Oh hello Mr. and Mrs. Love,

The sins are waiting for you,

Waiting for forgiveness…

Begging for mercy…

Wondering if one day,

The sins will be forgiven…

May I ask what is forgiveness?

When there’s no such forgivable things…

====================================================================================================================

The sun sets in the edge of the earth, rolling slowly but sure, taking steps to the another side of the earth. Shutting off its sunshine from here, gleaming glow for another places. Time ticking in sync timing, along with the steady heartbeats of one certain man. Dim light of the desklamp never been bothered by the soft fast sound of the moving pen. Dancing its body on the thousands sacks of papers on the big wooden desk. Made charmingly with the best quality in the world.

Another famous signs of his has been made again, written impeccably with masculine fingers of Jongin. A queasy sigh escapes from his delicate full lips, the well-known kissable one. Eyes staring hollowly focused to the million words and typical sentences with same old same boring font, Times New Roman. Different structures, lamely same meanings. Joints, permission, project, and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera…

Oh how wish he could burn all of this .

The ticking clock just to make his weight of weariness becomes more heavier with every ticks its makes. His chest bobbling up and down, breathing normally like he always does. The president room of his always been quite like this. As quite as a graveyard, spacious enough for one medium-sized hotel room. Big cupboards here and there, filled with various kind of folders and books. How ironic placed there just to be a useless decoration. Jongin is far from bookworm type, inversely related with his work that adjacent to those kinds of things. Comics always better for his brain, and his taste.

He can’t take anymore the stuffy emptiness,which results for his hands to loosen up his pitch black tie, the two top buttons, and roll up his pale white sleeves. Far enough until the edge of his elbows. Showing his tan, masculine arms. Everything about him emitting a manly aura. Another sighs escapes from his mouth, as his fingers run trough his hair, make it messier than before. But still decent enough to see. Hotter even.

His eyes catch a glimpse of the Lacoste watch around his wrist, showing stoically ‘6.30p.m.’

It’s time.

“Joon…myun…stop…” A sultry moans echoes in the private room. Private room of someone. Someone that somehow familiar, yet foreign as ever. Hot breaths and lewd sounds joining the air inside the dim room. Much enough to make breathing become hard for her. Yes, her. Jung Soojung.

Fingers grabbing pitch black hair of his, hard enough to make Joonmyun more to mash her luscious lips more harder. Teeth playing along, ing with another existence of tounges and fingers.  His palms, slowly moving back and forth from her cheekbones and to her back. Then steadily stays on the last destination, the slim waist of hers.

The top button of her blouse maybe already gone somewhere around the room, as the result of his impatient move to it. Thanks God he’s still sane enough to not rip her clothes. Oh how doomed she will be if that’s happen.

His hands searching for an entrance from blouse, seeking for a tiny pit to touch her . But being the clever Soojung, her hands always find his to entangle his fingers, keeping it at the bay sneakily. He bites her lower lips, asking for an entrance, and being the kind Soojung, she lets him willingly. Already tired enough from his enchanting since before.

Tounges battling each other, fighting for dominace. But he won’t be called a man if he couldn’t dominate her. With not much efforts, she follows his movement, moving together in sync. His ways in y make-out session never upsets her.

Her upper body already seated comfortably on the luxurious table of his. Smells of mint slowly starts to etched all over her. Her favourite scent these days. The scent of Joonmyun. Only him. Her boss.

Same goes for Joonmyun, her fresh scent of orange becomes his drugs, his newest addiction. A day without crashing his skins with hers, will be an incomplete day for him. Truth to be told, both of them doesn’t really know each other well. Maybe around a year ago, their first encounter at the one of majestic company in the centre of Seoul. At first, they just treat each other just to fulfill their needy desire in a moment, but turns out to be another session and another session and another session. But none of them complain, they accept the situation with welcome hands.

Maybe this is what we called friends with benefits.

Joonmyun sighs in the middle of the kiss, blowing a fresh scent of menthol, perhaps because he ate one of flavored candy with those flavor. Soojung breaths in his breath into her cavern welcomely. Her eyebrows scrunches with each other, as she feels a vivid vibration near her thight. It must be her phone. She flutters open her eyes, seeking for a clock on the wall. Once her eyes catch the time, her drowsy mind turns alarmed and sober. It’s a quarter past seven.

