“You didn’t eat your breakfast,” Kangjoo said to Namsoon, looking at his plate. He had all but taken two bites of his toast and not even touched his eggs.
“I’m not hungry,” Namsoon said softly, his fork pushing his eggs around his plate.
Kangjoo sighed and pulled out a chair. She sat down next to Namsoon and brushed her hand against his arm giving him a squeeze.
“Are you really ok Namsoon?”
Namsoon fell silent. There was no point lying to Kangjoo. She could always figure out when he was. He wasn’t ok. He would never be ok. But he didn’t know how to tell her that so he just stayed quiet.
“That . I can’t believe he did that to you.”
Namsoon flinched. He wanted to tell her it wasn’t all Heungsoo’s fault. He should have been a better boyfriend. If he had been better than maybe Heungsoo would never have stopped loving him.
Namsoon shook his head fiercely. No more thinking about that. He stood up grabbing his plate and glass and headed over to the sink. Without warning, the sharp but familiar pain he had experienced many times in the past month sliced through his chest making him kneel over, almost dropping his plate. He bit back a groan and looked over at the table. Kangjoo hadn’t noticed, thank god. He couldn’t deal with her asking more questions. Namsoon managed to place the plate in the sink before quickly walking out of the kitchen into the bathroom. He locked the door securely behind him and his legs collapsed under him, making him slide down to the floor. Sweat was dripping from his head down his shirt, making his t-shirt stick to him uncomfortably. What was happening to him? The pain was sharp through his chest, making him breathless and light-headed. He doubled over again as a fit of angry coughs overcame him. His hand immediately reached up to cover his mouth and as he pulled his hand back, he saw blood staining his palm. Namsoon widened his eyes in shock before scrambling out to reach for something to help him up. He grabbed on to the corner of the sink and pulled up his shaky legs. He ran his blood stained hands under the sink watching the water turn pink as it ran down the drain.
.
He stared in the mirror, barely recognising the person looking back at him. This wasn’t Namsoon. This wasn’t even the broken Go Namsoon from all those years ago. No. This Namsoon was unrecognisable. Beyond repair. Heungsoo had destroyed him. Heungsoo who he trusted and loved the most in the whole entire world did this to him. Namsoon finally started crying, giant droplets falling into the basin. He turned up the tap so that Kangjoo wouldn’t hear him.
The Namsoon he once was, was no longer alive.
-
The shrill sound of the alarm blasted from Heungsoo’s phone from underneath his pillow, the vibration sending small tremors through his body. Heungsoo slowly opened his tired eyes and looked at the ceiling. The night had been a long one, Heungsoo had tossed and turned all night before admitting defeat and turning on his side clutching Namsoon’s pillow closely to his chest. It had been three days since Heungsoo had discovered Namsoon left. Three days of doing nothing but laying in bed.
Heungsoo sat up and reached for his phone, turning off the alarm. He dropped the phone mindlessly against his pillow and rubbed his bloodshot eyes. Light trespassed into the room, emerging from the crack in the curtain making him squint. He finally dropped his head into his hands. It was another day. Another day without Namsoon.
Heungsoo had taken the last two days off from work but even he knew it was pushing it skipping one more. He forced himself up from the bed and made it halfway across the room before gripping the wall desperately, his head feeling heavier than an iron bar. He closed his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows and let out a choking sound. He wouldn’t cry. He didn’t deserve to ing cry. He was the one who created this mess, he was the one who hurt Namsoon, his beautiful Namsoon. A single crystal tear escaped his eye. He quickly brushed it away and side stepped into the bathroom, careful not to stand on any of the discarded beer cans that littered his floor.

