Chapter 15
You Lied
*long chapter....but it's the one you have been all waiting for...
DONGHAE'S POV
If I could turn back and change anything in my life, it wouldn't be Kibum or Hangkyung leaving.
It wouldn't be the car accident that hurt Leeteuk and Kyuhyun badly
It wouldn't be allowing my dad to be alive and not dead
It would be to tell Hyukjae that it was a lie instead of being afraid and trying to protect him by being a bastard
It would be telling him that I love him. That I love how he nagged at me to be careful. Some advice I should have listened to instead of kissing him lightly to get his mind of the fears
And because I didn't listen, his fear became true
I remember how Yoona had approached me right before we had left for our world tour.
I was perfecting my moves for my special stage when she walked and turned the music off.
Yunho had told me what she did to him and Jaejoong and after carefully observing similar reactions from SHINee, I knew just how evil this witch was.
I glared at her and went to push the play button when she shoved her phone in my face.
Before I could slap her for being a , my eyes focused on the photo and my hand fell to my side.
Hyukjae's worse fear and been confirmed.
Someone found out
I tried to brush it off like it was nothing but she and I both knew that this wasnt the case.
I was ed.
So she gave me a month to act and in that time period, I did all I could to stop her from hurting Hyukkie....
And I tried to do my best to keep Hyukkie safe.
I called our managers, talked to some of the higher SM workers. I went to talk to some of the people that ran the company and had the most influence
But I was too late
My manager was already in on Yoona's plan and reported me.
She found out.....
I remember the chill that washed over my body.
I sank to the ground as she told me I had to either act like a couple with her or she would tell Lee Sooman.
Lee Sooman didn't have much o a toleration for homouals
We were allowed to secretly date in his eyes. As long as no one outside the company found out and it wasnt the same gender
So I agreed
I couldn't let someone, anyone, hurt Hyukkie
Because when he cried, it hurt me too. And I can't take it when he cries
So I faked a smile as she took my phone and snap a picture of us and sent it to all my members.
Including him
I ran home, to quickly gather my stuff and flee before anyone found me.
I quickly entered Hyukkie's room to get my last few belongings, and I threw them in my bag. I grabbed anything really that reminded me of him. Of us...
I picked up a photo of us. It was our one year anniversary picture. He was wearing this adorable Nemo hat and was giving his precious gummy smile to the camera as I back hugged him. I had a monkey hat on and was grinning.
My heart hurt looking at that picture. I knew that grin wasnt going up me shown to me in a long time.
"I'm so sorry Hyukjae. I love you..." I murmured as I hide the photo under a tshirt.
The door squeaked.
I stiffened
I could hear heavy breathing behind me and I dreaded the thing I was about to do
"Hae..."
I took a breath as I prepared to break not only my soulmate's heart, but mine as well.
"Hello Hyukjae"
.....good bye Hyukkie
I droven to a bar right after I left Hyukkie in the dorm.
My heart was heavy and hurt with every breath I took.
My head hurt at the smallest sounds or light
My body ached with evey motion
I felt like a dead man
Correction
I was a dead man
My angel. My heart. My soul. My light.
Was all stripped from me
And I was the reason why
I laughed bitterly and took a swing from one of the many bottles that graced the bar counter. My only companions
I was remorseful
If only I was more careful
Then we wouldn't be stuck in this mess
He wouldn't be broken
I wouldn't be numb
I was all too numb. The pain was all I felt. A numbing pain
This alcohol isn't strong enough
I signalled for another shot and the bartender begrudgingly gave me another. He had tried to resist earlier but I had slapped a huge sum of money on the counter. It was an offer he couldn't refuse sadly
He got his money
I got the thing that would numb everything
It wasnt working though
Sip after sip. Drink after drink. Bottle after bottle
It wasnt working
Why couldn't the pain stop?
A little voice in the back of my head said "because it's not Hyukjae"
I squeezed my eyes shut tight, trying to avoid the tears that threatened to spill.