She breaks their kiss, parted her lips from him. Instantly gets an annoyed expression from him. He leans forward again, catch her lips for another kiss sneakily. But Soojung breaks it again hastily once again.

She takes her limbs to standing position, snatching her purse and puts her phone into it. Ignoring the scowling Joonmyun following her movements with his eyes. Crossed hands, he asks,

“It’s him again?” fretful emotion fills his words. His expression turns into like…you know…when a child losing his lollipop. As if someone snatching away his best salvation at the moment. Soojung doesn’t even take a glance to him, as she reads a message from someone, none other than Jongin. Well, not that Joonmyun owns her anyway. She’s Jongin’s.

“Yep. Bye.” She replies, heads her black stiletto to the door, away from the smothering room, filled with lust and breaths of theirs. Joonmyun rolls his eyes by her answer, automatically trailing behind her, until she arrives right in front of the elevator door. She presses the downward button, then waits.

With no waiting for too long, seconds later the elevator door being wide opens, provides an empty spaces for people. Well, but now, only for her and Joonmyun. The office already done since 6.00. All the workers always rushed home immediately, and in fifteen to twenty minutes, this big skyscraper will be empty from humans. Except for the guards, Mr. President,  and the personal secretary. There’s no need to mention their names because everyone already know who they are actually. Mr. Rich and Ms. Elegant currenty in a hot affair. Or what the rumors said. Which partly true. And partly wrong.

The elevator is quite, only filled with Joonmyun’s and her breaths. Soojung is busy with her phone, as he's approaching her from behind, kissing her cheeks teasingly. She’s not amused. Well in the outside. The desire inside, she’s just not showing it. Instead she brush him off, grasping away from  his embrace. Their business is done. Once they stepped from his room, no more skin contact. That’s what they’re agreeing to, more or less. But these days, he sneakily crossing the boundaries, breaking the agreement, makes her wondering in cautious feeling. But there’s no way she would care anyway, nor he. He already has a fiancée, his beloved, pure, fiancée. She wonders what would his fiancée  reacts when she find out about his naughty side, which Soojung only knows. Wondering why Joonmyun hasn’t attack her already. Maybe he doesn’t really care about his fiancée. Or maybe he just loves her so much until the point he treasure her like a diamond. She and him are just playing each other anyway, a hot-dangerous- playtime.

Lean broad figure leaning on the car doorframe, with rolled up sleeves and white shirt, any manly men in the world couldn’t be compared with him. Soft gentle wind blowing around his hair, messing with it. Yet reluctantly lose with the flexible soft hair of his that always back to its previous position.

It’s been fifteen minutes he waits there, alone in the chilly midsummer night in July. Jongin has never been the fans of Friday, but he somewhat likes it a little. Friday means the last day of work, and tomorrow will be Saturday. One of precious days in weekdays to restore his shattering sleeping time.

He snatches his phone, revealing a two people posing with dork facial expressions as the wallpaper. His lips tugs upward unknowingly seeing those. He remembers the day when they, He and Soojung, took that photo. It was the day of her birthday…

..........

“Happy birthday y baby..~” he whispered right behind her ears, sneaking his arms around her waist from behind. She was surprised, as she let out a small  feminime yelp. She was still wearing his working shirt from last night, transparently showing her slim delicate figure. A fresh sight for Jongin taste. Last night was the most memorable night for both of them. Adding new memories in their list of Vanilla .

She giggled in delight afterwards, with Jongin’s lips trailing around her neck. Sending sparks and electricity to her skins. How clueless both of them didn’t know they always feel that everytime their skins touching each other.

She continued focusing on her pancakes, well her tiny repay for last night, she had never been felt so loved like that since ever, until she met Jongin. Out of the blue, the hands around her vanished in the next seconds, made her glanced backwards, wondering where he was going.

She saw him yawning as he brushing his hair backwards, heading to their bedroom. The sunlight from outside shone brightly, glittering on his perfect chocolate abs in a flash of light. The sight of shirtless Jongin was not a new sight for her. She frowned, felt empty so sudden. Scowling, she was back to her making breakfast session.