Heungsoo really couldn’t give a damn about work. He watched on as his students ran laps around the field, too broken down to come up with any sort of lesson plan.  Even the way he blew his whistle was ing pathetic.
“Ok enough! Class dismissed, go get changed.” He yelled wearily before turning around and walking back in the direction of his office. He could hear sighs of relief as he walked on. He passed the bike shed and found two students leaning against the wall with cigarettes dangling out of their mouths. Heungsoo usually let the kids off when he caught them breaking the rules, and for this reason he was pretty well liked. But a cigarette had never looked so tempting in his life. The kids froze as Heungsoo lazily approached them, not knowing how to react. Heungsoo lay his hand out expectantly as the students handed him their box of cigs and the lighter.
“Don’t let me catch you again,” he mumbled as they scurried away. Heungsoo opened the box and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up in one swift movement. It had been years since he last smoked, but god did he need it now.
He inhaled the smoke, letting it smother and fill up his insides. He blew out the smoke watching it dissipate into the air. Life was so grey without Namsoon. So meaningless, and cold. If this was how it was going to be he didn’t know if he could handle it. Why did he ever decide to cheat in the first place? He wanted to be normal? Why settle for normal when you had the best. And as much as he tried, he didn’t love Minjung. He could never find anyone as perfect and as beautiful as Namsoon.  He could never give his heart to anyone else.
Heungsoo reached into his pocket and took out his phone.
13 missed calls  - Minjung.
He hadn’t been answering her calls for the last few days. What would he even say? The thought of even talking to her now made him feel queasy. He knew it wasn’t fair to blame her, she didn’t even know about Namsoon. And as much as he wanted to place the blame on her, it was all him. He was the one to throw it all away. Heungsoo dialled Namsoon’s number on his phone, his fingers scurrying over the keyboard. He had lost count how many times he had tried dialling his number since it happened. Once again the receiver went straight to voicemail and Heungsoo’s heart clenched. He ended the call and stared at his phone background. It was a picture of him and Namsoon, taken on their third year anniversary. This picture had always been one of Heungsoo’s favourites. Namsoon, like always, had looked stunning that night all dressed up in his suit. Heungsoo felt his heart skip a beat as he remembered. That night was so perfect, after dinner they had ventured into a small park near their home, and that was when Heungsoo gifted Namsoon with the ring-
The ring.
He totally forgot about the ring. He tried to remember if he saw it in the house. No, he didn’t. Namsoon didn’t leave his ring behind. Which means he obviously took it with him. But what does that mean? If they had truly broken up wouldn’t have Namsoon left the ring behind? After all it was a symbol of Heungsoo’s promise to always be together. Heungsoo furrowed his eyebrows as his heart sped up. This probably doesn’t mean anything, he chanted to himself in his head. This doesn’t mean anything. This doesn’t mean anything.
But Heungsoo couldn’t  help but think maybe it does mean something. Maybe its not totally over. If Namsoon took the ring with him he might still have a chance, no matter how minuet. If only he could find Namsoon and explain, and to tell him he loves him, that he loves only him, maybe Namsoon would come back. Heungsoo dropped the cigarette from his lips, crushing it under his shoe.
He needed to find Namsoon. Now. No more moping in self pity. He created this situation so he had to be the one to fix it.

--

Namsoon was surprised when Ha Kyung entered through the front door. He was lying on his temporary bed (the living room sofa) when she entered the room. He vaguely remembered Kangjoo mentioning to him earlier that she was coming home today but his mind, like always, was stuck on someone else. He instantly jumped up, which he regretted since his chest was still burning.
“Namsoon,” she said walking into the sitting room. She dropped her bag to the floor and walked over to him giving him a brief hug.
His friendship with Ha Kyung had been far from conventional. They had met each other a few times over the years when him and Kangjoo had gotten together. She was always kind and motherly towards him. But it was never a friendship with skinship. He was so surprised by the hug that he barely had time to hug back before she pulled away. There was a time in high school  when his classmates assumed he would get together with her. To Namsoon the mere idea was ridiculous, him and Ha Kyung had never been anything but friends but his classmates in high school would constantly push at the idea- something that Heungsoo used to hate.
“Why do you hang out with her? She obviously has a crush on you,” He used to say jealously once him and Namsoon were alone together.
“She’s just a friend,” He used to reply nonchalantly, not giving it two thoughts.
“Whatever. As long as you know you’re mine bastard.”
Namsoon smiled at the memory.
“It’s good to see you! Its been a while,” Ha kyung said bringing Namsoon out of his daydream. Namsoon could only offer a weak smile in return. It was good to see her. He just wished it was under different circumstances. Ha Kyung looked good, really good. She always was pretty, popular with the guys. Not that Namsoon was one of them, he only ever had eyes for one person. But he wasn’t blind, he saw the looks of envy when he would talk with Ha Kyung during class.
“How are you?” Namsoon asked sincerely. He genuinely wanted to know. It was times like this he wished he stayed more in contact with his other friends.
“I’m good, really good.” She replied simply. Namsoon was thankful she didn’t return the question. Kangjoo must have warned her before hand.
The pain in his chest was starting to become unbearable, making it hard for him to stand. Namsoon could feel the sweat gathering on his forehead. His legs began to feel shaky and he kept blinking away the black spot that appeared in front of his eye.
“Namsoon you look-”
Namsoon suddenly doubled over, his breathing became erratic and desperate.
“Namsoon!”
He could hazily hear Ha Kyung’s cries before everything turned black.

