The door opens slowly with a small creak sounds from it. Changmin turn his head a little to find who’s the one who open the door and makes the sounds. His lips turn into a small smile when he realize who’s the one who interrupt him from his alone time.

“I wonder if you might be shrunk in the toilet, but I’m wrong thought.” Yoochun chuckle a little before he close the door behind and walk closer to Changmin. He stops beside him before join the younger to sit on the ground on their school roof. “what is it?”

“The applications for NYU.” Changmin says as he only stares at the blue sky above them. Yoochun nods in silence as he takes the brown envelope and opens it. He takes the paper from inside the envelope and read each paper slowly.

“Business?” Yoochun lift his head a little from the paper to glance at Changmin for awhile “I thought your mom let you to join Literature Class?”

Changmin close his eyes slowly, let the wind caressed his cheeks that noon as the sun getting higher in the sky. He not really in mood to talk about that, but still, he can’t run anyway “She is.”

“So, why I only can found the Business form?”

“I don’t want to change who I am.”

“Uh?”

“When I she agree to Lit Class, she told me if I were failed, I should get into business school and get a girl.” Changmin takes the papers from Yoochun’s hand and put it back inside the envelope “but I don’t want to, I can take the business class but not a girl. I’ll tell my mom to let me not find girl if I failed the business class”

Yoochun open his mouth to says something, but then he just turn silent after all. He rearranges his sits position and joins Changmin only to stare at the sky above them. It’s a rare situation for happen between them, because the one who usually skips the class is only Yoochun, but now, it isn’t only him.

It’s almost a month after that chaos in Desiderate, when Changmin’s mom comes. And spring almost ends in few days before Summer comes. Yoochun never visit desiderate again, if he does, it’s only to say hi toward Hyuna and nothing else. Changmin also change, he not that kind of lazy person anymore. He pay attention to class even he like to skips class more these days. He rarely talks, and he not really that interested in food anymore.

“Did he call you?”

Changmin open his eyes “Who?”

“Kyuhyun hyung. I gave him your numbers few days after that accident.” Yoochun straighten up his sit position and change it into cross legged. He looks at his shoes as his hands are touching his knee “he asking about you, so I thought he would make a call.”

“No.” Changmin follows Yoochun acts and turn his head toward the older “he would never do that.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Changmin stand from the ground and take the brown envelope with. He also offers his hand for Yoochun to take to help the older back into his feet. He continue in low and sad tone “I am nothing for him.”

“I thought you like him.” Yoochun says simple as he start to catch up with Changmin who start to walk in front of him.

“I do.” Changmin open the door slowly and glance a little behind his shoulder to look at Yoochun “but he doesn’t like me back.” And walk inside to the stairs as Yoochun follows him behind, before the two back into the class with no words.

----

It’s been awhile since the last time he comes here. The glass door still wide as always and the people who passing him by would bows their body or head as a greeting for him. He smiles toward each person who greeting him as he slowly get inside the building and takes the lift. He pushes the number thirty two before the lift door close and brings him up in minutes.

The lift door is open and he walks slowly out from it. He turns his head from his right to his left before take his heels to his left and sigh. Few people that passing by would smile and greeting him, which most of it he reply with a small nods. He not talks much lately.

He arrived at one of the desk in front of the room and makes the one who sit behind the desk lift his head before smiling. He greeting him a little with a smile, and the man behind desk understand that as he take the phone on the table before dial up number one. He’s talking to the other line before close it and stand from his seat. He bows his body a little as he lead the high school student to the glass door and open it. He moves aside for awhile and give the younger way to get inside. The younger thanks him, as he slowly closes the door.

Now, it’s only him, and the woman in the room.

Changmin swallows his own saliva slowly before he takes a deep breath and start walking, move closer so he can stand in front of his mom desk. His mom not lifts her heads from her work when Changmin already stops walking.

“What is it Changmin? It’s been awhile since you came here though.”

Changmin not says anything, but he opens his backpack and takes out the brown envelopes that he brought from school. He opens the envelopes and takes the papers before he hands it to his mom. His mom lifts her head and looks at him for awhile and takes the paper from him. Changmin wait for her who start examine the paper by take a sit on the chair in front of her desk.

“I need your sign on the two last papers, as my parents.”

“A business class? I’m impressed. I thought you’ll take literature one.” his mom says calmly as she takes her pen and starts to sign on the left corner of the two papers. When she’s done, she lifts her head and hand the paper back to her son “so what’s the deal Changmin?”

Changmin takes the paper from hi mom hands and put it back into the envelope. He sighs a little before braving himself to look at his mom “I don’t want to get into girls.”

“Just that?” His mom smile at him which somehow makes him shivers and hate a little bit about her smile “you sure, you just won’t to get into girls?”

Changmin close his eyes and nods “Yes I’m sure.”

“Okay, fine, you failed or not into NYU, I wouldn’t force you into girls.” His mom says swiftly as she put her gaze back toward her works on the table. “Anything else?”

Changmin only stay silent. He looks at his mom who not really pays any attention to him who still sits in front of him. She’s change much. Even though she said she would never hate him, he can feel it, feel the gap that create between them. Make them really apart in these past few weeks. He doesn’t know why, but he feels a little bit miss his mom anger toward him every time he late for school or when he does a little mistakes, because now, his mom seems not really pay any attention for him. She acts like she not knows his presence. It just like the time when his dad leaves them, when there’s a big gap between his mom and him.

Changmin not answer it, but shook his head, even he knows his mom wouldn’t see it. He gets into his feet and turns his body to walk toward the door, when suddenly her voice stops him.

“Changmin-ah…” Changmin turn his head and find if his mom already look at him with her hands supporting her chin on the desk “do you really love Cho Kyuhyun?”

“Eh?”

“I ask you, if you really that love Cho Kyuhyun, and ‘eh?’ it’s not an answer that I ask.”

Changmin hold the know quiet tight. What is it exactly? Is it one of his mom games again? They never really talk about the last time they had a fight. They not talk about Kyu or anyone else and desiderate, but now suddenly, his mom asking Kyu. Asking about is he really loves the older. Changmin sigh a little before he answers.

“I do, mom, I do.” He smiles a little before he leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

His mom still stay silent as she look through the glass door, seeing Changmin leave the room and gone on the corner. She curves her lips a little into a smile before open the drawer in her desk and takes a quiet big envelope. It has brown color, the envelope that Yunho bring him months ago. She takes the envelope from there and put it on her desk. She opens the envelope slowly and takes some picture from inside it.

The time when she asks Yunho about find information about who Cho Kyuhyun is, she knows if she’s doing something right. The time when she met Kyu at the garden party actually she thought like she ever meet him before but she can’t really remember, and when Yunho bring her some pictures and information about Kyu, she’s right about knowing him before.

