He just wants to go to bed.

 

 

 

 

 

Is that too much to ask?

 

 

 

 

He just wants to sleep, undisturbed, and wake up fully rested without any worries barging inside his head. But even sleep has turned its back on him.

 

 

 

 

 

It seems like everyone is. Or that’s just him, being overly dramatic as his friends call it. Well, its not like he can help it, it has always been a huge problem in his part when rumors about him spread in such a vicious manner that he can’t help but wonder on how the media made such a huge erroneous gossip and at the same time so believable that if his friends didn’t know the real deal, they would even believe it themselves. The sad reality is, not everyone knows the real deal.

 

 

 

 

 

The rumor that he has been fretting about is about his nonexistent relationship with Kiko Mizuhara. He has already called and said sorry to her hundreds of times as soon as the rumor came out. Sure, they were friends, they hang out but they were never alone, in fact, they have never hang out alone together. For one thing, Kiko has never, ever shown any sort of interest in him, she likes Xin, one of his closest friends, and Kiko and Xin has been dating for a few months now.

 

 

 

 

 

But the public doesn’t know that.

 

 

 

 

 

They will never know that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And because they will never know, they can only speculate, shrouding the truth with further lies and fabricate more elaborate stories from one single picture.

 

 

 

 

 

He closed his eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

One sheep. . .

 

 

 

 

 

Two sheep . . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three sheep  . . . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

. He can’t sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just like what he has always done, he jumped out of his bed, went to the fridge and drank milk straight from the carton. If only his fans could see him now. He is not so different from everyone contrary to what everyone believes.

 

 

 

 

 

He is human, more human than anyone could possibly think so.

 

 

 

 

 

He cries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He farts.

 

 

 

 

 

He gets hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

He commits countless mistakes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He feels lonely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lonely . . . yes, he feels utterly lonely. Despite having everything, how come it feels like he doesn’t have anything at all?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The thought hits a sore spot in his heart. Everything I sacrificed before, was it all worth it now?

 

 

 

 

 

He glanced around the room and instantly questioned everything he has worked for all his life. Suddenly, his phone started ringing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Contrary to what everyone seems to think, yes, contrary, his phone isn’t filled with girls phone numbers. In fact, the only girls in his contacts are his Mom, his Noona and YG Sajangnim’s wife Noona EunJu. That’s it. The rest are his male contacts, which is not a lot. He rarely gives away his number. He immediately answered his phone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Jiyong, what is your relationship with Kiko?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Seriously Hyung?” He heard Yang Hyuk’s boisterous laughter in the other line and instantly knew that the old man was just pulling his leg. “Hyung, I’m rethinking about everything I’ve worked hard for.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ve been there once, what do you think, did you make the wrong decision?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyung, I’ve read a poem once, its opening line was; two roads diverged in yellow wood And sorry I could not travel both. I’m wondering, what if, I was just a plain human being, with a regular job, regular friends, regular family, just you know, regular, what kind of life would I be living right now?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I don’t know Ji, but you know what, if you’ve never chosen this path, I would never have met a wonderful person that’s so inspired to share the wonderful melodies inside his head.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was quiet for a while, “I never would have met a great person who is hardworking to be catalyst in the world of music.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Don’t let the small things in this world affect you too much Jiyong-ah. You know better. And as long as everyone that cares for you knows the real deal, then, what else matters right?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“But hyung, the public –“

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Will know the truth, that you and Kiko has no relationship whatsoever.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He smiled at YG’s comment. “Well, good luck convincing them.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Well, you do know how persuasive I am. Sleep Jiyong. You have a lot of things to do. Remember, Big Bang will be having a comeback soon.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yes hyung, good night. I’m hanging up now.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After a while, he stared blankly at his phone. He went to his veranda, grabbed a box of letters and started reading letters from his fans. Call it favoritism, and in its rawest definition, it is favoritism, but once in a while, he finds a letter that would always inspire him. It always surprises him that he has fans so dedicated to him that he would often find it hard to believe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A day would come when he would no longer be in front of the crowd, he can’t help but wonder if his fans would still idolize him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If he wasn’t a superstar.

 

 

 

 

 

If he wasn’t a fashion icon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If he wasn’t a renowned singer/composer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If he wasn’t the BigBang leader.

 

 

 

 

 

Would a girl even fall for him for who he really is?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aish!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now that’s a thought.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Just go to sleep already Ji. Just go to sleep.”

 

 

 

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