Do kisses all taste the same? 

Tao tasted like.. Tao kissed like.. Tao kissed really.. It felt different. Anna kissed him back, what was it different from? He lingered on, his left hand travelled up her back, “I didn’t think I was attracted to you.” he pulled her closer for a more, intense kiss. “I must’ve been crazy not to.” she kissed back, carefully.

His breath hitched, desperate for more. “Tao?” he her cheek, kissing her again. He her lips asking for access. Anna knew then how he was different. He was different from Chanyeol, her boyfriend, Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol would always ask, ‘Can I touch you?”, ‘Are you tired?’ and most prominently ‘I want to kiss you.’ The two were so different, Tao wasn’t her boyfriend. 

She couldn’t do this. She slid a hand down his chest, resisting, pushing him away slowly. “I.. um.” His eyes burned into her, lustful. He held himself back, controlling himself to hear what she had to say. She hadn’t said a word for a bit.

“I have a boyfriend.” Anna said it straight to his eyes. She withdrawn herself, wrapped her arms around herself and created physical distance in between them, slightly. Maybe it was a way of reminding herself that she belonged to Chanyeol, the fact that she had someone else.

“You don’t, I’ve never heard you talk about another guy.” the fire in his eyes, clearly gone. Tao frowned, this wasn’t part of his plan.

“You never asked.”

“I asked and you told there wasn’t anyone.”

“Zitao,” she turned around, frustrated to be having this conversation. “that was over a year ago. That’s changed, okay? I’ve changed. I’ve just started  seeing him.. I don’t want to ruin this.”

He studied her, he rarely heard about her, true. Tao wasn’t convinced, if she were really in love, she would have bragged about this man. She wouldn’t have let that kissed lasted so long, like the guy wasn’t important, like she didn’t think of him until the last second possible. Tao sighed and went with his guts.

“Do you love him?” 

She was flustered, Anna had avoided this kind of conversation with Tao for the longest time. “Yeah” she managed a weak answer.

Tao scoffed aloud. He got off the door frame he was leaning on, he pulled her in his arms. “Well,” he ran his hand under her shirt, smirked that she was bare. “does he touch you like this?” 

Anna had once longed for this every single day.

“Does he kiss you,” he was dangerously near. He met her lips with his own, hoping to relay that he loved her as well, if not more. “like this?” For Anna to give in.

Her eyes began to water, it was too much for one night. 

Tao saw the fear in her eyes, the last thing he wanted was for her to be afraid of him, for her to hate him. He let her go, clearing his throat. “I’m sleeping in the other room.” he closed the door behind him and tried to recollect himself. His rashness made the situation stickier. It was the exact situation he thought he had gotten out of. What happened to the stand of not touching another man’s girl. He wasn’t himself or.. did he really liked her that much. To go against his own beliefs.

Anna stood still, she didn’t understand. She didn’t count on her skin tingling at his touches, she hadn’t thought of how warm, how comforting his hands were. She didn’t think that she’d just let him do whatever he wanted to her. If it was pity or the residue of her past infatuation. 

Anna drowned herself in thoughts. Did she really date Chanyeol out of loneliness? Does his kisses feel weird because she wasn’t really in love? Does Tao’s kisses taste heavenly because she had wanted him for all these years. Was it just content that she had finally had them.

As she stared at the wall across her bed, she felt numb. Guilt, also. Most of the time it was only numbness. 

Until the very hour of night she would burst into tears, this time it wasn’t because she was mourning for Huang Zitao.