kailicious

Hyung

 

dokimchi

Hi!!

Come on, spill it!!

 

kailicious

Err

Well

He rejected me

 

dokimchi

WHAT??? WHAT??? SERIOUSLY???

 

kailicious

Yeah

But well that’s fine

I’ll just

Cope

With my misery

._.

 

dokimchi

OMG so sorry to hear that, Kai :(

What did he said when you confessed to him??

 

kailicious

He said

“Sorry, Jongin, I can’t accept you.”

Oh did I just reveal my real name???? O__O

Hyung??

Hellooo hyung??

 

dokimchi

I’m bscl

*back

Wow well hahaha

Nice name, Jongin

Are you going to ask me to reveal mine too?

 

kailicious

Uhm, no, if that makes you uncomfortable

 

dokimchi

Thankyou for your consideration, I guess ^^

Come on back to the story

 

kailicious

Oh okay

And then I asked him, “But why?? I’m not going to give up until you give me a good reason for it. I told you I’m not playing with you right now, Kyungsoo, can’t you see it??”

His name is Do Kyungsoo by the way

Omo you guys could be siblings, Do Kyungsoo and Do Kimchi XD XD

 

dokimchi

Hey I told you before my Do came from DOnut -__-

I love Donut and Kimchi

 

kailicious

Anyway

Then he said, “No, Jongin. We will never be together. That’s how the world works. I don’t hold feelings like that towards you. I’m so sorry.”

You know hyung, I could’ve gave up if only I didn’t realize that he was stuttering when he said that. And somehow I know he was lying to me.

So I said, “They’re not good enough to make me leave. Tell me another reason.”

And he said, “Jongin, even though I accept you, there’s no way I could make you happy. I’m so sorry.”

And then he walked away. I was freezing right there, hyung

I was so.. broken ._.

I finally understand your feeling, hyung, that one sided love thingy

 

dokimchi

I’m sorry Jongin, I’m truly sorry

To hear that

I mean, Kai, so sorry to hear that

 

kailicious

No hyung, don’t be

._.

And I thought I heard he said something when he walked away from me

 

dokimchi

Really? What is it? Maybe it’s something important, something you should understand

 

kailicious

Err, well, I guess so

I think he said, “my time is running out.”

I don’t understand what he means by that

Maybe he was talking about the break time, but I don’t know

The bell rang right after he disappeared, actually

Hyung?

Hyung where are you?

Hellooo??

Do hyuuuung ._.

 

dokimchi

I;m sp sort

 

kailicious

Huh?? What?? O__O

 

dokimchi

Jongin

Kai

Do you remember when you were typing while you were crying and you messed up the words?

Is it because the tears on your keyboard and your fingers slipped between the buttons?

 

kailicious

I think yes, hyung, why?

 

dokimchi

Nope

I think I understand

Ha

Ha

 

_____

 

 

kailicious

I talked to him this morning

Hyung you used to be online everyday, where have you been these days?

 

dokimchi

Internet problems, I’m when it comes to technology hahaha

What were you guys talking about?

 

kailicious

Me either, I could never understand gadgets these days XD XD

He was all alone in his class

You know it’s been two months since he rejected me and I rarely see him nowadays

He seems paler, but maybe that’s just me

I missed him, by the way ._.

So I found it awkward to talk to him again

I coughed next to him and he stared at me, I expected him to shoo me away

 

dokimchi

I love how you tell me the story in details XD

 

kailicious

But instead of that, he smiled briefly to me and asked, “Can I help you?”

Oh, haha, maybe it looks like I’m blabbering

Do you know that fluttering feelings you have inside your tummy when your crush is smiling at you?

Poor me, that was what happened

And I didn’t come prepared, so I said out of nowhere, “Would you want to have a lunch with me at the café near the school?”

He became worried and said, “What if your friends or the other kids saw us?”

I just shrugged and replied, “Screw them.” before retreated back to the door. So I took a glance at him and asked, “so, yes or no?”

And he stared at me. His eyes are just so round, and beautiful.

He was silent, so I said, “I’ll take that as a yes.” and quickly ran. I was like, dancing all the way to my class. Everyone was staring at me as if I’m a patient of mental illness. But heck, screw them.

Wow I typed so long huh??? I was really blabbering.

