“Why should I undergo the operation when it’s a fifty per cent chance? What if I stay blind forever? What if I cannot see for the rest of my life?”

“Jun Hyung, don’t be stubborn. We have hired the best doctors to do the operation for you. I’m sure you are able to see after this. Don’t refuse it! Moreover, it is a rare opportunity that someone is an eye donor. Someone out there is going to be donating their eyes to you!” My mother almost begged me as the doctors had come over to convince me.

To be very honest, I was frightened.

The reason why I was holding back was because I was scared that I was going to be blind forever. No doubt the days in the hospital had been pleasant (thanks to Hara) but I did not want to stay as a blind person forever.

“I say I don’t want to! Go away! I rather wait for my vision to come back by its own to rather risk my life for it! I’m not doing it and there’s nothing you can say to convince me!” I shouted in the room which echoed my voice.

“You bastard! To think I even hired doctors for you! That’s good then. It will save my money if you stay like this forever. Let’s go, doctors. We don’t need to bother such a bastard like him.” My father bellowed and rushed out of the room. I heard the soft sobs of my mother as she left the room.

Again, I toppled over the objects on the table and kicked the table away. I slumped back into my bed and covered my head with the blanket.

Someone sat at my bed and I immediately knew who it was. There was only one person who would sit on my bed like that.

“Are you going to nag at me again?” I mumbled under the covers.

She pulled away the covers and shook me. I did not respond to her even though all I wanted to do was to pull her in for a warm hug and lay on her shoulders for comfort. She was the only one I trusted right now but I knew she would be the same as the rest.

“Why don’t you undergo the operation?” She asked softly and brushed my hair with her comb.

“What if… what if something goes wrong?” I said quietly under my breath. Although I was a strong-minded person on the outside, she was the only one who I will reveal my vulnerable side to, “You can never know what will happen so why go for it when you know it’s not going to be perfectly smooth anyway?”

“That’s a stupid thought.”

“What?” I was shocked by her response.

“Well, don’t you think so? It’s like saying ‘Oh, I’m not going to study because even if I worked hard, I won’t be able to get a perfect mark anyway.’” Hara mimicked my voice and laughed with me when I did, “Jun Hyung, I didn’t expect you to be a coward. I mean… you have gone through much dangerous situations than this and I don’t see you act like a baby.”

“What could be more dangerous than this?”

“This is just an operation!” Hara argued and continued, “What about the time you drove on a highway without licence? And the time you vandalized the principal’s car and almost got caught by the police? Oh, and the time when you climb out of your friend’s apartment which was 10 floors high?”

I froze at her words. All these incidents were very personal. Even the reporters did not know about them. Heck, even my parents did not know. How did she know everything?

“Don’t ask me how I know all these. Like I say, I have my ways.” Hara said as if she had read my mind perfectly.

I sniffed at her playfully, “Who the hell are you?”

“Your best stalker fan ever?” She giggled and joked with me, “Really, you bound to know the truth one day but the day isn’t today.”

“Why not? I mean… we’re technically together now, right?” I said with caution. Ever since I kissed her, the situation became awkward but still very heart-warming. I knew her feelings were like mine but I had not gone to the point of asking her to be my girlfriend.

“No, we’re not…” Hara said but I could tell her tone was a little regretful and sad. Was it because I hadn’t asked her the official question yet? Wasn’t the kiss already a sign for her to know I treat her more than a friend?

She breathed in and touched my hand, “We don’t have to say it to know each other’s feelings.”

“But as much as I am a playboy, or rather was a playboy, you are the first girl whom has touched my heart. I know you are something more than a friend, Hara. And I just want to give you… a… a…”

“A label?” She interrupted and I was stiff. She laughed a little and said, “Jun Hyung, I don’t need a label or anything, really. I mean you’re such a great guy but you don’t see yourself very well. I hope when you get your eyesight back, you will turn over a new leaf, be a capable person who is filial to your parents and stay happy.”

“And also to make you my girlfriend and marry you so we can have many babies together!” I but there was no reaction from her. I stopped laughing at touched her hand tightly. Somehow, I could feel her bones protruding from her palm. I did not realized how much she had lost weight and her fingertips started to feel clammy, “What’s wrong?”

“How about we make a deal?” She suddenly suggested.

“What deal?”

“I know we have known each other for one week and I know you have many questions for me. Even though I have told you a lot, there are still many things you want me to reveal, right?” Hara asked.

