“Do you miss him hyung?”

Kyu only smile a little when he hears a voice come from his side. It’s Yoochun who help him last night, when he doesn’t have anywhere to go after his dad kick him out from the house. It’s a really good accident to meet Yoochun that time, because seriously, Kyu doesn’t know where he headed to after he just run from his house.

Yoochun just back from some kind of game center and he just headed home. He look at a figure that cry last night on the side of the road that he thought he quiet know the figure even he not really sure. After kneeling beside the other he realize if he not wrongs, and that person is Kyuhyun. He doesn’t ask Kyu what happen that time, he just tell the older if he can go with him toward his home to spents the night if he want. Kyu, with nowhere to go, just agree to the younger and headed to Yoochun house right away.

“Somehow, I believe, we’re really related hyung.” Yoochun slips laughs a little and only makes Kyu turn his head to look at him questioningly “I mean, you, me and Changmin.”

It’s already ten at morning, and thanks for the Summer break so Yoochun can accompany Kyu at his house.  Yoochun’s mom and his brother are headed to ia toward Yoochun dad. Even his parents already divorced they’re still has kind of good relation toward each other, especially when it come to Yoochun and his brother’s need. With the empty house, is kind of a reason that makes Yoochun bring Kyu home, even like that, he already call his mom this morning and tell her everything. His mom seems doesn’t has any problem with that, and she glad so Yoochun has company while she’s away.

Kyu only slips a bitter laugh “That would be nice if we’re really related Yoochun-ah”

Kyu not even touch his food in front of him. Yoochun can’t cooking any breakfast though, all he can do is only playing around and stuffs, which makes him only give Kyu some kind of cereal and cold milk. The corn flakes that Kyu already mixed with milk just look like a barf in his bowl. He not even put any spoon toward his mouth.  Yoochun only look at the bowl and sigh. Kyu already tell him what happen last night as the first time when he wakes up. He tells Yoochun everything from how he engaged to a girl till his dad kick him out. Yoochun not give any response to him, because seriously, even he knows how it says, but he’s not Kyuhyun, so he doesn’t really know how it feels though.

“Did Changmin know about this hyung?” Kyu only silent and widen his eyes for a little while. Yoochun seeing it, and he know what the answer actually “aren’t you supposed to tell him about this hyung?”

“You know hyung… I know you don’t want to makes him worry about you, but still, even the world hate you, I believe Changmin would never do that.”

He’s only tapping his finger slowly on the table. It not even makes any single voice from the tapping things. Kyu only stare at his undefined reflection from the spoon beside his bowl. Looking at himself at how it look abnormal because his shadow are look weird. Suddenly the feeling come again. The feeling when he’s in his room and packing his stuffs, and suddenly Changmin get inside his mind. He gritted his teeth to less the weird feeling “He already done much for me…”

“So?” Kyu is glancing a little toward Yoochun who already turn his sit position on his chair so he facing Kyu now “so what’s the point of that? Sometimes we never done much like what others do to us right?”

Kyu only turn silent and look behind Yoochun, where the wide window in dining room is. He looks outside at how the leaves blowing slowly on the air as the wind dance a little. He thinking about what Yoochun says to him, and honestly he found if the younger has point there. He put his gaze down before he laugh a little and smile widely and makes Yoochun questioning himself if he just says something wrong or not.

----

it’s Sunday morning and Changmin wake up late that day. He still on his bed and try to back at his sleep, but suddenly he can’t close his eyes when he realize there’s already a glass of orange juice on his side desk. He fully opens his eyes and get into sit position. He looks at the orange liquid on the side desk. Weird, because as long as he remember he never put the orange juice there before.

Changmin take the glass from the desk and can feel if the juice is still cold. It must be brand new, since he remember he not have any orange juice in the house. He take a sip slowly to the juice just for checking it if it really isn’t poisonous. Well, the taste is just same like another juice, nothing strange and makes him emptied the glass in second. He wiping his mouth after emptied the glass and look at the clock. It’s already past nine.

Without thinking anymore he quickly gets his feet on the ground and get outside his room. With still the glass in his hand, he only has one destination, kitchen.

“You already wake up Changmin.” Changmin turn his head in second when he realize if his mom is sits on the couch with a newspaper on her hand. Changmin just nods when his mom look at him slowly “oh, you already drink the juice. It’s a present from my friend who home from New Zealand actually.”

Changmin look at the glass for a little while and realize what his mom mean. He smiles a little and nods as he slips a simple thank you to her. His mom not respond it but back to the newspaper on her hand. Changmin continuing his plan to go to the kitchen and put the glass in the sink, but then he stops halfway when he see what is on the dining room.

“A friend of mind give so many thing yesterday, so I think about cooking it.” his mom shouting from the living room toward Changmin who only stare at the food on the table.

Weird, no, it’s strange, really strange. His mom never cooking so many foods like this after his dad leave. She usually cooks only for two people, but now, it’s really much like there’s someone will come to the house. He just thinking about what probably happen to his mom, since he never know when she’s home last night and why she suddenly cooking so many food like this.

Changmin just walk to the sink and put the empty glass there. He doesn’t know what happen, but he walk closely to the dining table, take a chopstick and take one of the food from the plate as he slowly put it inside his mouth. A smile appears in his face as he eat that and remember the taste of every food that his mom like to make before.

“Do you like it?” Changmin turn his head to his back when he realize if his mom already stand behind him.

“Yeah…” Changmin smile as he put the chop stick back on the table “I just really miss the taste.”

His mom smile widely to him as she patting his shoulder “let’s have breakfast together, it’s been awhile though.”

The breakfast is really quiet. Changmin is just eating his food in silent with sometimes eyeing his mom. His mom not really pay attention to him because she busying herself with the food. Changmin just found it lovingly. Even there’s no conversation between his mom and him, he just like this feeling. Feeling like there’s still someone care for him even the world hate him. Even he knows his mom not really hundred percent do that, but she care for him.

“How’s Kyuhyun?”

“Uh?”

“I ask you, how is Kyuhyun?”

Changmin stops eating for awhile as he listen to what his mom says. He’s right, something just happen to his mom, because suddenly she ask about Kyuhyun which is really weird since he remember how his mom mad at him because of this kind of thing. He still not answers his question, because he should think the best answer to his mom.

