_________________________________________

A muffled groan as a beeping sound filled the dark room, unceasingly, begging for attention.

He groggily opened his eyes, scratching the ebony hair he recently dyed. "Yeah?" His mouth was dry; a bitter taste lingered from the rising bile. This is what you get when you fly 14 hours straight and not eat anything before crashing to bed. He felt like an acid hole was being dug at the pit of his stomach, he winced.

A sly voice greeted him, “Hangover?” The masculine tone seemed to deepen, and right at that he recognizes his caller. “It's six in the evening, where the hell are you?” The mildly antagonistic, mildly amused tone was a dead giveaway. Choi Seunghyun... definitely T.O.P.

“Jet lag.” The man sprawled out in bed mumbled simply while massaging his temples, the dregs of sleep evident in his voice. The veins on his forehead were throbbing badly that his ministrations did no difference.

An almost sadistic chuckle rings in his ears, "Don't play with me G, you're not a goddamn saint."

Kwon Jiyong sighed, the air from his lungs feel sharp. "Hyung," he called out first, as if to emphasize his point with the prolonged pause. "I didn't anyone in the last 24 hours if that's what you’re going about. In fact, I haven't done so in a while." His words were rather tasteless, monotone and indifferent. He ran his fingers through his ebony locks one more time.

"That explains why you're so damn uptight! Stop moping around and come over, you're like this every time we're in Seoul."

Jiyong winced once more as the painful duet of his headache and acid influx betrayed him. He purposefully disregards the latter comment like it was something he never heard. "Don't you ever slow down?"

"Heh, this coming from you, just get here, fast."

With that said, Jiyong knows the conversation is over, T.O.P hangs up and he throws the mobile somewhere around the carpeted floor with a soft thud.

He'll just search for the blasted thing later when he finally needs it.

He rose up from bed, the white silk covers slid down his bare torso, the words on his back never changing. But time has changed him somehow; he was more muscular now, edgier, wiser by the years, far away from his pretty boy persona before.

Too fast to live, too young to die.

Was that still G-dragon?

Maybe, maybe not.

His old room had grown unfamiliar to him, as if he was out of place. The sheets felt cold, its smell was different, distinct from the flowery hotel fragrance he had grown used to throughout their tours and escapades.

As the aroma filled his senses, he was reminded of that night so many years ago; twisting silk sheets, melding bodies, clasped hands, ghostly kisses and dripping moonlight. The recollection somehow ignites an indescribable feeling inside him but he wills it out of his thoughts in the next breath.

Strawberries with a hint of vanilla.

The scent of the last woman who laid in his bed,

It smelled too much like her.

He could almost perfectly draw her face in his mind, but he does not dare name her; afraid that if her name unfurls from his tongue, he would be hearing it like the tattoos etched on his flesh... something permanent.

He leaped out of bed, reached forward to his side table drawer to grab the remote and open the blinds. His fingers skimmed through the different contents of the furniture and something thin, round and familiar caught his fingers.

He pulled it out.

A pair of black and red chrome hearts bracelet linked together reflected in his dark chocolate eyes. He smiles almost bitterly at the memento, like an apparition never wanting to be forgotten.

"Why are you so cruel... wanting me to remember you like this?" He was only greeted by the deafening silence as the night deepens further, shadows dancing by the moonlight.

“Welcome back, G.”

_________________________________________

The city lights passed like a blur through her windows, hazy lines of different colours, indistinct like fuzzy images of intoxication. She gripped her steering wheel more firmly as droplets of water started to fall one by one, crashing onto her windshield. By now, the heavens were laden with a dark screen of clouds, obscuring the moon and the stars.

It was raining again.

Like it had been so many years ago, and for the first time in a long while, she gave herself a moment to ponder. Putting her gear even higher up a notch, frustration filled her; reeking in the recess of her mind as she bit her lip.

She wondered why she was feeling this way. What was the occasion? She glanced at the digital clock on her stereo, its green led lights blinking at her tauntingly.

6:25 PM 

The digits changed precisely after 15 seconds, and her eyes sharpen further as she realized what date it was.

