Anna has been missing work, the angry ringing that she’s been ignoring told her in the morning and again during lunch hour told her that someone in the office was extremely concerned or annoyed by her absence. She had sent a text to her supervisor the day before but failed to notify him how long her leave would be. 

She rolled in bed, she would lose herself in thoughts. If Tao was really dead. If the girl he loved enough to die without has learned of his death yet. Anna wondered if she should tell the herself. How can anyone not see when they’re being loved so much. She was judging a person she didn’t know very well, it wasn’t very fair. 

Anna was quite tempted to somehow contact someone back home. To ask if there were any suicide news in the papers. She decided that it would be a terribly idea because Tao had always been a private person. He would generously confess his heart only if the right person asked. People in her hometown were extremely nosey. Anna want to respect a person’s privacy, even in his death.

She had finally understood those chest pains that he had kept telling her about. At a certain time of night, she would find that she had difficulties breathing as well. It dawned on her that he was mourning for a different kind of death. She had always wondered why Tao was so upset. How after two whole years, he was still bothered by the same woman, experiencing the same pain. 

She lived in darkness, curtains closed all day, having only the bathroom light and furtherest light down the hall , Anna hid herself. Maybe it was from guilt, possibly from shame, mostly it was due to grief. Her surroundings, reflected her mood. Gloom.

Anna’s phone sang a tune, she reached under the pillows, under the covers searching for it until she felt it in her fingers. “Oppa?” the tune told her who it was. 

~

Like the gentleman he was, Chanyeol had escorted her home the night she broke down. The romantic dinner they were supposed to have became a grab of a few things from the convenient store. She had stopped crying in his car but Anna’s staring mindlessly into space made him worried sick. 

He had held both her hands outside her front door, he’d never set foot inside her apartment before. He had rubbed her palms, “Can I come in?” with glum in his eyes. He wanted to made sure she ate, even if it were just a bite. He wanted to tuck her in, watch her fall asleep. The latter two, was rather improper. 

She had let him in, swallowing merely two bites of kimbap, telling him she was tired. Chanyeol had watched her, tempted every two minutes to ask about the problem. He nodded and hugged her, left a soft peck in her lips and held her hand until he was at her door.

“I lost someone today.” she mustered all courage to say. Her boyfriend, she should at least tell. 

Chanyeol had doubted if he should leave at all. He had dealt with death before, he knew how much it could affect a person. He didn’t want his Anna to go through it alone, especially on the first night. “Do you want me to stay?” he caressed her cheeks. 

She shook her head “I’ll be okay, Oppa.” She gave a faint smile, for his sake “I’m just a little sad.” A whole lot sad. 

Chanyeol leaned in, he closed in on her lips but stopped himself. He looked at her in the eyes, Chanyeol bent down to peck just above her . “My girl’s so strong.” 

She smiled, Chanyeol had a way of cheering her up. He had gradually released her fingers one by one, waving goodbye, walking backwards for a few steps, winking at her before pulling his gaze away. Seeing her small smile lighted him. Chanyeol decided that he would call her the moment he got home.

The smile lingered on her lips, Anna leaned on the door frame watching her Chanyeol walking further away, getting on the elevator and finally turning around to face her. He had given her an encouraging smile that followed him long after the metal doors close, even all the way to his car. 

Anna closed her door, her smile had faded, she took two paces only to crumble to the floor. She had really needed Chanyeol gone. He did all he could so Anna didn’t cry. She felt the need to be the strong woman he saw her as but truthfully, she hadn’t mourned enough. 

In between the space of the kitchen and the living room, Anna had broke down again. 

~ 

“Did you eat, sweetie?” Chanyeol was spinning a pen in between his fingers. He had been tied to work for the past two days, unable to personally go over himself to make sure. 

“A little?” it was a lie, a little white lie that often slipped through her tongue when it came to Chanyeol. 

“.. and when was that?” 

“...” Anna twirled the hem of her shirt like a guilty child

“Will you eat a little more?” he frowned, she hadn’t answer his call that night. After the fifth trial, Chanyeol thought of the possibility that she had fallen asleep until a half hour later when she called him back, her voice barely audible. This person, whoever it was as Chanyeol had noted was not just anybody. 

“I’ll order take in, oppa.” she got out of bed to pour herself a drink. The sink was filled with empty glasses. She had stopped washing after breaking a glass from zoning out. 

Chanyeol put his pen down, sighing “Anna-yah.” 

She waited for his scolding, fully expecting him to tell her that she should start going to work. 

“I love you.” Jongin walked into the conference room, overhearing Chanyeol being mushy with his girlfriend again. He smirked and shook his head. Jongin crumpled a random piece of paper and threw it at Chanyeol.

“I love you too, oppa.” 

Chanyeol avoided the ball aimed for his head and glared at his co-worker. “I’ll call you again, sweetie.” he hung up after hearing her hum in recognition and threw the paper ball back at Jongin.

Anna sipped on her water, contemplating to contact Tao’s sister. The flaw to that was she didn’t have any real reason before to contact anyone from Tao’s family. Therefore, she didn’t have their numbers. They weren’t on that terms. A name popped in her mind, Anna felt like she had to find out something, crawling in the dark like this was really hard.

“Hello?” it was pretty awkward to call someone she hadn’t talked to in ages.

“Bree? What do I owe this honor?” the voice on the other end had been a good friend.

“Ahh..” she chucked “Well, I was wondering if you’ve talked to Tao recently.” Anna was careful with her words.

“Not for while now, I’ve been busy. Why are you looking for him.” there were sounds of pages flipping from the other end.

“I.. just need to.. ask for a favor.” Anna traced the edge of her counter. 

“Ah, I thought you’d be the one in contact with him.” the flipping of pages, halted suddenly. She was in gossip mode. 

“Well, no. We haven’t talked in a bit either. He’s not answering my calls.” she said simply, wanting this conversation to end soon. 

“We should all go for a drink when you’re back, right?” Anna felt a heavy lump in

“Yeah. Yeah, sure. I’ll talk to you again soon. Thanks.” She knew she came across rude, it was least of her problem really. They said their goodbyes and Anna hung up.

Although Anna had probably tried a million times before, she did it again. She dialed his number, staring at it for a bit before hitting the green button. 

She held the phone to her ear, hoping miraculously that it would ring even once. The mechanical voice greeted her as it did every other time before, she ended it immediately.

The frustration was exhausting, did Anna really expect for such a miracle? She did, every time she tried, she prayed for some sort of sign. 

Nothing came but the silent weepings of a tortured soul.