“I… don’t know.”

It’s a lie, really, because he just meet Kyuhyun yesterday so it’s impossible to him to not know the condition of the older. He’s not eyeing his mom but to the food in front of him. He can hear if his mom put her chopstick down before eyeing him.

“Oh really?” His mom wiping with napkin “because I think you know.” His mom says simply and makes Changmin lift his head to only found his mom already bring the dishes to the sink and start washing it. He thinking about what his mom says very hard, because it’s a weird question.

‘Is there something happen?’

----

It’s a familiar black gate that really high till it feels like can touch the sky in more inches high. Kyu only open his mouth a little as his eyes still scanning the black gate in silence while Yoochun start to ring the bells of the house.

It’s not a simple ‘yes’ as an answer when Yoochun ask Kyu to go with at Changmin house. There some words that comes between the two as arguments, and most of it from Kyu who of course oppose the idea. He realize how Changmin’s mom would never let him has any step in her house even she never know if he ever go into the house before. After Yoochun keep insist Kyu to go with him to Changmin’s house, he finally agree, but with Yoochun join him inside.

“Who’s this?”

Kyu startled a little when a voice comes from the speaker. It sounds familiar and Kyu can tell if it’s Changmin’s mom since it’s weekend and she must has some kind of day off.

“It’s Yoochun. Park Yoochun, and I come here for Changmin.”

There’s no response again from the speaker as Yoochun finish explain to the person. No longer after that, the gate open and give the two a way inside. Everyone still stay in place. Yoochun hold Kyu hand and make the older turn his head toward him. Yoochun only smile and nods before he takes his hands off Kyu and push the older to get inside by his shoulder.

“Wait, you say will go with me!” Kyu says slight panicky when Yoochun just stay still outside the gate while Kyu already inside.

“Yeah I am, but I’m not promise it Hyung.” Yoochun says with a silly smile before he laughs “sorry… I’ll wait you outside here hyung. If anything happens you know where my car car is.” Yoochun says as he turn his gaze toward his car behind them park in front of someone’s house “It’s your own bussines hyung, you should finish it by yourself.”

“But you—“

“Adieu hyung!” Yoochun turns backward with a little run leave Kyu behind inside the closed gate. Yoochun only wave his hand and give Kyu a ‘fighting!’ sign with his hand, before get inside his car and wait.

Kyu only can stare at him that already inside the car. He can’t run away again because the gate already closed and he can’t go back, since he has nowhere to go back of course. Kyu take a deep breath before he turn his body and look toward the two stories house that really enormous and make his heart thumping a little quiet fast though.

Kyu walk slowly toward the door of the house. He stops about feet away from the wooden door and hold his hand up try to push the bell button on the right of the wood. He stops inch away as his mind thinking about any possibility that can happen if he push the bell.

Will he has any chance to meet Changmin?

Is his mom home?

Will he being kicked out by Changmin’s mom like what his dad done to him?

“In a moment please~”

Kyu only can widen his eyes when he can hear someone speak behind the door. He just found if his finger already push the bell without he realize it. He quickly take his hand from the blue button and move a feet backward as he put his gaze down. He can hear how the footstep inside the house getting closely toward him before it stops and change by a sound of key being opened.

“Yoochun-ssi it’s been a—“

The voice stops and so Kyu’s breaths. He lifts his head slowly only to find a woman that of course Changmin’s mom stands in front of him. She has her eyes widen and slight open. She stuck in her place, so does Kyu. The times seem like stopping and only makes Kyu’s mind get dizzy.

“Wait! Ackh—“ Kyu quickly hold the wooden door when suddenly Changmin’s mom move to close it. He holds the end of the door and makes his hand being stuck and prevent the door to closed.

“Move your hand away Kyuhyun-ssi!!” Changmin’s mom uses her hand to move Kyu’s hand off from the door, but Kyu not even move a little. He even use his another hand to hold the door and support the other one that being stuck by the wood and the wall.

“No, I’ll never move or leave till you give me a chance to meet Changmin!!”

Kyu still hold the door really hard while Changmin’s mom tries to close it. She can even see how Kyu’s hand slowly turns into red color because hold the door quiet hard and that only make Changmin’s mom loosens up a little bit. She even stops her act and open the door instead which somehow makes Kyu quiet shock by her act. Kyu take his hands off from the door. It’s really sting and he’s sure if it’ll bruise and swallow in few hour. She still waits on the doorway but she not move gives Kyu a way to get inside. Kyu only look at her for awhile as he takes a step backward.

“Why?” Kyu lift his head when he hears a small low tone from in front of him. Changmin’s mom with still her stoic expression looks at his eyes “why you want to meet my son?”

“I just do something that I believed, I just trying to be myself and that’s so fine as long as I’m happy.” Changmin’s mom look at him with disbelieve expression as Kyu cracking voice only make her silent “and I believed is my feeling for your son is nothing wrong, because even God hate me for loving a man too, He would never hate the loved that I feel for your son.”

Kyu doesn’t know what he just said or how all that words just spills from his mouth freely. He doesn’t know what happen actually between him and Changmin’s mom, but all he can found next is how Changmin’s mom burst into tears and avoid his look. She’s cry in silent as she put her gaze down.

“Go into backyard…” Her tears never stops as her cracking voice only makes Kyu feel slight guilty toward her even he doesn’t understand what happen “I’ll call Changmin…”

The door closed with a slight loud thumps and makes Kyu startled a little by closing his eyes as the wooden door closed. He only can stare at the door with so many questions why she’s crying. He doesn’t understand why she’s got into tears. Kyu only sigh a little before he turn his body and walk around the house and do like what Changmin’s mom told him before. Sometimes he likes to hiss in pain when he can feel the sting on his hands getting worse as he walk toward the backyard. He sits on one bench on the Shim backyard as he wait like what Changmin’s mom told him to.

.

.

.

Changmin turn his head when he hear a slight cracking voice in his room and tell him if someone open the door for him. He lifts his head from his book and found if there’s his mom stand on the doorway with her head slight down to the ground.

“I heard someone ring the bell, who is it mom?” There’s no response from his mom which make Changmin quiet questioning it. He rise from his seat and walk closer to his mom who still on the doorway. “Mom, who’s the—“

Changmin’s not finishing his words when he can feel his mom hands around his body and hug him. She’s crying “Promise me, you’ll never leave me Changmin.”

