My Secret Diary [2 of 3]
J & J
A new character is now in the story. ^^
############
"AH-..."
"Do you still want to go to that party?"
"Nnh-..."
A sigh.
Junmyeon held his breath, lifted his chin, pulled up Jongin's hair.
"No-... I don't want to go-..."
"Yes-... This was the answer I wanted to hear from you-..."
It was just what I wanted, you idiot.
"Come one, look at me-... Were you waiting for this? Huh?"
"W-what? What are you-... Talking about now-..."
Jongin pushed them more against the coach, still breathing faster and harder, and his neck, his s with the thumbs. It was something so weird, thought Junmyeon, even if his friend's words were right.
He was waiting for that, for Jongin's hands over him.
For his mouth, his body on him.
"Do you want me, Junmyeon?"
"Oh-..."
Of course I want you...
"Yeah-..."
"Then stay here, with me. Right?"
"Right-..."
Good.
No party for you.
Just me, for you.
############
From the window, the rays of the sun lit up Junmyeon's face, still asleep.
People had started to move from outside the walls, but the silence still reigned all around.
He slowly opened his eyes.
"Hmm-..."
He was not yet fully conscious, and he haven't yet realized he had woken up in a bed that wasn't his.
"This-... Smell-..."
Jongin?
"What-..."
He opened his eyes.
"How-... How did I get here, I-... Oh-"
Then, suddenly, he remembered everything.
Me...
You and me...
We...
"!"
He stood up, touched his bare chest, neck, shoulders.
It was still there, scattered all over him...
Jongin's smell, the smell of his body.
He brought his hands to his face.
"Now what, WHAT! What will I do?! How will I look into his eyes?!"
But most of all...
"Where he is?!"
The night before would have changed many things between them. Of course.
"The two of us-... We-... We really-..."
A strong smell of coffee had reached the room, along with the sound of china cups banging against each other.
"In the kitchen! He's in the kitchen-..."
Should I go?
He was completely in shock, he decided to stand up and set off, slowly dragging the sheet behind him. The smell of coffee was stronger and stronger, closer and closer, as he felt a burden into his stomach at the idea of seeing him. He walked to the kitchen door and saw Jongin standing in front of the sink.
Silently he entered, drew his hand to the boy's shoulder, but just at that moment...
"Junmyeon?"
"Jongin?"
Jongin turned and saw him, the cup in his hand fell to the ground, shattering. The pale, red-haired man stooped to pick up the pieces, but the other was too quick and took his hand.
"Stop. You'll end up hurting you."
Their eyes met, their fingers touched.
"So-sorry, I-... I didn't mean to scare you-..."
Only him, thought Junmyeon.
Only him was the person who he had loved with all his heart, that he had wanted with every cell and atom of his body for over four years.
And now...
"Nothing. Now I will clean, you-..."
And now, they had made love.
But Jongin seemed cold and distant, he avoided his gaze in every way.
"Did-... Did I do something wrong?"
"Why?"
"You're cold, you don't-"
"Go get dressed, please. The coffee is almost ready, I will bring it into my room."
Junmyeon looked down.
He got up quickly, he adjusted the blanket around his waist, and then turn around and get out of the kitchen.
"Wait."
But he was suddenly yanked, because Jongin grabbed him by the wrist.
"Jon-"
Pulled him, took him by the hips.
"I-I don't-... I don't know why but-... This night-... You and I-... We made-..."
Stronger, more and more.
The sheet covering the older's private parts inexorably fell on the floor, the man raised his arm and barely grazed the cheek of the youngest, continuing to look into his eyes, confused, worried.
"Jongin-... If you regret what we did, then it's okay-... I will not talk anymore about it, if you-"
"No!"
The close was becoming more intense and his heart began to beat faster.
Their lips touched, watered, Junmyeon hugged the boy clinging to him, shaking, embarrassed.
"Don't say anything, Junmyeon. Simply-..."
The sun filtered through the shutter down, illuminating their faces.
"Stay with me, like his. For a while."
"O-okay-... Jongin-..."
That seemed to be a really good day, thought Junmyeon.
A wonderful day.
############
The days were passed quickly as gusts of wind, as in a daydream.
Jongin looked out the window, watching the light of that sun scorching and hot sun that accompanied his days constantly.
