I didn't meet him after that day. For one whole week, he didn't appear before me, and I don't know whether it's part of some kind of strategy or not. I do know, though, that my body- or heart- wants to see him. But my mind, the only part of me that still thinks reasonably and is not being deceived by Daehyun, manages to blend him out. Completely. As if he hadn't ever stepped into my life and brought forth the worst disasters possible. I'm still living at the small inn he recommended back then, and I'm still working hard for my goal to finally attend university. To be honest, I'm not sure whether I can go as far as calling her a 'friend' already, but over the days, me and Soori have become closer. Though I still don't understand her strange behavior sometimes. One moment she's nice, the best listener ever, and smiling at me sincerely with eyes sparkling while chattering enthusiastically. And then there are the moments in which she becomes quiet all of a sudden, face void of any emotion but a grimace of fright. Those moments scared me at first, but I think I've gotten used to it now. I'd just watch Soori then, holding her hand as she goes through whatever terrible things in her mind that change her into a fragile looking, pale woman. Once, I tried questioning her about it. But that is a taboo in her presence, as well as mentioning Daehyun's name. Every time I do, she'll ignore me, and then attempt to change the topic, and I'd play along as if nothing had happened. Inwardly thought, I'm sure something is wrong with her. Not with her head, I don't think Soori is insane, but with her past. There had to be a trigger. Something that broke her. Every time I go meet her, whenever I descend the stairs leading to my room, Soori is there to greet me before going out. Often having prepared a meal, too, she'll say:

"You're alive." As if that is anything to be thankful for. I mean of course it is, but it's a given that doesn't need to be mentioned every day. It's the same today. "You're alive."

And then I nod, and say: "Seems like it. Good morning." And Soori says the same. We eat in silence. I say goodbye, telling her I'm going out. She nods, looking after me until the door closes. Her gaze holds something sad, and it turns sadder by the day. I'm walking down the streets of the neighborhood that was so new to me seven days ago. Actually I'm proud at myself for finding my way around so well already. I've memorized the way to the main street, to my working place, to the university. The location of the hotel is really nice. Everything important can be reached by foot. And today, it's a shop selling tools for artists. From my savings, I was thinking of making myself a present by buying new pastels. A bell rings, clear and high pitched, when I enter the shop. Since it's so small, there rarely are any visitors, and I don't think many people know how to treasure this small paradise. Even I- it's been a while since I've last been here. To be a bit more precise, the last time was when I was still happy with /him/. It feels like an eternity. The elderly shop owner seems to recognize me though.

"If that isn't the young lady that used to come with her boyfriend!" he says, sounding excited to see me and to have a costumer. His words don't even hit me anymore, though thinking of /him/ does hurt.

"Well, not anymore. I'm single," I return politely, whilst I keep up a half hearted smile. The man chuckles. "Do I stand a chance with a pretty girl like you?" He jokes, his eyes turning into the form of a half moon surrounded by wrinkles. I shrug, about to say something funny, when someone else beats me to it.

"No, she's taken." The old man's chuckle turns into a hearty laugh as he says: "I knew it. No need to lie to me miss, when your new boyfriend is that handsome." New boyfriend? I whirl around, just to find myself face to face with Daehyun, who stares down at me, mockingly. I grimace. Does that shop owner need new glasses or what? Daehyun is not handsome, he's flawless, and I hate it.

"He's not my boyfriend." I say, almost adding, 'he's just a friend'. But even that would've been an exaggeration. He's a stalker. Ignoring Daehyun who as usual doesn't mind, I walk into the backlog the shop, my eyes flicking between the different cupboards and the huge variety of colors and tools before me. It makes me wonder why I haven't thought about starting to draw again way earlier. Not only after I (unintentionally) drew Daehyun. Reaching the pastel section, I stop, taking a closer look at them.

"You draw?" The male that tagged along without asking wanted to know, and I didn't feel much like responding, since that jerk didn't show up for a whole week. But I couldn't possibly reveal that I'd been thinking of him. To the point I'd almost missed his annoying remarks.