Many years have passed and they always together when day change or something happen in their life. They live without a figure of dad for the son or a husband for the wife. They completing each other by try to grown up each day and accepting everything that different in the life, but after all, it’s been awhile since the last time Changmin found his mom crying likes this.

Maybe yes, few months ago when his mom mad at him, she also cry, but it never like this one, the one that he only see when his dad leave. She done nothing but only hug Changmin tight which makes him hug her back and gritted his teeth when he can feel her hurt feeling inside him.

“I would never leave you mom.”  Changmin says slowly as he can feel how his eyes suddenly wet and he joins her tears. He doesn’t know how long they stay like that until his mom break the hug and wipe away her tears.

“You should go to backyard.” She laugh a little when she see how her son looks “and bring first aid kit on kitchen with you before go there.”

Changmin raised one of his eyebrows when he hears what his mom says. He wipes his own tears and smile toward his mom, before she pushing his back and led him by his shoulder to out from his room. Changmin stops on the doorway when he realizes his mom not follow him behind and still on the room looking at his back.

“Mom…”

“Hmm?”

“I’ll never leave you, you know, because we’re family, remember?” Changmin just smile before he leaves the room toward the kitchen where the first aid kit is.

His mom still stays in his room and smile. She walks toward his bed and sit herself on his bed before sighing. She laughs a little as a word slips from to herself

“So, finally, he found his own answer though…”

.

.

.

It only need a small creak to makes Kyu turn his head and fond whose coming.

“Kyu!?”

He’s still the same, Changmin. He use a simple gray long sleeves T-Shirt and his hair is such a mess. He stands on the doorway to where Kyu can guess from a room like kitchen that connect to the backyard. He brings something on his left hand, something like first aid kit. He has his mouth slight open and shocked eyes. All Kyu want to do is only stand from the bench and run toward Changmin, hug him very tight and never let him go, but he’s not. Because he only stuck in the place and doesn’t know what he supposed to do exactly.

His eyes follow the figure. Changmin walk slowly toward Kyu and he stop in front of him. Kyu lift his head to see at Changmin who stand in front of him. He doesn’t know how and why, but his gaze id such a blurs and makes him can’t see Changmin clearly. He gritted his teeth as he feels something hurt inside his chest and at the same time, hands lingered around his body, give him warm and hug him tightly.

Changmin hug him without word. He only buried his face on the crook of Kyu’s neck and keep silent, while Kyu hide his face on Changmin’s chest and his tears never stops falling from his eyes. His sobs sometimes slip from his lips and they just keep silent and let the movement of the air fills between them. It’s happen almost like ten minutes, before Kyu slowly lift his hands up behind Changmin’s back and laid it there. His hands still kinda sting from before, but he moves it slowly and grab at Changmin’s T-shirt as he hug the taller back in silent.

“I love you…”

It’s a simple words that change everything, because even though Kyu not response to what Changmin says with words, he only hug the younger more tightly and buried his face more deeper on the other. Changmin understand, if maybe Kyu won’t says about it, and he only smile sweetly before he lightly kiss the older shoulder which makes the other shudder a little and broke the hug in second.

“Your mom will ma—“

“No.” Changmin cut Kyu words as he tilted his head a little “because if she is, since the first time she would never let you get inside my house then.”

They only stare into each other eyes before laugh slowly. Kyu can’t stop to curve his lips into smile, even he already stops laughing, so does Changmin. They stay like that until Changmin turn his gaze a little and see how Kyu’s knuckle is turn it color slight purplish and a little bit swallow “What’s going on with your hand!?”

“Ouch!” Kyu says quiet shock when Changmin pull his hands quiet hard so he can see his knuckle perfectly “slowly Changmin-ah!”

Changmin mumbling ‘sorry’ a little as he sit himself at the bench beside Kyu. Kyu move aside a little and give the younger a place to sit. Changmin examine Kyu’s knuckle and he remember if his mom told him to bring the first aid kit before. He quickly takes the kit that he put on the ground and opens it. He takes some balms and stuffs and put it slowly on Kyu’s knuckle. Once or twice Kyu would like to hiss in shock when Changmin accidentally hold his hand quiet tight or something, which makes the taller keep muttering sorry so many times.

“My dad kicks me out.” Kyu says simply and make Changmin stops his action without seeing him “I come out last night, and he kick me out right away.” Changmin lift his head now and find Kyu eyes while the older laugh bitterly a little “he seems really pissed off.”

 Changmin just still silent and collected all stuffs before put it back on the aid kit bag “Why you just tell me?”

“I… I…” Kyu want to says about something, but it just feels like being stuck in his throat and he hate that. Changmin just stare at the ground waiting for the older answer, because seriously, he doesn’t really sure to what he feels now. He’s mad because Kyu just being kicked out by his dad, or he’s mad because Kyu not tell him first about this “I don’t know…”

“You know…” Changmin close his eyes slowly as he sighs a little. He lifts his head and laid it on Kyu shoulder while his right hand try to take Kyu’s left hand that already covered in kind of bandage “It kinda disappoint me when you not tell me, because it feels like I’m nothing for you.” It’s a long silence, and Changmin open his eyes when he finished his words. Kyu just think about it, and he cursing himself for being a total coward to not says what his feeling toward the other. Changmin suddenly laugh. A simple laugh, but sounds forced as he lift his head from Kyu shoulder and pull his hand off “maybe, I really are nothing for you.”

Changmin just sigh a little again. He laid his back on the bench as he lift his head and look at the sky above. It just clear with no cloud cover op the sky since it summer. Kyu’s only seeing at how the younger keep looking at the blue sky with no words. He feels guilty and mad at himself for being such a person. A person who is keeps pretending and lie to himself, and to the world. Kyu turn his gaze down. He look at his knee and his hands that laid over his thigh. He then seeing at how his left hand already covered into bandage, the one that Changmin just take care of moment ago. it feels like it try to tell him what he supposed to do.