"Diary. I would like to get into his head. He seems so happy, so sure of himself. Why can't I be like him?"
A sigh, a short break.
"I'm not used to give voice to my thoughts. Nor to write them in a diary like this. Yet, something has changed."
The heart pounding.
Stronger than ever.
"I have a hard desire to get away and forget everything, every gesture, everything that we have done every day and every night during these two months. It disgusts me. But... If I stop for a moment..."
Silence.
"I also a craving to take him and embrace him, never let hi go. Basically, I was the one to start, right? It's so beautiful, for the first time. And, at the same time, it's so insane. What should I-"
"Jongin!"
A jolt.
Junmyeon called him loudly, looking out the kitchen door.
"Come on, I got a letter for you! It's from a certain-"
The red-head stopped suddenly.
He brought a hand to his head.
"ZITAO?!"
Jongin, hearing him scream (and hearing him scream just that name), ran into the kitchen.
"What did you say?!"
"See for yourself, see!"
He leaned out, grabbed the envelope.
And paled as soon as he read the name written on the red paper.
"Have you contacted you, right Jongin?! Tell me the truth, I-"
"Wait!"
His eyes began to flow down the sheet, after opening the letter.
"Please give me another chance.
I want to see you, I want to show you how much I've changed.
I want you to understand that things aren't as you remember."
Jongin was shocked.
He hadn't received any news from Zitao, he didn't even know where he lived and what he did.
"On Monday, at the airport. Please. With love, Zitao."
"I-I-... I don't know what to say, I-..."
"I ing knew it! I knew it!"
Junmyeon violently slammed his hands on the table in anger. And fear, and confusion.
"Listen to me, Jongin."
He looked at each other straight in the eye, he grabbed him by the arm.
"If you try to contact it-... I swear, Jongin. I will disappear forever from your sight."
"Hey, hey. What's the matter, don't overdo it! I still haven't said anything."
"No. You have to listen, Jongin!"
The heart came in his throat, his saliva disappeared.
"I don't-... I don't know what we are now, you and me. Yet, I believe-... I believe that you can't deny that we are something."
Jongin looked down.
"Something?"
"Yes, something. There's something between us, NOW. Don't-... Don't throw out all that we-... Everything that has happened between us."
Please.
Don't do it.
Don't contact him.
############
A sigh.
Jongin had been lying on his bed for hours, skipping lunch and completely ignoring Junmyeon's calls. He wondered why that letter, after all that silence, after what had happened.
It had been at least seven years since the last time they had met, Jongin and Zitao.
At the time, the two were best friends, perhaps brothers, and they knew each other since their early childhood. They carried out their friendship in spite of it was an extremely "loud" and "annoying" relationship, although the only things they had in common was the desire to excel on anyone and drinking beer, lots of beer.
Their relationship was destructive, dangerous, they were fighting at least every day, and yet... Neither could give to another and, once entered their world, anyone between them was driven away without hesitation.
This continued through the years, nonstop.
Until one day, in the middle of summer, while Jongin walked the streets of the city totally drunk and disoriented, and his eyes met those of a relentlessly guy sitting on the sidewalk, staring up at the seagulls near the seaside. Red hair, face pale and tired, scruffy clothes. He approached him threatening him with the bottle.
"Hey, you!"
The pale boy turned to him.
"Wh-what?"
"Who are you, huh? Are you a bum?"
"What? N-no! I'm not a bum! Not-..."
In fact, the man named Junmyeon, had been kicked out of his parents home after he confessed them to be homoual, and he had spent the past month locked up in a seedy motel in the suburbs.
"What a? You're dressed like a bum-.... But you're not a bum-... So, who the hell are you?!"
"Wh-... I am ME! Thou, rather! Who are you, why you're walking around drunk?!"
That was the first conversation between Jongin and Junmyeon.
"HEY, How dare you!"
"How dare YOU to call me bum!"
And, from that moment, for a reason still unknown to him, Jongin had taken the pale stranger with him and took him to his house, giving him new clothes and making him eat.
Taking care of him.
"Know that will not last forever, found something to do and try to don't stand between my feet all day."
Feeling sorry for him despite not knowing nor how he came out into that street neither from where he came.
"Don't worry, I'll not give you trouble."
But there was something about him. In his smile, in his simplicity, something that could bring in their daily lives and to which Jongin wasn't used at all.