Again, it didnt work.
I sadly began to cry
Tears fell from eyes in streams as I began to sob
How was I suppose to continue in life if I didn't have the one person I lived for?
I was later kicked out of the bar.
It was almost midnight and the bartender didnt want to deal with me
I don't blame him
I was an emotional mess embodied in a person.
A sobbing mess of sadness, pain, frustration, anger, fear, and heartache.
It was bad
Stumbling around, I tried to cross a street when my ears started to ring
All I heard was this ringing sound
I wonder how numb I am
My knees began to give way as I felt a sudden vibration on the road
And it was like time stopped
I slowly turned to my right to see a bright light coming at me
So this is how it ends......
I closed my eyes and let the light embrace me
My last thoughts were the happy moments with Hyukkie
I let his voice full my head one last time as the light hit me
"I love you, Hae"
I love you too Hyukjae. I'm sorry you'll never fully realize how much I do
I slowly opened my eyes
It was all white
"Is this.....is this heaven?" I asked, as my eyes hasn't focused yet
There was a chuckle
"No but you came close bastard"
My eyes began to adjust to the brightness of a hospital room
Leeteuk was leaning on a wall near the foot of my bed
"Hyung....."
He faked a smile and sat on the side of the bed.
His eyes were red from crying
"I thought it would be at least a year before I got a call because one if you idiots got in trouble," he said jokingly but tears welded up in his eyes. "But I never thought it would be from a hospital. And I thought you would be the one that I would never receive a call from."
I looked away from his serious gaze, clearing my throat and bracing myself for what's coming.
"Lee Donghae. You were so intoxicated it's amazing none of your organs have been extremely damaged. However, your stomach was pumped. The driver luckily hit the brakes but you have bruises on the right side. You have minor scraps and a healed wound on the back of your head where it hit the ground. You were technically dead for 10 minutes during a blood transfusion because you lost too much blood"
My head whipped around to face him
Was I that badly hurt?
"Leeteuk hyung.... I'm truly so-"
"Damn it Donghae! How am I suppose to take care of you as keep my promise to your father when you almost killed yourself?!"
I was shocked
We both had tears running down our faces
I never realized how much emotional pain I put him in
God I'm just an ungrateful bastard huh
First Hyukkie now Leeteuk.....
Hyukjae
"D-does anyone know?" I got out.
He shoke his head.
"I got the authorities to cover this up so no one knows. The driver paid a compensation fee and your hospital bills as his punishment"
Leeteuk got up
"I have to go back to camp. Promise me you'll be fine from now on."
I nodded as he hugged me then left
After he left my thoughts went back to one of my last talks with my dad.
He was in the hospital and I was singing him one of our new songs on our album at the time.
He clapped and I beamed at him, taking seat on the chair next to his bed.
"Oh Donghae, you've grown so much," he said as he patted my cheek and I held his hand.
"Of course Dad! I'm a grown up now~" I said childishly as he laughed.
There was a knock on the door
"Come in!" He called as the door opened to reveal Hyukkie.
"Oh Hyukjae! I thought my son was keeping me to himself."
Hyukkie laughed as he came and pulled a chair up besides me.
"Hello Mr. L-"
"It's Dad or father for you too Hyukjae," my father chided as I unconsciously grinned.
The next few hours were spent laughing along with Hyukkie and my Father. The conversation went from Super Junior to our future to me looking like fish.
Soon, visiting hours were almost over and the nurse came in to warns us that we had 10 minutes left.
Hyukjae stood up
"See you outside Hae?" He said as he rubbed my back.
I smiled and nodded as he bowed and said good bye to my dad.
I watched him leave and as the door clicked shut, I turned to look back at my dad.
He had a knowing look on his face as he gave me a smirk
"What?" I asked as he laughed
"Hyukjae is fine young man," he said and I hummed in agreement, proud of Hyukkie.
"Any girl would love to be with him," my dad continued.