Kyu look into in front of him. seeing at the small fish pond on the backyard where some water lily are blooming perfectly and showing a perfect pink and white color on the pond. Kyu bite his bottom lip a little and glancing to his left where Changmin is. He found if Changmin is still there and closed his eyes while his head lift up. Kyu move a little so he can closer to the younger and

Soft

Changmin opens his eyes in second when he can feels something soft laid on his right cheeks. It’s only happen for kind of a second, but it really soft and warm which makes him know what is it even he not seeing it. He turn his head and find Kyu face that already turn toward him. His eyes turn at everywhere but hiM and his face already turns slight red. Changmin only curve his mouth into smile and laugh in silent before he laugh a little and pinching Kyu’s nose lightly.

“You’re adorable Kyu.” Kyu close his eyes when Changmin pinching his nose and caressed his cheeks slowly “You’re adorable as always.”

Kyu face only turn into deep red. He try to put his gaze down and move away, but Changmin hold him in place by his shoulder. Kyu open his eyes and found if Changmin already look at him with smile “Just go with me, will you?”

Kyu look at him questioningly while he tilted his head “What? Where?”

“Just go with me to New York.” Changmin say swiftly and he take a deep breath “when I got the class there, just go with me, and we can be us.”

Us.

Kyu doesn’t know if it just a words or some kind of proposal toward him, because Changmin face it’s just smiling, while he says kind of serious words. Kyu doesn’t know how and why but all he done next in only hug Changmin and hide his face on the taller crook. It feels warm and smells like cinnamon “I’d love that…”

Changmin not response it, but only smile and hug the older back tightly.

.

.

.

“So you already got all his data?”

Yunho scrabbling a wide brown envelope that he take from the back seat. He checking each papers and picture and some other stuffs that he feels like all his aunt ask him to take. Yunho turn his head back on the back seat and look for some bag and box, and some other on the passenger seat beside him. he smile to himself before back to the phone “I guess I already have auntie, I hope.”

“Well then, I just need you to bring toward my room before tomorrow.” A quiet pause from the line as Yunho nod to himself even he know the other line would not seeing him “And make sure you already have the copy of Kyu’s passport with.”

Yunho nods again toward no one and smile “I already have that auntie, I’ll put on the office now if you don’t mind.”

The other line happily says yes toward Yunho and says thanks before end up the call. Yunho take his phone off from his ear and put it randomly toward the passenger seat between some other things which most of it papers and stuffs about Cho Kyuhyun. His auntie, or Changmin’s mom actually already call him from last night and told him to find all data about Kyu at the morning. she also told him to make sure he found the identity of him and his family data. Honestly, Yunho doesn’t understand why Changmin’s mom really interested in Kyuhyun, but then he realize there must be something, because Yunho kind of shock himself when he come to Kyu house this morning, he just found if Kyu just being kicked out by his dad night before. It just makes he thinks if actually Changmin’s mom already know about this, so she tell him to find out more about Kyu.

Yunho just shake his head to back into reality. He sighs quiet hard before he start the ignition of the car and drove away toward his aunt company, forgetting his mind about what the point of find all about Cho Kyuhyun.

----

“So, he sleeps on your house?”

Yoochun just nods as he put a sandwich inside his mouth. Changmin only stare at the older who chews it slowly and full his mouth very much. He biting his banana milk straws and get silent, waiting for Yoochun finish his food before he talk. It’s autumn and class already start for two days. yesterday, Yoochun absence which makes Changmin just find out to what happen at the night when Kyu being kicked out by his dad.

Actually, Changmin can ask Kyu freely about that though, because at the summer break they like to meet each other at least third times in a week, but he’s not. He feels like if he ask Kyu it wuld makes Kyu remember his family and makes things back at worst or something. At first, Changmin kinda worried about his mom reaction, but she seems fine about it. She not even mad when Changmin bring Kyu at his house once when she’s at home. Even she’s more like doesn’t care to Kyu, but at least she not doing something bad though.

“Yeah.” Yoochun wipe corner of his lips with his thumb “he not told you?”

Changmin shake his head as answer. Yoochun who seeing this only nods and take the mineral water on the table and take a sips. Until now, actually, Kyu still sleep in Yoochun’s house. He sleep in guest room of Yoochun’s house. Yoochun’s mom happy with Kyu being there, she not mind about that, especially when she heard what actually happen to him and that only makes her look at Kyu like her child. Yoohwan also happy with Kyu’s being there, because he feels like he has someone to plays games with, since Yoochun is kinda lame at playing games.

“You know…” Yoochun says slowly as he and Changmin already leave the cafeteria toward their class “I really like seeing how you two try to being together.”

Changmin raised one of his eyebrows “What do you mean?”

“It just like something that I thought only happens on drama.” Yoochun shake his own head and smile “both of your parents are really strict and stuffs, but even the world against you, you still together.”

Changmin put his gaze down a little as he get inside his thought. He thinks about what Yoochun just says to him before. He remembers how his childhood is gone just like that because his dad leave him, and his mom who not really care about him. He also remember how Kyu really scared of the world who hate gays or stuffs, how his dad kick him out. That’s found funny and they’re still together, even till now, Kyu never says ‘love’ word toward Changmin, he already quiet happy about that.

“You should thanks our English teacher thought.”

“Why?”

“Because if she’s not giving us task to review a book that day, we wouldn’t get under the rain which makes us stops in front of desiderate.”

Changmin stops walking suddenly which makes Yoochun do the same and turn his body to look at the younger. A laugh fills the hall when Changmin start to understand what Yoochun means. Some students are eyeing them especially Changmin who can’t stop laughing. Yoochun only sigh and shake his head looking at the younger behavior. Slowly Changmin stop laughing and walk closer to Yoochun again before they’re walking side by side toward the class.

“You know, if you’re a girl, I would like to dating you.” Changmin says with a laugh which makes Yoochun rolled his eyes “but I’ll still marry Kyu thought.”

“Hahaha… thank you very much Shim Changmin.” Yoochun says with sarcastic voice even though he just joke around

----

“Do you think your mom really okay with this?” Kyu ask Changmin from his bed, while the younger is sit on his desk calculating some formula.

It’s Wednesday, and Kyu is being dragged by Changmin toward his house. Yoochun has some kind of family business, since his dad suddenly visits him from America, and makes Kyu decide if he’ll out from his house for few days. he want to sleep over at Hyuna thought, but then Yoochun told Changmin first, which makes Changmin drag the older toward his house even Kyu says no.

