Epilogue: Love Letter

“Cut!”

A deep, perfect contralto voice echoed in the four corners of the dimly lit room. A few pairs of eyes wandered towards the middle of the crowd as tears created trailed down their cheeks. There were sobs mixed with silent murmurs of questions of why and how. The air suddenly felt stale and thick. The silence was almost deafening yet a heartbreaking thud woke up the grieving crowd.

A tall, skinny, man, in his mid thirties was slumped right beside the director’s chair – eyes covered with dark brown fringes and dark rimmed spectacles yet everybody knew the man was the one lamenting the most. A sob was released and the whole room, once again, broke into tears. It was too heartbreaking to watch the man break in front of them. The man’s hand was unconsciously fumbling between the pages of the script he was holding as tears slowly drenched each leaf. His eyes would sometimes wander up the ceiling, as if he could see past through it and watch the clouds dance in the dark night sky as the stars sparkle beautifully in the horizon, creating a panorama that nobody else could produce.

“Director Park?” One of the staff, one of the musical directors – a small man with round eyes, plump lips and puffy cheeks approached the director.  The shorter wrapped his arms around the director as the taller hid his silent sobs behind the younger’s slumped shoulders.

The choreographer, a famous theater dancer and actor with bronze skin and blonde hair, walked towards the pair and settled his left hand on the taller’s shoulder. The way the dancer looked at the musical director was very loving yet engraved with sadness, stained with tears and decorated with unspoken words. Two other musical directors – one with dark blonde hair, elongated face, chinky eyes that were always grazed with blank liner, and pretty hands; the other with brown locks, defined cheekbones, round eyes, and scrawny arms – were standing two steps from the former three, letting their tears roll freely down their cheeks, drenching the collars of their dress shirts. The producer, a small man with jet black hair and milky white skin and very amusing facial expressions was silently slumped in one corner, shaky hands covering his tear stained face. Another small man with cute eyes and puffy cheeks was sitting beside the producer, slowly rubbing circles on the elder’s shoulder. There was also a group of four in another corner, eyes fixed on the director as they spoke a language nobody understood. Some of the staff concluded that it was Chinese. The tallest of the four, a man with blonde hair, pouty velvety lips, and face carved by gods had his arms wrapped around a smaller, skinny, doe-eyed male with light blonde hair as the smaller’s tears created a thread down his bulging cheeks. The other Chinese, a tall scrawny man with brown mop of hair, some of the recognized the man – another famous dancer, international even – was just silently sitting on a couch used as a prop from the scene that was shot the day before, nose red, dimpled smile showing with eyes swollen with tears. The one with hair cavorting between black and dark brown, sharp eyes and pointed nose was just standing there, looking lost in his trail of thoughts, as if reminiscing something very heartbreaking.

“Good job guys. We finished it. You all did very well. Thank you so much.” Director Park choked, baritone voice so broken it almost made the whole room tear into pieces. His eyes ambled around the room, friends, staff, and other familiar faces were spotted albeit the face he wanted to see the most was someplace else. “Let’s pack up.” He added as he tried his hardest to reclaim himself and stand up, smiling his brightest.

It was the third movie he was directing. The first one was mediocre, got a few small nominations but won nothing. It was a science fiction, breaking through some conspiracy theories muddled up with an overly active imagination. The second was an unexpected hit, Director Park actually took the project because of he needed the money – it was story about star-crossed lovers, a little too cheesy for him yet apparently, people loved it. And the third was the most special. It was his masterpiece. If not for a promise he made, he would stop after the third. Third time was the charm as he would say.

“A film about a dancer that got robbed of his own body, cheated by fate, yet didn’t give up on living. A film about a friend, a lover, that learned to love not only the dancer but also himself. A film about a group of friends that never left each others’ sides as they went through the darkest paths of their lives. A film about the struggles of reality.”

The front page of the script he was holding read, letters in times new roman, font size 13.

2026.11.27. Saturday. Seoul, South Korea. Director Park’s thirty fourth birthday.

2026.11.27. Saturday. Seoul, South Korea. Director Park finished his third movie.

A film about a boy who got his freedom taken away by his own body. A film about a dreamer, a friend, a lover. A film about Oh Sehun. Director Park’s masterpiece.

A round of applause, accompanied by silent sobs and sniffles, filled the room.

A tall, blonde dancer made his way towards Chanyeol – head held up high, arms swaying gracefully with each step, skin sparkling under artificial lighting. It almost reminded him of that one musical he watched, Chicago. The opening, All that Jazz, played in his head as he watched the younger with a silent wish he would often throw at the universe as he watched falcons soar their way up the horizon. A wish he knew would never be granted. There was no such thing as paradise; dreams would always end once the dreamer awoke.

“Hyung.”

“Mmm?”

“I have something for you.”

A strong pair of arms wrapped around his shoulder, it made him shiver, almost too close to breaking down. His thoughts wandered to places he had been refusing to go to in the last nine years yet having that  familiar warm feeling made the walls he built around him crumble into pieces, engulfing his whole being with all the pent up emotion he had been caging inside him.

“I haven’t seen you cry since-” The younger paused. “since he left.”