I nodded my head.

“If you accept the operation, I promise to reveal every single doubt you have of me. I know you’re curious about my illness, background and sometimes the words that I say. If your operation is successful, I promise you will know everything.” Hara said to me.

Her offer was somewhat tempting but my heart was still afraid of the surgery, “What if I don’t get well?”

“You will. I’m putting all my faith in you,” Hara said without hesitation, “That is why I’m urging you to go. It is because I know you can overcome this. Since you have survived from the accident, I believe heavens will give you another chance to live and change yourself for the better.”

I paused to ponder about the pros and cons of the surgery. I caressed her cheeks and lightly ran through her hair. I did not know if it was just me but her hair had gotten thinner than before. Perhaps it was because of her illness but I did not probe.

After thinking for what seemed like eternity, I said, “I’ll go for the surgery.”

It was the day of the surgery.

My parents and even Heechul was there to give me strength. It was unnecessary because Hara had given me all the love I needed last night. She had crept into my ward secretly and lay beside me until I fell asleep.

“I can’t get to sleep.”

“Nervous?”

“Yeah…”

“Don’t be.” Hara whispered in my ear and tapped my arm while snuggling herself next to me, “Would you like me to sing you to sleep?”

“You sing?”

“I sing but I don’t sing well.” She admitted shyly.

I chuckled at her cuteness and shook my head, “Nah, I bet your singing voice sounds like an angel too.”

“Do you really think I look like an angel? You might be disappointed after you regain your eyesight…” She muttered softly and somehow, I could tell she was worried.

Pressing my lips on her forehead, I smiled to myself, “I don’t care if you have three eyes or five noses, and I just know I love you for who you are on the inside.” I could feel her arms around me tightened.

“No wonder they say love is blind…” Hara joked but her voice was trembling.

“No, love isn’t blind. It simply enables one to see things others fail to see.”

A silence occurred before she decided on a song, “Do you know the song ‘Lightless’?”

“’Lightless’? What’s that?” I asked.

“Well, it’s from my favourite group. It’s a beautiful ballad song.” She explained.

“Sing it to me.”

She coughed and cleared before starting.

“I am standing here just blankly looking at your back
From your words I really don’t know what to do

Watching you moving further away from me
My heart that is getting darker
In an instant I lost the light inside me

Even if I try to find you like this
Even if I try to think of you again like this
When I try to look at you just one more time
I can’t do anything because I lost my light

L L L L Lightless L L L L Lightless
L L L L Lightless L L L L L L Lightless
L L L L Lightless L L L L Lightless
L L L L Lightless
What should I do baby”

When I was listening to the last line of the chorus, my eyelids became heavier and I fell asleep.

I kept turning my head to the door unconsciously and I was not listening to my parents speaking anymore. It was until Heechul snapped me out of it, “Who are you waiting for? Is there someone special you want to come over?”

“What? No, don’t be ridiculous.” I denied and went back to fiddle with my fingers.

“Jun Hyung.”

“Yes?”

“I hope after this surgery… You would really change for the better.” Heechul’s words made me feel strange, “I mean I visit you almost every day and I clearly see the changes in you. I’m happy but I hope this change will continue, Jun Hyung.”

“O… kay? Dude, you’re creeping me out…” I gave a disgusted tone.

He laughed and squeezed my shoulder. However, his laughter was not as carefree as before. I could feel his tension and regret in it. I did not know why but maybe it was because he was worried for my surgery. I was not sure anymore.

In any case, I was wheeled into the operation room. I could feel my parents hurrying to the speed of the nurses and doctors with them talking about my condition and assuring me. Heechul had stayed quiet thought-out. Somehow, I could hear another bed wheeling beside me but perhaps it was just another patient going for another operation.

The doctor reminded me of the antiseptic which would make me sleep and injected into me. I winced at the short pain and felt myself drowsy. I kept blinking my eyes as if it was the last time I was going to stay awake. I gulped and remembered Hara’s deal for me. After I finished with the operation, I was going to really see how she looked like.

The moment I imagined her face in front of me and the possibilities of our future together, I smiled while a tear escaped from my left eye. Everything was going to turn out right.

Before I was knocked out, I felt a cold hand and delicate fingers touched my arm.

“Jun Hyung… I love you…”

With drowsiness taking over me, I closed my eyes.