--

Namsoon could be anywhere, Heungsoo thought desperately as he scrolled through his phonebook. He still had a few friends from his high school days on his list but he doubted Namsoon would have gone to any of them. It had been a while since he spoke to Yi Kyung or Ji Hoon. The last he heard of them they had moved to Japan and opened up a small takeaway. Heungsoo stopped at Kim Minki. That was probably his best bet for now. He hesitantly pressed the call button, praying he hadn’t changed his number, even after all these years.
After three calls he picked up.
“Hello?”
“Kim Minki.. its Park Heungsoo.”
“Park Heungsoo? From High school? Wow its been a while, why are you calling?”
“Listen I know this is random… but have you heard from Namsoon recently?”
Heungsoo held his breath.
“Not for a while now.”
Heungsoo exhaled, disappointment seeping out of his mouth.
“Why? Is everything ok?” Minki asked curiously.
“Do you know anyone who Namsoon still kept in contact with? From school or whatever.”
“Last time I spoke to Kangjoo she said she had spoken with him a few times.”
Ah. Lee Kangjoo. Of course, why didn’t he think of it sooner. Namsoon could have gone to her, he did meet up with her occasionally.
“Great! Do you know her number?”
“She changed it recently, I don’t have her new number. But I can tell you where she works, maybe you could stop by or something-”

The more Heungsoo thought about it, the more likely it seemed Namsoon had turned to her. Namsoon had very few friends. He didn’t socialise much at his part time jobs. And Heungsoo knew for a fact Namsoon didn’t get along with the other models at work.
Heungsoo couldn’t remember much from when Namsoon used to mention her. It was another sign that he had stopped trying in their relationship. He could barely remember saying two words to Namsoon in the last two months. He had continuously ignored the boy. He should be surprised Namsoon didn’t leave sooner. Namsoon deserves so much better than the trash he was.
But Heungsoo did recall Namsoon mentioning that Kangjoo lived together with Ha Kyung on the other side of town.
He never liked Ha Kyung. Especially during their last year of high school when it became painfully obvious she was infatuated with Namsoon. It wasn’t just him who saw it, everyone knew it. Everyone but Namsoon. But he was always oblivious to those things. Heungsoo lay down on his bed. The first thing he would do tomorrow is find Kangjoo at work. He couldn’t bare to leave it any longer than that. Namsoon needed to come back home before Heungsoo went insane. He missed him so much it physically hurt.
Heungsoo lifted his hand in the air in front of his face. He was wearing his promise ring. It had been a while since he put it on. After he started his relations with Minjung he took it off, out of guilt. It was strange how quickly his hands became accustomed to the feeling without it, when at first it felt so.. bare. Namsoon on the other hand wore his always, he was so happy when Heungsoo gave him the ring. Heungsoo sighed and closed his eyes. How could he be so stupid to think that Namsoon wouldn’t notice anything. He acted so obvious. So brutally obvious. The lies could only stretch so far. Heungsoo recalled the days he didn’t even return home at night. What must Namsoon had thought as he lay here on this big empty bed by himself. If Heungsoo felt in pain now then how was Namsoon feeling knowing his lover was out with another girl. How did his Namsoon stomach even lying next to him at night. Heungsoo coughed, clearing his throat. He felt the tremors build up in his body knowing that tears were about to leak out, but he had to stay strong. He had to prove it to Namsoon that he really did love him. , he loved him more than anything in the whole entire world and he could kill himself for letting him get away.