She stands from her seat and walk toward the wide window in her room. She looks at the scenery outside as her left hand still holding one of Kyu’s picture when he still in school. She smiles slowly before take her phone and dial up one number. She’s makes a call and wait for the other line to answer as she lifts her left hand and look at Kyu’s picture there. The other line answer and she smile a little bit while her eyes never leave the picture.

“Yunho, I need your help…”

----

His hands are quiet freezing as it holds the bucket of ice cream there. He sits on the couch and have the spoon on his mouth to let the blueberry cheesecake ice cream slowly melting in his mouth and make inside it cooling for awhile. The woman beside him also have the same bucket, but in different flavor. They eat the ice cream in silent as their eyes never leave the television.

It’s mid Summer, and the temperature getting hot each day. It’s a rare thing really, for Kyu to visit Hyuna. Even they already know each other for long time, that doesn’t mean if they ever visit each other house. It’s the first time for Kyu to get into Hyuna house, which somehow makes the older quietly shock when he’s come. It’s been awhile since the last time they’re meet, because Kyu never come to desiderate again after that time.

“Where’s Seohyun? She’s like to sticking up with you all the time.”  Hyuna says as she takes a spoon of ice cream into .

“Don’t knows, somewhere.” Kyu keep his eyes focus on the TV screen as he answer it simply “maybe preparing for this stuffs up.”

There’s another silence again create. Kyu keep eating his ice cream steadily, while Hyuna put the spoon inside and bite it slowly. She’s no longer watching the shows because her mind going somewhere to thinks.

“Do you hate her?”

“No.” Kyu keep focus his eyes on the screen even he knows Hyuna look at him now “I just hate to what happen between us.”

Seohyun is a nice girl, really. The time when Kyu introduce her toward Hyuna, she can tell if the girl is really are a type all parents want for a daughter in law. She also has good manner and stuffs, but to be honest, Hyuna knows, there something that she tries to hide. It’s not really clear to what she see from Seohyun’s eyes that time, but her gaze is same like Kyu. Like she’s hiding something inside her soul.

“Is that mean… you’ll let this things happen?” Kyu stops eating his ice cream. The spoon still inside his mouth as he looks everywhere to thinks. He avoiding Hyuna gazes “you just let this all stuffs happen? Marry to a girl that you’ll never love?”

Kyu not answer that. He keeps the spoon inside his mouth he bites it quiet hard as the question keep repeating inside his head. Honestly he knows if Hyuna would ask that, because the point of he come into her house is to talk about this in the first place.

“It’s for the best noona.” Kyu take the spoon out from his mouth and sigh “being normal…”

“Oh, really? Screw the normal life Kyu!” Hyuna put her ice cream on the table. She also takes Kyu’s before put it beside her. Hyuna takes Kyu shoulder and makes the younger face her “what is it normal actually for you? Liking girls? Follows the society? What?”

Kyu put his gaze down when Hyuna try to meet his eyes. Her voice is quiet high when she asks him. He can’t really feels anything right now, even the taste of ice cream that just melting in his mouth. Everything feels same. Nothing.

“Yeah. That’s the life that I mean. Marrying girls, have child, and stuffs. That’s what our parents—”

“Seriously, who are you!?” Hyuna take Kyu’s collar and lift it makes the younger look at her in the eye “how could you say that easily!?”

He doesn’t understand what happen. Hyuna just pull his collars up and make him look at her now. She’s mad because her eyes really scared him. it’s the first time he seeing her like this. Mad at someone.

“He even confronts his mom while you just give up like that!?” The hands on his collar slowly gone. Hyuna take her hands away from Kyu while the younger look at her questioningly. Hyuna backs into the place where she sits before and put her gaze down.  “Changmin will take a college in New York.”

“What?”

“He already fills the form, and he doing that because he doesn’t want to find a girl.”

Kyu only staring, staring at nothing as he slowly laid his back on the couch. He lifts his head up to face the plain ceiling. He stare blankly and his mouth agape a little “why you keep deny it Kyu? Denying your feeling for him?”

Kyu not response to what she says she’s only glancing a little to her while she looks at him. His mind now is thinking about Changmin and New York. He’ll soon leave the country, Kyu just know it, because he know Changmin is a smart guy, and going to school abroad is nothing for him. Changmin will leave soon, while he still stuck with his lack of identity here.

“Why do you think I have any interest in him noona?” Kyu smirking slowly as he close his eyes and laugh bitterly “how could you think I have any feeling for him?”

Hyuna sigh a little “It’s because the way you seeing him is the same just like the way he seeing you.” She put her gaze down and tangled her own hands “he looks you with the eyes of love, so does you.”

Kyu fully open his eyes now. The feeling get inside him again. The pang feeling that always comes into his chest whenever he thinks about Changmin. Or something flipping madly inside his stomach like butterflies learning to fly there. It just hit him, about that. Is he really looks at Changmin like that? Is he loves him?

“You know Kyu, you can’t talk yourself into falling in love. I know you don’t love him, but I believe you always miss him when he’s not around and thinks about him all the time.”

The worst thing in the world happens, reality. Kyu laughs slowly, before he hold his own stomach when suddenly his laugh getting uncontrollably. He laughs like he never sad before. Hyuna only look at the younger in sad look. She knows why Kyu’s laughing, because actually he’s sad, and he try to less the feeling inside him by laughing. 

The laugh slowly loss it sounds but changes with sobs. Kyu still hold his stomach when his laugh into sobs and his eyes suddenly fills with tears. “I screw it up, am I?”

Hyuna just smile a little when she hears what the younger says. She knows he need a comfort now, but she can’t thinks something to do beside rubs his back up and down to make Kyu calm himself. She turn her gaze to the clock on the wall which shows if it’s almost six at evening, but the sky still bright because it’s summer. Hyuna turn her gaze back at Kyu.

“You know what they said: ‘sometimes our best decisions are the ones that don’t make any sense at all’”

Kyu slowly lost his sobs and turn silent. He listens to what Hyuna says before he starts to laughs and fixes his sits position. He wipes away his tears and smile widely before face the other with teasing smile “Isn’t that a words from the man with yellow umbrella on TV, isn’t it?”

Hyuna smile slowly and laugh. The two just smile into each other without words let the time pass without they realize it. Kyu takes a slight deep breath before he’s stand from the couch and clap his hands once. He faces Hyuna “I guess, I better back home noona. Thanks for everything.”

Hyuna lifts her head and face Kyu before she join him by up from the couch. Kyu takes his belonging and use his satchel as he walk toward the door followed by Hyuna. Kyu get into the floor as he tries to use his shoes.

“Believe in your life Kyu.” Hyuna says simply when Kyu stand from the ground and hug her for awhile. They broke the hug as Hyuna pat the younger shoulder while Kyu nods to her. Kyu smile a little before he open the door and leave the house.