They spent a few days before Zitao showed up at his house, knocking loudly on the door and shouting like a madman.
"Hey, Jongin! Where are you hiding, you little bastard!"
Entering the house, and then remained frozen, motionless.
"Who are you?"
"I-I?"
Faced a Junmyeon in suit and tie, then staring at each other.
"Are you deaf? Jongin. Where he is?"
"A-ah-... Jo-Jongin is in his room, is-"
Zitao ran quickly in Jongin room, kicked the door and went in, screaming.
"JONGIN!"
"What-... What the -"
"Where are you hiding, huh? Why haven't you deigned to show you the most?! And who's that guy over there?"
Who was embarrassed, bewildered, he jumped up and looked at him. He saw him slightly thin, visibly tipsy, and he suddenly felt...
"The guy over there is Junmyeon, thanks."
"Junmyeon?""
Annoyed by his presence.
"Don't tell me that you have become a ing fagot, Jongin!"
"What? The hell-..."
How can I face him?
I don't even know how to explain the reason for all this.
"That's my business, Zitao. Please leave now, thank you."
"What?! You bastard-... Do you want to punch something?! Would you like to-"
No time to finish the sentence and Zitao was already lying on the floor while his nose began to drip.
Thick and dark blood on the brown tiles.
"You-... You damn fagot-... You're a fool, that's what you are-..."
Painfully, he got up from the ground and ran quickly from the room. Bleeding, muttering, without turning even once.
From that moment on, their lives were divided.
"And today, just like that day-..."
Zitao is forcefully broke into my house and put everything into a mess.
############
"Jongin, please-..."
Don't go, don't go to him.
"We are so good, now-... Just me and you-..."
Don't ruin everything.
"Remember, remember everything he did to you-..."
How many times he has brought you to self-destruction.
How can you have forgotten about it?
"Since you and him split-... Tell me, haven't you started to smile?"
I don't want to take the credit for everything, but...
"Please-... Think about it."
Junmyeon put his head against the door of Jongin's room, crying weakly.
He was no more ashamed to show his suffering, to show his tears, not after everything that was happening between them. Those days together were like a rebirth for him.
"Jongin-... I-..."
He opened the door.
He threw his gaze on the bed, lay still.
He shuddered to see the sheets in order and a strong scent of aftershave.
"Ah-... So-..."
He sighed.
And he made a half-smile, not at all surprised, maybe a bit disappointed...
To see that...
"In the end, you're gone."
To him.
############
"So, what do you want from me? Why have you contacted me?"
"Come on-... Don't be so cold."
A sip of beer, the sound of an airplane taking off. The confusion in the bar.
"Deep down I know, you haven't forgotten me."
"Ah-ah, yes-..."
A chuckle, a nod.
Zitao hadn't changed at all, it was only taller and his hair was slightly increased, but his bully style was just the same.
Even though it was so long ago, Jongin didn't feel at all touched by his presence, as if time had taken it with him every kind of emotion or involvement for his friend.
"You've changed, Jongin. You're in a good shape."
"Thanks, but I don't care what you think of my physical appearance. I want to know why you came here, do you want to get a punch again?"
Zitao burst into a hearty laugh, beating his fists on his knees.
"You're still the same jerk, Jongin. No, I didn't come here to get a punch from you."
"Then what?"
"For you."
"For me?"
"Yes, for you."
Jongin was still unable to understand the meaning of his words, that veiled mystery.
"For me, you say? I like my life now. I no longer need you. If you were really my friend-... You would have realized that I just needed time, seven years ago."
"I'm sorry."
"What?"
"I'm sorry, I was wrong. I was very confused, Jongin, really. But from that day-..."
A stop.
Zitao ran a hand through his hair and looked down.
"Many things have changed in me. Except one."
"What?"
"You."
"Me?"
"See, at that moment-... I couldn't understand many things. I could understand only during the time, growing up and letting my jealousy and anger go away."
"What are these words so big? Have you become a professor or what?"
"As I told you, I've changed. Now listen to me without interrupting, please."
Another stop.
The confusion grew, as well as the sense of unbearable discomfort in his stomach, thought Jongin.
"I'm listening."
"What I'm about to tell you is-... Well, it took me seven years to prepare myself for this, so-..."
############
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