Time flew fast, 10 minutes had been running since she started to cook. She was too preoccupied to mix the flour, water, milk, and sugar until the previous pair of hands startled her again. Dragging her back to the surrounding.

“Let’s take a pictures.” Jongin whispered again, with more gentle voice. Yet filled with yness and flirt behind it. Oh he didn’t know how much effect he gave to her just by his husky voice. His left hand locking around her waist like a handcuff, and the other one holding his Galaxy S4 sprawled to the front, managing to catch both of their close up faces. Soojung giggled in delight, as she nodded to his offer.

Just like that, the supposed-to-be pancakes, forgotten easily. Placed lonely in the edge of the counter, while those two souls laughing and making various kind of faces for the photos. From the pretty one, happy one, bigful smile, teeth rich smile, mixed with their tiny eyelids, which turned into a crescent moon. Another frames filled with their dork faces. With tounges, smug expressions, until the frames with their lips locking each other, faces smudged with flour, and many more.

............

The time play of his little tape monologue  breaks, when he hears tap sounds of heels coming nearer with a heavy breath in front of him. He clicks the lock button automatically, makes the screen turns black in an instant. An out-of-breath Soojung fills his vision with a clear tips of summer wind around her, playing with her hair a little bit. But still, nothing could compare with her beauty.

“I’m sorry I’m late! I uh, had a few extra jobs back there.” A perfect tiny lie sliding trough smoothly. As if she has been practicing it many times. There’s no way she would let the truth reveales itself to Jongin. She will suicide. He means world to her, no matter how annoying he is. With flaws here and there. Doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have any flaws either. but life without him, couldn’t be called life for her. Love is not enough to describe her feelings to her. For him too. She’s his other half.

Jongin nods in understanding, as he travels his eyes to the woman in front of him. Messy hair, rosy cheeks, her top button gone, messy crumpled clothes. He’s  just couldn’t help himself to inspect her appeareance. It’s just not like her…to dress this…messy. He knows her, she has a little bit perfectsionist syndrome, which results she always dress up nice and tidy from morning until go home. Well, today is probably an exception. Makes Jongin wonders.

“You’ve got…something in there..” He points the corner of her lips, brushes it softly. It’s a lipstick. A tiny spots of her smeared lipstick. She instantly shoves his hand away, then panicky tries to erase it as fast as possible. She curses herself being to careless.

Actually, Jongin didn’t feel suspicious at all at the beginning, but now seeing her panic reaction like that, success to make his mind wonders in suspicion. The brain inside him mix-matching the riddles to one and another. Smeared lipstick, ed shirt…설 마...(It can’t be..)…. His face becomes hard by the assumption inside him. He doesn’t want to believe it. Even thought the sight in front of him tells otherwise.

“들어가 (Get in.)” Jongin says rigidly, with no ryhtm at all. Soojung instantly stops from what she has been doing, anxious feeling starts to creep inside her. She wants to call him, but her lips seem sealed by his face expression.

 Stoic. Unreadable. Just like the one when he’s angry. Oh no, he can’t be…

Few days later…

Glasses of vodka and wine splatter all over the table. The sound of booming stereo echoes, vibrates to every spaces and corners in the hectic sweaty room. Five men sit on the luxurious red cushion, inside the so-called popular pub, or what people usually call “Cimprost”. Long night, strange women, surrounding Jongin and his friends. But he, all of them, could careless with them, as their soberness still waiting to be asked.

A hand snatches one random glass, fills it  with a transparent liquids, looks so innocent, made from heaven. But once it goes into his throat, burn ecstatic sensation spreading into every part of his body. Easily kidnapping his senses. Gradually scraping the sane in his brain. Only with another shot, and he will fully drunk. But unfortunately, a pair of hand stop him to gulp down the malicious vodka. Or maybe what should we call a fortunate savior?

“Yah! Stop it already!” A honey-like voice barks to him like a mother scolding his child. Telling him to stop. Telling him to stop being an idiot. A helpless idiot.

It’s been the third nights he hasn’t went home on time. The  third night he hasn’t her from work. The third night he’s avoiding her. And the third night he always straight go to this sinful pub from work. Drowning himself to his stupid salvation called alcohol, liquor, and being drunk as much as possible. Oh how stupid Jongin is. One of his precious moronic mindset of his.