Hyuna still stare at the closed door for awhile as the smile never leave her face “even though you probably hate it…” she says slowly to herself.

----

It was happens almost night, because the sky already turn into indigo color. I just back from the game center that day, playing some round alone and bought home some game discs to play with. I walk alone as I can’t stop humming some random notes from a song. My house with the game center is not that far, which makes me would choose to home by foot. I still walking until I realize there’s a crowd not far from where I stand, around a block and half from my house. Curious, I walk closer to the crowd and see what happen.

There’s this guy. Lay on the ground with so much blood around his body. He’s actually quiet old though, maybe almost around my mom age, but younger. He looks like just home from works, because I see his bag and some papers scratching around his body. But the paper not white anymore, it all already turn dark brown and red because of his blood. He tries to stand on his feet, but then all I can see is another man kicking his side, which makes him fall again on the floor.

Is it a fight!?

I can hear whispers around me. I stand beside a woman in purple dress as she is starts to whispering something to the woman in the red dress beside her. I turn my head back and lift it slowly as all I can found is all people around me is whispering something toward each other, but I’m sure it’s about the man that being beaten up by three others. It quiet confused me why. Why they only whispering and do nothing to help the man on the ground. Why there only stare and smirking like that beaten man is disgusting, why they only—

‘Isn’t he the CEO of the company?’

‘The rumors said, he left his family for another guy…’

‘He even has a child right?’

‘He’s disgusting, he thought love can solve anything, but no.’

‘He’s not ashamed at all, he’s a pitiful man.’

 ‘No wonder he being beaten up and no one help, because he’s dirty…’

‘Tsk… gay’

—whispering…

I stop my question when the fight seems over. The man still on the ground, unmoving, but others who beaten him up slowly left, including people who stare. One by one they’re leave, not care much if the man really hurt or die in no time. I still stand there and don’t even realize if I’m the only one who still there.

He hasn’t die yet, the man, but I’m sure he’s injured much.

He’s moving slowly. I can see how his hands swiftly move to support his body so he can get up from the ground. His clothes already change color into red. Even from this far, I can see how damp his hair because of the blood. He’s whimpering. I turn my hands into fist, before swallowing my own saliva and decide to help that man, but when I just start to take a step, a hand lays over my shoulder and stops me.

“Don’t go there Kiddo, or you’ll get the disease.”

I turn my head to my right only to find the owner of the hand, which is actually a middle age woman. She put her hand on my shoulder quiet hard and make me unmoving.

“Disease? What disease ma’am? He just gets beaten up, he’s not sick…”

“He’s gay, and that worst from any disease in the world. When you get that disease, not only world going to hate you, but the God would get you right into hell when you die.”

I just stare. This woman not has any expression in her face, but pity toward the man. Her eyes never leave the man. She’s look inside his soul. I turn my head toward the alley where the man is, and he’s already getting into sit position as slowly collects his belonging. He’s wasted, really wasted.

“The world is too cruel to life that kind of life. Being gay, it’s not fully your choice, because when you’re born into this world, you never know if you’ll turn into like boys or girls when you live. You’ll just know it when they come to you, when the time, the place, and the person is right, you’ll just know it, but then, people can’t accept well, because God says so. But that’s the question isn’t it?”

I look questioningly toward the woman. She smiles as she slowly kneeling beside me so her height it’s almost same as mine even she’s shorter inches away, since I’m not that tall for the Junior High students. She look at me in the eyes, the eyes that somehow make me can’t look away from her. It’s Enchanting.

“Why would God makes human, if He knows in the end we’ll just gonna ruin the world out?”

“… because, God knows better?” I answer slowly.

“Yes, He knows better.” She laughs a little before stand and ruffles my hair “God know the best, for everything that happen in the world, and our Job is to do what we thought is right.”

“Sometimes I wonder, why He would let humans born into the world if at the end we only do wars, kill the others, being a sinner and stuffs. Not that this world is not lacks of good humans, but…”

“But?”

“But, I believe, He just want to know what we’re believe and do when the world are turn upside down. Will we still be a good and holy human as a baby born or will we change at all, turn like a devil from hell?”

For the first time in my life, I feel like I just hear something really great for the rest of my life. I even forgot about the man on the back alley. I’m not really care about him now, but to the woman’s words. She’s someone that I just knew, but is she kind of an Angel and told me to do something right on my life. Is she?

“Don’t think much about it Kiddo.” She laughs to see what a serious face I might have now. “You’re still young and you have so many times to think about your own answer.”

“You know Kiddo. You don’t need to hear and do what people say. Just do anything that you want, as long as you happy, that would be fine.  The important thing is, you’re happy, because it’s your life not them. Just screw the world if that necessary.”

She takes her hands off from my hair and turns her head toward the man on the alleyway. She sighs and whispering, but I still can exactly hear her “I should hate him for leaving me, but he used to be my husband, no matter what.”

I widen my eyes as I hear that. She walks slowly leaving me toward the alleyway where the man is. She’s kneeling there in front of the man and helps him to collect all his stuffs. I only stare at them from a far, scared whenever I remember how would the world hate me to if I get along to them. Few people around me who pass me by start to talk about the woman who help him. They talk about her, about she shouldn’t help him all the way.

She’s right, the world is so cruel.

She helps the man to stand on his feet by put one of his arm around her shoulder. She takes the man’s bag with and uses it as they walk slowly outside to the alleyway. People move aside as they already out from the alley. They put a gap toward them. I still look at the woman who only silent but keep help the man.  She’s stops walking when she’s realize I still there look at her. She smiles a little bit before turn her head toward me and whispering.

“Don’t really think about it… I’m a heathen anyway…”

.

.

.

Kyu open his eyes and get into sit position in second. He rubs his own eyes and look around with half open eyes. He’s still in his room. It’s just a dream. Kyu turn his head to the side table and found if it’s only three at morning from his alarm. Kyu is yawning a little before he fall himself back on the bed and stare at the blank ceiling.

It quiet odd he find, to dream about his childhood. It’s been years since that time, but he doesn’t understand why these days he like to dream about his childhood all over again. And speaking of dream, he remembers that woman. He never know who that woman is, he even can’t remember very well how the woman looks like since it’s already years.

Kyu wake from his bed and get his feet down to the wooden door. Even it’s already early summer, the floor still quiet cold for his bare feet. Kyu shivers a little as he stands to his feet and walk toward his closet, take his jacket and use his socks. He tur his head toward his desk and take his phone with and some money before he walk out from his room downstairs.

.

.

.

It’s deserted, the street. Kyu walk slowly as he shoves his hands deeper in his jacket pocket. He use his sneakers as he walk outside that night. It’s rarely thing that he done in his life. Sometimes he’s imagining to bring his backpack with and left home at the middle of the night, and never back. Take a journey by himself find a freedom inside his souls, but even though he outside this night, he not bring his backpack with.