Heungsoo awoke the next day with blood shot eyes. The lack of sleeping was starting to affect him. He had a headache but nothing could beat the pain residing in his heart. He slowly got up from bed, his hands rubbing his weary eyes. He was going to see Namsoon today.
Heungsoo dressed quickly, not wanting to miss Kangjoo leaving for work. He hurriedly brushed his teeth and glanced in the mirror for a split second before grabbing his car keys and leaving the house. He looked just like how he felt. Like .
It wasn’t far to Kangjoo’s work place. Heungsoo found a spot nearby to park and walked up to the front entrance of the building. Since it was still early Heungsoo decided just to wait in front of the building for her. He couldn’t stand still so sitting down on the steps was out of the question. Instead he paced back and forth, ignoring the weird looks he was getting from the workers wearing suits entering in and out of the building. After thirty long minutes passed Heungsoo glanced up to find Kangjoo walking up from the building gates. Thank god.
Her eyes flicked towards his and squinted in disgust. Heungsoo instantly knew without a doubt that Namsoon must be with her, why else would she give him such a look of loathing.
“What the hell are you doing here,” She all but growled when he approached her. She looked around to see if anyone was watching before fiercely grabbing his sleeve and pulling him to the side of the building.
Once they were out of the open Kangjoo’s eyes glared at Heungsoo, the look of anger so clearly painted on her face.
“Where is Namsoon.” Heungsoo asked desperately his eyes widening as he pleaded. He knew how pathetic he looked. Unshowered, his clothes scruffy and dirty, his eyes bloodshot. He was rapidly approaching a break down, he needed to see Namsoon right now.
“How dare you. How dare you even mention his name,” She spat. Her hand flew to her hip, and if the situation wasn’t so dire, Heungsoo would have laughed about how similar she still was to her high school self, even after all these years.
“I need to speak to him, I need to explain-”
“I can’t believe you would do that to him. Namsoon told me everything. He loved you Park Heungsoo. And you tore his heart out. If you didn’t want to be with him anymore couldn’t you have just broken up? Could have at least warned him? But instead you went off with some .” She let out a high pitched laugh. “I would never have thought you would do that. You guys think I didn’t see it the last year of high school. I saw it all. I knew you both were together. Namsoon was so happy, you were happy! I thought it would last forever. But you threw it away. And now you have the cheek to ask about Namsoon. You make me sick.”
Kangjoo turned to walk the other way. Heungsoo quickly grabbed on to her shoulder tightly.
“No- don’t go. Please. Let me talk.” Heungsoo could feel his hands shaking from Kangjoo’s words. She was right he threw it all away. And for what? But he had to show her that it wasn’t that he didn’t love Namsoon.
“I love Namsoon. I always loved Namsoon, I made a stupid mistake. The biggest ing mistake of my life,  and I know even if I spend my whole life repenting it will never be enough! I just need to see him. I need him to understand that its him. It will always be him, the one I love. God I love him so much so please, tell me where he is.”
Kangjoo could only stare at him in shock. Heungsoo patiently waited for her to say something. Anything. Instead huge tears welled up in her eyes.
“Didn’t you notice!” She yelled, hitting Heungsoo with her fists on his arm. Heungsoo froze, not moving out of her reach. “Didn’t you see him disappearing?!”
“What are you talking about?” Heungsoo finally asked, his eyebrows furrowed as he reached out to grab Kangjoo’s hands.
“I’m only telling you this because I don’t know what else to do. It’s like he has given up trying.”
“Kangjoo,” Heungsoo said warningly, his voice turning low. His pulse quickened.
“Namsoon is sick. Really sick” Kangjoo said, the tears finally escaping her eyes. “He’s in hospital, he fainted. He won’t eat, he wont sleep. He won’t try! Its his heart Heungsoo. Something is really wrong with his heart. The doctors don’t sound promising at all and its like he doesn’t care!”
Heungsoo could feel time come to a standstill. This wasn’t happening. No.
“The doctors said it had been going on for months Heungsoo. Months! And you didn’t even notice anything! Just what the hell were you doing all that time. Didn’t you see him lose weight? He is dangerously underweight, he has to have a feeding tube and everything. Didn’t you see that he hasn’t slept in god knows how long. You say you love him, that you want to speak with him. But where was your love when he needed it.”
Heungsoo could barely hear Kangjoo’s desperate screams. He could only hear a faint buzzing sound in his ear and the quickening of his beating heart. Kangjoo crouched on the ground, her face in her arms. Her sudden movement almost knocking Heungsoo over.
Namsoon. Sick. Namsoon is sick. Namsoon is sick in hospital right now.
Heungsoo felt his world closing in on him from every corner. He ran as fast as he could back to the car. His shaking hands fumbled with his keys as he ignited the engine, roaring the car into life. Namsoon was sick. His Namsoon was sick and he didn’t even know. Tears escaped his eyes and he let them fall freely down his face. He revved the engine and the car darted forward throwing him back into his seat. He needed to get to the hospital as quick as he could.
The journey to the hospital was a blur. He could barely register the other cars on the road, and god knows how many red lights he had drove through. When he finally arrived, he parked his car and ran into the main entrance.
“Can I help you?” The receptionist asked with a kind smile.
“What ward is Go Namsoon in?” He asked panting. The receptionist clicked away at her keyboard.
“Floor 6, room 8.”