It’s only seven at night, and Changmin’s mom hasn’t home yet. It’s almost end of autumn, and there’s no such a fight between Changmin’s and his mom or even toward Kyu. Kyu like to come at Changmin house, and his mom would like to glare at him sometimes, but, she says, or does nothing. She would just looks at them and turn her head away afterward. Kyu always like to thought if actually she doesn’t like his presence in her house, but then Changmin always told him if it’s fine.

“She’s fine. If she’s not, I’ll confront her thought.” Changmin says simply without look at the other.

Kyu lift his feet up to Changmin’s bed and sit cross legged. He play with his fingers over his lap and sigh a little. It’s been awhile, and Kyu never home at all. He doesn’t know how his family doing, and he never has any intention to find out. He just doesn’t want. Yoochun ever tell him to take his belonging that still left at his house, but he won’t. He prefers to buy the new one or makes it. He doesn’t understand it own reasons, whether because he scared of his family gonna scolded him or he just hate them. He work at home thought. When he being told to out from house, he bring his laptop which makes him now work as a translator. It not bring much money, but still it help him to make some saving.

“What are you thinking about?” Kyu lift his head and found  pair of eyes already look at him. Changmin is already kneeling beside the bed, in front of him as he holds kyu face with his hands “you seem lost.”

“Nothing…” Kyu covered Changmin hands with his and take it off slowly from his face “It just you do so—“

“Changmin-ssi.” Both Changmin and Kyuhyun turn their head toward the door where a voice comes. It’s comes from Changmin’s maid who already stand in doorway with her head slight bows a little “Dinner is ready, and your mom waiting downstairs.”

The maid bows her head one more time before she left the room. Changmin smile a little and stand from the ground. He already take his hands off from Kyu face and start walking toward the door. Changmin stop when he almost left his room and turn his head only find Kyu still sit on his bed unmoving looking at his own feet.

“You not come?” Kyu turn his head for a little while and found Changmin held his hand to be taken. Kyu just smile and shake his head before back to his feet. Changmin sigh a little before he walk back toward his bed and take Kyu hands. Kyu lift his head and found Changmin who not look at him “come on, you need something to eat too.”

Kyu doesn’t know what happen, but all he know is, Changmin hold his right hand with his left, dragging him all along toward downstairs to have dinner. He put his head down all the way down. He not lift it even a little, and only hold Changmin hand quiet hard. His heart is thumping quiet fast when it comes to the stairs. He even counting at how many step that he need until it stops on one room. The step suddenly stop, and Kyu only greeted his teeth as he close his eyes slowly. He move his body a little with still holding Changmin hand, slowly behind the taller body.

“Mom…” Changmin says slowly but with a serious voice “can Kyu join us at diner?”

Changmin’s mom just lifts her head slowly with a raised eyebrow. She look at her son for a little while before toward his back and found a shade of a man that quiet shorter than her son hide. She knows from the brown lock, if that is Kyu, even she not looks at his face. She closes the newspaper in front of her before she put it aside on the table. Slowly, she takes a sip of her tea and with her another hand, she call her maid with the fork that make a ‘clang’ voice with the plate.

“Yes ma’am?” the maid come and she bows her head toward Changmin’s mom.

“Yoona-ah, can you prepare another dinning kit for Kyuhyun-ssi?” her maid bow her head and turn her body leave the room. Changmin just smile a little toward the maid too when she bows her head toward him. He look at his mom who still has her stoic face and start to eating slowly. She stops halfway just before the food get inside “what are you waiting for? Just take a sit you two.”

Changmin quickly walk over to a chair and open it, give a sit for Kyu. Kyu only look at Changmin questioningly for awhile before the younger take his hand and make him sit on the chair right away. Then Changmin take a sit for himself between his mom and Kyu before he start to take some food for him.

The dinner is really quiet. No one says a word to each other. Changmin’s mom just keep eating elegantly without care toward her son or Kyu. Changmin just eating like he never eat for days, while Kyu keep eating slowly with his head down. He doesn’t has any gut to lift his head and look at his forward. He even scared to take something for eat or even to drink his water.

“Aren’t you tired Kyuhyun-ssi?” Kyu stop moving when he can hear Changmin’s mom talk to him “bring your head down for this long?” Kyu put his chopstick right away beside his bowl. He wipe his mouth with the napkin from his lap, with still his head down.

“Mom! You scared him out!” Changmin says quickly with his hand quickly hold Kyu to calm him down “I believe he doing fine mom.”

“Oh well…” Changmin mom just looks lazily at them before she stand from her seat. Her diner not even finish yet, bust she left it just like that. She just walk couple step before stop and turn her head to her right, so she can look at her son “and by the way, the guest room already prepared for him Changmin.” She smile a little “goodnight.”

Kyu lift his head a little and see at how she left toward one room. Changmin squeeze Kyu hand and make the older look at him from the corner of his eyes. Changmin not look at him, but toward his mom back who slowly leave behind the door “Somehow, I just wonder, why I never can read what my mom thought…”

.

.

.

It’s two in the morning, and Kyu fully awake. Since Changmin take him toward the guest room at ten, he never relax for a little while. Everything get inside his mind to what just happen eventually, about Changmin’s mom most of all. Changmin led him a pajamas that of course over size him so much. Even for sure, Kyu bring his own clothes, Changmin insist him to use his, because he likes to seeing Kyu using his.

Kyu get into sit position in the bed. He look at the clock on the wall before bring his feet down to the ground. He take a glass from his side desk and start to walk toward the door. He turn the knob slowly, makes sure there would be no one realize if he’s out from his room. The hallway is emptied, and he put his head out from the room to see his surrounds. He swift his body out with no voice and walk toward the kitchen in silent. The room really emptied, everyone must be sleeping now. Kyu walk toward the sink slowly and fill the glass with water, before he drink it and sigh. He put his glass a side and wash his hand then his face. After a little while, he turn his body and want to back toward his room, before he stop in second shocked by a figure.

“Can’t sleep?”

Kyu quickly put his gaze down when he can found Changmin’s mom already stand on the doorway looking at him. she has her hand crossed in front of her chest with a smile that Kyu can’t understand so much. Kyu not says anything but keep his head down while he slowly nods his head.

“Can I have some words with you Kyuhyun-ssi?” Kyu lift his head a little and found if Changmin’s mom already smile at him now. He biting his bottom lip for awhile and nod “well great, follow me then.”