Kyu walk with an ice cream in his right hand. He the ice cream slowly as the cold touches his tongue and make him close his eyes whenever it sting his spine. He look at the sky, it’s only dark without any stars can be seen. These days Artificial light win over the stars very well, make people who life on a big city like him can’t enjoy the shine of the stars at night without help. He sigh a little as he take the last bite from his ice cream, before toss the garbage to the trash can near him. He starts to walk again, and now he decides to leave for home. In summer, the sun rise far early and set far too late, which makes even it’s still around four in the morning, Kyu can see the dawn already come.

He choose to walk pass the riverside toward his home even he knows it’s spend more time that from the normal street. On the river side, there’s only a small path to walk, and there’s no light on it. It completely dark there, but because of that, sometimes if you lucky, you can see few stars from there. Kyu stops on the corner before he takes the path on the riverside. He look at how dark the place is, because it’s still dawn and sun hasn’t comes yet. Kyu takes a deep breath before he takes the steps and walk on the pathway.

It’s silent there. No one pass there beside him. the only light that help him to see the way is come from the other side of the river where there’s so many building reach the sky with it shining light, and makes the shadows on the water which help him a little. Kyu still focusing on the roan in front of him, make sure he wouldn’t stumbled into something and fall, until he realize there is something in front of him.

A bike?

Kyu raised one of his eyebrows when he already feet away from the bike. It’s only a bike with no one there. No owner or the biker. Kyu looks around him, but he can’t find anyone because of the dark. He shrugs a little and look at the bike for awhile, because from how it looks Kyu can tell if this bike it’s expensive and someone must have own it, but then he just decide to leave since he can’t find anyone. He start to walk again and—

“EH!? WAI—HWAAAAAA!!!!”

—stumbled by the bike itself and fall backward to the ground.

The ground beside the pathway is get downward, which make Kyu after fall backward rolling on the ground. The bike also fall but not down to downward ground. Kyu still rolls on the ground until he finally stops on his stomach and his face hide on the ground. He can feel the damp from the grass beneath him because of the dew and since it near the river. Thanks to God because there’s no one see how embarrassing that moment when he falls and rolls on the ground.

“Are you okay?”

Okay, so God is actually says the other way. Kyu can hear someone speaking on his left. He still has his head on the ground, not have any intention to lift it any soon because he knows he must be looks so idiot right now.

“... fine…” Kyu mumbling slowly between the ground beneath his face.

“But you just rolling from up there, and you just bumped my bike so I guess it—“

“I SAID I’M—” Kyu lifts his head in second and look at the man who speaking and somehow annoy him but “—Changmin!?”

“… Kyu?”

.

.

.

“Auch!!!” Kyu hiss slowly as his eyes looking at the younger that intimidate “Slowly Changmin-ah, it’s burning!”

Changmin not answer it, but only rolled his eyes. They already sit now, in one of the bench that still around the riverside under the streetlight. Changmin try to clean up Kyu’s right elbows which is injured from when he fall before. He already clean the blood from there and now he only need to give a bandage on it.

“It just a small wound, not a big deal Kyu.” Changmin says simply as he tries to find the bandage from the plastic bag where it supposed to be when he buys from a minimarket before.

“I’m the one who fall, you idiot!” Kyu says with a sarcastic voice.

Changmin already have the bandage in his hands but then when he listens to what Kyu says he slight annoyed by that. Kyu’s yelping in second when suddenly Changmin take his right hand quiet hard and make him feels the pain spreading along from his elbow to his arm. He’s starting to curse again “YA! WHAT THE HELL AR—”

Chu~

Changmin kiss his right elbow where his wound is with his eyes closed. Kyu lost his words in second as the warm slowly crept up from his neck toward his cheeks which make his head boiling up. They stay like that for seconds until Kyu being the one who realize where actually there is.

“—the hell are you doing!?” Kyu lower his voice and pull his hands from Changmin which makes Changmin open his eyes in second. He turn his head around to see, worried if there would be anyone sees their acts. Kyu face still red as he takes the bandage from Changmin’s hand and decides to use it by himself. He whisper slowly as he use the bandage “we’re outside Changmin, you forget that!?”

“No.” Changmin take the bandage from Kyu and he put it over the older injured elbows. He takes the garbage and put it inside the plastic bag before he toss it on the trash can not far from them “because I don’t care.”

“Well, I care.” Kyu says as he turns his sits position to his side so he no longer faced Changmin.

It’s been awhile, but they’re still not talking anymore. There’s only silent between them while Changmin still focusing his gaze on the street light above them and Kyu see how the water move swiftly on the river. The sky already change it color because the sun almost rise. Kyu just realize if maybe Changmin also out from his house at night, seeing at how the younger only use a pajamas behind his gray mantle.

Honestly, Kyu really want to ask the younger what is he doing out there at dawn. Besides, he can’t be found before where Kyu try to look around for the owner of the bike, but he not doing that, because the questions are so much inside his head and he willing to ask everything including what happen to him when he’s home after that quiet chaos in desiderate, or about is it true if he tries to continue his study abroad but he not.

“Honestly, what are you doing on the river side at dark?” Kyu slips the question slowly and makes the younger turn his gaze from the light into his front.

“I just want to feel the damp grass there. How it’s feel if I fell asleep on it.” Changmin answer it with a smile and sparks in his eyes that Kyu somehow miss for awhile since the last time they meet. He found it funny, because Changmin never change, still innocent as always. Kyu laugh slowly which makes Changmin turn his head slight annoyed “what!? It’s not funny Kyu!” Kyu still laugh because he miss this time so much, he miss this person that like to get inside his mind whenever he’s alone “so how about you? You also out at dark.”

“I can’t sleep… well, I sleep but a dream makes me wake and can’t sleep afterward.” Kyu says simply as he shrugs his shoulder a little.

“Are you dreaming about me?” Kyu turn his face toward Changmin and shows his weird expression ever with a teasing smile “what? I’m just asking you know…”

Changmin turn his head from Kyu and look at the ground. Kyu can see how Changmin move his feet slowly and lift it a little so it can swing beneath the bench “It’s not about you, but someone else”

Changmin not responses to what he says. He just keep staring at the ground in front of him and back to the river. Kyu look at the younger from his side for awhile. He looks at Changmin’s face and realize there’s nothing change in it. He still the same with his well define jaw, and his pointed nose, but he just look quiet skinnier now. Kyu take his gaze away and sighs a little.

Suddenly something get inside his mind. A dream that he got before and makes him can’t sleep afterward. About woman in his young age that tell him about life his life. About the man that being beaten up because he’s gay. About his talk with Hyuna before. About the decision that would someone makes in his life. Kyu tangled his own hands quiet hard and make it turn into white for awhile.