So it was that day...

And as if on cue, fate plays a cruel trick on her, veteran Radio DJ Park Kyung Lim starts to babble.

"The next song we're playing tonight had been one of the greatest hits of 2009. Ahhh...it brings back the memories. Winning numerous "Album of the Year" awards, we wonder which star the singer is currently shinning over, we hope he comes home to South Korea soon and we take pride in his accomplishments. Fighting~!"

G-Dragon, Heartbreaker

As the first lines of his song filled her ears, she felt a distinct twinge in her chest, as if something had just struck a chord in . She ran her fingers through her blonde hair, attempting to compose herself and alleviate her frustration, reason with her own stupid emotions. It's been three years, why was she getting so worked up tonight?

I won't give in to this no matter what,

Still there's a part of me beating inside

You are the one who's been breaking me down,

Dead dreams, lost heart

Rain descended much harder, mercilessly crashing against the pavement, thunder rumbled loudly despite the sound of her stereo. His voice rang in her ears; the lyrics reverberated with an air of familiarity. She stopped herself from singing along, stopped herself from listening all together but she could not find the resolve to turn off the radio, to even lift a finger and change stations.

If it's for you, my body will fly now,

Will rush to be by your side now...

The emotions he poured out into that song, each beat, each melody, each word that came out of his lips. She felt his "high" again, as if the passage of time never existed... as if distance never came in between.

However when I come around you say goodbye now.

After all those years and all those relationships she couldn't even count, it was now that she finally finds out no one could ever fill the space he left. Rather, the space she forcefully took him out of. She finally acknowledged the gaping hole in her heart that she refused to recognize as she hears his song one more time, after shutting out everything related to him. Perhaps it was her own self-indignation talking to her, mocking her for the wrong decisions she made.

She hated it, hated it all...hated herself.

Heartbreaker?

How any more fitting?

She shook her head, hoping that everything would suddenly come off, disappear from her existence entirely.

Why did it still hurt so much when she was the one who abandoned him?

When she was the one who broke off first?

When she was the one who ran away?

She remembered Sandara's words a few days ago; words she pretended not to hear and it came back to her like the cold waves hitting the shore. Realizing those words, she felt a jolt travel her spine.

“The boys are coming back the day after tomorrow. It's been a while since...” 

She tapped her Bluetooth once with a shallow breath, almost in a hurry, but tossed it over to the passenger seat once she heard the busy tone. And for one moment, she lost focus...

A black figure like the harbinger of death floats by her windshield; crossing the street, she saw it coming.

"Sh*t!" A gasp, the speed of her car coupled with the lack of friction against the slippery road rendered her helpless.

Like a flash of lightning, the events played before her eyes, she could see the figure dodge the collision in hasty panic. With all her might, she veered her steering wheel to the left, attempting to pre-empt the crash. With a laboured curse and a furious step on the brakes; she was barely able to avoid what would have been a tragedy.

She exhaled deeply, the tension from her nerves slowly loosening, her heart racing, her whole body felt weak and shaky. “What is wrong with you, Chaerin? You could have killed someone,” she scolded herself, messing up her blonde hair heavily and unbuckling her seat belt. She was now parked awkwardly against the city park's rear entrance. She needed to step out and see if everything was alright, if she had not hit anything...or anyone.

"Are you alright?" She asked immediately, offering a hand to the figure of crouched down on a water puddle. She could not tell if the person was a man or a woman, a black hoodie obscured the face of her companion. "Are you hurt anywhere?" She felt a strong pang of guilt as she watched.

The figure stood up, not even acknowledging the hand she had offered and that was when she realized he was male. He stood before her towering, his black hoodie dripping wet. She could see the black tendrils of his bangs against his cold pale face.

"I'm really sorry, you see I was..." For a moment she found herself lost for words.

"What the hell's wrong with you, lady?!" The young man shoved her callously, "Watch where you're ing speeding, you could have killed me!" The punk bit back harshly, his deep black eyes glared fiercely at her, he smelled strongly of alcohol and cigarettes. He was too intoxicated to even recognize the woman in front of him. If he had been in the right mind he would know better, 2NE1's leader CL was standing before him, the Lee Chaerin.

