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“Eomma I messed it all up. I’m a failure.”

 

Jongdae had been turning his ears on for the past minutes, trying to listen what Yoonhee will tell Mom or Dad. He felt very guilty indeed, he didn’t mean to shout at her like that, it just came out suddenly that he yelled at his only sister.

How could Yoonhee say that she’s a failure? She’s an angel; at least to Jongdae she is. No matter how many times she messed up; a thousand, a million, a billion, a gazillion, or even more, Jongdae couldn’t care less. She’s still his sister and no matter what he’ll stick on her side.

“Lechi open up.”

Silence was the reply. Jongdae knew something wasn’t right; Yoonhee wouldn’t get so emotional like this. It wasn’t the first time yet he didn’t know what to do.

“Lechi please, it’s me.”

“I’m busy.”

Jongdae was taken aback with what she replied. It was her first time snapping at him. Was yelling at her a really big mistake?

I’m sorry oppa, there is something you shouldn’t know..

 

 

 “Your mood has been down lately.” he muttered, pouring the soup into her bowl.

“Aww I’m fine.” Yoonhee forced a smile.

Jongdae indeed was too blind to see that fake smile. He didn’t knew the pain she has been going through at school,

“Move away you !”

“Damn you parentless nerd!”

“Why are you here huh? Orphan! Get out of my sight!”

Yoonhee shook her head and continued eating the dinner, I need to get rid of these all. I shouldn’t get too emotional..

“Lechi!” Jongdae called out in annoyance. It has been 20 minutes since she stared at the glass in front of her, ignoring his question.

“Y-yeah?”

Yoonhee blinked before realizing it was all flashbacks; she’s home now, “what did you ask earlier?” she asked back, hoping that Jongdae would repeat himself.

“Nevermind, just eat. I’ll go do my assignments.” he mumbled, leaving the dining table.

The girl sighed to herself, another lonely dinner..

 

Jongdae breathed out heavily as he laid on the bed. What had made his sister this way? But questioning himself won’t bring the results to him. It’s his brain that needs to think. “Nevermind, I’ll just do it later.”

Meanwhile on the other side, Yoonhee closed her door, locked it and leaned against it; slowly she touched the cold floor. Taking out her razor from the drawer, she stared at it with a bitter smile. It has been so long since she touched this magical thing, which she believed, could kill the monster inside her. The one eating her heart up. The one killing her mentally. Yoonhee held it up with her petite hand which was shivering hard.

And before she knew it herself, she had started to cut again, just like the old days.

Yoonhee chuckled bitterly as she wiped off the blood on her razor before keeping it back in the drawer. She then proceeded to wash her cut arm, just to make sure there is no more trace of blood on it.

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“Appa I’m so sorry for cutting, I just couldn’t stand it. They’re starting again and I just can’t take it; if only I’m not a nerd... But at least it’s better than being a snobbish queenka, right? I love you Dad, send my apology to oppa from above. Bye.”

It was then she realized that she was trying hard to hold her tears back.

“Just cry and let all your pain go away; why hold it when you can release it?”

“Don’t cry because if you do, you’re weak.”

Yoonhee still remembers exactly what her teacher used to tell her. She’s gone now, what can she do? The two different things. One moment she told her to cry, the next moment she told her to not cry. Yet Yoonhee couldn’t care less about what she means, all she needs now is an understanding from someone.

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“One iced green tea latte, please.”

“Four thousand two hundred won.”

Yoonhee opened her purse and took out the money needed before giving it to the cashier. As she took her order, her phone buzzed in her bag. However, being the stubborn girl she is, Yoonhee ignored the call and went to take a seat.

After taking a few sips from her drink, she decided to check who called earlier. Probably Jongdae, she thought. But what surprised her was the name of the caller,

Kim Jonghyun.

How she misses him so much, yet at the same time, hates him so much. He just dumped her hanging in the cold air without any words. Just, like that.

Yoonhee chuckled as she remembers the bitter memories they made together. After turning her phone off to prevent any more calls from him, she took her bag with her and went out of Starbucks. However it wasn’t even one minute since she stepped out of the store and she had already bumped into a random guy.

“Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!” It has been a habit of Yoonhee to say sorry repeteadly, even when it isn’t her fault at times.

“I’m the one who’s sorry.” the guy flashed a smile, revealing his dimples.

“Stop hiding your pain behind that smile.” he mumbled before leaving a dumbfounded Yoonhee there.

How did he know?