He flashes an annoyed face to him, the gets up as he put the glass harsly. Leaving the worried one behind in the sofa, pacing his feet to the nearest drinks bar. He unevenly brings his body crossing the hectic, stuffy dance floor, and places himself seating right in front of the busy bartender. Slightly blurry to his vision. But he tries to keep his eyes steady, shut it off for mere 4 seconds, and the clear dim scenery back to his eyes.

“One water plea-

“One vodka please-

Jongin’s hoarse voice is collided with another voice of someone. A soft one. A woman. The bartender looks at him and glances to the person next to him too, signaling he got it. And he vanishes in next second to the other side, taking water and vodka for both of them.

Jongin carelessly glances to the person next to him. At the same time when that person is looking at him too. Their eyes crash into each other. Mesmerized by the opposites’s gaze. But the women flashes a smile in the next seconds, success to break their staring contest.

Jongin startles a little bit, but he hids it automatically. Being a cold person he is. All the people in the world may already know that Jongin is never been the warm type. He always need some time to ease up with another person. He needs to know that person better first, so he could open up afterwards. Maybe that’s why there’s a tiny amount in his circle of friends. Which dominated by men. And Soojung, well, Soojung is another special case in his life. She’s the only exception. Only .

The bartender put two glasses, one for him, and one for the women next to him. Confusing the souls with the same colour of the drinks. Confusing Jongin, but the girl carelessly takes the nearest to her, and gulps it in one shot. Jongin’s eyes couldn’t resist to stare at her, as he also takes one tiny swallow of his water. It’s right, it is his water. Not a vodka. Thank’s god.

She feels a stare on her, then smiles charmingly after knowing it is Jongin, again. The cresecent shaped eyes of her, somehow pulls his attention. Or maybe, he’s not sober enough. After he finish the water, he brings himself to the dance floor. With the foreign woman’s eyes linger on him. Jongin could careless actually.

The music beats fill his hearing, his body, his veins, but never could slip into his mind. He’s frustrated. He moves his body aimlessly. Trying to grasp the ryhtm, erasing the pictures inside his mind. Pictures of messy Soojung, pictures of the smeared lipstick on the corner of her lips, pictures of the ed shirt of hers. Possibilities and dangerous assumption dancing in his mind. Images of different kinds of men, of strangers, terrorizing him. Burning his jealousy, shattering his feeling, aching his heart. But he doesn’t want to grasp those to the front. Oh no way, there’s no way he wants to admits any one of his estimations. He’s too scared. Or maybe, he’s trusting her too much. But even with the infinite trust he has, those hurtful mind still coming back to him. Pains him. And there’s nothing can help him.

He realizes, the loud music, couldn’t help him at all. And in automatic movement, his feet bring him outside the boisterous dance floor, bringing his souls to the quite desserted corner of the bar. Alone by himself.

He leans his back to the wall, which slowly out of energy. A slight ache throbbing around his brain. Distrubing him much. The eyelids of him slowly shut down, savouring the almost-quite atmosphere around him. Calming the ferocious jelousy, which keeps eating his heart. Makes it rotten.

A warm, soft touch on his cheek wakes his eyes in an instant. A blurry image of a girl welcoming him. He’s not focused, but gradually becomes clearer as the soft voice entering the spaces around him. The voice from before.

“Are you all right?” She whispers slowly. Gently as if he’s the most fragile thing right now. He’s stunned in his position, unable to react anything. His mind, is just become blank. Blank as a labyrinth.

“Do you need something? Water?” She asks him again. His mind wonders what is wrong with this girl. He wants to say that out loud, but somehow the rude side of him suddenly prisoned by her sincere worried gaze. He’s just turn silent, but head unknowingly shakes curtly. Oddly answering her. She smiles heartily when she saw him reacting. Not completely ignoring her.

She brings him to the nearest sofa, the unoccupied one. Then sits next to him. Staring at him. Jongin is beyond confused and dazed. But he truly doesn’t really care actually. He just simply don’t care. All he wants to do is just vanished from the world, hoping those disturbing feelings gone. But the realilty says otherwise.

Jongin spots a glass of scotch on the table, without hesitation, he takes it and gulps it down. Doesn’t  really care who owns that before. All he wants to do is just going drunk, drunk and drunk.

