CupieCakesx3 : The Devil Beside Me

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Review for 'The Devil Beside Me' by CupieCakesx3

reviewed by Jangmii
 

*old rubric*

Title (3/5) :
The title was average. Sure, it was somewhat revelant to the story, it didn't spark an interest or anything. 

Description&Foreword (7/10) :
The description was very vague and it didn't really give me much of a preview of the story. On addition, the foreword and the description should be swapped. The foreword was off, too. It said they were married in the end, but they are, in fact, engaged. 

Content&Plot (6/10) :
Your chapters are rather short, they're probably around 500-600 words, or less. But you're ending the chapters on good timings. The plot.. I think it's weird. They're 21 but they're in what seems like high school.

Characters (7/10) :
You should voice out the person of view's thoughts more. It would give more depth, right now everything's rather vague. That would also assist you in lengthening your chapters without dragging things on. 

Grammar&Spelling (8/10) :
Your grammar is normally fine and so is your spelling. But it's not fluid; it's rather choppy. Another thing is, when you do '???!' or something similar, you should really just stick to '?!' or '!?' instead. In addition, when someone's yelling, you should refrain from using capslock and use italics or something else instead. 

Organization (2/5) :
A lot of the time you're either contradicting and/or repeating yourself.

Enjoyment (7/10) :
It's not that this is a bad story, but it's not a great story either. It's average. A few fixes here and there would improve it a bit. Maybe it's how you're delivering the story, maybe it's the plot itself. I'm not really sure. It's not a story I would subscribe to. 

Total : 40/60 -- 67% 

 

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Glamgirls #1
AFF username :Glamgirls
AFF profile link :http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/489625
Story title :That One Person, Her
Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/544263/that-one-person-her-jaejoong-jaesica-jessica-yunho-yunsica
Genres :romantic, sad
Does your story include : (yes or no)
- :no
-Yuri :no
-Rated :PG
- :no
Preferred Reviewer : This is triangle love, the difference is Yunho who was her brother love her damn much.. I want a darker pic anw~
hellhathfury #2
AFF Username : hellhathfury
Story Title : A Chance
Story Link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/354354/a-chance-angst-infinite-oneshot-sunggyu-you-love-moody
Rated R//Yuri//Other warnings : N/A
Genre : Angst?
Preferred Reviewer : Anyone is fine
Any comments : I had another story reviewed from here so I know some of the aspects are lacking/bad/not recommended, but this is an old story. I don't particularly want to change it (like the description/forward/poster) because when I look back I can see how I grew as a writer and learned from my mistakes. I will appreciate any criticism, but just wanted to let the reviewer know this... I'm not ignoring previous advice or advice I will receive from this review.
serendipity-- #3
AFF username : serendipity--
AFF profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/365299
Story title : Forevermore
Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/461705/forevermore-sad-exo-baekhyun-chanyeol-baekyeol-chanbaek-exocbcontest
Genres : angst, sad
Does your story include : (yes or no)
- : yes
-Yuri : no
-Rated : no
- : no
Preferred Reviewer : Jangmii
Any comments / requests to your reviewer : thank you in advance! :) take all the time you need ^^
Mandm33 #4
Chapter 34: Thanks! Loved the review!
immortalevanescence #5
AFF Username : immortalevanescence
From a scale from 1 - 10; 1 being not very, 10 being fully, how fluent are you in English? : 9 (i was born here but I'm not the best writer out there)
On average, how many days a week are you active on AFF? : I'm usually on every day, but usually only for an hour or so on the weekdays. Monday is my busiest day, and I'll try my best to be on that day. My weekends are quite empty; my least busy day is Sunday. is this too much info otl
On average, how long (on average) does it take you to read a story and write a review? : well it obviously depends on the length of a story. ofc i'll try to to it right after i finish the story. On average I'd say 2-5 days (the weekend being included in those days, please)
What genres of stories do you prefer to review and which do you not? : Anything, really, except I'd say I don't think I'd be very good at reviewing psychological fanfiction/fanfiction where you're supposed to figure things out by yourself because my common sense skills are definitely not top notch. ALSO NO HORROR PLEASE
Do you accept / yuri/ rated/ ? : Sure
Portfolio (optional) : dont have one orz ouo
Aidoll #6
Chapter 28: Organization/ Flow: Yeah? I wanted to specify, you know, the exact time and I guess it was the easiest way. I'm sorry about the rainbow! I found myself lost in time in the story without the time thingy, that's why I added it so it won't confused the readers. I won't happen in other fics I promised XD
Appearance : Thanks! Yes i made it myself^^ No, I don't work in a poster shop because I have too much school work and I don't really have time, I barely have time to write a fic >.> Ahh...some readers doesn't like a background color so I didn't put one.

Enjoyment: I'm glad you liked the story and thanks for subscribing! I will try to update...hum..soon.

Yeah, i did wait for a looong time. I mean, I come everyday to see if someone took an interested to review it and it still stays in the "Queue" section after a while. I was sad no one picked my story D; Then you saw all the other stories posted after mine been in the "In progress" section...after a few days, they are completed and mine is still...*sigh* I was like, "My story isn't that good huh?" So no one wanna read it! Haha that's what I felt Dx Anyway, I liked it! It was worth waiting, I was smiling while reading the review! And nope, I do know you had your life and stuffs so it's okay^^
Aidoll #7
Chapter 28: Thanks awkwardtofu211 for the review!

To Jangmii : it's okay, it was worth it!

Back to awkwardtofu211 :

Description/Foreword : oh I'm sorry, I thought writing "sequel" was enough for people to understand that it's after Trapped, since I also specified in the sequel that this sorry was the prequel :/

Content/Plot : Sunggyu got the job after the interview at the end of the story. I will try to add more hype and intensity in my next chapters or fic! I know right? That's what I don't want to! isn't something to be pleasurable indeed. Haha I read some fics like that too and it's really unrealistic, that's also one of the reason I don't let them fall in love together, I just can't. POV? I've never written a POV but I guess I'll try it someday? ^^;;

Grammar/Spelling : Aish, I knew I had a lot of mistakes. For the mistake #7: you know that people does the thousand steps because they are thinking like really deeply? And then I said "he stopped", so it means that he found the solution? XD Sorry if you didn't understand because it made sense to me so I thought it made sense to everybody lol

For real? I really didn't know there are such shop here! But if you really can beta for me, I don't have to search for one, right? right? :D
Elimona #8
I've applied! ^.^
tessadahl #9
AFF Username: tessadahl
AFF Profile Link: https://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/338211
Story title: An Idol's Guilt And A Fangirl's Defense
Story link: https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/501114/an-idol-s-guilt-and-a-fangirl-s-defense-hoya-infinite-murder-owncharacter
Genres: murder, mystery
Does your story include: (all the above you mentioned) NO
Preferred reviewer: ScreamingMidget
Any comments: English is not my first language. And please be harsh. Thank you ^^
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