Run, run, runaway…

Until you find your own way…

When there’s no one on else to stay…

With you in the faraway…

===~===

She’s selfish. And he knows it. Way too very well. He also knows that she’s stubborn. She’s rock headed. If there’s a thing which she wants to get, she’ll run for it. Leaving everything behind. Doesn’t really think about the consequence. But he can be more stubborn if he wants to. Fortunately, he never let his cool breaks. He thought he could make the situation like that forever. But He guessed wrong.

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“Could you please explain what are you doing right now?!!” He screams next to her, frustration fills in every words he says. Fingers run trough his hair, brush it furiously. Not that she will care anyway.

“I know you know so shut up!” She screams back, sarcastically. She never thought Jongin could be this annoying. Not until this time. Her hands busily fold and throw any kinds of clothes which her eyes can spot. With feet pacing helpingly back and forth. She can hear his angry groans. Oh how much she hates that sound right now.

“Could you please stop being like this just.for.once! Stop always make things more difficult!!!” He ramblings incoherently. Pathetically just to get a rolls of eyes from her. Ticking his anger very much.

“My decision is final. Stop talking, it won’t change anything.” Her words stab him like a thousands of needles. He knows she’s selfish. But he never thought she can go this far. Far enough to end their god-knows-how-long relationship. This is it? He asks himself. He usually the one who would beg and plead to her in this conversation. Begging her to stay, begging her to not leaving him. And in the end they would argue a little bit more then make up. Oh how tempting that action would be. But, no. Not this time. Not when he’s not at fault at all like this. Or he thinks so.

“Unbelieveable.” He scoffs mockingly. Success to get a slight venomous glare from her. But she covers it fast then back focused on her activity. Zipping her big black suitcase. Already filled with all of her clothes from his wardrobe. It was their wardrobe actually. Everything in this apartment was Theirs. But time changes it like a tornado. There’s no way it could be fixed like before. This one is just to severe.

She doesn’t reply his words. Instead she brings her heels to the front door, with Jongin trailing behind. A pair of hand spin her shoulder around. Face to face with him.

“This is it?” He says those words carefully. Oh girl, you don’t know how many meanings behind those mere words. Her heart begin to throb. Wavering with doubts, starts to melt her firm walls of determination.

She’s trapped inside his gaze. The hands around her shoulder starts to emit a heatful sparks. Along with her thumping heart. Beating irregulary. Oh he doesn’t know how mush she hates Jongin-effects right now. But she can’t deny that she likes it too. Not that she will proclaim that statement to him. Not now, not today, not ever.

His eyes searching inside hers, hoping he can find anything, anything that will tell that she’s just lying. That all of this is just a joke. That she’s not breaking up with him right now.

She gulps inwardly, gathering all of her strength to picking up her determination from before. His towering height, those addictive gaze, not really helping at all. She can’t give in, she won’t.

“Yes.” NO! Her heart screams in disagree. Scrunching in twisted pain. She daringly glance back to him. But she regrets it too much afterward. His eyes now filled with astonishment, astonishment of her word. Which breaks his heart into thousand pieces. Sorrow emitting from his gaze, success entering hers. Crumbling more walls inside her.

She keeps her heart steady. Her mind keeps scolding yet calming her feelings inside. To her disappointment, it works very well, and those walls keep build itself again and again. She’s already decide it. There’s no way she would eat her previous words. It’s not her style. Swallowing her pride. No, not her.

Dissapointment and hurt plaster in his eyes. His expressions become hard. Hard like a sculptured stone. Her heart becomes more and more in pain to see those, all she wants to do is just embrace him and telling that she loved him. No, she’s still loves him. She really do. But she can’t.

In the other hand, Jongin’s mind become blank. Like a white paper drowned in a sea of black ink.

“Once you release me, there’s no way to come back.” He softly speaks. Catch her breath in instant. He releases his grip on her shoulder. Bring his feet to take two steps behind.

“가... (Go.)…” He silently says those two letters. It’s her decision after all, and he should respect it. So there won’t be any hard feeling between them. Even though his heart ache as . But what can he do? She’s Jung Soojung after all. I hope you won’t regret this my love…

He can see her eyes start to wells in tears. He catches a slight of hope, but it’s too faint and vague. Or maybe he’s just being delusional.

Pitch black night, days ago…

It was a very quite night. For her, for Soojung. The sound of the ticking clock was the only one who accompany her in her lonely bed. Thin layers of blankets splattered all over her body, unfortunately only covered until her thights and feet. She found herself spacing out, staring blankly at the rigid desk lamp with hands hugging another thick pillow.