“Changmin-ah…”

“Hmm?”

“Do you love me?” Kyu says it wth a very low tone and it almost like a whisper, but Changmin still can hear it though. Changmin turn his head toward the older, but he only can see the brown lock since Kyu put his gaze down “do you really love me Changmin-ah?”

Changmin bring his head up and look at their surrounds. Looking around makes sure no one really close toward them and watching them or hear what Kyu just says before. Actually Changmin has no worry about if anyone finds out about him, but he knows Kyu wouldn’t take it easy when someone found out about him.

Changmin not says anything, but he takes one of Kyu hands and holds it quiet tight. Kyu turn his gaze away and look at Changmin who smile at him slowly as he squeezes his hand. He whispering “Well, if I say I love you, will you love me back?”

It’s a simple question, but really makes Kyu thinks hard the best answer for it. He not answers the question yet as their hand still tangled into each other. Kyu only look at the dark brown orbs, a thing that makes him smile to seeing it, things that enchanting him. Kyu turn his gaze away when he can feel that there’s this warm feeling start to crept up from his neck toward his cheeks, and like butterflies inside his stomach flipping madly but in good way.

“No…” Kyu says slowly and makes the hands that hold his slowly stops squeezing. He takes a deep breath before continuing with his eyes closed “but… teach me then. Teach me how to say it to you. Teach me how to feel that for you.”

The sun already in the sky, make it turn blue from the dark Changmin still only can see the brown lock from the older since he not lifts his head at all. He only can feel something like a sparks of happiness inside him when he hears that words. Words that say if Kyu wants to learn how to love him. Changmin can’t hide his smile anymore when the things get inside his head. He stand from the bench with still Kyu’s hand in his which of course make the older look at him.

“Come on, let’s go somewhere else.” Which only makes Kyu nods and follows Changmin behind still hand in hand.

.

.

.

It’s a big house, a mansion. Kyu still stare at the building in front of him which has crème color while Changmin is busying himself with some keys on the front door. It’s Changmin’s house, and it seems like there’s no one inside because if there’s someone, he wouldn’t need to open the door by himself right? The door is open and Changmin let Kyu get inside his house.

It’s quiet big, enormous. Kyu’s still around the doorway, while Changmin lock the door behind. He can see so many luxurious things inside the place. Some paintings and ornaments that look fragile and easily to break even he just touch it with his finger tips. The house is empty. Changmin’s mom going out of town for business until late night and his maids have days off since it’s weekend, which leaving Changmin alone in this big house. No wonder why he can out at dark only to find out how it feels to sleep over the grass at riverside.

“Do you like tea or something cool for drinks?”

Kyu stiffened in second when he found how close Changmin face is to him. The younger is already on his side and his nose almost touches Kyu’s cheek with it. it’s not the first time their face get so close like this, or inch away, since they even ever kiss before, but Kyu still found this kind of feeling when he around Changmin somehow “Uh… tea… tea would be great.”

Changmin smile widely and turn himself around toward a room that Kyu sure as kitchen “A tea then. Oh, by the way, you can wait on the couch though.”

Kyu looks at how the younger slowly gone into the kitchen. Kyu just sigh in relieve when he can feels Changmn already not in the room. He just cursing himself for his heartbeat that somehow pumping twice faster and make him feels like a high school girl in love. Kyu close his eyes slowly when he already makes himself sit on the couch.

He doesn’t understand his feeling right now. He doesn’t know. He already meet so many guys from desiderate for like two years, but this is the first time why he feels so happy and nervous at the same time. He not thinks it lightly. He’s someone who faking his smile face to every guy that he ever met in his entire life.

Kyu put his head down as he play with the end of his jacket with his hands. He can feel how warm his cheeks now even he doesn’t want to.

“If you keep stiffen like that… I would do something more you know…”

A hand lingered around Kyu’s neck from behind. Kyu widen his eyes when he can feels the warm breath on his neck and makes him shivers in second when the words slips from the owner of the hands mouth. Changmin hide his face between Kyu’s crook and sniff the scent there. A vanilla mixed with peonies.

Changmin forgetting about the tea and only move his head from Kyu’s crook and move to his right ears. Kyu only stuck in his place as his eyes widen in second and somehow his head feels boiling up like it want to explode anytime soon. “You’re smells good Kyu…”

Changmin whispers into Kyu’s ear which already turns red like both of his cheeks. He nips at Kyu’s ear for awhile before start to it which makes Kyu slips a little moan that can be heard by Changmin when the younger start to takes his left hand from Kyu’s neck and slide it  inside Kyu’s shirt and rubs the skin there.

“Cha… Changmin wha—what are you… aaah~” Kyu can’t continue his words when suddenly he can feels Changmin’s hands found his s there. All he can do is only and take so many airs that he could while the younger start to kiss his cheeks as his hands are travelling deeper inside his shirt.

“Open…” Changmin quiet hard says the words from his mouth when his breath feels kinda heavy suddenly. And make it worst when Kyu look at him with half leaded eyes that stare at him with so much lust “open your mouth… Kyu”

His body turns numb in second. He can’t feel his feet, his arms or even his organs work normally in his body. All he can feel is only the blood inside his vein that rushing really fast. He can’t control himself but only obey what the younger tell him. He doesn’t know how, but he feels like Changmin’s words are kinda spells for him which makes him open his moth slowly.

With still his left hands inside Kyu’s shirt and rubs at his left , Changmin use his right hand to hold at Kyu’s head and make him easily kiss the older there. Changmin start to put his tongue inside Kyu’s mouth and exploring it by get inside his mouth deeper. He even at Kyu’s tongue for awhile before he start to dominating the kiss again. He can feel how their saliva mixed and slips from the corner of their mouth and fall to the ground. The only voice that can be heard from the room is panting and from each person especially Kyu whenever Changmin plays with his s quiet rough.

They broke the kiss for awhile, and that time Kyu use as the chance to take so much airs that he can take in a one shot. Changmin only look at Kyu now. His face red and his lips is swollen because of the kiss. He takes his hands off from Kyu’s cheek and inside his shirt. He stands on his feet which makes Kyu look at the younger questioningly, because somehow, he a little bit disappointment when Changmin’s hands are off from him.

“Don’t worry.” Changmin move from behind the couch and stand beside it “because it’s not over.”

He pushes Kyu backward with his hands on his shoulder. Kyu who doesn’t ready with the sudden act only fall quiet hard into the couch and found if Changmin already over him with both of his hands beside his head. He’s get all into four while his feet are between Kyu’s crouch while his right hand slowly rubs Kyu right cheek with his thumb. He smiles softly.