 

dokimchi

Yeah, I’m impressed how you could type so much in a minute

You must be very excited right now

 

kailicious

Yes I’m waiting for him outside the school gate now

He said he needs to take care of few things in his class

Gosh I’m so nervous

 

dokimchi

Oww adorable ~

Wish you luck then ^^

 

kailicious

Thank you ~

Hyung I think I saw him!!

Oh cute he’s typing on his phone

You should see how cute his face is when he’s being so serious with that thing

Okay I need to go now, BYE HYUNG ~

 

dokimchi

Well I bet he’s not really that good at phones as I am XD

Okay, tell me about your lunch later okay?

 

kailicious

Okay hyung ^^

You should see him chuckle over his phone, so cute ~~~

 

kailicious logged out

dokimchi logged out

 

dokimchi logged in

kailicious logged in

 

dokimchi

Helloooo love bird ~

How was the lunch?

 

kailicious

TT__TT

 

dokimchi

Oh no no something bad happened??

 

kailicious

TT__TT <-- this is the happy tears

We were talking and talking and oh God I could just talk to him all the time of my life I wouldn’t mind to do that I would LOVE to do that!!!

He’s really clever, the way he talks, the way he explains things, and he’s really classy in his own way!!

I can’t see why my stupid friends and the other kids considered him a nerd, is it just because he doesn’t socialize often and chose books over human interactions?? He’s PERFECT!!!

I could’ve melted there urgh TT__TT

 

dokimchi

Nooo if you melt away then who’s going to chat with me here T__T

Oh God, good for you!! I’m so happy for you!! This is what I call, a progress ~

 

kailicious

BUT…

 

dokimchi

Uh oh

 

kailicious

Stupid me

I asked him again if I still have another chance

Unlike the last time, he rejected me so softly

He tried to make me understand that we just can’t be together

 

dokimchi

Really?

Sorry to hear that ._.

 

kailicious

It’s alright

I’ll just, deal with the reality

 

dokimchi

You’re giving up on him?

 

kailicious

Nooo

It’s not like I’m giving up

But well, if he really doesn’t want to be with me, I shouldn’t insist, right?

I’ll just pray for him to meet someone better than me

Hell

It hurts

So much

 

dokimchi

Hmm

You know, Kai

Actually you don’t really need to make him yours just because you love him

You could always be there for him

You could treat him nicely, talk to him, befriends him

‘Boyfriend’ is just a title

But the way you treat him is what shows that you really love him

 

kailicious

Uh, hyung, I don’t understand ._.

 

dokimchi

Urgh -__-

I mean, you can love him, you can treat him well, without making him yours

Even though maybe you’ll deal with some heartbreak if somehow he’s interested in another person

But the thing is, you don’t need to make him yours to love him properly, right?

 

kailicious

Ah, hyung, I get it

You are genius

Okay start by tomorrow I’ll show my love for him

Ewh that sounds cheesy huh XD XD

But hyung what if he became irritated to me?? TT__TT

 

dokimchi

Kai

No one will get irritated if someone treats them well purely because that person love them

I’m sure he’ll be happy if you’re there

Maybe he loves you too, but there’s something that forbids him to be attached to you

And Kai, just, don’t really get attached to him, okay?

Who knows you’ll get hurt in the end

 

kailicious

Hyung you’re confusing me

You’re encouraging me to love him but also telling me not to love him?

O__O

 

dokimchi

No that’s not what I mean urgh -__-

Just saying

Anyway, hwaiting Kai, I pray the best for you ^^

 

kailicious

Thank you hyung

Really, if we could meet someday, I’ll treat you EVERYTHING you want to eat!!

 

dokimchi

Anticipating that day too :)

 

____

 

 

kailicious

He’s distancing himself from me ._.

 

dokimchi

How could that be?? These couple months you guys were just fine, right?

 

kailicious

I think

I know why

 

dokimchi

And what is that?

 

kailicious

Maybe it’s because

I kissed him two days ago

Ah right, you’ve been offline since two days ago too, where the hell have you been hyung?? -__-

You’re offline more often these weeks

 

dokimchi

Same internet thingy

YOU KISSED HIM????????

O__O

 

kailicious

Yeah, hyung

And I swear it was the best moment in my life

And I swear he was kissing me back too

But when we were parted, he suddenly cried, and ran away

 

dokimchi

Oh my

Kai

You’re so brave!! I’m proud of you!!

And so sorry to hear that, maybe he was shocked

 

kailicious

Hm ._.

 

dokimchi

Was it really beautiful?