It started again. Night like this. Night whenever her inner, herself, become vulnerable and fragile. She didn’t even know why she would feel that way. It was just her heart told to all of her body to do so. Like a hollow crops, she stayed still on her position, lying on the bed with her fetal position. Her jet black hair splattered all over her neck, he cheek, her shoulder, almost covering her face. Almost.

A faint sound of the door being opened breaking the heavy silence around her. Right moments later, she felt a weight next to her position, as a hand sneaked around her waist, back to its right place. She felt herself being dragged backwards a little until her back crashed on the broad warm chest. It was his. She knew it, she knew it very well.

Soft breath ticking around her neck, rising all of the nape hair. Heartbeats of their own could be heard clearly, a steady heartbeats of two souls. Soon, she heard the hoarse voice of her beloved one, whispering gently to her.

“Are you still awake?” His close  figure also waking up her nostrils, a vague scent of fragrance of roses entering her scent. Sending a pinch of anxiety inside her heart. Her body gradually became rigid on its place. But the heat that emitted from him, didn’t help her at all.

She silently nodded to his question. Suddenly, she felt soft touch around her neck travelled until her shoulders. A touch that as light as the butterfly, giving a venomous sensation all over her skins. A sigh of pleasure escaped her lips, a very usual reaction from her everytime he gave her his intoxicating butterfly kisses.

Her mind would turn out drowsy in a moments, but somehow, she built up her sanity to ask the question that had been tugging inside her since he was arrived. She took her hitched breath, then asked him.

“Where have you bee-n?” She managed to finish her sentence, right at the moment she would  blurt out another big sigh, which turned out to be a moan as she felt his tounge and biting her skins. Perfectly at the weak spot of her, the right side of her neck.

“Work.” He mumbled incoheredly as he back to his previous doing. Wrapping his arm around her more closer and firmer than before. Oh how he loved her scent so much. The scent of fresh orange. Her eyes travelled to seek his hand, his white sleeves. Her breath choked when she spotted a faint smeared red stain at his lower sleeve. Near his wrist. Vaguely formed a shape of…lips…

Those marks, those word, succeed to break her heart into pieces. She bit her lower lip to prevent another moan escaping, as a drop of silent tears rolled to her cheeks.Those foreign fragrance, was enough to be the evident. Furthermore, he added more salt by his answer. Soojung whispered in the deepest side of her heart,

Liar.

December, 2 years later…

Like a déjà vu, she sees his figure again standing in front of the large frame of a canvas. A paint. Her paint. The paint which she dearest the most. The paint of sparkling sunset. With a two vague figure sitting on the sand, as if savouring every moment of their life right at that time. There’s no doubt it’s a paint of them. Soojung. Jongin. And the world.

Maybe she’s wrong, maybe god fated them to be together. Or maybe this is just another plot twist that god presents it to her. Or maybe, this is just another wrong encounter. But in the same place, same time, same scenery. Only with a different atmosphere.

It’s been two years and 4 months since she left his side. Running away to the heavenly place of art, Italy. Reaching her deepest dream to be an artist. And no, don’t ever think that it was easy for her to leave him like that, hell, it was the most painful wrong-doing of her. And she regrets it. Regrets it to the core. But no one could turn back the time. The past is in the past, so be it.

And for him, it was the most heartbreaking memories. For every seconds he breathes. Until right now. He doesn’t know, how or why she just left him right that. And without knowing the reasons behind that, suffer him more. He still stick to his assumption that she was just being irrational and stubborn, running for her unnecessary dream, being a painter. But what he doesn’t know, that’s just the façade for the real reason she left him. Leaving her with all the blame. Even though it was otherwise.

Oh love, you still couldn’t see the power of love.

Meeting him again, in here, in front of the sacred statue of Juliet, way too cliché for her. Meet an eyes right at the most memorable place for them. Verona.

Anger he feels inside every seconds he lives since she left him vanish at the moment she’s stumbled in front of him. The loneliness and missing feelings crushing all of his anger, but with questions still linger and disappointment still etched inside him.

He doesn’t know this is a gift, or a bad luck for him. For her too. For both of them.

No words escaping, only stares exchange. And breaths and racing hearbeats dancing around them.

She’s dazed, meeting his figure once again. After four months, more or less, never seen him again since that exhibition. Finally seeing his face again, success to turn her body into another Jongin-effect session. Thumping heart, one-two short breath, words prisoned inside.

Truth to be told, Jongin calls himself a hypocrite. Even though his mind keeps denying those statement, but deep inside, it is the rightest words. Saying that to not have any regrets, but he, himself always being poured by regrets. Why he didn’t stop her, why he let her go.