Kyu only can close his eyes when he can feel the cold skin touch his cheek, which makes him shivers from the movement there. He also whimpering a little when all he can feel is a slight movement between his crouch while his private place is start being rubbed by one of Changmin’s knees.

“Don’t tease me Ch—ungh!!” Changmin pull his knee forward which makes Kyu in second. He not even finish his words because all his mind suddenly high and Changmin lips already blocked him to talk some more, as their kiss is getting deeper and deeper.

.

.

.

DRRRRT….. DRRRRT….. DRRRRT….

Kyu open his eyes slowly when he can hear the annoying sounds from his phone. He takes his hand out from the blanket and try to find his phone with his eyes that back to close again. When he found it, he look at the screen and found if it’s a call. A call from his dad.

Kyu widen his eyes in second and get into sit position when he now fully awake and take deepbreath before he answer the phone “Hello?”

“Where do you think you’re going Kyu!?”

“I’m in m—”

“How could you forget if today Seohyun and her family is home from Japan? And you should pick them up from Airport!!?”

Kyu stay silence for awhile and he just get the thing. He forgot about that, about his dad told him to pick up Seohyun and her family before lunch “I’m sorry dad, I’ll—”

“You don’t need to, Ahra already make it. Now the thing is you home now and prepare for family dinner tonight!”

Kyu not even has any chance to reply what his dad says, because his dad ends the call when he wants to says something. Kyu just stay silent as he look at his phone which already off. He doesn’t want to home. If he can just runaway, if only he bring his bag last night, he can find his own life alone.

Kyu take his gaze out from his phone to surround him. He just remember if he still in Changmin’s room. Kyu’s face suddenly feels warm when he realizes what just happen before he takes some nap since their wake before the sun is up. The memories of Changmin kissing him here and there and his hand inside his shirt only make him want to buried himself on the earth because of the embarrassment. And he quiet disappointing a little bit when suddenly Changmin’s mom call which makes them separate apart in no time and not continuing what they have left.

Kyu hide his face on his hands as he turns his head to find if it already passes five at afternoon. No wonder why his dad is mad at him because he’s already gone since dark and haven’t told to his family where he’s actually going. Kyu turn his head to behind, where Changmin sleep before, but it’s empty. The younger must be already wake before him and left the room. Kyu takes his feet down to the ground and slowly walk toward the door before open it and get outside.

The hall is silent, only a voice downstairs can be hears a little by Kyu. Kyu walk toward the stairs as he gets steps down slowly. The voice come from the kitchen, where Kyu sure Changmin is there doing something. Kyu stops on the doorway when he can see if the younger is busying himself in front of the stoves. Changmin seems not realize if Kyu already there. Kyu still look at the taller back and smile softly with his hand crossed infront of his chest.

“Oh… you already wake up Kyu.” Changmin quiet shock when he found Kyu already staring him front the doorway. He using a green apron which makes Kyu only smiles widely seeing how silly his appearance now, but Changmin seems doesn’t mind though “do you mind with Carbonara? I mean, we—you—hasn’t lunch or breakfast yet, so—”

“I’m sorry… I can’t, should home now.” Kyu says slowly with his gaze down with a low tone.

“Oh…” Changmin just put the pot on the table and take off his apron. He takes a sit on the chair there and takes one of the fork before start to eating the carbonara by himself without move it to a plate or something. Changmin just take the food inside his mouth and chews it slowly before he suddenly sighs and laif his back on the chair. He lifts his head up to stare at the blank ceiling over him “I’m sorry…”

“Why?”

“I don’t know…” Changmin straighten up his seat and turn his face toward Kyu with a bitter smile “I’m sorry…”

Changmin still looks at the older, and vice versa. He slowly stand from his seat and walk pass Kyu in silent. Kyu only can stare at the empty chair where Changmin sits before.

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride.” Changmin says slowly without turn his body toward Kyu to the front door.

.

.

.

The silent is killing them. There’s no word come out from their mouth. The radio is off and makes the situation getting worse. Changmin only keep focusing his mind toward the road, while Kyu is stares at nothing outside. The sun is still on the sky that time, but Kyu not really interest at all even it creates a great orange color in the sky while it almost set on the horizon. His mind is going somewhere else. Thinking about what Changmin’s mean by said sorry before.

Kyu startled a little when he feels something touoch his left cheeks. It’s Changmin who use his fore finger to poke Kyu’s cheek slowly and successfully take his attention out. Changmin smile when he found Kyu look weird toward him.

“We already arrived Kyu, and if you not get inside your house now, I would have a willing to bring you back to mine.”

Kyu only widen his eyes when he hears that. He quickly un fastened his seatbelt and open the door in second to get off from the car. He quickly walk toward the gate of his home and start to open it, but then he stops. He turn his gaze toward the black car where Changmin is still waiting him there to get inside. Kyu look around him for awhile looking at deserted place before he bring his heels back toward Changmin’s car. Changmin look at him weirdly from inside his car, especially when Kyu stand beside the driver door and knocking at his window.

“Is there somethi—“

Changmin not finished his question when a pair of soft lips connects with him. Kyu just kiss him slowly for a while. It just a short kiss, almost like a pecks, but it successfully makes Changmin’s numb and stare at the figure outside the car with his agape mouth. Kyu smile teasingly as he lower his body a little so he can get closer to Changmin’s left ear

“I think, I learn something today, and really understand that well…” Kyu whisper teasingly to Changmin before he turns his heels away to the front gate and get inside his house. Leaving Changmin stare before laugh at himself and leave the place the moments when Kyu already gone behind the gate.

They don’t even realize a pairs of eyes that stare at them from the second story of Kyu’s house.

----

There’s a knocks in his door when Kyu just finished take a shower. He still has this small towel over his head to dry up his hair from the water before. He look at the wooden door for awhile, and realize if the one that knocking mustn’t be his family because when it was, they would just get inside his room the moment after they knocking three times. Kyu says slowly to let the person from outside to get in. As the door open slowly, Kyu realize who’s knocking.

“Do, I disturb you oppa?”

Yes. Actually Kyu really want to says something like that, but he only smile kindly toward Seohyun who still waiting for his answer on the doorway. Seohyun get inside his room for after moments and close the door behind. She still stand there and make her back laid on the door as she look at Kyu who busying himself with nothing on the desk in the room.

“Can I ask you something, oppa?”

Kyu only nods as he takes some random books from his desk and flipping each page. Not even read it only to distract himself from the fact the Seohyun is inside his room. It’s not that he hate her, because he never hate the player but the game.

Seohyun just sighs for a little while as she only stare at Kyu’s back. They use to play together as child, but she understands now, why people shouldn’t cling at the past for long time. She walks slowly in the room, leaving a tapping sound in the room air as her feet touch the wooden floor. She stops on Kyu’s bed and sit at the end of it. Kyu glance a little to her and see if she’s looking at him like always before he put his gaze back to the book.