She turn her body and walk away. She not makes any sounds over the wooden floor and when she takes the stairs to one room. Kyu makes a kind of gap between them. He walk quiet far from her, but makes sure if he really follow her. He doesn’t know to where she bring him, but all he know is, to a room on the corner of the hall upstairs. Kyu lift his head when he stopped on the doorway and found if the room is kind of study room in the house.

Changmin’s mom already sits herself on the desk in the room. She tilted her head a little and gives a sign for Kyu to sit on the chair in front of her. Kyu is only eyeing her a little while before walk toward the chair and sit there.  Kyu lift his head, and found if Changmin’s mom looking through his eyes, toward his soul from his browns orbs. Her eyes just like something that he know before, something that enchanting him, come from someone in the pa—

“Do you really love Changmin?” Kyu open his mouth to answer it right away, but then, his voice just like being stuck on his throat and make him close it again and just mumbling inside his mind. Changmin’s mom look at him with a look that can’t be explained, she sighing “… please, take care of him.”

“He’s so young, and he’s so fragile for sure.” She laughs a little as she put her gaze down toward her hands that tangled toward each other “but he never show it to anyone, about how he would like to cry when he just alone at home.”

“Somehow I regret it, to miss ever moment of how he grown up. He’s just growing so fast, like yesterday he’s still talking about delusional character from comic and suddenly he already eighteen and fell in love.”

Kyu doesn’t know why, but he can feel something weird spreading toward his body from his chest.

“Honestly, I hate this. Hate it when he likes guy.” Kyu startled a little and quickly put his head down “but then, I’ll just let him thought, as long as the guy is you Kyuhyun-ssi.”

“Eh!?

Kyu widen his eyes and asking suddenly. He quickly close his mouth with both of his hand when Changmin’s mom look at him with a smile that somehow make him smile too behind his hands. She laughs suddenly and makes Kyu take his hands off from his mouth a little with so many questions inside his head, about what happen actually here.

“You never change Kyuhyun-ssi, even many years already passed.”

“What do you—wait, many years!? Are we ever…”

She straighten her seat on the end of the desk before continue “I don’t know if you remember this or not, but we ever met before, with a coincidence on an alley way.” Kyu bring his eyes toward the corner of the room to thinks about it “there’s a kind of fight years ago, and you’re stand there seeing a man that—“

“—being beaten up just because he’s gay…” Kyu muttering slowly as he look toward her who stop talking and smile a little “you mean, you’re that…”

“I already recognize you thought since that garden party months ago, but then, I realize if I’m not wrong just before I come to desiderate.” She put a hand on Kyu shoulder, while the other one she use to touch Kyu cheek “I won’t ask you another thought, just make sure you’ll never, ever hurt Changmin.” She off from the desk and take her hand off from Kyu. She walk toward the door which makes Kyu turn his body to see where she’ll going “You can back to your room Kyu-ssi, and thanks for the talk.” And she just leave like that toward her room, with Kyu look at her back that slowly get into darkness.

----

“So what will you give for Changmin on his birthday Kyu?”

“Eh?”

Hyuna rolled her eyes before she crawl in her bed and get closer to the younger “What will you give to Changmin? He’ll turn nineteen right, in few days?”

It’s already February and the weather really cold as hell. Kyu still live with Yoochun, and sometimes, he sleep over in hyuna when Yoochun have something to do with his family. Changmin would like to make him sleep in house thought, but as usual, he prefer to sleep at someone house, rather than him. not that he hate him, or he scared of his mom, actually, he already has kind of good communication with her, but it just, he not really feel fine to come at Changmin family.

It’s mid February, and Changmin will celebrate his nineteen birthday in few days. days ago, when Kyu’s twenty three birthday come, Changmin give him kind of surprise by sent Yoochun family out of town and make him has his best friend home alone with him. Kyu doesn’t know about this, so when he’s home from Hyuna place, which also one things from the plan, make him quiet shock when all he can found in the house is Changmin, with food serve on table and small cake on his hand. It’s a simple birthday party, but he doesn’t understand why he really enjoying it so much.

“I don’t know…” Kyu says simply as he flipping the magazine over his lap.

Hyuna take the magazine from Kyu hands and throws it somewhere in the room, not even care to the glare that Kyu give her “No you can’t says something like that.” Hyuna straighten up her sits position and look at the younger “I know you already thought about something, aren’t you?”

Kyu face suddenly turn slight red before he put his gaze down. Hyuna found this kinda adorable and make her curve her lips into a smirks before she try to find the younger gaze which is exactly avoiding her. She laughs “You’re blushing Kyu! Oh my god, who are you? A girl!?”

Kyu sharpen his eyes when Hyuna called him a girl, and he quickly stand from the bed and walk toward the door leaving the older laugh toward him who slight annoyed. “Ya! Cho Kyuhyun! I’m just kidding you know!” Hyuna get off from the bed and try to catch up toward Kyu who already left and headed to the kitchen. Hyuna hold Kyu right shoulder to makes the younger stop walking. She then turn around so she’s facing the younger now. Hyuna kinda widen her eyes when all she can see from Kyu now how his eyes turn teary and he bite his bottom lip “Kyu… what happen?”

Kyu turn his head suddenly and avoided Hyuna gaze. With the back of his hands, he wipe the tears that almost fall from the corner of his eyes. Hyuna takes her hands off from Kyu shoulder and move backward a little. She takes Kyu hands and lead him to sit on the dining table slowly. Kyu just follow the lead and he sit on the chair as Hyuna takes another chair so she can face him perfectly.

“I think…” Kyu says slowly almost like whisper, but Hyuna still can hear it very well “I love him noona.”

Hyuna slightly open his mouth and want to says something about it. Oh come on, it’s already end of winter and almost a year since the first time they’re meet, and how could Kyu says something like that now. Honestly, Hyuna really want to curse the younger in front of her, but she not since she realize if actually, Kyu might really just realize his feeling or he’s scared before.

With no response from Hyuna, Kyu lift his head and find if the older look at him with weord expression. She has those eyes that would like to anytime, but also a look of understatements “You know, somehow, I wonder how could you finish your school so fast while you can’t even understand your self Kyu.” Kyu pouting his lip and puffed up his cheeks slowly “haha, Changmin would be happy if he hears you love him thought, isn’t he?”

