“That’s not what I meant.. ugh” . Taec gets up and storms off to his room, slamming the door shut behind him and jumping on his bed. He’s really pissed off. Not at Chansung, but at the situation, and at himself. Dang it Taec, you and your mouth, he thinks to himself as he sighs out loud. He knows that what he almost said really hurt the younger boy’s feelings, but it’s not like he said it on purpose. He was worried about his dongsaeng and the fact that Chansung was being difficult just confirms that something is really wrong with the boy. Taec still remembers the conversation between him and Junsu in the restroom when they were taking a break after practice before.

“Taec, I need to ask you something”, Junsu says as he washes his hands.
“Yeah hyung, what is it?” Taec answers while splashing his face with water.
“Did you see anything wrong with Chan?” Junsu continues while looking at Taec’s reflection in the mirror.
“Uhh.. I don’t think so. Why did you ask that? Is something wrong?” Giving his full attention to his hyung, the taller boy stands straight up and faces Junsu.
“ It just.. he’s not like himself lately. I feel like he’s avoiding us. He’s quieter than usual, he’s not really talking to anybody.” Junsu pauses as he thinks about how much he should tell the taller boy, and whether or not he should tell Taec about that night’s event. Deciding against it, he continues, “Remember last performance? Where he disappeared for a while? When he came back he looked really pale Taec. Like sick pale. Didn’t you notice? And at the dorm he wasn’t talking to anyone except Junho. When I went over Chan didn’t even look at me while I was talking to him, and then he just up and left.” Junsu leans on the sink and looks up at the taller boy, waiting for his response.
“Ahh… I think you worry too much hyung, maybe he’s just tired.”
“But..” Junsu pauses as Taec puts his hand on his hyung’s shoulder.
“Look hyung, don’t worry alright, you know Chansung, he’ll tell us when he feels like it.”
Taec also knows that no matter how bad things are, Chansung won’t bring up anything that will have a bad affect on the other members. Assuring Junsu that he will talk to Chansung later, they both went back to the practice room.

Back to the present, Taec feels really guilty. Why didn’t I talk to him sooner? Something has been bothering him and I never noticed. Some hyung you are. He gets up from his bed, putting his jacket on and leaves the room, almost bumping into Wooyoung on his way to the door.

Wooyoung was just on his way to the living room after grabbing a drink from the kitchen. He feels restless; he wants to sleep but something was keeping him from doing so. Huh, maybe it’s guilt. Lost in his thoughts he almost bumps into Taec who seems like he was leaving in a rush.
Hey, where are you going?” Wooyoung asks the older boy, frowning at the delay in response.
“I’m going out,” Taec replies simply as he leaves.
Wooyoung shakes his head, heading to the living room. He lies on the couch and turns on the TV. Although his favorite programs are on, Wooyoung keeps changing the channel as if there’s nothing good on TV. Something feels out of place. Wooyoung looks over and suddenly remembers is “roommate”. There were times when Chansung would whine and they would fight over the remote but tonight it is silent and all Wooyoung can feel is the tension surrounding the house. He tries to think back for the source of the problem.

“Alright done.” The words coming from the PD indicating that the shoot was done for the day. Wooyoung’s was walking to the tent after receiving ‘Well done” from the crew when he saw everyone standing from their seats, startled expressions on their faces. Some of them were already rushing towards the water; even his other members were running towards it. Wooyoung ran to catch up, even though he had no idea what was going on. What he saw made his heart speed up. Chansung was flailing his arms all over the place with Nichkhun’s arms tightly around the maknae’s body trying to calm him but failing to do so. There was a boat approaching them to take them back to the shore. As they watched the boat pull the two members on, Wooyoung looked over to Junho who was standing beside him.
“What happen?”
“I don’t know. One minute he was fine and suddenly he’s like that. Like he’s drowning but that’s not possible, it’s not deep” Junho answered, still focusing on the boat.
When the boat arrives Wooyoung was shock. He had never seen Chansung so scared and shaken, his whole body shaking. The younger boy even needed Taec and Junho’s help to walk. At the tent, Chansung’s shocked state lasts for a while before he finally responds, to another flurry of questions.
“Chan you okay?”
“Chansung you alright?”
“You hurt anywhere?”
Wooyoung was worried when the maknae merely looked down, shaking his head and not saying a word, although the older boy could see that trembles still ran through his body. But when he puts a hand on the younger boy’s arm to ask if he’s alright, Chansung snapped and slapped his arm away. Wooyoung was annoyed, and he snapped back.