“Do you love someone oppa?”

Kyu stops flipping the pages in the book that he found is about history of the world, which supposed to be his book while he’s still high school. He’s quiet shock to hear what she says, but he’s try to put the topic away as best as he could “I don’t understand what you mean Seo.”

“I see you being driven home by this person.” Kyu really is stop now. He just stare at the pages on the book there and not really sure what he sees after all “you almost get inside, but you back to the car with a delightful smile, and when I see that I thought about you already love someone.”

He knows, she talking about Changmin, even actually Seohyun doesn’t know if this ‘person’ is actually a girl or a boy. So even Kyu already look around and sure there’s no one around, he doesn’t realize if Seohyun look at him that time. He can’t run anymore. He can lie to the world but not to her, because suddenly he remember when Hyuna said if he keep marrying her, he only gonna hurt both of them. He’s not happy with marriage and she’s not happy because never being loved. He takes a deep breath before close the book, but her gaze still down.

“I guess… I am…” Kyu rubs the cover of the books slowly as he put a single smile in his face “even till now I’m not really sure about my feeling.”

Seohyun just stare at the figure feet away from her. It’s been awhile since she can see the dreamy eyes from her oppa after long time. the last time she seeing that is when they’re watching a Pétrouchka marionette shows on town, and that time showing how amaze, happy, and wonderful his feeling that time just by how he’s look at something. And now she’s seeing it again, and somehow it makes her can’t hide her own smile when she realizes his looks. She knows, even how hard she would try to get closer to this man, she wouldn’t can do that till the finish line, because there already someone waiting there to seeing how she lose it.

“Actually, there is also this guy oppa…” Seohyun says slowly and makes Kyu turn his head a little to see the girl who smile kindly “and I kind also love him too.”

Kyu turn his body from his desk to face at Seohyun who look at him. Kyu laugh a little before he walk toward his bed and sit at the end of it, leaving gap between him and Seohyun and take his feet up on the bed, sit cross legged. He still looks at her with a smile

“Tell me more about him.”

----

The dining table is full with foods. It looks like his mom is really working hard to cook all of this stuff for this family dinner. The parents talk enthusiastically about this things, about how they family getting closer each days. Ahra once or twice like to take Seohyun attention by talking with her about works and styles, while Kyu is only focus with his dinner In front of him.

He just eats the food in silent since when it start. He not interested to the talks that happen on the dining table like always. He just stares at his dinner as he eat it, which somehow remind him about Changmin who already cook Carbonara for him before. He feel slight guilty remember it, because the younger already try to cook it for him, but he just left the house without take a bite and taste the food. He still focused on his thought and not realizes if his parents already calling him since always if it’s not because Ahra who nudges his side slowly and bring him back into reality.

“You’re really enjoying your food Kyu? Or are you just take your mind away from thinking how beautiful Seohyun now?”

The room suddenly fills with laughter as the parents start to laugh listen to what Kyu’s dad says before. Kyu only look at them weirdly before he laugh awkwardly between them, and Seohyun on the other side only silent and put her gaze down on the fork inside her bowl. He not really enjoying this time. The time when family getting around and talking about they should held the marriage between him and Seohyun soon. He’s getting annoyed by it whenever he looks at Seohyun and remember her story about the man in her life when she still in Japan before. The man that she left just because her father not agree with their relationship that in the end lead her to this arrange marriage with Kyu. Life sometimes can be rubbish right?

Seohyun suddenly stand from her seat while the dinner not even end. All eyes turn at her now, and the silent fills up the room in second. She looks at Kyu for awhile, with her look that tell something but he can’t understand at all. “Everyone… I’d like to tell something…”

Okay, Kyu now widen his eyes when he listen the first words that slips from . He knows it’ll not going to end well tonight. Seohyun take a quiet deep breath before continue “I… I don’t want this marriage happen.”

The gasps fill the air. The mothers put their hands to cover their mouth that open and make an ‘o’ shape. The father just turn their heads into each other before back to the young woman who still stand on her place. Ahra just look at her questioningly with once or twice take her gaze at Kyu who seems not surprise at all, because he already know the reason why, but his expression is turn to be a worried one. Worried to what that can happen next.

“I mean, I’m still young and I al—“

“This is about Yonghwa isn’t it?” her mom cut her off and use her stoic expression when she says that “you still like Yonghwa don’t you?”

“No it’s not about him mom.” Seohyun stops halfway and she turn her hands into fist on her side. Kyu’s seeing how her fist slowly turn white as he hold that quiet hard, he listen to every words that she says, even though half of it true, and half left are only improvisation from her “I just want to explore the world more th—“

“Stop talking Seohyun, now sit back and start to eat again!”

“No dad.” Seohyun turn her head toward her dad and look at him in the eye. “I won’t listen what you says before you listen to mine!”

Kyu’s families just stay silent when they listen to the fight between the other families. They won’t get involve of course, but Kyu’s parents try to stops the fight which ended with they who also try to makes Seohyun back into the first plan. Kyu still stay in his sit. Holding the fork in his right hand quiet hard until his hand turns white. He stares at the food in front of him as the sound of the fight getting loud in the room. Ahra try to make them stops the fight, but no one would listen to her, since the parents always believe they know well.

“Yonghwa is just nothing, what can you expect from him!”

“He’s nothing in your eyes because you never give him a chance mom.”

“Why we should? He comes from the different status from us, he just a rubbish Seohyun why you still maintain him!?”

Why?

Why being different is always become big issue in society?

“And speaking you not loving our Kyu, you can learn Seohyun-ah.”

“Maybe your parents right, because Yonghwa is can be someone randomly just want your money!”

“See, Seohyun? Everyone know if Kyu is better than him!! He’s a figure that every woman want to marry with, what you ask for now? Can you find something like what he doesn’t have from that Yonghwa?”

If…

If only they know who I really am

“What kind of explore the world that you ask? Takes a midnight train and get lost? Going anywhere?”

“You’ll have better life with Kyu than Yonghwa who just a singer on pubs or café or whatever those people calls. He’s better than him!”

Am I really better than Yonghwa?

At least I know, if Yonghwa can give his love to her while I never will

“I’m gay…”

It’s slips simply from Kyu’s mouth with a low tone. It even almost comes like a whisper, but then everyone stops talking. The silent fills the air. They really get what Kyu says before.

“What!?” His dad turn his gaze from Seohyun toward his son whose being the only one who still sit on the dining table. “What did you just say?”

“I’m gay.” Kyu repeating it once again and lift his head from his food. He put the fork aside and stare at the six person across him who look at him with shock look, eve Seohyun widen her eyes, because when they talking about Yonghwa upstairs in Kyu’s room, they not talk about the one who give Kyu’s a ride, or about he’s being gay “I’m gay. I like man, not like ‘like’ but more like loves them.”