"What! That's silly. I mean come on who would want to date that monkey! He is a cry baby and he constantly dances unconsciously! He is clingy in his sleep and when he smiles you see his gums! And then he has all those clo-"
"Okay okay! I get it!" My dad said laughing about my rant. "I'm just saying. He would be a perfect partner to anyone one day."
For some reason, I felt slightly jealous about the thought of Hyukjae marrying someone.
"Donghae"
I looked up at him
"One day I hope you fall in love truly. And one day, you'll find that one person who with make everything brighter. Someone who can make you smile unconsciously, give you butterflies all the time and the person who can make your heart grow"
I nod, understandingly
"Who knows who it might be. If it's a girl, then I want her to make you happy just by being near you"
I smile, "of course dad!"
He laughs then his face grows serious
"If it's a boy..."
I looked at him curiously
"...I hope he is Hyukjae
My heart skipped a beat as a picture if Hyukjae and I holding hands filled my mind.
"W-what?" I choked out
My father gave me a sift smile as he gently took my hand in his.
"Donghae. Love is something everyone is capable of. Despite who you fall in love with. If you end up liking men and you fall in love with Hyukjae, I could die knowing you had found someone equal to you. Someone who would be able to love you as much as you love them. Someone who could make to happy and always be there to care for you.
You don't realize it but Hyukjae does that to you. You smile when he walks in. When he leaves, a certain glimmer in your eyes fades. Maybe one day, this will turn to love. And if it does, I would be happy no matter what"
He smiles and pats my head.
"Now be a good little fish and stop annoying your father"
"Yah!"
He laughed and I kissed him goodbye.
That night back at our dorms, Hyukkie came in and slept next to me. Usually, i thought nothing of it. But tonight, I was extremely aware of how well my arms fit around Hyukkie and how he smelled like strawberries.
I remember my father's words as I fell asleep with a thought that if I fell in love wutg Hyukjae, it wouldn't be that bad. And maybe I would prefer that.
The days after our breakup hurt me. I had to act like I didn't care when all I wanted to do was hug him and say it was all an act. I avoided Yoona at all costs but she kept calling my cell.
It was easier to act like I didn't love him when she called because she kept whispering threats in my ear.
There was this one time in an hotel where I had to tell Yoona I loved her and Hyukjae was there. I remember the moment he slamme the door shut, leaving me in the hall with her in my ear.
I had quickly hung up and that night I cried my self to sleep
I had told him to act like nothing was wrong between us infront of the members. That way, I could still me close to him without drawing concern and him having to be next to me
It was pathetic really since both of hurt from it but that and fanservice was as close as I was getting and I wasn't going to complain.
I craved for his warmth
For his touch
Just for him
I had grown so dependent on his presence that it was so hard trying to go one with out him.
Then Kibum came back
And it was like Hyukjae never cared about me
And Kibum took my place
It hurt
But I deserved it
That night when we went to the club, I felt like I shouldn't be there
There were girls all over me and all I wanted was to be home with Hyukkie
Of course in my drunken state, the aspect of me and him not being together at the moment wasnt evident
So until I was sufficiently half way drunk and half way sober, I ditched the guys to come to the dorms and confess half way sober
Totally romantic
But in my haze, all I wanted was to tell Hyukkie I loved him. And let him know I always will
The whole saying that the drunken man speaks the truth is true
The minute I opened my mouth to Hyuk I spoke the truth
I didn't care about what he would think
Or how odd the circumstances were
Or the possible cameras
I wanted him to know I was his forever
And like my dad said, he was mine
Somehow, Yoona figured out that I was getting sick of her game
I was pissed that Im leaving Hyuk in confusion after that night and I can't do anything about it
So I began to avoid Yoona
I ditched her when we were out
Left her hanging on dates
And when she came in and kissed me during practice, Hyuk ran out
I followed him out
I knew it was a stupid move but the person I wish to protect was hurting
What was I supposed to do? Let her kiss me? I hated her mere existence. I wasn't going to let her get any nearer than I wanted her to be
She was a , like Yuri and Jessica.