Wooyoung shakes his head to get rid of the memory. I shouldn’t have snapped at him like that. Wooyoung feels even guiltier when he remembers Chansung’s eyes when the boy was leaving his room. Ahh~ why do I have to be so tempered… it’s not like he did it on purpose, he’s in shock for god sake. Wooyoung sighs in his head as he flicks through the channels. He looks up to see Junho pacing, the younger boy occasionally eyeing the clock on the wall.
--
Junsu exits the washroom, spying Wooyoung on the couch and Junho pacing in the hallway. As Junsu is about to walk over to question the younger of the two, Junho leaves and goes into Nichkhun and Chansung’s room. What’s wrong with him? Junsu decides that he’ll talk to the younger boy later as the oldest heads to his own room to talk to Taec. Opening the door, Junsu finds Taec’s bed empty as his jacket gone. Aish… where did he go now? Junsu sighs out loud.
He sits his weary body on his chair and eyes his desk where he would always work on his music when he felt bored or needed to relieve some stress. He tries to take his mind off from today’s event but no matter how hard he tries, Junsu just can’t; he’s really worried about their youngest member. Seeing his bag on his desk, Junsu suddenly remembers something and reaches for it. Opening his bag, he pulls out the inhaler he found in the practice room where the two maknaes had been sitting. “I think I lost it.” He remembers hearing Chansung say to the other maknae. Junsu stares at the inhaler in his hand and decides to confront Junho about it. Junsu goes to Junho’s room to find it empty. When he’s about to call the younger boy’s name he hears noises from Nichkhun’s and Chansung’s room.
--
Nichkhun’s lying on his bed as he tries to relax, taking a deep breath to release his mind and body from the tension. He closes his eyes and hopes that sleep will come but he sees flashes of the day’s events instead. The Thai opens his eyes, not wanting to go through it again. He’ll never admit it, but he was scared. Scared to see the terrified look on Chansung’s face, scared when he couldn’t do anything to calm the younger boy down and scared that he wouldn’t be able to save him. Nichkhun had never seen the maknae like that.
Still lost in thought, Nichkhun almost jumps in surprise when Junho bursts into the room and starts rummaging through Chansung’s stuff.
--
Junho walks out of his room to see if Chansung was back from his walk. When he sees that the maknae is still missing, Junho checks the clock, noticing that it’s been almost an hour. Why hasn’t Chan comeback yet? He knows tomorrow’s schedule; he wouldn’t stay out this long. Junho looks at his phone to check for any messages or calls, but there are none. Junho decides to call Chansung instead, and he shoves the phone back in his pocket when no one picks up. What if something happened to him?
Junho tries to stay positive, but he can’t help feel that something is wrong. He heads to Chansung’s room when he remembers the boy had lost his inhaler to look for it himself, just in case. He walks into the room, ignoring Nichkhun as the Thai sits upright on his bed at the younger boy’s entrance.

“Junho-yah, what are you doing?” The younger boy doesn’t answer as he continues his search through Chansung’s belongings.
“Yah! Junho stop it. What’s wrong?” Nichkhun stands up and moves to stop Junho who is frantically rummaging the place clearly looking for something.
“Hyung what time is it? Did Chan call you?” Junho asks as he struggles to escape from Nichkhun’s grasp.
“I don’t know. And no he didn’t. Why? Something wrong?” Nichkhun lets go of Junho’s arm and watches the boy go back to his searching while mumbling incoherently. All Nichkhun can pick up is “Where is it… breathing… find him.” Nichkhun stares at his back, completely puzzled and slightly worried that something might have happened to their maknae.

