The next morning, Sehun is shaken awake by a frantic Luhan.

“Wake up, you slumbering idiot! Your first class starts in twenty minutes! What happened to waking up at six in the morning to style your hair and apply BB cream to impress Tao?”

At the mention of the Chinese boy’s name, Sehun’s mood immediately sours and he pads into the kitchen, grumbling. Luhan trails behind.

“Hurry up. You have ten minutes to get ready or else I’m not driving your sorry to campus!”

Sehun arrives to class fifteen minutes late and scares off his teacher from giving him a lecture when he levels her with a glare that could wither an entire field of daisies.

The rest of the day does not go by smoothly. A headache begins pounding inside his skull a little while after his second class, therefore making him even more irritated and scary. Sehun realizes he forgot money for lunch and has to share with an extremely loud and obnoxious Chanyeol. He spills soup all over his favorite pair of jeans and has to use the short break time to run back to his apartment and change. One of the professors yells at him for dozing off in class, and by the time his last class of the day rolls around, Sehun is willing to jump out of the window and end his sorry life.

He’s the last student to walk into Kang’s room. His eyes flit around to an empty seat and the headache worsens when he spots Zitao’s long legs settled on the seat next to him, keeping it saved. The older man glances up and waves at Sehun. His lips curl into that Cheshire grin again and he motions for Sehun to come sit in the empty seat.

No, don’t sit in the seat he saved for you! he thinks as he sits in the seat Zitao saved for him.

Good job, Oh Sehun.

“Are you okay?” Zitao whispers as Kang begins to write on the whiteboard. “You left kind of abruptly yesterday.”

Sehun shrugs as he forces himself to look at the board instead of Zitao’s handsome face or tan arms. “I’m fine.”

For the first time ever, Sehun actually pays attention in Professor Kang’s class and jots down all the notes dutifully, ignoring every nudge or pleading glance Zitao sends him.

It’s for the best, Sehun thinks to himself, slouching down lower in his seat. I shouldn’t continue this stupid little crush on him because he has someone else in mind.

The next three days are full of misery and hunger because Sehun is still ignoring Zitao and therefore his bubble tea craving.

“This is ridiculous,” Luhan announces when he sees Sehun curled motionless on the couch. “Go talk to him.”

Sehun rolls over to stare his roommate in the eye. “But if I do, then I’m going to fall even more.” He sits up and runs a hand through his colorful hair. “I really like Zitao- he has flaws but he’s so perfect to me. He’s one of the most popular people on campus and there are so many people who have their eyes on him including me. Me. Oh Sehun. I’m not good enough for him, Luhan. Yeah I guess I’m kind of attractive”- Luhan snorts- “but Huang Zitao? He’s way ahead of the game. Why would someone like him want someone like me?”

Luhan is just about to tell Sehun off for being a stupid insecure but the words die in his throat when he hears the younger boy sniffle as tears race down his pale cheeks.

Sighing, he commands “come here you little ” and pulls Sehun in for a hug.

“Sehun-ah, don’t put yourself down so much. You’re a good guy and if Huang Zitao doesn’t like you then he’s a cold-hearted bastard who pushes grandmothers down stairs and takes up two parking spaces.”

Sehun laughs through his tears and clings to his roommate tighter.

“...now that I gave you compliments and let you cry all over my favorite shirt stop touching me and let me Skype Baozi.”

The younger man’s expression sours and he shoves Luhan away violently. “I hate you.”

“Mm, wonderful. But seriously, don’t let Zitao get you down. I’m pretty sure that he likes you.”

Sehun deflates and sprawls over the couch again. “Not listening...”

“In fact, he probably loves you-”

The younger covers his ears. “LALALALALALA.”

“According to Kyungsoo, at least,” Luhan finishes thoughtfully.

Sehun takes his hands off his ears. “Wait what?”

“What?” Luhan says.

“What about Kyungsoo?” he asks.

“What?” Luhan blinks.