Chanyeol pried himself off the younger’s grip, and slumped back to seat, drying each droplet of tears that trailed down his cheek. The warm liquid reminded him of May, the time when he couldn’t distinguish if he should start wearing hoodies or kept wearing shorts and wifebeaters, the time of the year when hyacinths were starting to wither yet cherry blossoms were still beautifully blooming. It reminded him of bubble tea spilling on his hands, and sprinting down the streets of Mokdong. It reminded him of his friends, eyeing him as he slowly pushed a plain, white door open and being welcomed by an awfully painted light green room that smelled like antiseptics. It reminded him of an annoying beeping sound that would still haunt him in his sleep. It reminded him of the beeping sound being replaced by a prolonged, piercing sound that punctured his whole being. It reminded him of seeing how Dr. Cho’s eyes wavered from professionalism to regret. It reminded him of how he stood beside an empty hospital bed for endless hours until Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around him and whispered words of comfort. It reminded him of being lost and empty, like wandering in an endless path of darkness towards a pit of despair and infinite dysphoria.

“Hyung. Let’s go?”

“I thought you have something for me?”

“I’ll give it to you when we get there okay?”

There was a nod, and the next thing he knew, he was already in Jongin’s car, taking the most familiar streets, driving their way towards the threshold of the past he had been hiding from.  His eyes lingered on the familiar pinpad, thinking of the days when he used to worship the sudden turn of the century when locks and keys were replaced by number combinations and keycards – the day when there was a scrawny boy clapping his hands like the happy seal as he watched Chanyeol jumped for joy the first day they moved to the apartment. Everything was still the same, from the black velvet couch to the dark oakwood veneer top table that he bought to replace the one he broke.

“Here.” A dark brown, leather bound book was handed to him. “He gave this to me and told me to give this to you when he..” Jongin trailed, eyes travelling above the small fireplace, where a framed mosaic of pictures of smiling college friends was hanged on the wall. “leaves. I ought to give this to you sooner but I didn’t think it would be a good time. And the whole break up thing with ..” The younger’s voice wavered once more, eyes focusing on everything except for the small man, with round eyes that was silently standing in the kitchen – cooking something that smelled so familiar – kimchi spaghetti.  “With Kyungsoo-hyung. Then you know what happened after. I know I shouldn’t but I forgot. I’m sorry.”

Chanyeol eyed the younger.  “It’s okay. Can I?”

The moment Chanyeol opened the small book, tears started pouring.

Oh Sehun.

 Never did he think that a familiar, sloppy penmanship would crush his already broken heart.

“Hyung, if you’re reading this now, it only means one thing. I already reached my end, but please don’t be sad? You know I love you right? So please, don’t cry so much okay? If you cried, I will be sad too. Hyung, Chanyeol-hyung, I love you. Always remember that.”

Tears started falling as he read every word that was engraved on every page.

“I love you hyung. I’ve always do. I always will.

“I ‘m not good with words, and I really have no idea how or where to start. I thought about starting at the beginning, yet I realized I might not have enough time. Maybe I should just start from where it all ended.

The day I caught the person I thought would treasure me as much as I did him, with someone else.

The day I thought I lost everything.

The day I thought I was at my lowest.

The day I thought that maybe, I should just disappear.

The day I thought that maybe, it would be better if I just end my own life.

But then you were there to save me, like always.

The moment I saw the look in your eyes, my I started rethinking my whole life. What have I been missing? What have I been running away from? What have I been denying my whole life?

The moment I saw the way looked at me that night, I thought just for once, I will let go. Just for once, I will let everything crumble and let myself fall in that scary pit of uncertainty I called my best friend. Just for once, I let my broken heart take control of me.

That night when I thought everything felt so broken, you were there to fix me, without asking for anything in return. That night when I thought I have nothing else left, you were there to show that I still had everything I could ask for. That night when I thought everything had fallen apart, you kissed me and reminded that you were the only one I needed to be whole.

That night, I watched you in your sleep. I thought maybe it could work, and that maybe the fear I had when I was fourteen, when I realized that maybe I love my best friend a little more than I should, was just an empty thought. I thought maybe I didn’t want to act on my feelings because I was scared of losing the person I treasure the most, was just my excuse to not get any more closer to this beautiful fire called Park Chanyeol, and that I was afraid it would burn my whole being. I thought maybe, maybe you loved me too.

But then the sun rose. The apprehension I saw in your eyes that morning fueled the fear I had been veiling for eternity. I thought maybe I was right, you didn’t love me the same way I did you.

I wasn’t really sure but it seemed like you were pretending like nothing happened so I did the same. When Luhan cheated on me, I cried, but every time I thought of how you looked at me the morning after just crushed me. I spent my time wallowing in my sadness and regrets, hoping that one day I would forget how it feels like to get hurt, and I did.

I chose a path I never even thought about crossing before. I met new people as I slowly let myself get swallowed by the very broken part of me. I forgot how pain felt like. I forgot how it felt to be broken. I forgot how to love. I forgot that I was broken. I forgot everything else, everyone else, even you – until Kyungsoo hyung punched me and rubbed to my face that maybe, just maybe, I was the biggest ever walked in the planet and I really was.