When you kissed him

 

kailicious

Yes

It was the best moment

Because it was him

 

dokimchi

Happy to hear that

 

kailicious

Took you long to reply -__-

Hyung

I think I really love him

Like, really really love him

Hyung?

Hyung?? Hellooooooooooooo ~~~

Hyung -__-

Hyuuuuuunnnggggggg

 

dokimchi

Sorry Kai I got to go we’ll talk later okay?

 

kailicious

Uh????

Hyung TT__TT

You’re abandoning me TT__TT

Please come back soon TT__TT

 

_____

 

 

dokimchi logged in

kailicious logged out

kailicious logged in

 

kailicious

HYUNG FINALLY YOU’RE HERE

LIKE, FINALLY

 

dokimchi

Sorry Kai hehe

 

kailicious

Hyung, it’s been three weeks!!!!

I thought you’ve deactivated your account!!

I missed you hyung TT___TT

It was so boring without you TT___TT

 

dokimchi

Sorry :(

Hey let’s talk for the rest of the night, shall we?

I miss talking to you

 

kailicious

Err hyung I would really love to do that because I miss talking to you too

But it’s already ten PM and I need to go to school tomorrow

I only logged in back because I saw your name appeared right when I clicked the offline button

Why don’t we continue to talk tomorrow?

Hyung you became slow in replying -__-

 

dokimchi

Please?

Stay with me for the rest of the night

 

kailicious

But why it has to be tonight?

We could always talk again tomorrow right?

 

dokimchi

Kai

I’m afraid that I can’t talk to you tomorrow

Or the day after tomorrow

And the day after that

And on

 

kailicious

Huh?? But why??

Hyung you’re scaring me O__O

 

dokimchi

Please?

Just this once, I promise you

After this, I won’t be bothering you anymore

 

kailicious

Hyung, seriously, you’re scaring me

But well, okay, let’s talk till one of us fell asleep

I’m not sleepy after all

Blame the coffee my mom gave me a few minutes ago

Aaah I forgot to tell you, my mom has come back!!!!

 

dokimchi

Really??

Oh my, that’s wonderful, congratulations Kai ^^

 

kailicious

Thankyouuuu ^^

You’re right, hyung, about the separation

They can’t stand living alone without each other kekekeke

Both of them promised each other to be more matured from now on

And they apologized to me too

But hell, all that matters is they’re together again

 

dokimchi

Really wonderful Kai

I’m so so happy for you

I’m serious :)

 

kailicious

Thankyou hyung ^^ all because of you

Thankyou for being there for me back then

If you weren’t there, I would’ve took wrong decisions

Geez, I don’t even want to think about that

 

dokimchi

Hey

What about that guy?

That Kyungsoo

My ‘sibling’ hahaha

 

kailicious

Err

About Kyungsoo

Well

He hasn’t been coming to school since two weeks ago

He was still coming a day after I kissed him

And I talked to him

 

dokimchi

What did he say?

 

kailicious

Uhm, I’m not sure if it’s the exact thing because I kinda forgot

“Jongin, we can’t be together, I’ve told you. Please don’t make it harder for me.”

And I ask, “Why, what’s so hard about us being together??”

He said, “Jongin, you’ll get hurt if you’re too attached to me. And maybe worse, you’ll regret it. I’m so sorry Jongin.”

Ridiculous, right?

So I said, “That can’t be true. Tell me, there’s must be more acceptable reason than that. Kyungsoo, even if it hurts, I want to be with you. Please believe in me.”

But he shook his head. He said, “No, Jongin. I’m so sorry.”

 

dokimchi

Still detailed huh

XD

He was so mean

 

kailicious

Uh, well

I almost hated him for doing that to me

But I can’t hate him, really, how could I hate him? I love him too much to do that

And then I became to realize, maybe he really has something that can’t allow him to be with me

And magically, I became to accept that

I tried to accept the fact that we just can’t be together

As simple as that

 

dokimchi

Oh, good for you, Kai

So you’re moving on from him?

 

kailicious

Well, not really

I still can’t forget him

I still love him

I’ve been stuck on him for years, hyung

I can’t easily forget him like that

 

dokimchi

You’ve loved him all those years?