“Oh my…”

His mom falls in second on the ground backwards, lose her consciousness when she heard what her only son just says. Ahra and Seohyun’s mom move her from the ground to the couch in the living room slowly. Seohyun and his dad still stuck in their place as Kyu’s father still look at him with an expression that can’t be read.

“You sure you’re gay?”

“Very positive.”

“Fine.” His dad says simply and turns his body walks toward the cabinet in the kitchen “I don’t mind that.”

Kyu only look at his dad who still back facing him questioningly. Is his dad just telling him if he’s okay with Kyu for being gay? Seohyun and his dad only stare at the old man who busying himself in the cabinet with the microwave there, doing something that they don’t know. Kyu just want to burst into tears when he hears if his dad is doesn’t mind with that. Honestly, if he knows his dad reaction would be like this, he would tell his parents since long ago.

His dad walks slowly from the cabinet and sits back into his chairs on the dining table. Kyu still not says anything toward his dad, because the situation still kind of tense, but at least he knows his dad accepting him “You only have twenty minutes Kyu…” or not.

“What?”

His dad glance a little as he start to eat his abandoned dinner before slowly. He swallows the food after chewing it and continues talking without look at his son “You only have twenty minutes to pack your stuffs and leave the house immediately.”

“But you j—“

“When the microwave timer ring, and you haven’t out from this house, I’ll make you leave the house without any mercy” His dad takes the glass of water in front of him and takes a sip before continuing “you not have much time. Time is ticking.”

Kyu doesn’t really sure what happen, but he realize next is he run upstairs toward his room with blurry eyes and his cheeks that already wet with tears that falls. He open his room quiet rough as his sobs getting heavier and makes him quiet hard to breathing. He take his backpack from his closet as he takes some clothes with, money and things that he might need like passport even he know he wouldn’t have enough money to go abroad.

Kyu down to the floor inside his closet when he can feels his knee is wobbling and makes him lose his balance to stand with his foot. He cries there with no voice as the pain start to spreading up inside his body from his chest. It just feels hurt. Honestly, if he can choose, he wouldn’t want to come out like that. He wouldn’t want to come out when there’s anyone elese between his families, but he can’t stand it to seeing how Seohyun confront their marriage alone. He just thinks to get along with her confronting their family, but things change far from the plan.

“NINE MINUTES TO GO BEFORE THE LIMIT!!!”

Kyu wipes the tears with the back of his hands when he can hear his dad voice from downstairs. He’s screaming quiet loud for him as reminder if he not all times for him. Kyu stand onto his feet and want to leave the closet when he looks at a jacket on one of the hanger inside his closet. It’s a jacket that Changmin gives to him the at the end of their first meet. Even Kyu being told to return it back at Hyuna, Kyu never does that though.

Kyu still stare at the jacket there as the memories from the first encounter back into his mind. His tears no longer there, but his heart still sick with the feeling of being rejected by his own family. Kyu smile a little bit when he remember how Changmin told him if he loves him, loves him as Kyu not as Gaem. The memories keep inside his mind like a video tape until something stops when he remember the important one

How if we faced it together? It’s better right than faced it alone.

The tears start to falls again. It’s streaming down from his cheeks toward his chin. Kyu bite his bottom lips to less the pain that he feels. Suddenly he just wants Changmin now. He just hoping Changmin is here now with him, holding his hands and gives him support. Holding him and accompany him. Being there and told him how much he loves him and makes him feels not alone in the world.

“THREE MINUTES LEFT!!!”

Kyu just gritted his teeth as the voice downstairs pushing him to get out quickly. Kyu just take the jacket from it’s hanger and use it right away before he out from the closet. He stops in the middle of his room and look around. Look at the place where he spent most of his time when he’s home. Kyu sighs for awhile before turn his heels away toward the door and get outside.

He takes the stairs slowly. He can see from the stairs if his mom already gets her conscious back. She has those tears on her eyes that already turn bloodshot. Ahra still stays beside her as she rubs her back up and down sent her a calm feeling. Kyu try to looks around, but he can’t find Seohyun and her family anymore. They perhaps already gone the moment they realize if Kyu is gay.

“Tell me… tell me if it’s a lie Kyu…” His mom says slowly between her sobs as she look at his eyes. The sights only hurt him, because he never seeing his mom cry like this. Ahra beside her also in same condition like her, but she just stay silent and not even look at him “TELL ME IF IT JUST A DAMN JOKE!!”

Kyu tears fall again, or actually it never really stops. He still stands on his ground as he shook his head slowly and looks at his feet. He can hear his mom get hysterical in her cries as Kyu answer it with only his body movement.

“ONE MINUTE!!!”

Kyu only bite his bottom lips as he bows his body perfectly toward his mom and Ahra. He not says anything and keep his gaze down when he stand to his ground again and walk toward his dad who still sit on the dining table. He still has this stoic look and not even care to Kyu who also bows his body perfectly toward him. There’s no may times left and that’s makes Kyu quickly turn his heels toward the front door using his hoes and left the house, not stops or turn around when he can hears his mom calling his name and tells him to stops.

The moment when he already outside his house he just keep walking with his gaze down, and the tears that never stops falling from his eyes even he don’t want to. He walk quiet fast when he realize people start to look at him who sobs on the street. He faster to every steps that he takes until he realize if he just running. He’s just running that night to anywhere because he actually doesn’t have anywhere to go.

He stops on the side of the street when he almost lost his breath. He doesn’t know what time is it, but the road already slight deserted. It’s feels very heavy for his lungs to cry and take a run at midnight on the same time. He gets into the ground squatting and put both his hands on his knees. If before he’s likes to imagining about going out at night. Want to pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night, make a journey by himself and not comeback, but then, it’s not like what he imagining now. He pack a bag and go at night, he also wouldn’t come back anytime soon, but it all not because his willing, but because he’s being kicked out by his parents.

Kyu still on the ground when there’s so many people pass him by and stares at him. they sometimes lie to whispering about him who cries on the ground. He remembers this situation, but he don’t want think about it for now, because the more important is about where he should spent the night? Hyuna is on her vacation with his brother out of the town. He can’t go into Changmin house, because maybe his mom already home earlier, and she would really unhappy to seeing Kyu there. He can rent a room in a hotel for sure, but it would spend so much money which actually he can use for food for following days. Thinking about that only makes Kyu cry harder and hide his face more between his knee and makes him not realize if there’s already someone in front of him that also get into the ground and try to look at his face.

“… Kyuhyun hyung!?”

----

I'll get busy till around mid September I guess, so I'm not really sure when I'll update the next chapeter. I'm sorry :((

Thanks for everything guys, comment, subscribes and stuffs, you're amazing!

Thanks for reading :))