Hyuna rise from her chair and ruffle Kyu’s hair before she walk toward the fridge. Kyu close his eyes a little when the hand over his head. He look at the older for a little while and think about it, thinking about saying something like that would makes Changmin happy, since Kyu never says if he love him. suddenly Kyu just turn silent, and rememeber how many times Changmin says if he love him but he never says the otherwise. Kyu only curve his lips into smile a little and mumbling to himself

“I love you too… Shim Changmin.”

----

Kyu hold his hand toward each other. The weather just too cold to being spent outside, but he’s here anyway, stand behind the fence looking through the river, how the water flow beneath him. it’s just four at afternoon, but the sky slight darken and it only makes him freezing more. He even can see perfecty how his mouth makes smoke from his breath. He’s waiting for Changmin.

 It’s February 18^th, and today it’s Changmin’s birthday,Kyu already called Changmin this morning and congrats him, but then he bring nothing with. He just waiting for the taller to come and spent the day together, because actually, he doesn’t know what he should done to the other after all, or what he should do. Kyu already thinking about any possibilities that he might can give toward Changmin, but there’s none. He can’t think about anything, because when he thought about that, he always remember at how Changmin already give him much more that what he need.

The sun almost set on the horizon, but there’s no sign from Changmin around. He not even text Kyu if he’ll late or not come, and Kyu already stand behind the fence almost and hour from their meeting time. Kyu only sigh and look at the water beneath him, look at his own shadows and seeing how he already quiet change from the first time he meet Changmin. He realize at how he not really intereset in anyone before, he really remember that. He exactly can remember if he challenging Changmin to make him fell for the younger and to make him become—Kyu shook his head in second when he remember what he says next, that night when he meet Changmin on the garden party. He put both his hand to cover his cheeks which weirdly warm.

“You okay?” Kyu snapped his head up and look at his right where Changmin already stand beside him and look at him with concern eyes “are you waiting that long? Because your cheeks really red, you must be cold, aren’t you?”

Kyu only open his mouth a little bit when Changmin suddenly covered his hands on his cheeks and also touch both of his cheeks. Thanks because Changmin thinks if it are red because of the weather. Changmin put his thumbs on the corner of Kyu mouth and make it curve up a little bit, so his lip turn into smile. Changmin smile a little bit when he sees Kyu face and caressed his cheeks slowly, before he takes his hands off from Kyu’s cheeks and ruffles his hair “I’m sorry, I forgot we’re in public…” Changmin rubs behind his neck awkwardly before he nudges Kyu side with his elbows slowly “come on, let’s take a walk.”  

The walk just spent like that, with most of the time Changmin talk about his birthday at home, when his cousin, Junsu come from Japan and give him kind of Surprise party. He also talk about his mom who save him from Junsu, so he can has time to out from the house, because his cousin would never let him do that thought. Kyu would like to turn his head and listen to every word that Changmin told him. sometimes he would like to laugh a little and smile goofily when Changmin talk like a kid or he imitate Junsu behavior. It feels nice, like this.

“Are you bored Kyu?” Changmin says suddenly which makes Kyu quickly stop walking and look at the taller “you just silence most of the time.”

Kyu want to answer it, but then he turn his head around and look his surrounds. He checking if there’s anyone around them or watching them, but there’s none. The cold weather only make the street quiet deserted and only the street light that makes the road which is slight dark because of the sky quiet life a little. Kyu walk closer to Changmin and take the younger pinky slowly with his hands and hold it there.

“No… I’m not.” Kyu says with a simple alugh and start walking again and makes the ypunger follow him because his pinky being hold by Kyu “I’m just enjoying your voice… I’ll never get bored if it you Changmin-ah.”

Changmin just smile and laugh a little which makes Kyu pouting his bottom lip because it feels like he teasing him. Changmin just find it lovingly, because Kyu never being a type of person that like to say something like that, and now he just say it toward him. he not say anything toward it, but only smile and walk agan together, with his finger still being hold by Kyu. Once or twice they would like to steal glances toward each other when the’re talk, or when it only silence, like now.

Changmin examine Kyu face from his side slowly. Seeing him at how his face is half covered with a dark green shawl which makes him look like a kid. Kyu would like to pouting his lip with no reason sometimes, and when Changmin found about it he would smile toward himself. He also like to see at how the older long lashes that makes his eyes look perfect toward him—no, all about Kyu is always perfect for him. He also like—

Kyu suddenly stop walking and his eyes fixed to his front which makes Changmin follow his gaze “Kyu what’s going—“

There’s Mr. Cho, Kyu’s father, stand feet away in front of them.

“So I was right when I see you near the river bank before.” Mr. cho talks slowly with his stoic face and a voice that come out with a dignity.

“… dad…” Kyu says slowly almost like whisper, but then everyone there can hear it thought, include his dad that stand quiet far from them.

His dad not response it, he just look at his son like examine his body and condition. Changmin just really want to leave the place, because it feels like he shouldn’t include to this family problem, but then, Kyu no longer hold his finger, but whole his hand. He holds it quiet hard and makes Changmin know, if he shouldn’t leave the older alone. Mr. Cho realize it, he realize Changmin presence beside his son, because their eyes meet. He also look at their hand that tangled toward each other which makes him only show his disgusted face toward the two who can see it perfectly.

Kyu startled a little and want to release Changmin’s hand from his, but then, Changmin not let his hand off from his. Changmin just put his calm face and still looking at Kyu’s dad normally, while Kyu just feels uncomfortable with this situation. Mr. Cho just smirks a little bfore he throws his satchel to the ground in front of Kyu and Changmin. The satchel just fell like that and makes some paper inside it scrabbles on the ground. Both Kyu and Changmin quiet shock to what the older man do, and they put their eyes toward the paper.

“It’s all your paper. And I believe, no one need it at home, so bring it off then.” Mr. Cho just look at them for a little while before he turn his body and walk toward the black car that park not quiet far from there. Even with a small voice, but both Kyu and Changmin can hear perfectly what the older man says just because the place is deserted “… tsk, Fags…”

Changmin still look at the old man until he’s gone with his car, he then turn his head to his rught when all he can feel is the hand that gone from his. Kyu already kneel on the ground and collected each paper that scattered around in the ground. He just turn quiet and keep take the paper one by one. Changmin joining him on the ground and help him. There’s many paper there, and some pictures of Kyu. Changmin would like to glance at the older for a little while and found if Kyu is alright, and he know, he’s not.