“Khun, what’s wrong? I heard you shout. Junho?” Junsu walks in to see Junho scrambling around the room. When Nichkhun merely gives him a confused look, Junsu approaches the youngest in the room to ask.
“Ho?, Junho!” the eldest boy calls out. He’s a little startled at Junho’s facial expression when he spins the younger boy around to face him.
“Junho calm down. Tell us what’s wrong”
“Hyung…”
“What happened? Hyung? Junho?” Wooyoung interrupts in confusion as he walks in.
“Common Junho-ah, tell us what is wrong,” Junsu says in a soft voice, hoping that it will calm the one in front of him.
“Hyung, we need to find Chansung... Something’s wrong. He said he would call me but he didn’t and he’s not answering his phone. It’s been a while now. What if something happened to him? What if he passed out or something? He’s sick hyung and now his meds are gone and...”
“Junho! Slow down I don’t understand. What are you talking about?” Junsu says stopping Junho mid-sentence.
“I can’t find it hyung!” Junho says, exasperated.
“Find what?” Nichkhun urges as Wooyoung watches silently from the doorway.
”His inhaler!” Junho answers, before covering his mouth with his hands as he realizes what he just said.
“What are you talking about?!” Wooyoung asks, his voice raised. He feels really guilty now, for not knowing, and for snapping at the younger boy.
“Woo, let him explain.” Nichkhun says, remembering the incident when Chansung had been looking for something in the room. Although Nichkhun hadn’t believed him when he said he had found it, Nichkhun hadn’t pressed the matter.
“So that what he’s been hiding. That babo. What was he thinking? And you didn’t say anything either!” Junsu adds, his words directed at Junho.
“Hyung I’m sorry but...” Junho looks away, feeing really guilty for hiding such a secret, and for breaking his promise to Chansung.
“Enough said, let’s go find Chansung. Junho, you know where he usually goes right?” At Junho’s nod, Junsu continues,
“Khun, call Taec.”
“But hyung, his inhaler.” Junho sees Junsu stop, and he almost doesn’t catch Junsu’s response.
“I have it with me,” Junsu replies quietly before he leaves the room.

The rest of the boys quickly regain their composure; Nichkhun dials Taecyeon, and Junho already has his phone to ear as he tries to call Chansung again. _______________________________________

It’s really cold tonight, I’m glad I have my jacket. Taec still can’t get over what happened between him and Chansung. He’s tense and mad at himself, and he can’t sleep, so he decides to walk it off, hoping that he’ll bump into Chansung so they can talk.
A few more steps and he stops. He glances down at the phone in his hand and considers whether or not he should call Chansung. They needed to talk. Taecyeon needs to clear things up with him plus he owes the youngest an apology.
Taecyeon’s thumb hovers above the call button, and he ends up shutting his phone. Now who’s being a coward? Common Taec, you can do this. He opens his phone again and this time succeeds in hitting the call button. Putting it to his ear, he waits for Chansung to pick up but he doesn’t, so he tries calling again. Each ring makes his heart beat faster. After the second try, he hears a click on the other end of the line signaling that someone has answered the phone.

“Chansung-ah… Hey are you there?” When he receives no answer Taecyeon continues talking, thinking that Chansung doesn’t feel like talking to him.
“Look, I know that you’re mad at me and you have every right to be so. If you don’t want to talk it’s fine but… just hear me out okay?” He takes a deep breath before continuing.
“I’m... I’m sorry... alright, I’m really sorry. I was being a jerk. I should have never said that. But I need you to understand that I didn’t mean it. I’m just worried about you. We all are. We keep asking but you keep denying everything even though it’s obvious there’s something wrong. It’s frustrating you know. Junsu-hyung’s really worried about you too. He’s the one who brought up the topic about you in the first place.”
Taecyeon didn’t hear any response on the other line, and he thinks that Chansung isn’t accepting his apology.
“Chansung-ah? Common say something. You can scold me if you want to because I deserve it. Or better yet let’s meet before we go back. Just tell me where you are and I’ll come find you… Chansung?” With no response, Taecyeon gives up.
“Fine, I won’t bother you anymore. I’ll hang up now just come home quick alright? It’s really cold and I remembered that you didn’t bring your jacket.” He waits for a bit, hoping that Chansung will at least reply, but when he doesn’t Taecyeon shakes his head with a sigh. Right before he’s about to hang up he hears a faint voice from the other side.
“Chansung-ah? Did you say something? I can’t hear you.” Taec presses the phone closer to his ears and hears Chansung’s weak voice.
“Hyung...” Taecyeon starts to panic when he hears the heavy coughing on the other end of the phone.
“Chansung-ah? Hey what’s wrong? Chansung!”
There’s no reply, and Taecyeon eventually cuts the line and decides to call the other members instead since he can’t get a response from the maknae.