Heungsoo barely heard her last words as he darted off down the corridor. He took the elevator to the sixth floor. He briskly walked down the corridor looking quickly at the numbers on each door until he came to room 8 and stopped. He froze, his fingers inches away from the handle. When he was younger he always had the nightmare of visiting Namsoon in the hospital. That one day Namsoon would push himself that little too much and end up in the place he hated most. Namsoon used to be so reckless back then. As they grew up the fear lessened considerably, Namsoon wasn’t the same person he was back then, but here Heungsoo stood. The thing he never wanted to happen most in the world happened right under his nose. And he didn’t even know.
Heungsoo opened the door.
Namsoon was asleep on the bed in the centre of the room. A drip was connected to his hand on one side and another tube which Heungsoo assumed was his feeding tube, connected on his left. He looked frail and small. In all his years of existence Heungsoo would never have used the word small to describe Go Namsoon. But here he was in the middle of the room, the life stolen from him. Heungsoo’s legs shakily moved forward, his hand outstretched. When did Namsoon get this way. Heungsoo felt his throat close up. His eyes welled as he sank to the ground near Namsoon’s bed.
“Namsoon,” He cried. “I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry.”
Heungsoo faced to the ground as his sobs threatened to overcome him. The tears streaming down his face. Seeing Namsoon like this, Heungsoo could not think of a time he felt more scared. He couldn’t remember a time he felt this feeling. This painful stab to his chest. It was like someone’s hand was wrapped tightly around his heart and was squeezing until he couldn’t breathe.
Heungsoo tried to sit up, grabbing onto the corner of the bed for support. His hand found Namsoon’s. It was cold. Not like it used to be. His fingers tightened around the boys, afraid that if he let go Namsoon would slip through his fingers. His other hand reached out and tucked a piece of Namsoon’s hair around his ears. Even like this Namsoon was still the most ethereal creature on the planet. His beauty was unparalleled with any other male or female Heungsoo had ever seen.
“I love you.” Heungsoo whispered, his voice raspy and not sounding like his own.
The door opened bringing Heungsoo back to his surroundings. He turned around. Ha Kyung stood in the doorway, obvious shock plastered on her face.
“What are you doing here?” She asked, impassive. Heungsoo could feel his anger rising.
“I’m his boyfriend, what the are you doing here?” He couldn’t help himself. He never liked Ha Kyung and she had the cheek to ask his what he was doing at his lovers side.
“I heard you split up.” She said walking forward. She dropped her bag on the chair near the door and walked over to Namsoon, staring at his face. Heungsoo glared at her.
“No. We haven’t,” he said matter of factly, turning to face Namsoon again. He didn’t like it that Ha Kyung was here next to his boyfriend. He was the one that should have been here from the start looking after Namsoon. The one to make sure he would be fine.
“What’s wrong with him,” He finally asked Ha Kyung.
“Its his heart. The doctors say he had a hole in his septum which basically means blood is not being pumped around his body like it should be.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means he needs surgery, soon, or he could die.”
Heungsoo closed his eyes tightly. Namsoon couldn’t die. He just couldn’t. If Namsoon died then there would be no reason for Heungsoo to go on. Without Namsoon there was no Heungsoo.
“The doctor said he can get surgery as soon as but the only complication is that it’s a risky surgery. We wanted to wait until Namsoon is awake to get his permission. Or atleast until we have gotten hold of his guardian-”
“What do you mean risky surgery?” Heungsoo interjected.
“The doctor said it has a seventy percent success rate.”
“What? Seventy percent? So that means there is a ing thirty percent chance he could die anyway even with taking the surgery!” Heungsoo groaned and kicked the chair next to him. The room fell silent.
“We were going to wait for Namsoon to regain consciousness but we don’t know when that is. And he needs the surgery now Heungsoo. Do you have the number to his guardian or anyone else we could contact?”
“Namsoon doesn’t have a guardian. I’m his guardian-”
“You cheated on him Heungsoo. Your boyfriend was sick and you didn’t even know and you call yourself his guardian-
“Shut up you stupid little ” Heungsoo growled in her face. This was all too much to take in. He couldn’t deal with it all. He had not lost control of his anger in a long time but this was all too much.
“Enough.”
Ha Kyung and Heungsoo turned to face the voice coming from the doorway. Kangjoo stood, her expression hard as ice.
“I took the afternoon off,” She said as an explanation.  “I wont have both of you arguing, not when Namsoon is laying there like that.” Ha Kyung looked down, ashamed. Kangjoo walked forward.
“You.” She pointed at Heungsoo. “I don’t think you should be here when Namsoon wakes up. The doctor said his heart is weak, I don’t want anything to set him off.”
“I can’t just not see him,” Heungsoo pleaded in an exasperated voice.
Kangjoo sighed whilst reaching out to take Namsoons hand. Heungsoo walked forward and leaned down to kiss him of the forehead before leaving to sit outside for a bit. He needed air and time to think.
Heungsoo sat at the bench near the entrance of the hospital. So Namsoon was sick and needed surgery. But the surgery only had a seventy percent success rate. That chance was just too big to risk. But what if he didn’t take the surgery? From what he gathered, not having the surgery was just as lethal as taking it, if not more. Heungsoo groaned, his hands on either side of his head. When did things turn to such a ing mess. Heungsoo willed away the picture of Namsoon ill at home, all alone, whilst Heungsoo was out with Minjung. If Heungsoo knew earlier he could have taken Namsoon to the hospital and maybe things wouldn’t have gotten this bad.  How had he not noticed Namsoon. To him, Namsoon was like the sun, someone who shined a light over his life and impossible not to notice. Heungsoo held back the tears in his eyes. He couldn’t cry anymore. He had to be strong for Namsoon. But Heungsoo knew no matter what happened he would never forgive himself for what he did to Namsoon. Never.