Those big gulps, success to make his vision turns hazy like before. More hazy, and blurry. Drowsiness fills every inch his body. For someone with not really strong tolerance of alcohol, drinking scotch after vodka sounds moronic. But the insane part of his mind cheered by the way he lost his sober brain. Oh how stupid Jongin is.

He sees someone, someone with long hair, long black hair, just like her. Staring at him with a concerned face. A faint voice from before echoes in vision, she’s looks so blurry to him,

“Are you okay?” She asks again softly. But no, the crazy voice inside him suddenly speaks, replying the foreign woman’s question.

Soojung…?

The fingers of his sowly reaching her, reaching her face, toucing it gently. Softly. Travelling her soft cheeks, way trough to her cheekbone.

“W-what are you doing?” She stutters, doesn’t even know why she feels nervous. Nervous by his touch.

She yepls, when suddenly her lips crash into someone’s else lips. She moans in protest, pushing and punching Jongin’s chest hard.

Soojung why are you pushing me?

His mind wonders in agony, keep thinking that the girl he kiss right now is Soojung. His Soojung. And seeing her resisting him right now, flicks his anger much.  He puts both of his hands around her neck, provides more access to her lips. With a swift movement, he bits her lower lips, and slips his tounge into her cavern. A painful whimpers escape from her. She add more power to puch him, but his left hand catches both of her wirst, locking it to make it stays quite. While he keeps kissing her wildly and hungrily. Her rose scented lips, and rose fragrance around her body, slowly etches around him. As his body stays so close to her like that.

A scared whimpers keep come out from her. She tries to back off her head, but the palm around her cheekbone forbid her to back away. She’s scared. She doesn’t even dare to open her eyelids. But she won’t give in to him. To Jongin. To someone, to stranger she doesn’t even know. Her good intentions being repaid like this, well even though not purely a good intention, but this still anger her much.

She shakes her head hard, trying to break free from his lips. She shakes her heads more stronger and stronger, troubles Jongin to hold her. At her last shake, she successfully parts his lips from her, but her lips accidentally bump into his wrist. Prints a red marks around his white sleeve. Stains his pale white shirt clearly. Those lips-shaped stain become the evidence of this moment. They both panting, out of breath.

The energy inside his body already at its lowest. All he wants to do is just sleep on the comfy bed. He brings his feet to his room. To their room. Which already in a dim condition when he opens it. His eyes catch a figure lying soundly on the bed, looks so pure and innocent for his eyes. Oh how deceiving outer appereance is.

Without take a bath or even change his clothes, like he usually do, he just plops himself next to her, resting his throbbing body, exhausted to the max. Tired with all of those thoughts. He finds his hands already sneak around her waist, back to its proper place. Its perfect place.

He snuggles his face into her heck, inhaling her scent as much as he can do. A simple question unknowingly already slips from his mouth. Just automatically starting a conversation.

“Are you still awake?” Jongin feels Soojung nodding to him, answering his question. He doesn’t know why, he feels relieved by her reaction. Her whole existence is just calming him. Silently, he gives kisses around her neck, he knows it’s her favourite gesture from him. As he wraps her inside his arms more closer and closer. Taking everything from her for his hazy mind. Relieving his unstable self. But somehow, those disturbing lumps still tugging inside his chest, stays in disrupt, bothering him. The flash pictures of his imagination come back again, makes him hold her tighter as the seconds passed. He inhales deeply, shutting his eyelids, bringing his mind to the pitch black world, avoiding those thoughts, as two certain sentences keeps twirling in his mind,

请让我可以保留最后的尊严

(Please allow me to keep this last bit of dignity)

或者请将我直接毁灭

(Or please just destroy me directly).

============================================================================================

THAT IS FREAKING LONG OH GOSH O_O pls bear with me. I just had so many emotions and ideas for this fic. 

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'RE CONFUSED XD 

okay so, this chapter is like, a flashback. Before chapter one. But mainly in Jongin side of view. 

Psst....I won't make him guilty by himself....I can't....*sobs* 

BEAR WITH THE TIME CHANGING HAHAHAHA

Please don't be a silent readers! Your comments motivates me SO DAMN MUCH. it gives me ideas!!!! So comments, subscribes, upvotes, anything! alright?? 

XOXO <3