Both weren't as heartless. Onew had finally gone of on both of them after he had discovered what they were doing.
They weren't apologizing but they at least stopped.
I took Yoona out after that and told her off.
She blew it off, like it was nothing
And at that moment, I frankly didn't want to deal with her, so I let her
But....
Later that night, I had gotten a call from Kyuhyun.
It consisted of a load of yelling and curses and a very piased off Sungmin in the back ground
But I got the message from the words of "Hyuk" and "hospital"
They wouldn't let me see him. Heechul informed them I wasn't allowed to go into Hyuk's room under any circumstances.
So I eavesdropped
When I heard his story, it broke my heart. It just was pain and anguish
He was in as much pain as I was.
And yet ....
He still loved me
The days following were exhausting to say the least. All the members knew so I tried to avoid them at all cost. Spent long hours in the studio and the practice room.
It was fine till Yoona kept annoying me.
I can't stand her
All she did was make me and Hyukjae hurt and I can't take it.
So one day at a cafe, she was going on and on and I lost.
I splashed my drink over her and dumped my plate of food on her before leaving
I didn't realize what she would do in return.
Her retaliation was pathetic. But it suited her. Only and slugs would act so low and that's what she is
So I took the slap meant for Hyuk. And after her little skit in the practice room, I threw her out into the hall and slammed the door behind us.
She was fuming, but when she saw the look on my face, that went away quickly. I was ready to kill her and if it weren't for the fact we had ongoing lookers, I would have.
So I dumped her right now the spot
And she dragged me to another room where she went off on me
Saying how I had to stick with the plan
And so on and so forth
And I made sure I had my phone recording her the whole time
Because the needed a taste of her own medience
"You'll regret this," she said before she stormed out of the room.
I pushed the stop button and saved the audio file.
Frankly, I think she would be regretting this
But she was right
After her act on Hyukjae, he vanished
Like poof, gone.
No one knew where he went. He disappeared from anyone's knowledge and his whereabouts were unknown.
SM TOWN was habig a field day trying to find him and we halted all group activities.
Out of everyone, I was the most worried
I spent all night checking any type of social media and checking pictures to see if any fans had discovered him
Nothing
For once, our fans had no idea where one of us was.
So all we could do was sit and wait for a sign
It was now the beginning of November.
And nothing was heard
SM TOWN got sick of waiting. They thought maybe we should do a just go ahead without him. Despite our protests, they shipped Super Junior M off to China to start promotions.
So next thing we knew, I was on a plane
With the unfortunate seating arrangements of bringing in between Kyuhyun and Sungmin.
It was extremely awkward getting shot glares from both sides.
We were in China for a week before I got sick. Not physically. Well kinda. But more emotionally
I got insomnia. I refused to eat and I could think about was where Hyukjae was.
I said nothing to anyone and refused to sing
I soon began to mess up the dance and got my handed to me by the choreographer
So I started to ditch practice
I would roam the streets in hopes of finding something
Or someone
Ever since we arrived in China, I felt like he was here.
Hyukkie was here
If there was a red string of fate on my pinky finger, it would be glowing because he is near
I knew he was
And him being so close yet so far was killing me
That's the reason why I got so sick
So I spent the next week roaming the city. Determined to find him
I weaved in and out of every malls and shops. I checked evey stall hoping to see a glimpse of him
One day, I wandered into a tea store. The lady told me I should drink some tea to help my health due to my lack of sleep. She pointed me in the direction of the tea and I walked over to grab some when I bumped into a helper who was helping a customer get the same tea I was.
Apologizing, I bowed down to get it and when I came up, I saw the guest
I almost dropped the tea
"H-Hyukkie......."
**hi.....long update sorry. But I had to fit it in one chapter. Hope you enjoy. I was sick when I wrote this so truthfully I was going to add more to some parts of this but I couldn't cause I'm not feeling good. Sorry!
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