An hour later Ha Kyung and Kangjoo came outside to let him know they were leaving. He took Kangjoo’s number down in case he needed to call. Visiting hours were almost up so Heungsoo went into Namsoon’s room for one last goodbye.
He took Namsoon’s hand in his own, this time noticing the ring he was wearing, which was still wrapped around his fourth finger.
“I promise I will make this right Namsoon. I love you baby. I love you so much and I’m so sorry for what I did. I’m so sorry I didn’t notice that you were ill. Its my fault and I’ll make things right so please just hang in there.” He kissed Namsoon’s hand one last time before leaving the door.

Heungsoo drove home slowly. He was in no hurry to get back. It was not like he would be able to sleep or do anything. So he took his time, his thoughts running crazy. He looked out the window. The cars darted past him. It was weird how the world still carried on as normal when Heungsoo felt like his life was going to shatter at any moment. When he finally pulled up into his driveway he noticed a familiar car parked on the road out front. He heart sank when the girl climbed out of her door. Minjung. He should have known she would have shown her face. He had been ignoring all her calls since that night. She was the last person he wanted to deal with right now.
“Oppa,” She called out warily. Heungsoo let out a sigh and turned to face her.
“Minjung. What are you doing here?”
“You haven’t been answering my calls or texts. I was worried.”
“Look, right now is not a good time-”
“No. Tell me what is up. Now. Did I do something?”
Heungsoo swallowed. He didn’t want to lose his temper with the girl, couldn’t she see he really wasn’t in the mood? But he knew it wasn’t her fault. After all she never knew about Namsoon. She was another victim of Heungsoo’s betrayal. He knew he had to end it with her, so why drag it on.
“Minjung. I think we should end this.”
Minjung fell silent falling open.
“I love someone else. I have always loved somebody else and I don’t think I could ever love anyone apart from that person for the rest of my life. I’m sorry.”
There was silence.
“Its Namsoon isn’t it?”
Heungsoo’s mouth fell open in shock.
“What? You knew?”
“I suspected but now it all makes sense. You did make it kinda obvious. Every time I would mention your roommate your face would fall and your eyes, they looked so.. guilty. Also I couldn’t help but notice that you only had one bed in your room that night..”
Heungsoo was surprised. He expected tears and a fight. Not this.
“You’re an . Why string me along when you loved someone else?”
She gave him a weak smile.
“I really am sorry Minjung-ah.”

