steps, seeing the man from last night phone call in flesh. Her breaths shortened.

Jongin is no different. He couldn’t process the fact that she’s standing there, with his coat on and a pastel night gown. Looks so beautiful, so fragile, yet beautiful.

Unconciously, his hand makes its way to her cheeks. Carefully touching the soft skin of hers, afraid it would hurt her. As he feels her breath becomes irregular under his touch. He looks at her eyes, searching for any rejection or fear in it.  But he found none.

He goes down to her neck, finding its way to her sensitive spot, and Soojung can only take one breath, as her eyelids fall shut. And he put his palm firmly there. His mind goes blank seeing her face so close to him, their hushed breaths mingled together. They feel warm all over.

The desire blinds him, all he wants is just to feel her kiss, against his lips. And that’s what he’s going to do.

In the next second, Soojung felt a soft lips crashing onto hers. Her mind goes blank.