"Yes. Why would I be here if not." He must be shrugging, I can't see since I've been turning my back to him. "Maybe you were getting something for a friend," he guessed, causing me to crack up. "What friend?" I say bitterly, proceeding to choose some pastels. After trying them out with the nice old shop owner, I decide to take them even though they're slightly more expensive than I'd wanted to spent. Oh well. Daehyun was being weirdly cooperative though, he didn't even say another word until we left the shop together, he and a contentedly smiling me.

"How have you been?" The question catches me off guard, but luckily, I'm pretty quick at shooting a "Great, since I didn't have to see your face" at him. His expression doesn't even waver though. He could've at least looked a little hurt. "I figure you've been well then," he states, and leaves without saying goodbye or looking at me. Not that I'm disappointed.

* * * * * * *

When I arrived at the hotel, the first thing I did was ask for paper, pencil and a rubber. I want to try out my new babies right away. So after retreating to my room with the stuff, I start drawing immediately. Whatever comes to mind. A landscape, animals, faces if people I had never seen before, butterflies, flowers. Everything in millions of colors. And it feels great to pin them into the wall beside the bed, making the hotel room seem more like - a home. More personal and unique. I let my gaze wander over the result once again before deciding to take a nap before my shift at the cafe starts. As I take off my uncomfortable jeans, something white slips out of its pocket. Frowning, I pick it up. A piece of paper, through edges slightly burned, and even before I unfold it, a strange feeling arises in my stomach and my pulse fastens. Taking a deep breath to gain more courage, I unfold the paper. What I see makes my heart skip a beat and throat become dry. The picture slips out of my hands. It's a black and white portrait of a certain male I know too well. I let myself plop onto the bed to calm down, though I can't think of sleeping anymore, much less after what happens then. I glance at the images I've just put up and just drew. My eyes widen. I check the pastels I've bought before, they are untouched, the same colors I've chosen, all colors of the rainbow. But the pictures I drew, clearly and undoubtedly with them, have turned black and white.

* * * * * * *

After the incident in my room, haven't been using my new pastels anymore. I'm afraid that something weird happens again. Though I should get used to it by now, the past few weeks haven't held any good for me. I wonder if god has abandoned me. If so, I'm sorry for not believing in him more than I did. I refuse to give up on drawing again though. Today, I've taken my stuff outside, wanting to draw something brighter than the dirty neighborhood I'm currently living in. I'm not good with drawing city views anyway. That's why I take the subway to reach a nearby park, hoping to see some animals, be it a dog or birds, to draw instead. Maybe even the trees there. I don't think about it much before arriving. Since it's a warm day, a lot of people have come out, especially families with small children. It feels nice watching them, as they play around with happy faces on. When was the last time I wore such a face? Right, when / he was around. I stroll towards an empty bench from which I can see a lake, and even some ducks around it. They're so cute with their small, clumsy feet, I decide to capture the imagine. I haven't even come as far as to make a rough sketch with a pencil, when someone sits beside me, and I have a feeling who it is already. Almost like I've developed some sense to track him. Daehyun alarm. I chuckle at that, though I'm not that eager to meet him after yesterday afternoon.

"Not using your new pastels?" He asks, perfectly ruining my mood. I look up at him, and though he only smirks lightly, it seems like he knows more than be lets on. Does he have anything to do with what happened to my pictures ?

"As you can see, no."

"That's a shame." Daehyun says, glancing at the sketch I've been working on. "I'm sure it would've looked good." Yes, it did look good. Until some creepy stuff happened and they turned black and white. Until I found the portrait of him that should've been swallowed by flames back then.

"Probably." I don't even think of telling him what happened. He definitely has something to do with all this, and I don't want him to notice that it unsettles me. I proceed drawing, and he stays, silently observing me as I move the pencil over the paper to create a small piece of art.

At this point--- 3 years have passed since the last update. I have no apology. During that time, I fell out of love with Kpop, and I kinda stopped writing. I'm somewhat sad that writing muse doesn't flow for me anymore, but at least art does. I decided after finding my old account and seeing that I actually had 4 more chapters of this written out already- to at least post them all.