Despite his boorish attitude and crude reaction, she did owe him an apology. “I'm really sorry.” Chaerin bowed low and offered politely, berating herself for actually seeing him in this man. For a second her eyes played a cruel trick. "I'll take you to a hospital."

"Just move away!" He threw his hands in the air and sauntered; unable to walk a straight line even if his life depended on it. "Stupid b*tch..." He mumbled beneath his breath, pissed.

Chaerin watched as he took unbalanced steps, disappearing into the park's rear entrance. She ran her fingers through her damp blonde hair, trying to shake some sense into herself. She feels too disoriented to be continuing on driving. She motioned back to her car to grab her mobile and call for someone, anyone to pick up the mess that was she. She phoned their dorm instead of Dara's number way up in her speed dial.

She was greeted by Seungri's annoyed voice as he haughtily responded to the phone's beckoning. "What is it?" It seemed her memory was without fault after all, Bigbang was back. What was Bigbang doing inside their flat?

And who did this narcissistic freak think he was, answering her from their own dorm in such a manner? "Hey talk!" The maknae demanded.

Charin hissed, she bit back her tongue that was supposed to retort. She shook her head, hanging up and tossing the mobile to her backseat. So this was what Sandara Park had been cooking. There's no way she's going back to the dorms. With a frustrated grunt, she kills the engine and recoils the key.

Screw the rain; I'd rather be soaking here than go back.

She steps out of the shelter of her Lamb, greeted again by the pouring rain. She did not care anymore. She needed time to think, needed time to settle herself and evade the dinner at home. She needed time to escape from him.

Big Bang is in Seoul. Jiyong is in Seoul. It rang in her mind, bounced in her skull like an echo convincing her. Thoughtlessly, she entered the park for a stroll under the storm.

Maybe the rain could cleanse her dry, so she would not feel this pit less guilt and despair any longer.

The rain felt like needles cutting through her. The park still seemed familiar, despite years of not even attempting to step foot on its lush verde ground. Early mornings or late nights, they would always walk through the silence, hands clasped, and breathing in synchronization. Only now, her fingers intertwined with empty air.

Why was she still running away in the first place? What were all those years worth for?

Slowly, the pilot light of memory flickered in her consciousness, nostalgia attempting to take over. She gazed at the wide panorama covered in shades of green and other vibrant colours melting. The flowers swayed with the breeze, cried with the rain, bowed at heaven's grief.

Chaerin gazed at her left hand, as if expecting something to suddenly appear. She stared blankly, remembering the thin black band that used to dangle around her wrist. She used to wear the Chrome Hearts bracelet everywhere, never taking it off like it was an extension of her skin.
 

"Stop it Ji! You're making a fool out of yourself!" Youngbae restrained the lithe man by the arm firmly, ceasing him from taking another full swig of the bottle of vodka he had been downing. "It's been over for more than a year Jiyong! She’s not coming back!"

"Don't make me fight you, YB!" Jiyong slurred his retort; half his mind drowning in alcohol and the other half swimming in despair.

Chaerin almost froze in shock, not even expecting the tiniest fraction of chance to see Youngbae and most especially Jiyong the same night she arrived after a year in France and decided to waltz down her favourite pub reminding herself just why she loved the night life in Seoul. 

Her lips were slightly parted as her eyes reflected the two men haphazardly engaging into an argument. Her hands fisted on her sides, fighting the urge to cut in between them.

“No, Chaerin… it's better this way. You have no right to show your face in front of him,” she muttered beneath her breath, the strobe lights and the green lasers whirling convolutedly it made her mind reel. 

She recognized YB's exasperated curse by reading his lips, he raised his hands in defeat; allowing Jiyong to break the out of his damn forsaken life, if it wasn't any more dysfunctional as it is. 

She watched as Jiyong towed his way out of the pub hazily, colliding with heated bodies grooving to the beats pumping out of the bass speakers. The smell of mint cigarettes, overflowing alcohol and sweat, the room was an infernal prison of frenzied lights and sounds. 