 

kailicious

Well, uh, it was just a crush all along

Then in high school, I started to grow more feelings on him

I’m sure I’ve told you before -__-

 

dokimchi

Oh haha

Hey, you’ve never really told me how is he like

Your Kyungsoo

 

kailicious

He’s wonderful

He’s obviously beautiful, I don’t know why the others are so stupid that they can’t see it

He’s smart and witty

But also clumsy

He’s kind-hearted

His skin is milky white which seem so pure, not by any treatment, just pure by the way it is

His voice is so soothing, so juicy in my ears, like a lullaby

And his eyes, gosh hyung, his eyes are really beautiful, they’re round and glimmering

Ouch I’m being cheesy again

And he’s petite, I just want to hug him and squish him in my arms all the time

And I don’t know why, but I keep thinking that I could spend my life with him next to me

Like he’s the one

I adore him so much that I became afraid that I’m not good enough for him

He’s like, miracle

Stupid people in school can’t see how beautiful he is

Maybe they’re jealous because he’s more beautiful and smarter than them

I love him

So ing much

Hyung?

 

dokimchi

That’s a wonderful description, Kai

I’m so impressed here

You described him like he’s the most amazing human being in this world

Kai?

Are you still there?

 

kailicious

But he is!!

Sorry it took long for me to reply, I fell asleep hehe thankfully it’s just for five minutes

Hyung, you’ve never really talked about your crush either

 

dokimchi

Uh?

Ah, that doesn’t matter

 

kailicious

Aww come one hyung

I’ve told you mine, now you tell me about yours

 

dokimchi

Err

I let him go

 

kailicious

What???

 

dokimchi

For the better

 

kailicious

You really don’t have any chance with him??

 

dokimchi

Yes

It seems like I have so many chance to be with him

But in the end, I can’t deny the fact that I just can’t be with him

 

kailicious

Oww ._.

Did you ever tell him you love him?

 

dokimchi

I don’t think I did

I never told him that properly

I think he might know, but maybe he’s confused too

 

kailicious

So he never knew you love him?

 

dokimchi

Yeah

He never know that

I wish I could tell him

That would be my last wish

 

kailicious

Hyung what do you mean ._.

 

dokimchi

Well, Kai, simply because

My time is running out

 

kailicious

Hyung

You’re seriously scaring me

 

dokimchi

Sorry

 

kailicious

Hyung let me close my eyes for a couple minute okay?

I promise you I won’t be asleep, just resting my eyes

 

dokimchi

Okay :) take your time

Asleep already?

Ah you’re sleeping -__-

Hey, Jongin, want to know something?

Maybe you’ll think I’m cheesy, but

I can’t forget that night when we kissed

It was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me

I pushed you too hard back then, huh? You fell flat on the ground hehe

You’ve brought so much happiness in the last moments of my life

Ever since I know that you love me too, I live the last moments with joy

Well, some of them are painful, because I have to keep pushing you away

Because I’m afraid, if you became attached to me, you’ll get hurt when I’m gone

Jongin, I never really cared about my life

I never really cared about being bullied

I never really cared about the cancer in me

I’ve accepted my destiny a long time ago, that I’d die sooner or later

Even when I started to have feelings for you, I just considered it as some part of my life that I’ll leave when I’m gone

I thought, well, nothing’s wrong with having a crush, at least he’ll never know it

But then you confessed to me, telling me that you love me

I was so happy back then, but then I thought that maybe it was a prank

But you look so sincere, and I became scared, so I ran away

Two months later you meet me again and asked me for another chance

I rejected you again, huh?

And after that, you didn’t care about my answer anymore, you treated me like I’m the most important person in your life

You show me how you love me, how you care about me

And for the very first time, Jongin, I want a normal life

For the very first time, I want to be healthy, I want to be normal like everyone else

So I can be with you, so I can cherish you, cherish someone who loved me back

But Jongin, as you know, life is not always what we wanted it to be

My time is just simply running out

My condition became worse everyday

I’m so sorry if I always keep some distance between us, Jongin

Because I don’t want you to waste your time with me

I want you to meet someone better, someone who’s perfectly fine, someone who could love you without any problems, so you could be happy for the rest of your life

I want to be with you too, Jongin

So much

Because I love you

More than you could imagine

I love you, Jongin

Sorry that I never told you that properly

Ah, I should really thank Luhan for typing this, but I took over now, he’s crying like crazy on Sehun’s arms now

Yeah, apparently your friend is also a friend of Sehun, which is a nerdy friend of mine

They love each other so much, it tickles me everytime I saw them

Jongin,

Thankyou for being there in the last moments of my life

I love you

I'm so sorry

 

dokimchi logged out

 

____

 

ludeerella logged in

 

ludeerella

Bro,

Hey

Are you there?