“I’m sorry…to bring you into this kind of problem.” Kyu says slowly as he stand on his feet followed by Changmin beside him. Changmin just take the older hand slowly before he hold it and squeeze it makes Kyu sigh and look at the taller for a little while “I love you.”

Changmin stop walking, and all he does is only widen his eyes. Kyu stop his step since Changmin hold his hand and makes him follow the taller. The wind blows around them slowly only makes Kyu face getting slight redder than before because of the cold and embarrassment of what he says. On the other hand, Changmin just get silent and hold the hand more tights.

Call him crazy for being such a kid, but that’s true when he says that he can feels something like to explode and burst from inside his chest like thousand fireworks on the new years eve that he like to see on the town. It just feels weird for his mind when the words get inside his ears like a loud thump from the drum and makes him addict with the words and want to hear it all over again. Changmin turn his head and found Kyu already look at him to his eyes. He look at him with the eyes of lust that somehow makes him want to own this man forever “Kyu what do you m—“

His words being cut off when Kyu stand on his toes suddenly and hold at his arm as a support, while he try to put his lips on Changmin. He can se perfectly the beauty in front of him while the older close his eyes as the soft lip on his. He drunks with it. Whether it’s a poison or not, he won’t think about it ar find out, because for now, he just feels very high and won’t to stop this feels.

It happens only for awhile when Kyu feels his feet kinda wobbling and gave out. He takes his lips from Changmin’s and sigh as he take more oxygen between the cold air. Changmin open his eyes slowly and found how red Kyu face is. He’s still enjoying the sight in front of him, until he realizes to what they just done. He quickly turns his head around looking at his surrounding and makes sure there’s no one look at them.

“It’s okay” Kyu says suddenly as he take Changmin’s hands to make the taller has his focus only for him “if there’s anyone who seeing us and talks about it, just tell them to go their self then…”  Changmin just turn silent for awhile before he start to laugh. He burst into laughing and makes Kyu look at him slight annoyed “what!?”

“I can’t believe you just says something like that.” Changmin turn Kyu body and makes the shorter face hm. He hold both Kyu cheeks with his hands and make his nose touch Kyu with his “but you’re just adorable as always Kyu, and thanks to says something like that, and I love you too.” Changmin peck Kyu lips and take his hands off from the shorter face and start to walk again, toward nowhere as long as they together side by side.

----

He doesn’t remember how long he has been running. He already has his breath kinda heavy as his step getting slower over the snow. His eyes not really focused as he only has one destination after all, and all he can know is, he should arrived in the place as soon as possible. It just a simple call in the noon, when he accompany Yoochun brother’s to buy something on the mall. He never really think the call will come soon, since he being told if the letter will come next week.

The letter.

A letter as a reply of Changmin application to continue his study. He already being told by the taller if the letter will come at the end of the month, but its only two days after Changmin says that and the letter already arrived. Yoochun’s brother tell him to leave at Changmin thought, he already understand the situation of the two from his brother, which makes Kyu really thanksfull and quickly leave the mall toward Changmin’s house.

Changmin want to open the letter together with Kyu, which makes the older decide to run and avoided the traffic at lunch toward the younger house. He almost lost his breath which makes him start to walk instead of running. His breath is so heavy and many people already eyeing him since he start running, well, he doesn’t care anyway.

It’s only a block from Changmin’s house where there’s a park for kids. Kyu pass the park in silent as he walk quiet fast there. He slowly stop his walking when he realize there’s a figure sitting alone on the swing and back facing him. he recognize the figure very well, which makes him turn his heels toward the figure and pat the shoulder from behind.

“You’ll getting cold if you stay here.” Kyu says simply as Changmin smile at him.

Changmin says nothing but only smile toward Kyu. Kyu reply his smile for a little while and he take the empty swing beside the taller before he sit there too. He can feels how cold the wooden thing is. He shudder a little when the ice sting his bottom and send a shiver through his spine. Kyu’s glancing a little toward the taller hands and found a white paper there, well, an envelope.

“You haven’t opens it yet?”

Changmin just flipping back the envelope and shook his head a little “I’m scared…” Changmin whispers a little before he continue “how if I’m failed? And with that result, I would never bring you out from this kind of place. How if I place and you—“

“No!” Kyu get off from the swing and kneeling in front of Changmin. He put his hand over the older and squeeze it slowly “No matter what, I’m never gonna leave you. Even you not gonna bring me out from this place, but you already bring me out from my greatest fear of being hate for being who I am. You not hate me, you love me, so am I.”

Changmin just smile slowly as tears falls from his eyes. He doesn’t know why he’s crying but he realizes how his heart is thumping so fast and his fear is getting bigger to every second that passes. Changmin nods toward Kyu and stands from the swing. He walk away a little bit and back facing Kyu as he takes a deep breath before he unsealed the letter slowly. Kyu get into his feet as he look at the taller back, hoping for the best that the Lord can give for both of them.

It’s a quiet long silence. Kyu still patiently waiting for Changmin says anything, bt it just too long. It’s already like almost ten minutes, but Changmin hasn’t says anything yet. Kyu getting worried by himself “What it says Changmin-ah?” Kyu says slowly toward the younger.

Changmin hasn’t answer sit, but Kyu can see how his shoulder shaking like he’s crying “I… I don’t get it…”

“What!?” Kyu widen his eyes, and his mind suddenly dizzy like he can’t accepting to what the words just come out from the younger’s mouth.

Changmin turn his body slowly and makes KYu can see how he’s exactly now. His eyes is red as tears keep falling through his cheeks before fall on the ground. His body is shaking and Kyu’s heart just broke to see what happen to the younger now.

“I don’t get it…” Changmin says between his sobs really hard “I’m failed…” before he fell on the ground and crying for more.

----

It's been awhile, and I'm back! sorry for taking it too long. I'm sorry if this chap kinda boring since it's already a month from the last time I updated the chapter, so yeah. See ya next Chap (which I think gonna be the last, but who know!? duh!)

thanks for everything, and thanks for reading :))