Sehun huffs in annoyance and gets up from the couch. “I’m going in my room to do homework. Have fun with Minseok hyung.”

His roommate grins devilishly. “Oh, I will. He said he planned something for me tonight.” Luhan his lips and Sehun has an acute feeling that what Minseok has planned should be performed in bed and not over Skype.

He walks into his first class the next day, still shuddering from the memories of the questionable noises coming from Luhan’s room last night.

“Hey, you okay?”

Sehun glances up to see Kim Jongin, his good friend (?) who was trained by Luhan in the art of Annoying Oh Sehun and Being A Piece Of .

“No,” he responds dryly. “It’s never okay when Luhan is Skyping with his precious Baozi.”

Jongin’s face morphs into an expression of sincere pity. Even if he’s an all-around terrible person, he knows how it feels to be around Luhan when Minseok is involved so it’s only natural for Sehun to have his sympathy. “Dude, do you need any Clorox for your ears?”

“I might,” Sehun says, and shivers again.

It takes another torturous class in Professor Kang’s room before Zitao finally gets tired of Sehun brushing him off.

Right after class is over, Zitao pins Sehun against the wall next to the boys’ bathroom. His arm muscles are flexing and his blond hair is hanging very attractively in front of his hooded eyes and Sehun thinks it’s hot as but why is Zitao shoving him against the wall anyway, it’s quite painful.

“Why are you ignoring me?” the older demands.

“Uh” is all Sehun can manage because Zitao’s hot breath is fanning across his nose and he smells really nice. Wait what.

“Why are you ignoring me?” Zitao repeats, but now it sounds more like a plea.

Sehun coughs awkwardly. “I’m not!”

“Yeah you are.” Zitao loosens his hold on Sehun’s collar and steps back a little. “You don’t come to the cafe anymore and you don’t talk to me in class. What’s wrong? Is it something I did?” His eyes scan Sehun’s face frantically.

The teenager shakes his head. “No no no, I just...” He searches for the right thing to say. “I’m going through some kind of identity crisis right now? And I don’t know, I’m really confused and stuff so I think we shouldn’t hang out until I get myself together, you know?”

“Oh,” Zitao says. “Um, I could help you-”

“No,” Sehun interrupts quickly. “I’ll figure it out myself.”

Zitao looks highly unconvinced but he nods slowly and backs away. “Okay. Sorry I slammed you into the wall.”

“It’s fine,” Sehun chuckles. It was really hot you should do that to me a lot more mmkay wait what.

The Chinese man gives him a shaky smile that looks like it’s going to shatter and Sehun wants to kiss it away from his lips but stops himself just in time.

“Okay. I’ll be on my way. I hope you... find yourself.” Zitao nods his head once and walks away. Sehun watches as he disappears around the corner of the hallway and then allows himself to squeal at how y Zitao is.

“Finding himself” is taking Sehun longer than he thought.

Zitao also takes care to avoid him and it’s driving the rainbow-haired teenager insane. Although, he asked for this, didn’t he? This is what he wanted, right? Distance from Zitao and his dumb face and dumb arms.

It doesn’t feel right, though.

His stomach keeps flipping crazily whenever he nears The Black Pearl but passes it by without buying bubble tea or saying hi to Kyungsoo. His heart keep fluttering whenever he sees Zitao or even hears his name and it’s crazy and stupid and Sehun is 99% sure he has health problems.

No matter what he does, something feels off and it makes him miserable. Sehun wants to talk to Zitao, laugh with him and poke his eyebags and punch his biceps.

But that means he’s going to get more attached and that’s the last thing Sehun wants... or is it?

He feels so confused and sad and frustrated and he can tell that finding himself is going to take a while.

A/N: sorry for the wait. also, apologies in advance because i won't update in about a week. my family received notice that my grandmother is extremely ill and she collapsed yesterday, so we're flying to korea to visit her. i'll be there for maybe six days but i don't think i'll be able to update. thanks for understanding and waiting so patiently.

-eun