 

kailicious

Luhan

Why didn’t you tell me he is Kyungsoo?

So I’ve been talking to Kyungsoo all the time

I shouldn’t have fell asleep

 

ludeerella

Jongin

I’m sorry

But Kyungsoo always forbid me to tell you that he’s your chatting buddy

And you know why

 

kailicious

I understand

 

ludeerella

Are you coming?

The funeral

All of us will be there

 

kailicious

I’ll be there

‘All of us’ who? The boys? They know?

 

ludeerella

I told them, ehehe

Kris was all silent

Baekhyun and Chanyeol were crying silently

They were all so sorry that they had bullied Kyungsoo all these time

Finally something knocked their senses

They had decided not to act like stupid people anymore

They even befriends Sehun

And they felt so so so so guilty towards you

They said, if only they know you love Kyungsoo, they would’ve stayed away from him or even ask him to join us

They finally decided to stop the bullying things

I think this thing matured them up

 

kailicious

Good then

 

ludeerella

Kyungsoo was amazing

And he was big-hearted

He said, keeping you away is more hurting for him than those useless chemotherapies

 

kailicious

Were you there?

When he took his last breath

 

ludeerella

Yeah

After he logged out the chat, he laid down and closed his eyes

Me and Sehun were watching him silently

And apparently, as we watched him, he had took his last breath

We only knew it when the whatever-it-called machine beeps a long monotone sound

He left peacefully, Jongin

No pain, no struggling

He just.. leave

My head is still dizzy now, I was crying too much

And Sehun must be still dizzy too, he was there all the time with me to calm me down

 

kailicious

Luhan

You know what

I’m happy

I’m happy that I loved him till the end of his life

And I’m happy that he loved me too till the end of his life

I’m not happy now

I’m screwed up

If only I was awake to reply his chat

If only I was smart enough to know that he loves me too

If only I was smart enough to know the he’s sick

If only I was there to accompany him

 

ludeerella

There’s nothing to regret, Jongin

It’s not like you abandoned him

Kyungsoo himself doesn’t want you to suffer

He doesn’t want to burden you

Which I actually think ridiculous because I know how much you love him

Jongin I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you the truth

I should’ve told you about his condition

I should’ve told you that he love you too

Jongin I’m so sorry

 

kailicious

No, Luhan

You were just doing what Kyungsoo asked you to

It’s alright

 

ludeerella

Jongin, he left something for you

Not romantic in any way, seriously

But he said he know you’ll like it

 

kailicious

Oh okay

What is that, Lu?

 

ludeerella

Kimchi spaghetti recipe

Dude? Are you still there?

 

kailicious

Ok

Mail mw tgat ;ater

 

ludeerella

Uh, Jongin, you screwed up your typing

 

_____

 

 

dokimchi is offline, your chat will be sent when the user is online

 

kailicious

Kyungsoo

Kyungsoo

Hopefully you're doing well

Kyungsoo

Hyung

I love you so much

Maybe you’re already tired hearing this

But I love you so much

Let’s meet again someday

 

dokimchi logged in

 

kailicious

Kyungsoo??

 

dokimchi

Oh hi Jongin

This is Luhan

Sorry dude

 

kailicious

Luhan you scared me

Why are you using Kyungsoo’s account?

 

dokimchi

I need to log it in routinely so it won’t get deleted by the administrator

Ah, I’ll just send the kimchi spaghetti recipe here

And, uh, sorry that I read your earlier message

Touching

 

kailicious

Err that’s fine

But why are you keeping Kyungsoo’s account active?

 

dokimchi

Well, should I deactivate it? I thought you’d be glad if I keep it active

 

kailicious

Oh, yeah

Thankyou

 

dokimchi

You’re welcome

 

kailicious

Wait

You know what

Just deactivate it

 

dokimchi

What??

Serious??

 

kailicious

Yeah

I have plenty memories of him inside my head

I don’t need to keep his account

 

dokimchi

Oh

Well that’s good, dude

I’m sharing the recipe now

 

kailicious

Bring it on

 

__________________________

 

Headache, I know

Thankyou for reading or subscribing (pwease??) or even upvoting (pweeeaassee??) OR even commenting (pweeeeeeeeaaaaassseee????), guys, I lurve you

*runs ~*