The words, that has been tugged since the second his eyes catch her, finally crashing the heavy silence between them.

“W-why did you leave me?”

No, hello being said. Only goodbyes being reminded. Four mere letter, yet success to rise the anger inside Soojung. Those anger that has been buried since the past minutes, finding its own way to reach the top again. Jongin doesn’t understand. Even a little bit. How ache inside her ferociously eating her inside. Oh, how wrong she is. How cliché both of them only thinking about themselves. Never ever catch a glimpse of each other’s pain.

Her breath becomes heavy. Starts become short. As if the air around her being absorbed by her anger. Her eyelids working so hard to resist the teardrops to fall, poor her, only a futile effort remains.

“You…don’t know anything…Kim Jongin…” She whispers with stern tone. One tears streaming down her face. Her words success to make Jongin’s frowns become deeper. He flinches.

“What do you mean-“

“그만해…(enough)…I’m enough of you…”

She stops him mid sentence. His face turns more sour, unreadable. She quickly wipes her tears with hasty move, as she starts to pace to the opposites, leaving him behind. Thinking that Jongin will just let her go like before. But no, she’s wrong. Totally wrong. Letting her go already being erased from his dictionary. With no hesitation, he grabs her and spins her around. Just to meet her messy, crying face. Oh how hurt his heart with the scenery in front of him.

Her heart is crying, and crying and crying. His betrayal was the most grievous incident in her life. Never once her heart being broken like that, with no one to mend it until now. Soojung struggling from his grip, trying to let go from his hand. But Jongin won’t let go.

One-two people in there staring at them, murmuring something in the words that foreign for Jongin. And vague for her concentration right now. And they know, they could careless. It’s just Soojung, Jongin, and the world right now.

Being persistent Soojung, she tries more harder, only to make Jongin more troubled to hold her. And that’s just spicing Jongin to hold her more firmer and tighter. Without hesitation, he brings her delicate figure to his embrace. Once again.

She whimpers, mumbling incoherent words, but all Jongin does is whispering back, replying her words, burying his face inside her hair, soothing her softly. She hates it. She hates herself, why she’s always become helpless everytime he touches her. Why the Jongin-effect still lingers inside her, why?

Why she’s still love him?

It hits her. She’s furious, by the realization. Any kind of denials can’t go against it. What she doesn’t know that it goes the same with him. Never once he un-loved her. Even with her leaving too. The feelings inside still remain inside them. And they slowly know with the embrace they share, they still love each other.

Her body slowly calm down. With a little tremble left. She’s angry. He’s still sinful. And she won’t just forgive his mistake easily. Not without any apology from him. But how he knows that he’s guilty if he doesn’t even know his mistake?

“You were cheating on me..” She whispers to him, closely near his ear. As she still nests her face inside his neck. Jongin’s head rises, then brings her face to face him. An icy gaze collides in his vision.

“W-what?” He asks her confusedly. Soojung’s face becomes damp, and slowly dry by itself. She just sternly staring at him. Hiding her agony inside.

“Don’t act dumb.” She says, venomously. Jongin’s head processing his memories. And with that, it hits him. He remembers.

“I-I….” He stutters, doesn’t know how to explain. He’s caught red-handed. The scenery in front of her, confirms her anxiety and wonder.

This is it Kim Jongin.

She breaks free from his grip, with no much effort. Because his hands already loosen up the moment he realized what she means. Guilty eating him inside. His chest thumps hard, with a tons of weight inside. Is that why she left..?B-but how did she know?

Soojung glances at him one more time, her tears already dry. Drier than the dessert. She can’t pour any single tears anymore. Her eyes’s joints become rigid. She’s still remain for seconds to see his next action.

Apology. That’s all I want Jongin. One apology, and you’ll be forgiven.

A minute pass, and he’s still fall silent on his place. He’s still speechless and astounished. He wants to say something, anything, explaining. But no words come out.

“I-I….”

Her heart can’t wait anymore seconds, it’s just too much. Even just an apology couldn’t come out from his lips. Where he should be begging right now if it is another women. But this is Soojung. She could forgive him in a second he says that, but reality speaks otherwise. Jongin turns silent.

Never been her heart crushed more than this. The gate inside her slowly close, leaving a little bit tiny space. Her faith and trust fading like a smokes. Farewell Jongin…

She turns around, then running as fast as she can. Doesn’t care with her killer heels, doesn’t care with the cloudy weather and its thunder, doesn’t care about anything. She just wants to be as far as she can from him. From Kim Jongin.

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