Unconsciously, her feet started moving; following his every step out into the wide asphalt road drenched by the rain. The sudden gust of wind shot up her spine with a chill, the cold rain sharply contrasting with the temperature inside.

Her glass eyes moved towards his desolate figure walking unstably, slowly collapsing to the ground and frantically searching for something he might have lost in his way out. She was not sure what it was, what he was doing. But to no avail under the pouring rain, he resigns himself to the fangs of helplessness; lying on the ground, his hand clutched his chest, the gesture relaying to her the agony that need not be spoken of for her to recognize his vulnerability. 

This is not G-Dragon, this is not who Kwon Jiyong is supposed to be. 

You destroyed him. 

Such plain yet truthful words, like salt rubbing into flesh wound, it was excruciating but what made it more painful was the fact she knew she clearly deserved it. Her thoughtlessness has earned her a black gaping hole of guilt and regret. More than hurting him, this cowardice breaks her further. 

She struggled against the urge to approach him, take him in her arms and pretend she never wanted to leave him. She wanted to console his broken soul and promise what she could never give. But she knew it was pointless, she cannot undo the damage of her self-centered mistakes, and she cannot kiss away the anguish. 

Chaerin took one single step forward but stopped abruptly after realizing there was something small caught beneath her Loubutin. She bent downward to reach it and the sight of the small circular memento carved a distinctive pang in her chest. In her palm was Jiyong's red Chrome Hearts bracelet and only after a few more moments did she realize she had continued to wear the other half on her left wrist. 

She unlinked the thin black jewelry wrapped around her wrist that seemed to glare back repulsively. Taking it off, she tied it with the red bracelet. "It's time to give you back." She smiled sadly. 

Be real, Chaerin. Someone like you is not what he needs. 

Kwon Jiyong deserves someone better.

Someone whose resolve is stronger, 

Someone whose devotion is tireless,

Someone whose love is constant, 

Someone you can never be.

"Be real, Chaerin." She repeated to herself; misguided by the illusion of perfection she could not embody, clouded by the haze of insecurity she had seen in her reflection. Only later would she realize, such perfection she believes he needs does not exist. It never will. 

But for now, while her thoughts and emotions are haywire, she allowed herself to be engulfed by the misperception. That somewhere, walking this earth, there was a girl he really deserves and she was just being ever so irrationally considerate, letting go of him. 

Chaerin motions towards him, slowly, a million emotions slicing through her mind and heart in rapid succession, she doesn't even recognize the difference. Her hand grasping the intertwined bracelets was shaking. It's been a year. 

It's been a year since she's seen him and she wasn't even sure if he could recognize her in his drunken stupor. Part of her was grateful that he wasn't sober. 

When the distance between them was no more, she knelt beside his half-unconscious figure, drinking in the contours of his face, the paleness of his cheeks, his half-lidded eyes, his cold parted lips. He hasn't changed at all, still unruly, still striking, still fragile.

Unconsciously, she lifted her free hand and brought it near his face, putting aside his ebony locks from his face and caressing his cheek. 

He stirred the slightest, shifting in the puddle of water, squinting his eyes weakly. "Chaerin…" He barely called out to the apparition before him. His voice sounded broken and weary, his once bright amber eyes now glassy.

She could only afford one fragile smile while slipping in his grasp the intertwined bracelets. She leaned down, slightly brushing her quivering lips to his forehead, a feathery kiss so light he couldn't almost feel it. 

"I've been practicing…how to say goodbye to you...”

She felt a hard pang in her chest. With tears b in her eyes, she whispered, “I’m sorry...”

Chaerin opened her eyes; the scenic park greets her vision as a tear drop rolls down her cheek, she wipes it almost instantly. It's time to straighten your act up and face the world you've been running away from, Chaerin. She took a step back, turned around her heels in a graceful pivot; only to find amber eyes bore through her soul.

Kwon Jiyong stood before her; the emptiness in his eyes reflected her like a smoked mirror blurred by the rain.

"H..how…" She muttered breathless, but he only avoids her gaze.