--
Namsoon awoke feeling disorientated. The air smelled clean, sterile. A handful of doctors moved briskly about, their footsteps echoing in the resonant space. He instantly knew where he was. One of the places he hated most in the world. The hospital. Namsoon hadn’t been to a hospital in over a decade. He wasn’t surprised that he ended up here, with how ty he was feeling yesterday. He tried to sit up as a nurse hurried into the room.
“Oh my, you’re awake. You gave us quite a scare yesterday,” She said helping him sit up on the bed.
She passed him a glass of water and he drank it down thirstily, his throat feeling dry.
“What happened?” Namsoon asked setting the glass down onto the table beside him. He finally noticed the drip attached to his hand.
“You passed out.  Your friends brought you here.”
“Why?”
She paused. Her accent turning ridid and precise.
“You have a problem with your heart. The doctor will be here shortly to explain in more detail. But you will need surgery. How long have you felt discomfort?”
Namsoon felt silent for a minute. He didn’t want to tell her that he had been feeling in pain for a while.
“Around two months,” he finally mumbled. He could see the look of disproval in the nurses eyes as she jotted that information down in her notebook.
“I’m going to go fetch your breakfast tray. You need to try and eat something Namsoon. We had to put a feeding tube in you yesterday, you are that underweight. The doctor will  be here soon.” She walked to the doorway and paused.
“If you have surgery you can get better.” Her eyes flashed with a hidden message. Like she could see what Namsoon was thinking.
He didn’t want to get better. What was the point.


Namsoon swore he was asleep for less than ten minutes when he was jolted awake by the door being barged open.
“Namsoon!” Kangjoo cried dramatically, attempting to envelope him in a hug. When she pulled away she began smacking him on his arm. “You stupid boy, why didn’t you tell me you were ill!”
Namsoon held his arm in mock pain. He gave her a small smile then turned his face to Ha Kyung who was still standing in the doorway.
“Hey,” He said softly.
Ha Kyung walked to the bed.
“You scared me,” She said quietly and Namsoon could tell she was being honest. She looked more tired and worn out than she did yesterday. Namsoon brought his left hand to the back of his head, awkwardly itching.
“I’m sorry.”
The three of them fell into comfortable conversation, none of them bringing up the surgery. No one noticed when Kang Joo excused herself to use the bathroom, taking her phone with her from her bag as she left.

--
Heungsoo jumped up as his phone chimed. He had been clutching it waiting for Kangjoo to message. He told himself that if she hadn’t messaged him by ten he would go to the hospital anyway.
Namsoon is awake
Heungsoo let out a giant breath, one that he didn’t even know he was holding. Before grabbing his car keys and unlocking the door.
As he started his car he tried to think what he would say to Namsoon when he saw him. He had no idea what he could possibly say to the boy. He didn’t have the right to say anything to him, but of course he had to try. His heart beat increased nervously as he pulled up to the hospital. He ignored the good morning of the receptionist as he briskly made his way to the sixth floor
He stopped outside Namsoon’s room and looked through the glass window. Namsoon was awake. He looked just as frail as he did yesterday, his eyes looked lifeless as he forced a smile to Ha Kyung whose chair was pulled up next to his bed. Heungsoo stared at the back of Ha Kyungs head. That’s where he should be sitting, next to his lover, not her. With his heart beat reaching dangerous levels Heungsoo took a breath and opened the door.
Silence fell. Namsoon stared at him, his mouth hanging open. Ha kyung looked down not knowing what to say.
“Namsoon-” Heungsoo called out softly.
Namsoon eyes began to well up as the beeping on the heart monitor started to go off. The sound echoed off the empty walls. Heungsoo turned to face the machine and started to panic.
“Heungsoo leave! His heart rate is increasing!” Ha Kyung cried standing up, covering Namsoon from his view.
Heungsoo was frozen at his spot.
“Get out!” He could hear her scream. A nurse ran into the room pushing him to the side slightly. Heungsoo barely found his ground when an arm pulled him out the room roughly.

Hello guys :) Wow this took a long time to upload ><""  sorry for those who were waiting!
Basically in my plan for this chapter it was meant to be longer, a lot longer. But as I was writing I realised the word count was really starting to get really high so I decided to cut it off here. That means this story will probably end up being more than three parts which I originally planned.
The next part wont take as long to upload :) and the next chapter to Chasing Ghosts will be up in the next couple of days.
Thank you again so much for commenting and subscribing. It really gave me the push to finish this chapter!
I love you all :* <3 (Add me as a friend so we can spaz about HeungSoon and dramas together ghdfkjgh)