When Chansung collapsed to the ground, he didn’t realize his phone slid a few meters away from him. He was breathing heavily as he tried to think of what to do. He wanted to yell for help but only managed to cough instead. Chansung makes a mental note to kick himself for not listening to Junho earlier. Junho-ah, I’m sorry. As his head swam with thoughts he lay there, gasping for air when suddenly he hears a familiar sound. His confused mind tries to identify the sound and after a few seconds he remembers that it’s his ringtone. He clumsily reaches for his pocket to take out the phone but panics when he finds his pocket empty. No... Where is it? I can still hear it. It must be here somewhere.
Chansung lifts his head a little to look for the phone. Then the sound stopped. No... Please call me back. His prayers must have been heard because the phone starts to ring again and he can see the light emitted from his phone. As he moves towards it, Chansung notices how weak he feels and can’t help but crawl the rest of the way. He can feel consciousness slipping away from him. Although he’s afraid he’ll pass out, he finally manages to grab the phone. His vision is blurry from unshed tears of pain and helplessness and he doesn’t bother with the Caller ID and simply hits the answer button. He can vaguely hear someone on the other line as he sees spots in his vision. He’s willing to just give up and lie there, but he suddenly remembers his family and his hyungs. They wouldn’t give up on me, why should I. He musters his strength and struggles for another breath and manages “Hyung…”
He coughs and gasps for air before repeating it. “Hyung… help”
He doesn’t know how but he’s sure that it’s one of his hyung calling. When he hears a loud voice calling his name from the other side of the line instead of just a murmur like before, he knows that he’s been heard. All he can do now is pray that someone will come and help him. The call ends and Chansung curls himself into a ball as he tries to get warm while trying to shift to a position that might help him breathe easier. He’s running out of energy and his wheezing is getting louder each second so he lays there, surrendering to his tiredness, his eyes slowly blinking closed.

“Yah! Taec! I’ve been trying to call you for ages. Where have you been?” Nichkhun immediately answers when the person he’s been trying to contact calls him himself.
“Khun, I think Chan’s in trouble”
As he listens to Taecyeon, Nichkhun signal to Wooyoung to call the Junbrothers over, mouthing Taec when they arrive. The Thai puts him on speaker.
“That’s what we thought, actually we’re looking for him now and that’s why I’ve been trying to contact you” Nichkhun tells him.
“How did you know he’s in trouble Taec?” Junsu asks with a slight tremble in his voice that makes everyone turns to look at him. Even Taec hesitates on the other line.
“Taec!” Junsu urges when the younger boy doesn’t reply.
“God hyung I’m worried too alright! I called him just now, I thought that he didn’t want to talk to me but then I heard a faint voice then coughing. He’s asking for help hyung”
A loud gasp coming from Junho makes Taecyeon stop. “Chansung is having those attacks again hyung we need to get to him fast” Junho says in a rushed voice.
“Did he tell you where he was?” Wooyoung asks after a long silence.
“No, I…I don’t think he could.” Everyone hears the fear in Taecyeon’s voice causing a shiver to run down their spines.
“We’ve been looking everywhere for him and now we’re at the park where he always runs. It’s the last place we could think of. Let’s just hope he’s there because if he’s not, we don’t know where else to look. Come quick.” With that, Nichkhun closes his phone. The boys look and nod at each other before splitting up again to look for their maknae.

Chansung lay on the hard ground. Panting, coughing, failing to force more air into his lungs. He feels cold but at the same time his lungs burn from the lack of oxygen. His tears spill from his eyes when he starts to think that no one will find him. He can hear his phone ring once in a while from wherever he dropped it. His body is so tired; he can’t seem to order it to move anymore. I think this is it, the boy says to himself when he sees a faint flicker of light from a distance. I’m sorry guys. With that last thought, he closes his eyes.

________________________________________

Channie-ah!!!!! T_T
One more chapter left..
Thanks for reading^^
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