That was when I realized that I never forgot the feeling of being hurt, that I never forgot how to love and that I was still broken – yet I did forget about you. I did forget how you took care of me, how you lulled me to sleep every night and smiled so brightly in the morning and made me a bowl of my favorite cereal, how you would drive at two thirty in the morning just to pick up my drunken self, how you would cross an ocean of lava if I was at the other end. That was when I realized that maybe the thoughts I had that night were all right. That maybe you actually did love me the way I did you.

And I was oh so right.

Everything was perfect.

Until you left.

I never asked why, I was scared to hear that maybe you left because you didn’t love me anymore, or that maybe Kyungsoo-hyung was right – you would get tired of me. I would hide every time you would call Kyungsoo or Minseok-hyung. I would run, hide, hope that you wouldn’t see me as I watched you from afar, listen to your beautiful voice, and looked at how your eyes would sparkle every time you talked about films. I would try my hardest no to run and ask why you never talked about me. Have you forgotten about me hyung? Jongin would help me sometimes, threw in some comments and mentioned my name yet you would just smile, looked away and changed the topic. Have you really forgotten me? Were you sincere when you told me you loved me?

I thought maybe it was me. Maybe I should get my straight and be the person that would deserve your love. I fixed myself, I wasn’t broken anymore yet there would always be a piece of me that would never be complete without you. I thought maybe after I finish university and become the dancer I have always dreamt of being, I would deserve to hear the words ‘I love you’ from the you again yet we all know that this world is cruel.

Right when I thought everything was almost perfect, and that you were the only one missing, this disease hit me.

It was quite ironic, to be frank. I was finally starting to learn the dance I have always wanted to yet didn’t have the courage to even try out and I just fell, literally, in a pit of darkness I could never get out of.

I thought it would be okay. I said I could wait, I would wait. It was still treatable.

But diseases don’t wait.

The doctor gave me a time limit.

Three years he said, five years if I was lucky or even ten if I was blessed.

Three years. Thirty six months. One hundred fifty six point five hundred thirty two weeks. One thousand ninety five point seventy three days. Twenty six thousand two hundred ninety seven point four hours. One million five hundred seventy six thousand eight hundred minutes. Ninety four million six hundred seventy thousand eight hundred sixty five seconds.

Three years is long, I said.  I could still finish university, learn ballet with Jongin, audition to musicals with Kyungsoo, Jongdae and Baekhyun hyung, I even took the job you left at Joonmyun hyung’s comic shop – it was fun, I got to read manhwas and got paid at the same time.

Three years is long, I said yet I just found myself falling into another pit of oblivion, even darker than the previous. I couldn’t move my arms and limbs the way I wanted them to anymore. Maybe I wasn’t lucky enough. I lost another precious part of me. I lost dancing, one of the very few things that were keeping me sane.

Three years is long I said, and yet again, I was mistaken.

I booked a flight to Paris the day after. Nobody wanted me to go, alone at least but everybody also knew nobody could stop me.

I wanted to see you. I needed to see you. I wanted you back. I needed you back.

And you did.

You may have been all the way across the globe yet I could feel your love like you were constantly by my side. I would ask for more yet I knew I didn’t have the right. You will finish school right? Be the director you had always wanted to become. A famous one, if I may add. You are great with what you do, and never forget your promise okay? You will keep making films; never stop until your heart tells you to.

I might have not said this enough, but I do love you hyung.

I love you Park Chanyeol.

I will write those words in the remaining leaves of this journal because one day, I know, I wouldn’t be able to write those expressions anymore – or even say them.

I love you Park Chanyeol.”

“I love you too Oh Sehun. I’ve always did. I will always do.”

The brown, leather bound journal had five hundred pages filled with infinite words of affection that would last for eternity, beyond dreams and perfection – words that would continually become a mocking bird and soar above the horizon, chasing a falcon without caring about the cliff at the end of the labyrinth because yes, mocking birds could also fly.

*****

A/N:

Finally, the real end.
I wanted to write Sehun's whole POV of the story but it would be too long.

deleted scenes over here

again, thank for all your support, please do upvote comment it makes me happy :)

to my granny femme_x_fatale for everything, the prompt, the part in the last chapter and for boosting my ego lmfao
to my bro jk jk achaintro who pretended to beta my last chapter but just ended up drawing Kris' new invention of a living thing and drawing a heart over leeteuk's name . thank you! I love your comments really .. and for boosting my confidence with my writing .. I love you .. write yours okay? I will wait :)
also to jellieeh that always talks to me on tumblr lol you all can stalk me btw xDDD aeolus710.tumblr.com
to Unknown09 as well who never fail to leave amusing comments thank you
sorry I cant mention all of you I am truly grateful .. this is the first fanfiction I finished in years and I am really proud tbh
if you want a PDF version, just click here
also do you guys know any quality LJ exo fic comm? thanks!
please do look forward to the next arcs which I will discuss them in the next paragraph btw

so which pairing do you want me to write next?

Also, if you guessed that secret pairing .. there will be a prize (:

again, thanks for the support!
see you in the next arcs!

xoxo - rin